SWMBO says....

Reminds me of a joke I heard recently :
Why do women smile so much when they walk down the aisle ?

- Because they know they never have to give another BJ

Homercidal said:

Tell her that if she thinks she can tell you drink less beer, then you can tell her to give more BJs!

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My wifes favourite saying... "We`re married now, you s**k your own c**k)

Sounds like a mancave is the solution. Room or space where you can relax and watch football, do all your man hobbies out of sight. Spend a few hours relaxing and enjoying a few homebrews.

If she asks how many beers you have had just give her the answer she wants to hear "Just two dear" Little white lies are healthy. Think about it when she puts on that new dress and asks if it makes her a$$ look fat would EVER even imagine saying anything but no?

Wow, I would not put up with that kind of lip from my wife, sack up and tell her how its gonna be. like yoop said, you shouldnt have to put up with the control issues, if you have to tiptoe around this and other things how can you be truly happy? It seems like you are becoming a henpecked hubby.

azscoob said:

Wow, I would not put up with that kind of lip from my wife, sack up and tell her how its gonna be. like yoop said, you shouldnt have to put up with the control issues, if you have to tiptoe around this and other things how can you be truly happy? It seems like you are becoming a henpecked hubby.

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Which she would interpret as two things. 1) I put beer above her, which proves 2) I have an alcohol problem.

Diplomatic is the only way to address this one...

Grow these, realize that control is not part of a happy marriage, and live a happier life.

Thank me later by sending good beer.

JayD said:

Which she would interpret as two things. 1) I put beer above her, which proves 2) I have an alcohol problem.

Diplomatic is the only way to address this one...

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While you are right about #1, that's her problem.

Just because she thinks you may have a drinking problem, that doesn't actually mean that you do.

And just because you don't think you have a drinking problem, that doesn't actually mean that you don't.

Either way, her method of trying to fix the problem is ultimately going to fail. You can't force someone to stop drinking by blaming them, or controlling them. They have to want to limit their consumption on their own.

Most of the suggestions so far are aimed at showing her how she makes you feel, by attempting to make her feel the same way. I guarantee that unless she is quite the rare specimen, she will not "get it" and see your point. More than likely it will only serve to increase the friction between the two of you.

My advice is to simply play along and have an "extra" beer once in a while and if she calls you on it, just tell her, "I love that you care about me so much!" and give her a hug. Now you've just associated your drinking an extra beer with giving her love, instead of starting a fight by arguing about it.

And as long as you don't get drunk and stupid, she may not care so much if you have more than 1 beer a day after all.

OMG the world IS going to end Homer is starting to make reasonable and intelligent arguments.

Homercidal said:

Most of the suggestions so far are aimed at showing her how she makes you feel, by attempting to make her feel the same way. I guarantee that unless she is quite the rare specimen, she will not "get it" and see your point. More than likely it will only serve to increase the friction between the two of you.

My advice is to simply play along and have an "extra" beer once in a while and if she calls you on it, just tell her, "I love that you care about me so much!" and give her a hug. Now you've just associated your drinking an extra beer with giving her love, instead of starting a fight by arguing about it.

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This makes me Pavlov. What does that make her??

GREAT point there sir. Thank you for that input. Much appreciated.

Homercidal said:

Just because she thinks you may have a drinking problem, that doesn't actually mean that you do.

And just because you don't think you have a drinking problem, that doesn't actually mean that you don't.

Either way, her method of trying to fix the problem is ultimately going to fail. You can't force someone to stop drinking by blaming them, or controlling them. They have to want to limit their consumption on their own.

Most of the suggestions so far are aimed at showing her how she makes you feel, by attempting to make her feel the same way. I guarantee that unless she is quite the rare specimen, she will not "get it" and see your point. More than likely it will only serve to increase the friction between the two of you.

My advice is to simply play along and have an "extra" beer once in a while and if she calls you on it, just tell her, "I love that you care about me so much!" and give her a hug. Now you've just associated your drinking an extra beer with giving her love, instead of starting a fight by arguing about it.

And as long as you don't get drunk and stupid, she may not care so much if you have more than 1 beer a day after all.

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Yeah, that's why Homer is happily married after 18 years and the rest of are are divorced!

Seriously, control issues can be a problem and usually it's a symptom of her insecurities. If trying to have you only have one beer is the only issue, then I'd not worry. I would worry though if someone was trying to control me in bigger things.

One beer every 1.5 weeks, that is the rate she said is acceptable.

Well this 5 gallon batch will at least get a year and a half age on it.

JayD said:

One beer every 1.5 weeks, that is the rate she said is acceptable.

Well this 5 gallon batch will at least get a year and a half age on it.

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Oh, sorry. I didn't realize she was Baptist.

You could pull out the MANY studies that show a definite health benefit to drinking ONE beer a day. Ask a doctor. My doctor likes my blood workup better since I started drinking a beer (or two) a day.

JayD said:

One beer every 1.5 weeks, that is the rate she said is acceptable.

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Sounds almost like an ultimatum.

"If I hear one more ultimatum around here, I'm gone!"

srsly, dude, 2 beers in 3 weeks, max? not cool.

That is pretty jacked up, so after 5 years of brewing you would be on batch 4! woo-hoo. I hope you brew some big complex stuff that will cellar well. but then again with all the brewing experience you wont be getting, I suppose thats going to be a tough call.

May I suggest giving up on brewing and maybe take up knitting, that should be acceptable to her. Just my 2¢

azscoob said:

May I suggest giving up on brewing and maybe take up knitting, that should be acceptable to her. Just my 2¢

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She knits, so either that would be a) great or b) me "stealing" her [acceptable] hobby.

JayD said:

She knits, so either that would be a) great or b) me "stealing" her [acceptable] hobby.

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Awesome! that made my day, honestly though, its gotta drive you nuts!

I would tell her I've decided to heed her advice and go one step further. I'm giving up beer completely!

...and replacing it with hookers and blow.

I am just dumbfounded that she wants you to have ONE AND A HALF beers per week. That's insane.

Has she told you why she wants you to have so few beers? ( I may have missed that in this thread)

You could make some great Imp Stouts and Barelywine in that time, but if my SWMBO were that controlling I'd need the beer just to stand it.

Also, +2 to homer.

NoNothing said:

I am just dumbfounded that she wants you to have ONE AND A HALF beers per week. That's insane.

Has she told you why she wants you to have so few beers? ( I may have missed that in this thread)

You could make some great Imp Stouts and Barelywine in that time, but if my SWMBO were that controlling I'd need the beer just to stand it.

Also, +2 to homer.

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its 1 beer every week and a half, not 1.5 beers per week, thats waaaay to much beer for him to get to have

JayD said:

One beer every 1.5 weeks, that is the rate she said is acceptable.

Well this 5 gallon batch will at least get a year and a half age on it.

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NoNothing said:

Has she told you why she wants you to have so few beers? ( I may have missed that in this thread)

You could make some great Imp Stouts and Barelywine in that time, but if my SWMBO were that controlling I'd need the beer just to stand it.

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Yes: Afraid I'll become (or am) an alcoholic.

And yes, what I have nearing the end of it's fermentation right now is a Belgian Tripel.

The question I have is how much are you drinking now??

Sorry dude. How long have ya'll been married? How old are you? Maybe she's just young and doesn't get the give and take of marriage yet??? Does she control other, more important aspects of your life too? When you do drink more than 2, does it turn into a big arguement or is it just her nagging at you for it? Sounds like there are some other issues with her (or you) that we don't know about. Either way, put a stop to it now, cause it will only get worse! I have a good friend that I used to hang out with all the time. Even when his wife said he could go out or come over, she bitched about it. She would start fights with him the minute he walked in the door! Even if it was 2 or 3 in the morning. I haven't hung out with him in about 7 months because he just doesn't think it's worth the a** eatin' when he gets home!

Please have a conversation with her and replace the "Beer" with any other thing that either of you enjoy. i.e. "you can only put sugar in your coffee, once every week and a half. I don't want you to have that much sugar in your diet." " You can only ride your mt. bike/go on the internet once every week and a half, I don't want you to become addicted." Addictions can be psychological, not just physical. When you separate this statement from her issue with alcohol, you can see how crazy it sounds.
The real issues need to be dealt with ASAP or your relationship is doomed. Did you drink before you were married? Even if you didn't people grow and change/get new hobbies throughout a relationship. You either grow together or grow apart the choice is up to BOTH of you. Also discuss with her ways that you can brew sessions beers (low ABV) so you can get the enjoyment of beer with a reduced alcohol content.

Dear JayD,
This is a serious situation that needs some serious discussion with your wife. She has an unrealistic perception of alcohol and it is 100% her shyt. I want you to know that I realize the conundrum you are in and I respect your relationship with your wife but this shyt has go to stop. Right now. If you allow her to pull numbers out of her ass regarding your beer consumption, she will move on to anything else that you allow. Hear me now and believe me later. This aggression will not stand, man.
Compromise is in the best interest of both of you so I am not suggesting you tell her to piss off and toss back a case every night. I think you need to tell her you hear what she is saying and you understand where she is coming from and because of that you will happily set a 14 beer per week limit. This is in line with acceptable, and in the opinion of some doctors, preferred consumption. This means that if you have one beer one night, you are entitled to three the next should you feel like it, not to exceed a 2 per night average. This is fair, reasonable, responsible, and absolutely necessary.
If she insists, tell her to find a good counselor so that she can understand why she is afraid of alcohol and where her need to control comes from.

JayD said:

It used to be "don't drink 3"... ok. So I'll drink 2 really fast ( ).

Now it's "don't drink 2". OK wtf. make up f*cking mind.

And I just got all this homebrew equipment and ... so one 5gal batch should (according to her allowed rate) last me for... like 3 months (since drinking every night is out too).

I am pissed. but she has been super unpleasant lately and honestly it's just not worth it for me to ... let's call it "discuss" it with her.

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I am sorry, but you are married, not imprisoned, if yrou a responsible adult then her demands are rediculous, if she continued that type of behavior id tell her to hit the road, you only live once sir, dont let her make you live miserable

Kicking back a bottle of JD every night. That's a drinking problem.

2 beers no way.

I used to drink liquor a good bit. I was probably borderline alcoholic and wife sat me down and we talked and since then I have pretty much given up liquor (At a mexican restaurant I might have 1 margarita with dinner but that's about the extent of it.)

We agreed that everyone would be better off if I just stick to beer. That was about 6 years ago and I now typically have 1-2 or 3 homebrews a night (a few more on the weekends) and everyone is happy.

Mate, your missus is just wired up wrong. You need yourselves a counselor. Sorry, but in all honesty, that's the way I see it.

I've read all of this thread and just don't see a problem.

If you drink, SWMBO will give you a hard time?

Seriously, this has you worried?

Call her bluff...drink more.

sorry dude she has major issues. *disclaimer-- I'm not married.

Send her to counseling/therapy - alone.
cheers and good luck.

Become a bachelor again?

Sometimes SWMBO becomes SWMBSpanked.

Is she Mormon? 1.5 beers every three weeks is nutz!!

Yeah, does your wife have alcoholism in the family?

Started brewing in college and my mom had a hard time with it at first. Her dad's an alcoholic. Eventually she figured out that it's a lot harder to make it yourself than go buy it.

Here you go. Make it worth your while, and make sure its a huge barleywine. She'll love that.

JayD, I hope you're trolling. If she's really wrapped that tight, she needs at least counseling. Personally, I wouldn't bother with counseling. I would quit drinking or tell her to STFU and get you a beer or get out of the f$#&ing door.
And yes I have been divorced. Very similar situation. She would shop constantly, but she would grind my a$$ about drinking. I found out after we split that she had gotten credit cards w/o my knowledge, got those loans through the mail with the crazy interest rates, ect. Not only that, she had told alot of our friends that I was an alcoholic. For years, "friends" would come up to me and tell me what she had told them. At first I felt vindicated, then I realized that if they were friends, they would have said something then.
Bottom line, stay there and kiss her a$$ over this and then whatever she choses next or "fix" it now, whatever it takes. Luck - Dwain

I wish I was trolling, quite frankly. But I'm not. This argument has raged for the last 2 days in my house, really. Honestly I just pretty much gave up (and in). Whatever. it's not worth it.

And I can't say what "it" is that's not worth it, or what it's not worth... but it's bigger than beer....

Sounds like OWNERSHIP, not marriage.

Make a list of things you like about her and things you don't.

Now look at the list, you can decide what you want to do from here, but the list should help put things in perspective.

JayD - Seriously, get into some therapy as a couple. Everyone on here has an opinion, but this is something only the two of you can work out, and you're gonna need a referee and a place where you both feel safe to do it.

Maybe if you offer to quit for a week that will prove a point. Or maybe it is no drinking one week per month. I think there are going to be concessions on your side, but probably not as drastic as the 'goals' she is setting right now. It seems to me she has some issues with alcohol that go beyond this fight. Maybe it is the process of brewing that she is uncomfortable with. Whatever it is, you need to figure that out so you can address the problem without fighting over all of the symptoms.

Good luck with the next few weeks.