A tad twisted, yes, but....

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Bruscar

Eat, drink, repeat
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one of THE funniest posts I've ever read by a great friend of mine who's no longer around.

"A Simple Question...

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I was givin' the dolphin a backrub in the shower this am. I stepped out and marveled at the size and shape of the entire package in the mirror. I told myself (out loud) just what a pretty weenis I have. I jumped back in the shower to finish my werk. As I sprayed the baby batter everywhere, I screamed my own name. It looked and felt soooo wonderful, that I just had to tell myself (out loud) how good I am.

The question: Are oatmeal raisin cookies easier to make than real chocolate chip cookies???"


Miss ya, G.
 
Dude that's uncool. People walking by my cube look at me funny when I start choking up with laughter. :D
 
BTW, have you been to "The Last Drop" or did you just find the pic somewhere?
 
Hehe. I never fails to amaze me how some Americans are so proud of their "other" heritage. The one that lives in their imagination rather than reality. ;)

Abso-bloody-lutely! It feels kind of mean to burst the bubble but IT'S MY FECKIN' COUNTRY!

There are no men running around the heather-clad hills in kilts, we do not live in quaint, thatched cottages, haggis tastes like ass as you'd expect and no one with a brain would argue, houses have indoor plumbing, it is part of "the UK" not part of "England", we eat too much fried food and drink too much (and I believe we may be the teen pregnancy capitol of Europe), less than 1% of the population care about which clan they're from, the Campbells and the McDonalds do not have any rivalry nor is there any suggestion that they ever did except for a short period after the Glencoe massacre, clan tartans are a fraud, clan affiliations are a bigger fraud (no one ever asked the clans if we could join), "Braveheart" is NOT a documentary, you CANNOT trace your lineage to Rob Roy MacGregor (as a former colleague of mine once claimed) since having the name didn't mean you were a blood relation and there's over 100 years with no written records between him and you, Scots do not all hate the English (that's just me :)), and calling them cute will most likely result in a "Glasgow kiss" (it's a technical term, look it up).

Apart from that it doesn't bother me. :tank:

(Note: All of the above rant is taken from things people have actually asked me about Scotland.)

P.S. Oh yeah, and it's ****e! That's why I live in America!

P.P.S. Apparently I can't say "s h i t e"?
 
Abso-bloody-lutely! It feels kind of mean to burst the bubble but IT'S MY FECKIN' COUNTRY!

There are no men running around the heather-clad hills in kilts, we do not live in quaint, thatched cottages, haggis tastes like ass as you'd expect and no one with a brain would argue, houses have indoor plumbing, it is part of "the UK" not part of "England", we eat too much fried food and drink too much (and I believe we may be the teen pregnancy capitol of Europe), less than 1% of the population care about which clan they're from, the Campbells and the McDonalds do not have any rivalry nor is there any suggestion that they ever did except for a short period after the Glencoe massacre, clan tartans are a fraud, clan affiliations are a bigger fraud (no one ever asked the clans if we could join), "Braveheart" is NOT a documentary, you CANNOT trace your lineage to Rob Roy MacGregor (as a former colleague of mine once claimed) since having the name didn't mean you were a blood relation and there's over 100 years with no written records between him and you, Scots do not all hate the English (that's just me :)), and calling them cute will most likely result in a "Glasgow kiss" (it's a technical term, look it up).

Apart from that it doesn't bother me. :tank:

(Note: All of the above rant is taken from things people have actually asked me about Scotland.)

P.S. Oh yeah, and it's ****e! That's why I live in America!

P.P.S. Apparently I can't say "s h i t e"?

Hmmm, Now that we know where your sore spot is, we might have to poke it with a stick once in a while to keep it tender! :p
 
Don't be so hard on your country. The grass is always greener on the other side. I don't know how long you have been here, but everyplace has its pluses and minuses. There were a lot of things I liked about Scotland and the people were amazing. I didn't live there though, so it is always different that way. There are many things that I absolutely hate about America but I still love my country.

Also, I don't think it is dumb for Americans to be proud of their heritage and ancestry. People who ask stupid questions are stupid people, but most people do not believe the things you were mentioning. I am very proud of my Irish and Scottish lineage and am not afraid to say so. In fact I just went on a grave tour with my mom to visit the graves of all the people who immigrated to the US.

Sorry this is way OT. I don't mean to rant. Cheers :mug:
 
Thanks Groove, now I feel much better about not looking into my French/Native American background.:D

I can run away and fight at the same time. Top that.
 
btw- I AM related to Rob Roy :D

My wife's German-Scicilian family claims hereditary links to the "Seven Kings of Sweden" and that viking guy "Leif" someone who was supposed to be the first visitor to America. Jesse James also saved the home of one of their rlatives by robbing a bank for them.

Honestly, it's reaaaaally hard to keep a straight face at the thanksgiving dinners. :eek:
 
My wife's German-Scicilian family claims hereditary links to the "Seven Kings of Sweden" and that viking guy "Leif" someone who was supposed to be the first visitor to America. Jesse James also saved the home of one of their rlatives by robbing a bank for them.

Honestly, it's reaaaaally hard to keep a straight face at the thanksgiving dinners. :eek:

That is awesome and all, but I am blood related to Beowulf! Tell her to top that! :rockin:

p.s.- they don't actually believe that do they....

As far as ridiculous relative ideas go, my family has one. One son of every generation holds the middle name Stewart. This supposedly goes back to when we were part of the royal house of Stewart. We have a diamond ring that has been handed down through the family from Stewart to Stewart. Whether the royal Stewart relation exists I haven't yet found out, but it is a fun tradition anyway. btw- I am the Stewart to represent my generation:mug:
 
What!? Now I have to kneel humbly before my wife whenever she enters the room AND to you every time you make a royal post?

DAMMIT!!! :(

PS, Yes, they DO believe it....It's so embarassing :(
 
Don't be so hard on your country. The grass is always greener on the other side. I don't know how long you have been here, but everyplace has its pluses and minuses. There were a lot of things I liked about Scotland and the people were amazing. I didn't live there though, so it is always different that way. There are many things that I absolutely hate about America but I still love my country.

Also, I don't think it is dumb for Americans to be proud of their heritage and ancestry. People who ask stupid questions are stupid people, but most people do not believe the things you were mentioning. I am very proud of my Irish and Scottish lineage and am not afraid to say so. In fact I just went on a grave tour with my mom to visit the graves of all the people who immigrated to the US.

OK, OK, so it's not that bad, and I do miss it sometimes. Hell, I got a thistle tatooed on my leg after I moved here. There are lots of nice people and good friends I left behind but there are a lot of small-minded, racist, sexist little people. I already have my disappointments about the US however.

My concern is less people being proud of their heritage than being proud of a non-existent heritage. Seems like some people are being sold a pig in a poke by genealogists. If you're proud of Scotland it should be for it's contributions to science, economics, medicine, etc. not haggis, tartan and songs about "how we could have beaten the English if we weren't such half-assed dickwads!" :D

I'm proud of MY Scotland I just get a lot of noob questions and assumptions. I apologize for being punchy (but not for the wisecracks about the English obviously).

Sorry this is way OT. I don't mean to rant. Cheers

No need to apologize. I started it. ;)

OT? I thought that's what we were here for!

btw- I AM related to Rob Roy

Then you're my second cousin twice removed. :mug:

Hmmm, Now that we know where your sore spot is, we might have to poke it with a stick once in a while to keep it tender!

Hey Gnome, maybe you can confirm something for me. There's an older Scot here at my work who claims that the term "English" is actually an abbreviation and the more correct terminology is "English bastards". Is that true?;)
 
Hey Gnome, maybe you can confirm something for me. There's an older Scot here at my work who claims that the term "English" is actually an abbreviation and the more correct terminology is "English bastards". Is that true?;)

Yep! The old coont is absolutely correct! :)
 
That is awesome and all, but I am blood related to Beowulf! Tell her to top that! :rockin:

p.s.- they don't actually believe that do they....

As far as ridiculous relative ideas go, my family has one. One son of every generation holds the middle name Stewart. This supposedly goes back to when we were part of the royal house of Stewart. We have a diamond ring that has been handed down through the family from Stewart to Stewart. Whether the royal Stewart relation exists I haven't yet found out, but it is a fun tradition anyway. btw- I am the Stewart to represent my generation:mug:

I'd certainly be prepared change my position if there was a nice antique diamond involved! But I thought you were a MacGregor? Everyone knows the Stewarts and the MacGregors have been terrible enemies since the Great Auchentogle Black Pudding Scandal of Nineteen Oatcake. ::drunk:
 
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