cheezydemon3
Well-Known Member
I get it creamy
A little obscure, but funny. Just not lol funny (thus crickets)
A little obscure, but funny. Just not lol funny (thus crickets)
Trolls
- Thread starter BobbiLynn
- Start date
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CreamyGoodness
Well-Known Member
you are a monster!
bottlebomber
Well-Known Member
CreamyGoodness said:
What.. They're hoppy.
JohanMk1
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Vigo_Carpathian
Well-Known Member
Catfish78 said:
Actually, the African water shrew has the highest IBU to body mass ratio. I used one in a rye IPA I was making and it turned out excellent.
Vigo_Carpathian
Well-Known Member
Catfish78 said:
Yes, I would definitely boil longer to match the IBU's. When dry hopping, add 1 field mouse (live) for 5 days. After five days, the mouse should get tired and settle to the bottom. At that point, rack onto a second mouse for another 5 days and keg.
VERY IMPORTANT: be sure to completely filter out the mice before bottling, or else you'll be stuck giving away free cases of beer. it's in the canadian criminal code, eh.
Subsailor
Life is Tough, Stupid makes it Tougher
Please don't confuse Cane Toads with Frogs. The toxins they emit would make your brew far too bitter and turn the beverage to an unpleasant shade of gray.
Prequel. As it decomposed it bled into the 50 shades. :fro:
Okay guys I need some help. I knew that I would be away on business so I racked my APA into a secondary for 4 months. Here is the problem, I put moth balls in to keep it fresh and now it smells and tastes funny. What happened?
Vigo_Carpathian
Well-Known Member
Moth balls are only supposed to be added for 2 weeks and then removed. It also helps to soak them in methanol for a week before adding to secondary. No worries, we've all made that mistake. Just let the beer age a couple more months and the taste should mellow out.
I put a batch of Orfy's Mild in canning jars once and it worked well. No wide mouth jars though, just the regular ones. The problem was the beer, being English and all, kept telling me it wasn't proper at all. I got so sick of the beer lecturing me of the impropriety of it all that I will never put an English beer in canning jars again.
highgravitybacon
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That's the autolysis. What you're describing is called "dry balling." If you soak your balls for more than a few days in primary, you get off flavors. Meaty, sweaty, barnyard kind of smells. Some people say you get a sort of manfunk smell or a au jus smell.
What I do is crush them really good with a rolling pin. If you have strong hands, you can use your hands to crush them. You want a pretty decent crush to crack them open. Maybe one week at most is all you need then.
Mongrel
Well-Known Member
I'm going to hide this way back here (hoping that not too many people take the time to read it) because it's probably the best written guide to trolling I've ever read.
The Elements of Trolling by Orglif
Step One: Case the Joint. No, this has nothing to do with weed. When preparing for a troll, take a moment to survey your environment. Do a headcount. If you have to, spend a day or two lurking and watching the flow of conversation between members to get an idea of the who's who and what's what of your mark.
Step Two: Pick a Choice Topic. My favorites are religion, politics, or sexuality. People are more willing to do battle when it's something they feel strongly about, and with those three topics are you more likely to find the people you need to pull a game like this off. Choose wisely, and pick something you're at least remotely familiar with so you don't sound like a complete ass.
Step Three: Get into Character. Your topic has been picked and you're gearing up for some fun. Now the key is to develop an attitude or a character of sorts, a persona that you want to play. Something wholly contradictory to the status quo that you observed during your time Casing the Joint. It's imperative that you choose a persona that won't come across as brash or ignorant on a non-confrontational platform, as during your challenge you'll be under criticism from all fronts and need as much footing as you can get. If you at least sound articulate, you'll get more attention and be twice as irritating to your mark.
Step Four: Set Your Bait. At first, you'll be temped to start your own thread and fill it with nonsensical idiocy. AVOID THIS. Your best bet is to take an existing topic and drop a simple one or two sentence troll and leave it alone, letting the line grow still as the fish sniff your worm. It's important that you sound serious enough to have your opinion considered, and yet silly enough to illicit a reaction from the general population who feels the need to "correct" you. Avoid base, crude nonsense like: "FUKK U SUCK @#%$" as the scope and range of your audience will diminish almost instantaneously when people realize you're nothing more than a stupid kid who never learned how to communicate. Remember: the less you say, the less they'll have to use against you. My personal favorite is an offhand joke, a snide remark or quip that offers very little of my persona's opinion, but reeks of condescension and generally leaves a foul taste in the reader's mouth. It's the quickest way to get a bite.
Step Five: Keep Your Calm. Once someone snags your bait, maintain a cool head and keep your focus. Don't spring at the first person to nibble; there are often people in groups who'll take the altruistic approach and bite soft, hoping to lure you out of hiding and reveal your true intentions. Don't be fooled. Tug back, but gently. Defend your position with enough energy to ruffle a few more feathers, but play it soft. The softer you tug, the more people you'll get hooked on your line tugging back.
Step Six: Yank the Line. You've gotten 4 or 5 people hooked to your crap now. They've surrendered their attention to you and are now yours to @#%$ with. At this point, feel free to yank the line as hard as you like. Remember though! Articulation and coherency are the key here! I usually single out one person on the line to hit the hardest; not the dumbest or the dullest as they'll quickly surrender to scrambled flames and stupidity. Pick someone intelligent--smart enough to fight back, but not smart enough to smell your troll. Say things they DONT want to hear in a manner they cannot help but listen to; again, avoid FUKK COK DICK TAMPON SMOKER as they wont listen to it.
Step Seven: Stamina, Stamina, Stamina. The battles might be long, twisted, and brutal, sometimes lasting for days. The trick is to keep that level head and constantly be aware of your opponents. More than once you'll be counter-trolled: someone trolling you back hoping to ruffle your feathers and make you lose footing. It's important to see those coming, and call them on it. Remember, you're aren't trolling, you're debating. At least, that's what you want them to think, right?
Step Eight: Stay Mobile. This means always be on your toes. Once a person is defeated (easily identified by their lack of participation or incoherency) move on to someone else quickly. If you linger on someone who's already bowed out, you'll come across as impetuous and rude. This is a joke you're playing on people; it's important that you remember this so that you'll always have the pretense of good humor to fall back on. Be sure they're really done before moving on, though, as having to reply to multiple participants can get strenuous.
Step Nine: Bow Out. Don't just disappear from the havoc you've created. Make it known that you're leaving the mess, often because "they just don't understand," or another semi-valid excuse. Leave on a note that offers nothing and they'll have nothing to try and tug you back with. You'll be tempted, for sure, but once you bite their lure, you are nothing but a monkey dancing for THEM this time. Gracefully step away from the mess, and don't look back (unless you want to keep it for a scrapbook).
The Elements of Trolling by Orglif
Step One: Case the Joint. No, this has nothing to do with weed. When preparing for a troll, take a moment to survey your environment. Do a headcount. If you have to, spend a day or two lurking and watching the flow of conversation between members to get an idea of the who's who and what's what of your mark.
Step Two: Pick a Choice Topic. My favorites are religion, politics, or sexuality. People are more willing to do battle when it's something they feel strongly about, and with those three topics are you more likely to find the people you need to pull a game like this off. Choose wisely, and pick something you're at least remotely familiar with so you don't sound like a complete ass.
Step Three: Get into Character. Your topic has been picked and you're gearing up for some fun. Now the key is to develop an attitude or a character of sorts, a persona that you want to play. Something wholly contradictory to the status quo that you observed during your time Casing the Joint. It's imperative that you choose a persona that won't come across as brash or ignorant on a non-confrontational platform, as during your challenge you'll be under criticism from all fronts and need as much footing as you can get. If you at least sound articulate, you'll get more attention and be twice as irritating to your mark.
Step Four: Set Your Bait. At first, you'll be temped to start your own thread and fill it with nonsensical idiocy. AVOID THIS. Your best bet is to take an existing topic and drop a simple one or two sentence troll and leave it alone, letting the line grow still as the fish sniff your worm. It's important that you sound serious enough to have your opinion considered, and yet silly enough to illicit a reaction from the general population who feels the need to "correct" you. Avoid base, crude nonsense like: "FUKK U SUCK @#%$" as the scope and range of your audience will diminish almost instantaneously when people realize you're nothing more than a stupid kid who never learned how to communicate. Remember: the less you say, the less they'll have to use against you. My personal favorite is an offhand joke, a snide remark or quip that offers very little of my persona's opinion, but reeks of condescension and generally leaves a foul taste in the reader's mouth. It's the quickest way to get a bite.
Step Five: Keep Your Calm. Once someone snags your bait, maintain a cool head and keep your focus. Don't spring at the first person to nibble; there are often people in groups who'll take the altruistic approach and bite soft, hoping to lure you out of hiding and reveal your true intentions. Don't be fooled. Tug back, but gently. Defend your position with enough energy to ruffle a few more feathers, but play it soft. The softer you tug, the more people you'll get hooked on your line tugging back.
Step Six: Yank the Line. You've gotten 4 or 5 people hooked to your crap now. They've surrendered their attention to you and are now yours to @#%$ with. At this point, feel free to yank the line as hard as you like. Remember though! Articulation and coherency are the key here! I usually single out one person on the line to hit the hardest; not the dumbest or the dullest as they'll quickly surrender to scrambled flames and stupidity. Pick someone intelligent--smart enough to fight back, but not smart enough to smell your troll. Say things they DONT want to hear in a manner they cannot help but listen to; again, avoid FUKK COK DICK TAMPON SMOKER as they wont listen to it.
Step Seven: Stamina, Stamina, Stamina. The battles might be long, twisted, and brutal, sometimes lasting for days. The trick is to keep that level head and constantly be aware of your opponents. More than once you'll be counter-trolled: someone trolling you back hoping to ruffle your feathers and make you lose footing. It's important to see those coming, and call them on it. Remember, you're aren't trolling, you're debating. At least, that's what you want them to think, right?
Step Eight: Stay Mobile. This means always be on your toes. Once a person is defeated (easily identified by their lack of participation or incoherency) move on to someone else quickly. If you linger on someone who's already bowed out, you'll come across as impetuous and rude. This is a joke you're playing on people; it's important that you remember this so that you'll always have the pretense of good humor to fall back on. Be sure they're really done before moving on, though, as having to reply to multiple participants can get strenuous.
Step Nine: Bow Out. Don't just disappear from the havoc you've created. Make it known that you're leaving the mess, often because "they just don't understand," or another semi-valid excuse. Leave on a note that offers nothing and they'll have nothing to try and tug you back with. You'll be tempted, for sure, but once you bite their lure, you are nothing but a monkey dancing for THEM this time. Gracefully step away from the mess, and don't look back (unless you want to keep it for a scrapbook).
OP
OP
BobbiLynn
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Wow, didn't realize how much skill was involved.
The last time I tried to "dry ball" it didn't work out for anyone involved. Tried using my hands for the crush, bad idea. Almost painful to watch. And then the aftermath, it wasn't the manfunk smells that really bothered me but more the taste and texture. And remember when dry balling, you can't bottle. It has to be force carbed. That was a PITA and I mean that literally.
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BobbiLynn
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I need help with my first batch! Decided to get right into all grain so went and bought the grains, hops and yeast. I was told that's all I needed. I heard I could do a partial boil if my kettle wasn't big enough. After adding the 14 pounds of grain, there was barely room to add water but I did get it all covered. After the 1 hour boil, there is just a huge mess and it's more like sludge than liquid. Did I miss a step or do I just need a bigger kettle? I guess I'll also need a way to strain this goop.
BobbiLynn said:I need help with my first batch! Decided to get right into all grain so went and bought the grains, hops and yeast. I was told that's all I needed. I heard I could do a partial boil if my kettle wasn't big enough. After adding the 14 pounds of grain, there was barely room to add water but I did get it all covered. After the 1 hour boil, there is just a huge mess and it's more like sludge than liquid. Did I miss a step or do I just need a bigger kettle? I guess I'll also need a way to strain this goop.
Na, your fine. Just pour it all into a fermenter and pitch the yeast. Bread yeast is fine (people here may say you have to buy this fancy "beer yeast", whatever! It's all the same!) and let it go for at least 5 days then bottle!
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BobbiLynn
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Thanks, I feel so much better now, phew, thought I messed something up!!
CreamyGoodness
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I would laugh if it werent 100% possible that I could have been the one writing that post unironically had I jumped straight into brewing beer.
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BobbiLynn
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Just one more question, I'm not sure what you mean by "pitch the yeast". I went ahead and added all the ingredients at the beginning of the boil, this won't be a problem will it?
Varmintman
Well-Known Member
Well it is part of the aeration action you see. The farther away that you stand and pitch the yeast into the boil pot the better it will work.
Always put a blowoff tube though on the boil pot to stop boilovers.
BreezyBrew
IPA is my spirit animal
Does this look infected?
Varmintman
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Nope just mix it up good and bottle :rockin:
highgravitybacon
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In Belgium, they have been making Oud Septic forever using only the scabs and cool night air to innoculate the wort.
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BobbiLynn
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In Holland and Denmark, they use a similar process and have been long before the technique was discovered in Belgium. Get your facts straight.
highgravitybacon
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I read in they used blisters. The word blister comes from the flemish word beekster, which means "savory juice".
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BobbiLynn
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Tell me something I don't know. I'm just saying it didn't originate in Belgium, immigrants from Holland and Denmark brought it over there.
bottlebomber
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highgravitybacon said:
Man, that's frikkin gross... Lol
