The "Dear" , "Sincerely" thread

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Dear "building assistants"
The idea of a tool box or tool shed is that tool go within them.

Sincerely
Person who just spent an hour looking for a power drill.
 
Dear Mr. Liquor Store Employee,

Please stop running from behind the counter every time I glance at the craft beer coolers.

I know you are bored and want to impress me with your limited craft beer knowledge by suggesting the next beer I " have to try" , but I just want to browse.

Sincerely,
An Irritated Customer
 
Dear Lowes Employee,

If you have to use the "Product Locator" app on your phone in your own store, there might be a problem with the way you stock your shelves.

P.S. Stop asking what I am making if you're just going to stare at me after I explain it.

Sincerely,
Guy who lives closer to Lowes than Home Depot.
 
Dear internet users,

If you post online about anything, a troll will appear and try to upset you. This is the internet, where nothing that is said is so important to get butthurt over.

Sincerely,
Person who can ignore trolls
 
Dear 90% of Emergency Room Patients,

Your fake ailments, severe abdomen pain that's been going on for 7 months and tonight was the night you decided to come in, your headache that started 2 hours ago and your here now, "I just threw up this morning so I decided to come in"... Please use the EMERGENCY room for Emergencies... And no you can't have any dilaudid

Sincerely,
Every RN, Technologist, MD, and any other healthcare worker


Sent from my iPhone using Home Brew
 
Dear Moderator,

Only if it's titled "What Really Grinds My Gears."

Sincerely,
Peter Griffin

4k0RmhF.jpg
 
Dear Online Home Brew Retailer,

Is there any possible way you could work it out so that you aren't always missing 1 of the 15 items I need?

Sincerely,

The guy who has to pay extra shipping from another website because you're out of <insert ingredient or part here> today.
 
Dear Tourists to Our Small Mountain Community,

Contrary to what your "instincts" tell you, the laws of physics still apply in this beautiful place and getting hit by a car will feel the same at 5200' as it will at sea level, so please concentrate on what you're doing while crossing the street instead of walking around aimlessly in the middle of the highway.

Also, when you're driving please note that there are others in the road following you and they would like to get to where they're going in a timely fashion, so please stifle your tendency to adopt window-shopping speed (and stopping in the middle of the road!) while on the main thoroughfares. Can you say "narcissist"? I know you can!

PS--To all you "bikers" (the motor-powered variety): Yes, we usually have a few die on our roads up here every summer when the yuppie riders come up in droves. Here's a hint: When you lean your bike into a turn on one of our mountain roads, think very carefully about the gravel under your tires or else you might find yourself under a car or truck coming from the opposite direction.

PPS--To all the rock climbers: We also have a few of you die by falling off some of the famous climbing spots up here. Here's a hint for you newcomers: If you've only climbed on "climbing walls" in your local gym, please get the proper instruction before you try to traverse one of the routes on our magnificent rocks. Contrary to popular belief and what you have perhaps been told, climbing a man-made structure bears little resemblance to climbing a sheer granite face that is in a constant state of decomposition. Please know and respect your limits.

Sincerely,
--
A Concerned Local
 
idylldon said:
Dear Tourists to Our Small Mountain Community,

Contrary to what your "instincts" tell you, the laws of physics still apply in this beautiful place and getting hit by a car will feel the same at 5200' as it will at sea level, so please concentrate on what you're doing while crossing the street instead of walking around aimlessly in the middle of the highway.

Also, when you're driving please note that there are others in the road following you and they would like to get to where they're going in a timely fashion, so please stifle your tendency to adopt window-shopping speed (and stopping in the middle of the road!) while on the main thoroughfares. Can you say "narcissist"? I know you can!

PS--To all you "bikers" (the motor-powered variety): Yes, we usually have a few die on our roads up here every summer when the yuppie riders come up in droves. Here's a hint: When you lean your bike into a turn on one of our mountain roads, think very carefully about the gravel under your tires or else you might find yourself under a car or truck coming from the opposite direction.

PPS--To all the rock climbers: We also have a few of you die by falling off some of the famous climbing spots up here. Here's a hint for you newcomers: If you've only climbed on "climbing walls" in your local gym, please get the proper instruction before you try to traverse one of the routes on our magnificent rocks. Contrary to popular belief and what you have perhaps been told, climbing a man-made structure bears little resemblance to climbing a sheer granite face that is in a constant state of decomposition. Please know and respect your limits.

Sincerely,
--
A Concerned Local
Click to expand...
sounds a lot like the Black Hills! and reminds me...

Dear Weekend Warriors,
Just because you bought a 1% patch at some vendor in Sturgis, it does NOT make you a super tough a$$ biker. And quit hauling your bike from Rapid City to Sturgis. Ride the floccin' thing.

Sincerely,
A Guy
 
Scele said:
Dear person,
"Too hoppy and bitter" is not constructive criticism when talking about a double IPA.

Sincerely
The brewer.
Click to expand...

Would like to forward your letter with your permission, to the BJCP judge that said my 9% ABV Wood Aged Porter was also "too hoppy".

P.S.
The beer only had 1.0 oz of Fuggles for 60 min in a 5.0 gallon batch.
 
Dear people who can't figure out why you pizza is consistently late,

You've never tipped a driver in your life. There are other people that do, some very generously, they will get theirs first every time and you'll always get yours last. That is unless yours is the only delivery at that moment. Then when you don't tip that time either, just remember, next time it'll probably be late again. Also, for those that do tip, it's actually almost never the drivers fault it was late on a day when football is on. EVERYONE else ordered pizza too that didn't BBQ.


Sincerely,

Your weekend delivery guy paying for his kids school tuition.
 
Dear Beer Judge at the 2014 COHO Spring Fling,

8+3+16+3+8=38 and not 35 as the total was shown on my scoresheet.

Sincerely,

Hefeweisen Entry #0127

BTW: I still wonder that if the scores were added up correctly, would it have medalled.
 
lawyerjim said:
Dear Beer Judge at the 2014 COHO Spring Fling,

8+3+16+3+8=38 and not 35 as the total was shown on my scoresheet.

Sincerely,

Hefeweisen Entry #0127

BTW: I still wonder that if the scores were added up correctly, would it have medalled.
Click to expand...

Dear poster above,

This has happened to me as well. It is frustrating. But from what I have learned about judging is that the winner is not chosen based on score. If they thought your beer tasted better than the others you would have meddled, I mean metaled, I mean...well whatever, you would have gotten a medal.

Sincerely,
Fellow homebrewer
 
CJ-3 said:
Dear Local Home Brew Store Employee,

Thank you for putting up with me and my questions. I am a better brewer now because of your help.

Sincerely,
A New Brewer.
Click to expand...


Dear LHBS employee,
Just because you sell brewing supplies does not mean you know everything about brewing. If you don't know the answer to a customer's question, please don't make something up.

Sincerely,
Another customer
 
Dear hipster/untappd users at festivals;

I get it, you need your unique check-ins/badges. But get out of the line first, pay attention to where your walking, stop spilling beer on people, and possibly look up and have a conversation with other beer lovers and/or brewmasters.

Sincerely,
Untappd user who likes to hang out with people and not glowing screens
 
Dear Tourist:
2 questions:
A) What does the speed limit sign say?
B) How fast are you going?

Sincerely
Guy behind you trying to get to LHBS before it closes.
 
lawyerjim said:
Dear Beer Judge at the 2014 COHO Spring Fling,

8+3+16+3+8=38 and not 35 as the total was shown on my scoresheet.

Sincerely,

Hefeweisen Entry #0127

BTW: I still wonder that if the scores were added up correctly, would it have medalled.
Click to expand...

I just scored a couple of 41s on a Perry, and went to a mini BOS round but didn't medal. Wadda ya do right?
 
Dear LHBS employee,

I know there are other options to get the same thing done that might be cheaper. I have tried them and am trying to make brew day a little easier. Let me give you my money and buy the item that may not be necessary if I think it will help.

Sincerely,
Annoyed customer who just wants to spend some money on brew gear.
 

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