An Irishman walks into a bar.....

An Irishman walks into a bar and sees an old lamp on the end of the bar.He picks the dusty thing up and rubs it to see if it shines and POOF!! a genie appears!The genie says,"thank you very much,you have released me from my prison and for doing this i grant you three wishes".The Irishman then says"for my first wish i wish for a beer that never goes empty".A beer magically appears and the Irishman drinks it all down and when he sets it back down on the bar it starts filling back up again all by itself again.Wow!Then the genie asks,"what about your next wishes?".....After a moment the Irishman responds,"I'll have two more of these!"

Cheers

A Texan walks into a pub in Ireland and clears his voice to the crowd of drinkers. He says, "I hear you Irish are a bunch of hard drinkers. I'll give $500 American dollars to anybody in here who can drink 10 pints of Guinness back-to-back."

The room is quiet and no one takes up the Texan's offer. One man even leaves.

Thirty minutes later the same gentleman who left shows back up and taps the Texan on the shoulder. "Is your bet still good?" asks the Irishman. The Texan says "Yup" and asks the bartender to line up 10 pints of Guinness. Immediately the Irishman tears into all 10 of the pint glasses, drinking them all back-to-back.

The other pub patrons cheer as the Texan sits in amazement. The Texan gives the Irishman the $500 and says, "If ya don't mind me askin', where did you go for that 30 minutes you were gone?" The Irishman replies, "Oh...I had to go to the pub down the street to see if I could do it first."

A horse walks into a bar.

Bartender looks at the horse and say's. " Why the long face?"

An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving home from the city one night and, of course, his car is weaving violently all over the road.

A cop pulls him over. "So," says the cop to the driver, "where have you been?"

"Why, I've been to the pub of course," slurs the man.

"Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite a few to drink this evening."

"I did all right," the drunk says with a smile.

"Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms across his chest, "that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?"

"Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk. "For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf."

A Skeleton walks into a bar and says,


"I'll have a beer and a mop."

The Mormon and the Irishman


A Mormon was seated next to an Irishman on a flight from London . After the
plane was airborne, drink orders were taken.

The Irishman asked for a whiskey, which was promptly brought and placed
before him.

The flight attendant then asked the Mormon if he would like a drink.

He replied in disgust, “I’d rather be savaged by a dozen whores than let
liquor touch my lips.”

The Irishman then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, “Me, too,
I didn’t know we had a choice.”

hahaha good stuff.

A Texan walks into an Irish pub, and finds that there's a standing bet that no one can go to the stable in the back and get the only horse there to laugh. The Texan takes the bet, whispers something to the horse, and the horse immediately starts laughing hysterically. The Texan takes the wager money and leaves. Several months later, the Texan returns. The bet has changed from "get the horse to laugh" to "get the horse to stop laughing." Once again, the Texan goes to the stable, spends a few moments with the horse, and the horse stops laughing. The bartender can't help but ask the Texan what he'd done to achieve such feats. The Texan replied, "Well, the first time, I told him that mine was bigger than his. The second time, I proved it."

An Irishman walks out of a bar.






What? It could happen!

A Tuba player walks PAST a bar.






What? It could happen!

A scotsman and an Irishman walk into a bar together. The bar crowd is amazed and pleased to hear the Scotsman yell out: "Free Beer for everyone, on me!"




The newspaper headlines the next day read: "Irish ventriloquist found dead behind bar".

An irishman walks into a bar... he says ouch!

A guy walks into a bar on the top of a very tall building. He sits down, orders a huge beer, chugs it, walks over to the window, and jumps out. Five minutes later, the guy walks into the bar again, orders another huge beer, chugs it, walks over to the window, and jumps out again. Five minutes later, he re-appears and repeats the whole thing. About half an hour later, another guy at the bar stops the first guy and says, "hey, how the heck are you doing that?!" The first guy responds, "Oh, it's really simple physics. When you chug the beer, it makes you all warm inside and since warm air rises, if you just hold your breath you become lighter than air and float down to the sidewalk." "WOW!" exclaims the second man, "I gotta try that!" So he orders a huge beer, chugs it, goes over to the window, jumps out, and splats on the sidewalk below. The bartender looks over to the first man and says, "Superman, you're a jerk when you're drunk."

an Irishman, Englishman, and Frenchman are all sitting at a bar. They all order a pint of their favorite beer--the Irishman of course ordering a Guinness. As the bartender puts the pints down in front of the three a fly lands in each glass.

The Frenchman with a disgusted look on his face immediately calls the bartender back and demands a new pint be poured.

The Englishman removes the fly from his glass and with a slight grimmace begins drinking his beer.

The Irishman grabs the fly and begins shaking it violently up and down above his glass yelling "spit it out yah bastard, spit it out"

An Irish man walks into a pub. The bartender asks him, "what'll you have?"

The man says, "Give me three pints of Guinness please."

So the bartender brings him three pints and the man proceeds to alternately sip one, then the other, then the third until they're gone. He then orders three more.

The bartender says, "Sir, I know you like them cold. You don't have to order three at a time. I can keep an eye on it and when you get low I'll bring you a fresh cold one."

The man says, "You don't understand. I have two brothers, one in Australia and one in the States. We made a vow to each other that every Saturday night we'd still drink together. So right now, my brothers have three Guinness Stouts too, and we're drinking together.

The bartender thought that was a wonderful tradition.

Every week the man came in and ordered three beers. Then one week he came in and ordered only two. He drank them and then ordered two more.

The bartender said to him, "I know what your tradition is, and I'd just like to say that I'm sorry that one of your brothers died."

The man said, "Oh, me brothers are fine----I just quit drinking."