Angry Brewing!!! What did I make???

So I had a job interview that didn't go well. Other family crap going on etc. Just in a really genuine sh&tty mood

So I had bought a beer kit and got the wrong one, a black lager kit. So I was patiently trying to get info on here to make into an ale but I also wanted to kick it up a notch. Depression, boredom whatever. I see all these ingredients at the LHBS and I just want to jazz it up. Well after today I said F#CK it! Stress ate half a pizza and went all mad scientist and brewed it all up and even added stuff from the kitchen baking supplies. Didn't really care just did it. I did have sense enough to look up and see if adding chocolate chips was a bad idea or not before I did it at least Learned it was bad and did cocoa instead.

When done it looked like beer and smelled like beer, put it in the fermenter pitched the yeast at 85 F and put the bucket in the cellar where it will sit untouched for a month at least.

I am gonna call it Black Chocolate Ale and use a picture of Pam Grier on the label

So this is what I used and did what do you think it will be like????

Unhopped Ex Lt Malt Extract 1 can
Ex Lt dried malt extract 1 lb
lt dried malt extract 1 lb
Dextrose 2 lbs
Brown sugar 1/4 lb
Weyermann Carafa Special type II 1 lb
Crushed crystal 1lb
Dark patent 1lb
1/2 can of unsweetened cocoa powder
Northern Brewer hop pellets 1 oz
liberty hop pellets 1 oz
SafAle S-05 yeast

I put the black patent in a steeping bag and steeped it in 1 gal of water as it started to heat up on the stove probably like 5 mins or so then removed it. Brought the water to a boil and turned off the heat.

Put the carafa and the crystal in a bag and steeped in the black patent boiled water for 30 mins. Removed and brought the wort? to a boil.

Added everything except the hops and the yeast and 1/2 gallon more water (was getting a little thick) and boiled it for 30 mins. Added the hops in the last 2 mins.

Dumped the wort into 2 gallons of cold water in the fermenter bucket, added more water to get to 5 gallons. Checked the temp I was at 85 F so I just pitched the yeast gave it a swirl and put the cover on filled the air lock. Done.

So what did I make?

You made a ridiculously sweet, underhopped beer.

sounds like you made a very angry beer. i am very intrigued as to how this will come out. i hope you update when it's time to imbibe!

Also, if your water was over 170 when you did your second steep (not sure why you didn't just steep everything together) then you may have had some tannin extraction, which would not be desirable.

BrookdaleBrew said:

You made a ridiculously sweet, underhopped beer.

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+1 to that. 2 minutes on 2 ounces of hops is going to give you approximately no bitterness. HOWEVER, the 1/2 can (what size can?!) of cocoa powder and the hot-steeped grains will probably contribute some bitterness. Just not hop bitterness.

The good news: Beer!

All my kits say add the hop pellets during the last 2 mins of the boil and it's been fine????

It was a 16oz can I think so 8 oz or so?? I will go check.

I didn't steep the dark patent with everything because I read that would be extremely BAD. So I figured just a few minutes in not very hot water.

BrookdaleBrew said:

Also, if your water was over 170 when you did your second steep (not sure why you didn't just steep everything together) then you may have had some tannin extraction, which would not be desirable.

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If you don't filter the hops out you will get some bitterness during the fermentation. Just not that much. I would boil 1 ounce for 60 minutes and add the other ounce a few minutes before turning off the heat.

akthor said:

All my kits say add the hop pellets during the last 2 mins of the boil and it's been fine????

It was a 16oz can I think so 8 oz or so?? I will go check.

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Where did you get these kits? Are you sure you're using unhopped extract?

My guestimate on your beer's vitals:

Batch Size: 5.00 gal
Boil Size: 5.72 gal
Estimated OG: 1.065 SG
Estimated Color: 55.6 SRM
Estimated IBU: 3.5 IBU
Estimated ABV: 6.26%

My closest uneducated guess on a 'style' match would be an extra-sweet Sweet Stout, though I had to make some assumptions about your recipe (5 gallon batch, 3.3 lb can of liquid extract at 3.5 SRM, 40L crystal malt, etc). Plus, I have no idea what that much cocoa would do to the bitterness and color. But hopefully that gives you an idea!

Homercidal said:

If you don't filter the hops out you will get some bitterness during the fermentation. Just not that much. I would boil 1 ounce for 60 minutes and add the other ounce a few minutes before turning off the heat.

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+1 to this!!!

Wow 2 pounds of dextrose???
1 pound of (I assume) Black Patent?

That's going to be crazy.

I've brewed that before. It is what is affectionately called around here Satan's Anus ale.

Only time I've made truly undrinkable beer was when I first started brewing and decided to make beer with some stuff.... yep, tastes exactly like Satan's anus.

Angry brewing remember grrrrrrrrrrrrr! So OK I didn't read the directions so well.

These are true brew kits, the last one I made was a nut Brown Ale and you add the hops during the last two minutes.

I just read the directions to the black lager and it was add one kind of hops the northern brewer at the beginning of the boil and the liberty with 10 mins left LOL. I just went off what I remembered last time DOH! It might have been a little more than 2 mins I was a little loosy goosy with times. Angry grrrrrr!

It did smell very hoppy I must say

Oh well perhaps I will dry hop it in secondary??? When I am feeling more reasonable

BrookdaleBrew said:

Where did you get these kits? Are you sure you're using unhopped extract?

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you might get hop aroma and flavor - dry hopping will help that if that's what you want - but it will still be sickly sweet - the hops at the beginning of the boil didn't occur, so no bitterness to counteract the malt sweetiness. Although a pound of the black patent might add some acrid-ness to help.?

It will be beer -that much is correct. Whether it is drinkable is an entirely different question.

you MUST keep this post updated!

Anything else I could do in secondary if it's too sweet? I would taste it first before I do anything after it ferments.

Boil a few gallons of water, adding 2 ounces of hops at the start of the boil - boil for 60 minutes - to isomerize the hop acids/oils.

cool and mix with said wort, cutting the sugar, the darkness, and "adding" bitterness. Of course, the alcohol would drop as well... and it's still a crap-shoot.

I've never tried it - just a suggestion to "save" what you've got.


oh, and the name of the post reminded me of when my kids were young. They loved this:

Boil some hops in a bit of water for an hour?

You could try this...

http://www.northernbrewer.com/default/hopshot.html

Hang Glider said:

Boil a few gallons of water, adding 2 ounces of hops at the start of the boil - boil for 60 minutes - to isomerize the hop acids/oils. . . .

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+1 to this sort of thing, again. Not sure about a "few" gallons though, to some people a few = 2, others a few = 7. I would do 1gal, 1.5oz (depending on AA) for 60min's, add to fermentor NOW.

If the kits are saying to just add hops at the last 2 minutes, then they are almost certainly pre-hopped.

germelli1 said:

boil some hops in a bit of water for an hour?

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+1 again.

Boerderij_Kabouter said:

I've brewed that before. It is what is affectionately called around here Satan's Anus ale.

Only time I've made truly undrinkable beer was when I first started brewing and decided to make beer with some stuff.... yep, tastes exactly like Satan's anus.

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Hey, where'd you get my corn stalk beer recipe, you know, the one I used a loaf of sprouted rye bread in and 2 jars of molasses.

That is NOT going to add that much bitterness. If he was at 5 gallons initially, with say...10 IBUs for those hops? If you added 1 gallon of water with 30 IBUs from one ounce of whatever hops, then its going to contribute about 5 total.

Dilute the beer by 1 gallon and add 5 IBUs? Usually not a good idea, I would say, but in this case it might be okay because this brew is a bit suspect anyway .

You might also try to find another way to bitter your beer a bit. Hop extract, various herbs, etc.

Experiment !

Awww where's the love

devilishprune said:

Dilute the beer by 1 gallon and add 5 IBUs? Usually not a good idea, I would say, but in this case it might be okay because this brew is a bit suspect anyway .

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Well I am gonna let it ferment and after 4 weeks see where I am. It looked and smelled like wort. It was a glorious rich chocolatey brown.

My first batch of Nut Brown I put the hops in the steeping bag with the grains. Never added more hops and it turned out fine

I going to look at this as the glass half full and not panic.

In four weeks I'll pop the top and give a taste and see :cross:

Malt liquor has a sweetish taste maybe it will be sweet but not be bad?

knightbeer39 said:

If the kits are saying to just add hops at the last 2 minutes, then they are almost certainly pre-hopped.

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I was thinking that this kit might use hopped extract as well but then I found an ingredient list for the True Brew Black Lager.

No it was just the Nut Brown Ale that had the 2 min hop directions

DrinksWellWithOthers said:

I was thinking that this kit might use hopped extract as well but then I found an ingredient list for the True Brew Black Lager.

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Just checked and IT'S ALIVE! The airlock is bubblin away happily!

this is my first post as a member. i am eager to see how to comes out. Hopefully if it isnt hoppy enough, you have a good thick brew. tell your buds it's 13 percent and they will be drinking it down.

so anyways, good luck!

5 Days now lively bubbling in the airlock @ 62F

I would suggest you name it "Black Mood"... since that's how you felt when you brewed it.

If it's terrible, terrible, TERRIBLE... just find a bitter beer, maybe a lager or a blonde or something like that, and make it into a Black 'n Tan beer cocktail. It's going to have so much flavor that mixing it with another less "noble" beer will surely allow it to shine, and if it's toooooooo sweet then a bitter beer could conceivably take the edge off.

Just bottle it as normal, I suggest, and if it's too sweet then have two beers at once when you drink it up!

next time you get mad don't F up your own beer .... do as I do and boot the neighbors cat!

Now a master at Siamese kickboxing. eeeeeeeeeeeya!

akthor said:

I am gonna call it Black Chocolate Ale and use a picture of Pam Grier on the label

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Just got through watching 'Jackie Brown' last night.

Don't do that to Pam. She deserves better.

I would give it a solid two weeks of fermenting and try it and take a FG reading. If you think it is at least drinkable but too sweet... and it is sitting at something like... I dunno.. 1024 or something... maybe tossing some Notty yeast in there trying to dry it out even more and knock down the FG and sweetness a bit.

I kind of agree on the bitterness battle... I think that ship has sailed and trying to dilute it with a high IBU water solution... I dunno, I wouldn't go that route. With the cocoa, like folks have said, maybe you'll get some bitterness to offset what will probably be super sweet....

and again... if it is TOO sweet... I would try a stronger yeast than the US-05. 05 is great but I would think Nottingham MIGHT dry it out even further.

if it tastes like crap when you try it in another week or so, you've got nothing to lose but a couple bucks on a yeast pack. If it tastes great... well.. don't lose the recipe!

Well after 21 days in primary I had to keg this today for the simple reason my damn LHBS didn't have any 6.5 gallon buckets in stock for the 2nd week in a row and I really need a fermenter so into a keg this went.

I popped the lid and I MADE BEER! It looked like hot chocolate but it smelled like beer. Actually smelled quite hoppy. It really was the best SMELLING beer I ever made. Also had the most trub I've had in a batch twice as thick as the usual gunk on the bottom of the bucket. I wasn't able to trap any clean stuff in my syphon before I got to the end so I didn't taste it.

So it's in the keg and in the fridge where it will be for at least another month. I don't have a lot of fermenters but plenty of kegs.

After a month or so of cold crashing and carbing I will transfer to a clean keg.

Some people ferment in kegs. Just sayin.

Similar to Justibone's suggestion, if it is too sweet, you could blend it with another more bitter beer. I know that one of the Mods, ollllllo I believe, is a big believer in blending brews to make a better beer. I have no idea how he approaches it, but send him a PM and I'm sure he'd give you some pointers.