CreamyGoodness
Well-Known Member
I flew in and out of Detroit last week to visit my inlaws in the Alpena area. This means that a) I was closer to Yooper, Revvy and Homer than they are probably comfortable with and b) I used a cut-rate airline to save a couple bucks.
Never, ever again.
Spirit is a bare-bones airline, which means just that. The plane has a couple engines, two wings, and some seats. The flight attendants are there basically just to show you how to use the seat belt, seeing as how there is no complimentary food or beverage service. Unless your carry-on fits a certain dimension and weight, its $45. Got two tiny carry-ons? One of them costs $45. Thank you for flying. Before getting on the plane some little yutz at Laguardia asked to cut in line because they "already called zone 3 and I'm in zone 3 and they called zone 4." Luckily she had found some nice, tired couple from Michigan to ask. A New Yorker would have pointed with their thumb to the back of the line. Ok... line ride over.
On the plane to Detroit we were greeted by a woman who was quite definitely drunk off her ho-hos. This is neither an exaggeration nor libel... she was drunk. After slurring her way through her inquisition of the people sitting in front of us as to whether or not they thought they could open the emergency door in the case of an emergency, she got on the loudspeaker and said... something. I am not sure what. I looked to my wife who at this point is giggling so hard tears are shooting out her eyes.
Once we get in the air our flight attendant corners her captive audience and attempts to shill the Sparit Airlind MasherCard. Her pitch didn't end for literally 11 minutes (I timed it), and it was completely incoherent. So that was nice. We land, the yutz from before asked if she could cut in front of me while I get my bag, but my wife saves her from my wrath. "Just wait, please."
Now we are in Michigan. And its lovely. You Michiganders have great fish, great fishing, and great Polish meats. I have never seen so many bratwursts. I also didn't know there was really such a thing as a "Meat Jerky Outlet". That's simply awesome, Standish! Oh, and halfway through the trip I made one heckova fish chowder. Pretty proud of that.
Lovely visit over we get back to the airport. We get harassed by the TSA (if you work for the TSA congratulations on not being unemployed... I guess). This time, no drunk flight attendants, and I notice that for the first time in the 10 years I have been flying, the flight attendants are attractive. I have no reason to mention this other than to mention attractive flight attendants. Who couldn't get behind that? I'm just going to list some of my observations from here on....
- The ride there took 2 hours, and the ride home took 1 hour and 15 minutes. I am told that this is due to "head winds" and "tail winds". I am not sure what this means, but I am positive dirty jokes are in order.
-360 degrees around us are mothers and fathers with small children. The mom directly across the aisle to our left said her baby was 3 months old. SWEET ONION CHUTNEY he was small! I dont have a rant or a joke for that. How the hell do you take care of something that small and not break it??
- The 9 year old in front of me got up and turned to my wife and I. "Do you live in New York or are you just visiting?" "We live in Queens." "Cooool" He gave us an approving nod and sat back down. A 9 year old thinks we are legit.
- After our coronation into the cool club the attractive flight attendant gets the intercom and begins another 11 minute pitch to get the Spirit Mastercard. sigh. She lilted and mumbled and mentioned we could take the kids to orlando and get a skillion miles the first time we used it if we bought a soda AND a slim jim from the grocery store. The more you know.
- Another dad next to the 9 year old had a little guy in a kangaroo pouch. When the plane stopped and it was time to get up, he stood up and both he and the baby hit their heads on the ceiling. The baby could not possibly have hurt as bad as the dad felt.
At this point we wedge ourselves out of our too-small seats and gingerly head out of the plane, making sure we dont jostle or bump into any moms or holy-crap-tiny children. On the way out a man who doesnt speak English is reunited with his giant hound-dog who stands taller than most of the children (and thus most of the PASSENGERS) that were onboard. The 9 year old wordlessly approaches the stranger dog and wraps his arms around him, while the dog licks his new friend on the forehead. Seriously, I could watch that for hours at a time.
So, to recap.
1) If you work for the TSA, ugh.
2) Dont fly Spirit Airlines
3) Dogs and children together are awesome
and 4) Index-finger Michigan rocks. I'm looking forward to visiting the Meat Jerky Outlet.
sigh. It will pass.
Never, ever again.
Spirit is a bare-bones airline, which means just that. The plane has a couple engines, two wings, and some seats. The flight attendants are there basically just to show you how to use the seat belt, seeing as how there is no complimentary food or beverage service. Unless your carry-on fits a certain dimension and weight, its $45. Got two tiny carry-ons? One of them costs $45. Thank you for flying. Before getting on the plane some little yutz at Laguardia asked to cut in line because they "already called zone 3 and I'm in zone 3 and they called zone 4." Luckily she had found some nice, tired couple from Michigan to ask. A New Yorker would have pointed with their thumb to the back of the line. Ok... line ride over.
On the plane to Detroit we were greeted by a woman who was quite definitely drunk off her ho-hos. This is neither an exaggeration nor libel... she was drunk. After slurring her way through her inquisition of the people sitting in front of us as to whether or not they thought they could open the emergency door in the case of an emergency, she got on the loudspeaker and said... something. I am not sure what. I looked to my wife who at this point is giggling so hard tears are shooting out her eyes.
Once we get in the air our flight attendant corners her captive audience and attempts to shill the Sparit Airlind MasherCard. Her pitch didn't end for literally 11 minutes (I timed it), and it was completely incoherent. So that was nice. We land, the yutz from before asked if she could cut in front of me while I get my bag, but my wife saves her from my wrath. "Just wait, please."
Now we are in Michigan. And its lovely. You Michiganders have great fish, great fishing, and great Polish meats. I have never seen so many bratwursts. I also didn't know there was really such a thing as a "Meat Jerky Outlet". That's simply awesome, Standish! Oh, and halfway through the trip I made one heckova fish chowder. Pretty proud of that.
Lovely visit over we get back to the airport. We get harassed by the TSA (if you work for the TSA congratulations on not being unemployed... I guess). This time, no drunk flight attendants, and I notice that for the first time in the 10 years I have been flying, the flight attendants are attractive. I have no reason to mention this other than to mention attractive flight attendants. Who couldn't get behind that? I'm just going to list some of my observations from here on....
- The ride there took 2 hours, and the ride home took 1 hour and 15 minutes. I am told that this is due to "head winds" and "tail winds". I am not sure what this means, but I am positive dirty jokes are in order.
-360 degrees around us are mothers and fathers with small children. The mom directly across the aisle to our left said her baby was 3 months old. SWEET ONION CHUTNEY he was small! I dont have a rant or a joke for that. How the hell do you take care of something that small and not break it??
- The 9 year old in front of me got up and turned to my wife and I. "Do you live in New York or are you just visiting?" "We live in Queens." "Cooool" He gave us an approving nod and sat back down. A 9 year old thinks we are legit.
- After our coronation into the cool club the attractive flight attendant gets the intercom and begins another 11 minute pitch to get the Spirit Mastercard. sigh. She lilted and mumbled and mentioned we could take the kids to orlando and get a skillion miles the first time we used it if we bought a soda AND a slim jim from the grocery store. The more you know.
- Another dad next to the 9 year old had a little guy in a kangaroo pouch. When the plane stopped and it was time to get up, he stood up and both he and the baby hit their heads on the ceiling. The baby could not possibly have hurt as bad as the dad felt.
At this point we wedge ourselves out of our too-small seats and gingerly head out of the plane, making sure we dont jostle or bump into any moms or holy-crap-tiny children. On the way out a man who doesnt speak English is reunited with his giant hound-dog who stands taller than most of the children (and thus most of the PASSENGERS) that were onboard. The 9 year old wordlessly approaches the stranger dog and wraps his arms around him, while the dog licks his new friend on the forehead. Seriously, I could watch that for hours at a time.
So, to recap.
1) If you work for the TSA, ugh.
2) Dont fly Spirit Airlines
3) Dogs and children together are awesome
and 4) Index-finger Michigan rocks. I'm looking forward to visiting the Meat Jerky Outlet.
sigh. It will pass.
