Funny things you've overheard about beer

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That was my thought. Why lie?

Only reason I can think of is practical limitations of the brewery. A true pilsner, of course, uses lager yeast, and requires better fermentation temperature control, in addition to tying up a fermenter for a longer period of time. A Kolsch, however, uses an ale yeast so would ferment faster, giving them a shorter turnaround. They both use pilsner malt, and Saaz hops are the signature hop for pilsners, so I guess I can kind of see what they were going for with this. Done properly, it'd probably be a pretty close approximation. But in practice, it sounds like it's just a poor example of a Kolsch.
 
Another example of this is St Arnold's Oktoberfest, it's made with their house yeast strain (which seems to be a fairly versatile ale strain). I immediately thought something was off, read the website where they brag that they made two batches, one with a lager strain and one with their house strain. Everyone liked the house strain better and they claimed anyone that said they could tell the difference was lying.
It wasn't bad, but you could tell it was too fruity to be a true Oktoberfest.
 
Lagering is a process that is just too expensive, time-consuming, space-consuming, and labor-intensive for most brewpubs (and many of the smaller craft breweries) to invest in, especially since most of their money is made in the more complex ales. Ales are much easier to make, less demanding of hardware, storage space, and effort, and carry a lot more flavor (intentional and unintentional) than the kinds of lagers most small brewers could manage.

This isn't a knock on lagers; a well made lager can be every bit as complex as ale, but in ways that are different, more subtle, and (most important of all) harder to achieve. I may have nothing but disdain for the mainstream beers they produce, but the technical prowess of the BMCs isn't to be sneered at - they are making the very hardest of beers to get right, and do so with astounding quality control. That Budweiser can make the exact same beer, year after year, in multiple plants around the world, and never have a hint of fermentation characteristics aside for the faint apple ester they are so proud of, is an impressive feat, no matter what we actually think of the finished product. As Bill Mares said, they could make any beer in the world if they wanted to; they just choose to make one that is tasteless and inoffensive because that is all the overwhelming majority of consumers want. Just as Intel throws the best IC designers in the world at propping up one of the worst imaginable CPU architectures and make it succeed, so to do the BMCs throw many of the best brewers in the world into making the blandest lagers on Earth and then market them like crazy.

As for why they called it a Pilsner instead of Kolsch, it's probably due to name recognition; nearly everyone has heard of Pilsner (even if most only have a vague idea of what the name means) thanks to the equally deceptive advertising of Anheuser-Busch, but hardly anyone who isn't a brewer themselves has ever heard of Kolsch.
 
Another example of this is St Arnold's Oktoberfest, it's made with their house yeast strain (which seems to be a fairly versatile ale strain). I immediately thought something was off, read the website where they brag that they made two batches, one with a lager strain and one with their house strain. Everyone liked the house strain better and they claimed anyone that said they could tell the difference was lying.
It wasn't bad, but you could tell it was too fruity to be a true Oktoberfest.

I would bet the same was true of the one brewed with the lager yeast; if their equipment is typical of most small breweries, they probably brewed it as a steam beer rather than at lager fermentation temperatures.
 
I would bet the same was true of the one brewed with the lager yeast; if their equipment is typical of most small breweries, they probably brewed it as a steam beer rather than at lager fermentation temperatures.

While it is quite possible that they did it as a steam beer, every small brewery I have ever worked for had the ability to do lagers and do them correctly. They were rarely done, though, because of the time they took to turn around.
 
I would bet the same was true of the one brewed with the lager yeast; if their equipment is typical of most small breweries, they probably brewed it as a steam beer rather than at lager fermentation temperatures.

They're not actually that small of a brewery, they contact brew for others as well.

Edit: they have other lagers, their summer pils isn't bad in fact
 
Lagering is a process that is just too expensive, time-consuming, space-consuming, and labor-intensive for most brewpubs (and many of the smaller craft breweries) to invest in, especially since most of their money is made in the more complex ales. Ales are much easier to make, less demanding of hardware, storage space, and effort, and carry a lot more flavor (intentional and unintentional) than the kinds of lagers most small brewers could manage.

This isn't a knock on lagers; a well made lager can be every bit as complex as ale, but in ways that are different, more subtle, and (most important of all) harder to achieve. I may have nothing but disdain for the mainstream beers they produce, but the technical prowess of the BMCs isn't to be sneered at - they are making the very hardest of beers to get right, and do so with astounding quality control. That Budweiser can make the exact same beer, year after year, in multiple plants around the world, and never have a hint of fermentation characteristics aside for the faint apple ester they are so proud of, is an impressive feat, no matter what we actually think of the finished product. As Bill Mares said, they could make any beer in the world if they wanted to; they just choose to make one that is tasteless and inoffensive because that is all the overwhelming majority of consumers want. Just as Intel throws the best IC designers in the world at propping up one of the worst imaginable CPU architectures and make it succeed, so to do the BMCs throw many of the best brewers in the world into making the blandest lagers on Earth and then market them like crazy.

As for why they called it a Pilsner instead of Kolsch, it's probably due to name recognition; nearly everyone has heard of Pilsner (even if most only have a vague idea of what the name means) thanks to the equally deceptive advertising of Anheuser-Busch, but hardly anyone who isn't a brewer themselves has ever heard of Kolsch.

This.

Lagers are harder to market to the craft beer crowd who want full and exciting flavors. On top of that, they cost more to make and are harder to perfect.
 
I have a cousin that always offers me a beer when i go over 20 years and still waiting for the beer he always gives me a bud instead :ban:
also every time i bring over, Heineken , Stella, Grolsch , he asks "eww whats that" i always say "It's beer, since you drink Bud, your not use to beer"
 
Neighbour emerged from his house tonight, saw me and pointed proudly at the beer in his hand... it was a BMC.... LOL.

I'm guessing (?) He was merely showing some drinking comradery, he knows I brew.
 
I heard a couple of guys equating lager beer with BMC and beers lacking in "full and exciting flavors"
 
So a coworker learned I brewed my own beer. He suggested I should bring him a sample, I then asked what he normally drinks so I would know which of my beers I should bring to him. He then said "I don't like that cheap crap, I drink the good stuff, Dos Equis." Over pronounced and drawn-out the words Dos Equis. I have not brought him any of my beer so far.
 
My mom believes that stout (and only stout) improves human breast milk production. So when she was breastfeeding me she wanted to drink a stout but didn't want any alcohol so she said my father made alcohol free homebrewed stout for her when I was a baby. I asked her how he took out the alcohol and she said, no he didn't do that he just never put in the thing that produced the alcohol which left me very confused and thinking my father just BSed her.

Then I got my hands on Home Brewing Without Failures by H. E. Bravery, the book my father used to learn how to homebrew and it contained recipes for stout like this:

2 lb. patent black malt
2 lb. crystal malt
1 lb. black treacle
3 lb. white sugar
4 oz. hops
teaspoonful salt
1 oz. citric acid
yeast
nutrient

Excerpts from the instructions (too lazy to type up whole thing):

"Switch on the heater and keep the mash at 145-150 f. for eight hours. You may carry out the starch test at this stage if you want to."

"Add two ounces of hops and the salt. Boil rapidly for one minute and then simmer for forty minutes. Then add remaining hops and simmer for a further then minutes."

"Take readings after five days until reading has dropped to 1.005 and then bottle."

"Some people like this as a drought stout; if you think you would like it, there will be no need to use the hydrometer or to prime the stout. Merely let it ferment right out and then bottle."

So I'm not sure what the hell my father was doing. Most of the recipes on this book use sugar VERY heavily as an adjuct so maybe he didn't put the sugar in and made really low gravity beers with **** tons of patent malt? Dunno.
 
There might have been some documentation that would clarify things, but your mom was drunk off her ass while she was breastfeeding you.
 
My mom believes that stout (and only stout) improves human breast milk production. So when she was breastfeeding me she wanted to drink a stout but didn't want any alcohol so she said my father made alcohol free homebrewed stout for her when I was a baby. I asked her how he took out the alcohol and she said, no he didn't do that he just never put in the thing that produced the alcohol which left me very confused and thinking my father just BSed her.

Then I got my hands on Home Brewing Without Failures by H. E. Bravery, the book my father used to learn how to homebrew and it contained recipes for stout like this:

2 lb. patent black malt
2 lb. crystal malt
1 lb. black treacle
3 lb. white sugar
4 oz. hops
teaspoonful salt
1 oz. citric acid
yeast
nutrient

Excerpts from the instructions (too lazy to type up whole thing):

"Switch on the heater and keep the mash at 145-150 f. for eight hours. You may carry out the starch test at this stage if you want to."

"Add two ounces of hops and the salt. Boil rapidly for one minute and then simmer for forty minutes. Then add remaining hops and simmer for a further then minutes."

"Take readings after five days until reading has dropped to 1.005 and then bottle."

"Some people like this as a drought stout; if you think you would like it, there will be no need to use the hydrometer or to prime the stout. Merely let it ferment right out and then bottle."

So I'm not sure what the hell my father was doing. Most of the recipes on this book use sugar VERY heavily as an adjuct so maybe he didn't put the sugar in and made really low gravity beers with **** tons of patent malt? Dunno.


Wtf was that book? Crock pot beer for dummies? Mash for 8 hours?
 
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Wtf was that book? Crock pot beer for dummies? Mash for 8 hours?

The whole book is full of that kind of howler. I think that one was a typo, but there are ones just that bad that are obviously intended like all of the recipes with two pounds of patent malt.

It was actually one of the most popular homebrewing books at the time which says a lot about the state of the hobby decades back. I'll skim through and post a few more gems.
 
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