Get off my bloody lawn!!!

Reading that thread on "What was Nuber one the day you were born" It suddenly hit me just how OLD I am

Was I the oldest person there? Well, maybe I was! But I have to tell you guys something. All you young whippersnappers (It's a real word, look it up) Out there, with your oh so clever youthful looks and non-creaking bones make me f#cking sick!! You Bastards!!! You go sneaking around posting pics of your "Oh so beautiful" young SWMBOs, carrying on about how young and youthful you are....You make me puke!!

I have a SWMBO too!! Wanna see naked pics of her!? Well, neither do I, but that's not my f#cking point! The point is!....The point is.....um....I'll tell you what the f#cking point is!! I am sick and tired of all you young bastards showing off about your fancy "perfect bladder control" and your oh so frigging wonderful "Regular bowel movements"......... "Oh look at me! I'm young, so I can always make it to the bathroom in time, no matter how drunk I am".....Will listen up snot face! I'm 51 years old, and I can make it to the bathroom in time 95% of the time even if I'm f#cking drunk!...98% of the time if we are just talking number ones!

You bastards all hang around this forum going on about how much you know about brewing beer, well let me tell you. I was probably drinking beer when you were sucking on your mothers milk bottle! (Sterilised, I hope) I've had so much frigging beer in my life, that I don't even remember what I just said!...I've had so much frigging beer in my life, that I don't even remember what I just said!

Give me a break and pass me my slippers you bastards!!

You are the best. I'm going to kill all entertainment mediums in my house and just read your stuff here. Priceless.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go bonk my smokin' hot (semi) young SWMBO, but only after I go No. 2. It's that time of day, you know.

When are you going to learn to cook?

THere's s much good stuff in here, but I think I'll just take this segment over to the memorial quotes thread.

Laughing_Gnome said:

I was probably drinking beer when you were sucking on your mothers milk bottle! (Sterilised, I hope) I've had so much frigging beer in my life, that I don't even remember what I just said!...I've had so much frigging beer in my life, that I don't even remember what I just said!

Give me a break and pass me my slippers you bastards!!

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There's so much I could say now...but I'm laughing to hard, and it is throwing my back out.

I have a SWMBO too!! Wanna see naked pics of her!? Well, neither do I

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lolz - that was classic

That was priceless! I hope I am just as cantankerous in 18 years!

Damn crazy foreigners.

Roflicopter!

I'll bet that he's puked more beer than any of you young pups have drunk, LOL!

To think he was just granted citizenship.

You may need to change your name again to Super Geezer.
Here's your slippers... You may have just become a "hero" to all the rest of us elder statesmen on here.

Brandon O said:

Roflicopter!

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Here ya go:

wildwest450 said:

To think he was just granted citizenship.

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I had to shut my f#cking mouth for AGES!

I'm glad I wasn't the only one who took a look a that thread and thought, "WTF? Are they all posting at recess?"

The other day I told one of my kids that she sounded like a broken record....

Then I had to explain what a record was.

Chad

Absolutely hilarious!!!

I bet you had to carry your brew ingredients uphill both ways too!!

Rezilynt said:

You may need to change your name again to Super Geezer.
Here's your slippers... You may have just become a "hero" to all the rest of us elder statesmen on here.

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The "rest" of us older statesmen? Frigging kids!! You are only 44!!! Hell, the day you were born I was 7! I was probably trying to bone some other seven year old at school in case she turned out to be (Insert name of someone hot) in later years!!! By the time I was seven I had seen TONS of beer! I'd probably seen so much beer that I was starting to wonder what it was!....And you were still baby sucking on your mother's (Hopefully sterilised) milk bottle!!

Rant over. Someone just added me as a friend. His profile said he was 55, and I believe it 'cos he smelled a bit funny.

Stupid ol' bastard.

Laughing_Gnome said:

I'm 51 years old, and I can make it to the bathroom in time 95% of the time even if I'm f#cking drunk!...98% of the time if we are just talking number ones!

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Ahhh . . . you’re just a kid. I think I wet myself reading this thread :cross:


Edit: Gotta consider anyone who can make me laugh that much a friend.

AnOldUR said:

Ahhh . . . you’re just a kid. I think I wet myself reading this thread :cross:

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This is why Laughing_Gnome is the proud sponsor and spokesman for Gnome-Sized Depends! Fit for a gnome with a walnut sized bladder!

Here ya go...



And Swmbo?



Hey wait, you're in Ohio...Druck @ 2pm already are we???

Brew-Happy said:

Absolutely hilarious!!!

I bet you had to carry your brew ingredients uphill both ways too!!

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In 4 feet of snow no less!

Brits are hilarious. Love their sense of humour, even if I don't get it sometimes.

Revvy said:

Hey wait, you're in Ohio...Druck @ 2pm already are we???

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Getting there. I have 5 gals IPA to bottle. Just need a couple more BMCs and I'll be fit to commune with the real stuff.

Hey!! What kind of youth trickery is this!? Trying to catch me sober? You thought I would'nt notice if you conversed all normal like?

Get off my bloody lawn!!!

Laughing_Gnome said:

By the time I was seven I had seen TONS of beer! I'd probably seen so much beer that I was starting to wonder what it was!....And you were still baby sucking on your mother's (Hopefully sterilised) milk bottle!!

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That's nothin'. By the time I was five I had been beat, grounded and expelled from school for drinking beer while skipping school.

Rezilynt said:

That's nothin'. By the time I was five I had been beat, grounded and expelled from school for drinking beer while skipping school.

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When I were a lad o' three year old, we were so poor that we had to eat the vomit spewed under the park benches by the alcoholic "rich" people that were sleeping on them.....And that were jus' breakfast!

Warm vomit?

Luxury.

Chad

Geeze 51, you're not even that old. You don't even qualify as an old man.

I love you man!!

farmbrewernw said:

I love you man!!

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Some say He can shoot laser beams from his eyes. Some say he wears 3 pairs of underpants at the same time.

We call him the Stig, and he loves me.

orfy said:

When are you going to learn to cook?

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And there's another bloody thing!!! I can't even move these days without those f#cking goblins nagging me to do housework!!!

Goblin to gnome...Goblin to gnome....It's time to take out the trash, it's time to clean the windows.....When are you going to learn to cook you useless stupid gnome!?


WTF!!!??? It's hard enough living in Ohio being a f#cking gnome!! The last thing I need is to be nagged by a fairy tale creature that doesn't even exist!

There is just no respect in this world any more for an unusually well endowed gnome.

(Who can make it to the bathroom most of the time)




555-435-7394....Call me, you know who you are hot stuff.

Thanks ya old bastard gnome for cheering up a crappy day. Great stuff. And by my math you've probably been drinking beer for 52 years since parents a 1/2 century ago kept tossing them back while pregnant anyways.

DesertBrew said:

Thanks ya old bastard gnome for cheering up a crappy day. Great stuff. And by my math you've probably been drinking beer for 52 years since parents a 1/2 century ago kept tossing them back while pregnant anyways.

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Is that what's wrong with him?????????

You may need to change your name again to Super Geezer.

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This young punk ain't even into geezerhood, much less Super Geezer!

Nice thing about living in the country, you can pee right into the stream.

You old enough to recognize the quote, punk?

Thanks for giving me nothing to look forward to. Hell, I've got ankle, knee, hip problems, and now my right arm keeps going numb. I've got allergies, severe asthma, chronic non-migraine headaches, and weight problems. To top is off, my bladder control has gone to **** in the past year. And I'm half your age. Remind me, why do I even *want* to keep working towards the future? Shouldn't I just retire now, and limp myself to the old folks home pre-emptively?

Sheesh. Way to kill my buzz, OhioBrit.

Chriso said:

Thanks for giving me nothing to look forward to. Hell, I've got ankle, knee, hip problems, and now my right arm keeps going numb. I've got allergies, severe asthma, chronic non-migraine headaches, and weight problems. To top is off, my bladder control has gone to **** in the past year. And I'm half your age. Remind me, why do I even *want* to keep working towards the future? Shouldn't I just retire now, and limp myself to the old folks home pre-emptively?

Sheesh. Way to kill my buzz, OhioBrit.

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I keep wondering why I want to save for the future as well. I think our system has it all backassward why can't we retire when we are young and work when we're old?

Saw this an thought it might make a niece temp avatar...





(back to regularly scheduled geezerhood)

Laughing Gnome,

I just lay in wait for the day that I can become a crusty old geezer. I've got the failing body down to a science at 28 & my lovely, curvacious, young wife tells me in the short future I can be a dirty old man.

I'm striving to be like you man!

cheers, hats off, tipping a glass... etc etc.....


*respecting the elders*

zac

On our way home from picking hops, my 6 year old daughter said to me, 'old people are grumpy sometimes, aren't they?'

Here's her proof!!!

34 going on 35 here, I'm figuring half dead..


Yes, I don't like kids in my yard, but have not gotten into the

Crotchety old man category yet

I cant wait to retire so I can come back to the sevice department where I work. I cna pinch the girls and ganerally cause mayhem for the service writers!!

Laughing_Gnome said:

sterilised

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That's twice now. On this side of the pond, we spell it with a "zed", ya old fart.