Recipe check please *Newbie*

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acovey

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so I roughly made this recipe for a corn whiskey mead/wine and am wondering if everything looks ok. I know there is a lot. Also i'm a newbie so don't be to harsh. THANKS!!

1 Gallon water
½ Pint of apple juice
½ Pint double filtered dark roast coffee ??
1.7 Pounds flaked maize – 771.107 grams
8.0 OZ of crushed malted barley – Briess organic c-102L
1.5 OZ Oak chips
1.5 Pounds of honey
.5 Pounds of sugar in the raw
1 Cup of pure maple syrup
2 Tsp. acid blend
1 Campden, crush
1 Tsp. energizer
Pre-made liquid Whiskey yeast

1 Gallon of water heated to 165 F, when Temp is reached cut heat. Seep barley for 10 minutes in bag, add flaked maize in bag, tie to side. Stir till heat is 152 F, then add honey, sugar, apple juice, Coffee and maple syrup. Wait or cool to 70 F then add chemicals (no yeast). Stir for 5 minutes then add oak chips. Cover primary. Wait 24 hours then add yeast and airlock. Keep in primary for 5 days, stir daily. Syphon into glass jug add stopper and airlock. When fermentation ends (around 3 weeks) syphon and filter. Syphon and filter again if cloudy.
 
I'd like to comment, but I have no idea what it is you're aiming at making......

It resembles a clear out of a brewery/meadery cupboard......
 
I'm finding it very hard to imagine what this would taste like.

and I'm not sure if it's is a joke.

If it's not, leave out the coffee
 
Watch, this monstrosity of a recipe will go viral & it'll be all the rage to use the end product for forced enemas in underground turkmenistan goth raves.
 
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