Home Brewing "Here's Your Sign" thread

Hi all...Just a thought...Being a home brewer and knowing my sense of humor and sarcasm, I thought starting a thread in regards to witty, and sarcastic replys to non-home brewers in regards to the routine questions we recieve from Family, friends, neighbors and various shop keepers when we tell them we are home brewers or we plan on using certain equiptment for our home brewing would be a bit of fun...Lets hear what you have told various people...

I stuck the common nonbrewer questions I hear in an FAQ.

None are witty or sarcastic; I usually try to keep brewing related conversation with nonbrewers as pleasant and inviting as possible just in case they want to get involved.

Better update that FAQ. Homebrewing is legal in Utah now.

Brian

You mean like this Thread???

https://www.homebrewtalk.com/f19/warning-label-fun-90815/

{The sign generator link is in there if you are interested.)

With signs like this in there?


Or my "Hot Chick With Handgun" Series?




Or the Yoda Series?



Or the Classic Chestnut I started using over a year ago?



Meh, no one uses signs for oft repeated questions around here.....

SOme of the statements for your signs could include,

Is it legal?
Can you go blind?
Why don't you Just buy Beer like the rest of us?
Do YOU triple hop YOUR beer?
So, can you make me Bud Light? (I'd personally go with hot chick with handgun for that one...like "STFU, No I Won't make you Bud Light, you moron.")

One of my personal favorites is when people ask why they need to drink it out of a glass, so I tell them about the yeast. Then they freak out about drinking beer yeast sediment in it. THEN... if they are sick within a month of drinking it, they will blame it on the homebrew! RE-FUGING-DICULOUS!

I like the Hot Chick With A Handgun one,though her space-bending nipples confuse me.

I think he means the Bill Engvall.. "Here's your sign" gig...

... as in you walk into a HBS and ask for 12 lbs of two-row and 2 pounds of hops..

"Wow, makin' an IPA??"

"No, just getting an early start on wreath makin' for Xmas!"

... heeeeeeere's your sign.

Oh... and for those of you who haven't heard Engvall's bit... it's all about how morons should have to wear a sign that says "I'm a moron"...

Sigafoos said:

I like the Hot Chick With A Handgun one,though her space-bending nipples confuse me.

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Yeah, they had to be altered to protect the innocent (and make them safe for work)

Why can't hot chicks with handguns ever think of the guys at work?

(and I don't like her for her hotness as much as for the name Hot Chick With A Handgun)

Deuce said:

One of my personal favorites is when people ask why they need to drink it out of a glass, so I tell them about the yeast. Then they freak out about drinking beer yeast sediment in it. THEN... if they are sick within a month of drinking it, they will blame it on the homebrew! RE-FUGING-DICULOUS!

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Everybody gets sick of your stuff though!! . I absolutely hate it that everyone thinks that, just because it's a homebrew, that it is going to have 15% alcohol in it. Not saying that a couple of mine don't have high alcohol, but come on!!!

I get tired of, "When I was in Germany..." and then they spout information about how they had this amazing beer that would get you drunk off of one pint and it was like 19% alcohol. I know they weren't drinking Eisbocks, and I just nod and listen. German beer may be good in Germany, but the people coming back here who then think they know everything piss me off.

When I was in Germany, all the hot chicks with handguns knew all about beer, asked no stupid questions, and responded immediately to "ein starkbier, bitte".

It felt like I bet heaven feels like.

dwarven_stout said:

When I was in Germany, all the hot chicks with handguns knew all about beer, asked no stupid questions, and responded immediately to "ein starkbier, bitte".

It felt like I bet heaven feels like.

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So this would be YOUR perfect woman, then?

Revvy. those warning labels where funny. should make them into stickers and put them on your brewing equipment.

Revvy said:

So this would be YOUR perfect woman, then?

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That doesn't look like starkbier.
Did you photoshop her just for me, or is your jpeg library just that awesome?

dwarven_stout said:

That doesn't look like starkbier.
Did you photoshop her just for me, or is your jpeg library just that awesome?

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I photoshopped it just for you...Seems like the perfect woman to me.

Revvy said:

Or my "Hot Chick With Handgun" Series?

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Hot chick with handgun needs to keep her finger out of the trigger housing before she accidentally kills someone. I still haven't figured out her holster rig.

carnevoodoo said:

I get tired of, "When I was in Germany..." and then they spout information about how they had this amazing beer that would get you drunk off of one pint and it was like 19% alcohol. I know they weren't drinking Eisbocks, and I just nod and listen. German beer may be good in Germany, but the people coming back here who then think they know everything piss me off.

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OMG.

There is nothing more obnoxious.

Some kid at a beer tasting/party of mine was saying the same crap. He was drinking and criticizing an Ayinger Celebrator as he was doing it. It took all of my will NOT to throw him out of my apartment. Holy talk out of your a$$, just wow.

Do these kind of people walk into neurologists offices and start telling them how much more they know about brain surgery? Dude, my fridge is packed to the gills with imported beer and you're gonna tell me how German beer is better than anything I'm serving? And you're simultaneously drinking the freakin' world recognized standard of Doppelbock?

smizak said:

Dude, my fridge is packed to the gills with imported beer and you're gonna tell me how German beer is better than anything I'm serving?

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Not to nit-pick, but comments like THIS are just as annoying

Let's all remember, Heineken is imported, anything from china/japan are imported.

Imported Beer does not mean Good beer!

What I meant was you should probably know who you're talking to if you're going talk out of your keister about German beer and not realize you're drinking one.

Revvy said:

So this would be YOUR perfect woman, then?

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At least it looks like she has better taste in handguns than that P-22 travesty.

But her... steins... are too small.

My friend knows I have been homebrewing for several years. He comes over the other day while I was in the middle of a full boil.
He says " hey are you brewing beer"

No I reply I'm just waiting for my other warlock friends to come by and cast a spell on your dumb ass.

Here's your sign

"Is it legal?"

"Nope. I'm just sittin' here waiting for the Revenooers to show up so's I kin shoot 'em. Here's yer sign."

"Do YOU triple hop YOUR beer?"

"Nope. I don't hop at all. Hopping can make you fall over and spill yer beer. Here's yer sign."

voegeli51 said:

Everybody gets sick of your stuff though!! . I absolutely hate it that everyone thinks that, just because it's a homebrew, that it is going to have 15% alcohol in it. Not saying that a couple of mine don't have high alcohol, but come on!!!

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Are we talking about a specific person? Cuase I know I just dump 8 lbs of corn sugar in all my beers, that will get it to 15% right? :rockin:

carnevoodoo said:

I get tired of, "When I was in Germany..."

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My stories about "when I was in Germany" involve living there a few years on the economy, homebrewing, dating a brewer's daughter, having a kid, etc. Nothing compared to Kaiser's experience but I try not be a dumb@ss about it.