-- If your best friend is dumped by a girl it is a six-month waiting period til she can be touched. If he breaks up with her, its a six-day waiting period.
Me and my best friend had this deal that if one or the others girlfriend was cheating and we knew it, we would tell. If they wanted to cheat with one of us, we would do it and then tell.
It never came to that, but we did swap sisters once.
-- When toasting with beers you clank with the bottom.
To avoid spilling.
-- All men must eat meat. A lot of meat. If not borderline carnivore. For no reason should a man ever be a vegetarian, or eat sick stuff like tofu. Also no man should consume any food with the terms "diet", "fat free", or any other healthy suggesting terms for the sake of "watching his weight" or dieting.
Fat slob does is not what the ladies want.
-- Every man should watch ESPN (SportsCenter) at least once a day, though multiple viewings are recommended so that one can hold his own in any debate on sports that may arise that day.
Sports watching is overrated.
-- No man shall ever watch a soap opera ever! Period!
Does Walking Dead and SoA count?
-- Any man that is old enough and is not in the Army should at least support the troops; even if you dont agree with the war they are your countrymen fighting to protect you and you should show them your support.
Some form of recognized volunteer civil service would be nice.
-- If you take beer to a party the tuck rule is in play -- when leaving, you may take one beer max, but only if the beer will fit in your pocket.
There are men (?) who argue this. They want to take "their beer" home.
My own opinion is that if you bring beer to a party or some such hosted event, that beer is now party beer. You can take one or two for the road or maybe if there is a ton of beer and the host is begging it off on people, well, be a good guest. But really, who ends a soiree with a ton of beer left over?
-- Do not have a conversation in a rest room.
We have entire meetings in the rest room.
-- No man, under any circumstance, shall use lip balm.
Whatever. Plain Chapstick and Bee Balm are acceptable. I mean, c'mon, it has bees on it and I'm putting it on my mouth. It's like eating bees.
Likewise, the lip salve in work's first aid box is acceptable. It actually does feel like putting bees on your lips.
-- No man shall ever own a dog smaller than a housecat.
It's my wife's dog. And there are some very small house cats out there.
-- If you spill a mans beer, you buy the next round or refill the cup.
If you know what's good for you.
-- Always accept beer from a stranger, but only if unopened/capped.
Oh don't be a puss.
-- No man may ever sell a beer to a friend. Its understood that said friend will repay beer with beer later. Under no circumstance may the replacement beer be of a lesser quality.
Well, duh.
-- If you do not sweat, its not a sport.
Ah, now sports playing is different than sports watching.
-- If a large snake catches a man off guard and bites, said man is allowed to scream once.
It must be large and it must actually bite. The scream should be a profanity or battle cry.
-- Men are allowed to lick the plate when done but only when alone or with other men.
Men are allowed to lick the plate. Amended for brevity and legal accuracy.
-- Under no circumstances shall any man drink wine cooler...ever...unless beer or liquor is completely unattainable. This includes anything (non liquor) fruit flavored that comes in a bottle.
Boulderdash.
-- No man, under any circumstances, should have to explain the use of a power tool to another man.
-- No man shall ever read an instructional manual. If the man does not know how to use the item trial and error shall be used until the correct function is determined.
It's just more fun these ways.
-- When questioned by a friend's girlfriend, you need not and should not provide any information as to his whereabouts. You are even permitted to deny his very existence.
Mums the word.
-- Unless he murdered someone in your immediate family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 24 hours.
Did it.
