What I need for brew days

I need someone, with a loud and abrasive voice, to stand beside me at all times yelling "QUIT MESSING WITH IT!!!".

One day I'm going to learn to stick to my plan & trust that my original calculations were correct. This weekends brewday started out great. My mash & sparge went well and I ended up getting around 80% efficiency. After that, it all went downhill. I went back and forth between oh crap, i've got too much wort....boil-off....Oh crap, now I'm short & overshot FG....add water. Wouldn't you know that I boiled off 1 gallon and was short exactly a gallon at the end of the day.

In the end, it was all screwed up.
Oh, and by the way...I am no longer inviting friends over to show them how easy it is to make beer.

one lesson i learned is to have something good to drink while brewing, whether it's your own home brew, or good commercial.

then it's easier to "relax, don't worry, have a home brew" WHILE brewing

Fran Drescher? Is she still relevant? I am sure she could use the work.