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I had a dog with no tags come running into my backyard a month before we got our current dog. It ran all over my backyard and I chased it down a few houses away. Dog chilled out while I checked with my neighbors to see if it was theirs, but it wasn't. I brought it to my house and fed it and gave it some water, then took it out for a walk to see if we could find the owners. Eventually, the owners found me and thanked me for holding onto their dog.
I say do what you can to find the owner and if no response, you take care of an abandoned dog.
 
Call the police and the pound and describe the dog. ANYONE WORTH BEING A DOG OWNER WILL CALL THOSE PLACES TO SEE IF THEY HAVE IT!

And I can't believe you'd kick a dog out of your truck. You KNOW he was just trying to get back home! Probably got lost while his family was on vacation. You know, like in the movies?
 
So. Hypothetical situation. Your longtime buddy who is married tells you he's got a girlfriend on the side, AND that his wife is OK with it. Time goes on & you don't say anything cuz he's your buddy & it's none of your biz.

Now his wife is your friend too, at least by association, but you've known your buddy for a long time; longer than you've known his wife (or girlfriend). So everything seems to be going along just fine until one day your buddy's wife asks you if you knew your buddy was banging another woman. Now you're left wondering if your buddy lied to you about his wife knowing & being OK with it. You're also wondering just what to say to his wife. You don't want to make the situation any worse than it is for anybody, you'd really like to stay out of it, but the wife expects an answer.

The question at hand is: How do you respond? :confused:
 
Where do your loyalties lie? I would assume with your friend. So the answer is, "No. No way. He would never cheat on you". If she then responds that she knew and it wasn't cheating, then whether or not you knew, is completely irrelevant. If she doesn't care this is no reason you should.
 
Wow, good question. I would approach said buddy and let him know that she asked you about it and that it may behoove him to talk with her. I do not know what should be said to her. That is a bad situation either way.
 
I am always surprised by the amount of people that complain about being overcharged for an item but say nothing when being undercharged.
 
Where do your loyalties lie? I would assume with your friend. So the answer is, "No. No way. He would never cheat on you". If she then responds that she knew and it wasn't cheating, then whether or not you knew, is completely irrelevant. If she doesn't care this is no reason you should.

Well, apparently she didn't know, hence her original question of "Did you know?"
Unless she's just messin' with your head, but let's say that's not the case.
Let's say the girlfriend & wife know each other & the girlfriend told the wife for whatever reason. You have no clue as to what was said between them, only that the wife seems a bit bent.
You don't want to lose either friend.
:confused:
 
I'd as the buddy WTF was he thinking? As often as I fantasize about all kinds of women, I'd NEVER hurt my wife by cheating on her. If I disliked her enough to do that to her, I'd already be divorced.

Now if she were ok with it, that would be cool. But she'd probably want to help pick the other woman, and I know from experience that she's probably pick a reliable model with leather seats. I'd go for something that looks great with the top down and makes everyone stare.

Then of course she's want her own with a stick shift and quiet exhaust.
 
I'd as the buddy WTF was he thinking? As often as I fantasize about all kinds of women, I'd NEVER hurt my wife by cheating on her. If I disliked her enough to do that to her, I'd already be divorced.

Now if she were ok with it, that would be cool. But she'd probably want to help pick the other woman, and I know from experience that she's probably pick a reliable model with leather seats. I'd go for something that looks great with the top down and makes everyone stare.

Then of course she's want her own with a stick shift and quiet exhaust.

Having had some limited experience with polyboinkery in my past, and having extensive watching the actions of friends and acquaintences, I have to say I would never have let this situation get to where it did. "Your wife is ok with this you say? My unsolicited advice is to stop now, early on." He is either lying to you, or lying to himself without exception.

I have seen 3 kinds of polyamory scenarios (with 0 exceptions, out of a rather large sampling).

1) The couple who knows they are eventually breaking up anyway. For instance, the woman who will eventually be marrying a Jewish man and having a family with him because her current boyfriend doesnt have plans to convert. What did we have to lose? I mean, what would this hypothetical couple have to lose?
2) The couple who categorically ENDS this part of their relationship and decides to return to monogamy. Past partners are told firmly that the rules of their friendships have changed, and any dating profiles that might have been opened are closed.
3) World War III. The lines blur and eventually arguments on everything from where your shoes are put after taking them off to money to politics break out. Passive aggressiveness is on the rise, and seeing such a couple as an outsider is a decidedly unsettling experience. There is a 25% chance the police will visit their apartment before they break up. He will ask to sleep on your couch a few nights while he "figures some things out".

My advice retroactively to YOU gratus, if this is more than just hypothetical, is to immediately begin seperating yourself from this friend when he tells you about his new arrangement. You need the crap that will come of it like you need pernicious anemia.
 
So. Hypothetical situation. Your longtime buddy who is married tells you he's got a girlfriend on the side, AND that his wife is OK with it. Time goes on & you don't say anything cuz he's your buddy & it's none of your biz.

Now his wife is your friend too, at least by association, but you've known your buddy for a long time; longer than you've known his wife (or girlfriend). So everything seems to be going along just fine until one day your buddy's wife asks you if you knew your buddy was banging another woman. Now you're left wondering if your buddy lied to you about his wife knowing & being OK with it. You're also wondering just what to say to his wife. You don't want to make the situation any worse than it is for anybody, you'd really like to stay out of it, but the wife expects an answer.

The question at hand is: How do you respond? :confused:

Right or wrong my buddy I grew up with knows I would hang him out to dry and would still verify with his wife she is/was OK with that.

1. IMO Totally sleazy to do
2. I am his son's god parent
3. 100% know how his parents raised him
4. IF His dad found this out he would go "missing" one day

+1 on "polyboinkery"! :mug:
 
My response would be something like, "He told me about that a couple months ago and said that you knew about it and were okay with it. That sort of thing is way out of my comfort zone so I just took (Don)'s word for it and pushed it to the back of my mind."

If the question's truly hypothetical and you're trying to gird yourself for the possible event of your buddy's wife asking you about his (apparently permitted) affair, then it sounds like you doubt that your buddy actually has his wife's permission. If that's the case, you've gotta get things clarified with your buddy tootsweet, and preferably arrange a sitdown with him and his wife where she personally makes it clear that she's given him the go-ahead. Doubting your buddy's veracity on an issue like this is a nasty place to be, and if you're right to doubt him and you get dragged into the fallout, that would be absolutely miserable.
 
Just before the first snow hit last year, had a dog run across a 4 lane busy road on my way biking home one day, owner didn't have the leash on (stupid considering the traffic). Dog bolts right into the road. I start hollering and wave my arms, pull my bike across the lanes and directly in front of a ton of cars going fast enough to do some harm. Someone on the other side of the road did the same for the other direction.

Dog ran right by me ignoring the owner, you could see the "YAH AWESOME RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYA" in it's eyes. Pup had no idea how close it was to getting smackered.

Anyhoo, owner was on the opposite side of the road, dog eventually ran back oblivious of all the honking cars, other person blocking traffic looked like she had a few unhappy words for the person in question. I just watched long enough to watch the leash go on.

I had a dog with no tags come running into my backyard a month before we got our current dog. It ran all over my backyard and I chased it down a few houses away. Dog chilled out while I checked with my neighbors to see if it was theirs, but it wasn't. I brought it to my house and fed it and gave it some water, then took it out for a walk to see if we could find the owners. Eventually, the owners found me and thanked me for holding onto their dog.
I say do what you can to find the owner and if no response, you take care of an abandoned dog.

Damn straight.

We ended up with a new kitten along these same lines. Mother in law's building has a garage in the back, back in the fall finds a young-ish cat trying to get some shelter there. So she puts down some food and water, some blankets in a box. Little thing set up shop fine enough.

But when it started hitting -20C, she scooped it up and plopped it into a vacant apartment so it wouldn't freeze to death. We come visit and "oh hi here's a cat, take it home, the apartment is getting rented out and the cat has nowhere to go"(couldn't take it herself, her dog would likely kill it trying to play with it, poor dumb happy thing doesn't know it's own strength).

So now we have another cat. I figured by the size of her skull and how light she was, maybe 2 years old. The vet figured closer to 1 year old, had her scanned and no chip so no owner to track down in theory. So this poor thing, alone was surviving for months on it's own in the fall, no idea what happened to it's mom or litter was surviving on it's wits likely before it's first birthday.

Whenever she got up on the window sill near the balcony door or the cat-door we have in the window she sniffs the cold air a bit then runs away. Poor thing must have been just freezing most nights until she got scooped up. Now she curls up on the couch with me and licks my face.

Still wonder what happened to her littermates. :(

Only started going out on the balcony this last week after it started getting back to only negative single digits.
 
Well, apparently she didn't know, hence her original question of "Did you know?"
Unless she's just messin' with your head, but let's say that's not the case.
Let's say the girlfriend & wife know each other & the girlfriend told the wife for whatever reason. You have no clue as to what was said between them, only that the wife seems a bit bent.
You don't want to lose either friend.
:confused:

My response would be "I think you need to talk to [Dave] about this." If she continues to press, depending on how, I'd try to understand what she hopes to get out of the conversation. If she doesn't trust the guy and wants confirmation of something bad, that's a pretty clear sign of the relationship. If she wants to figure out how much you know because they're really swingers and she wants to proposition you, that's a different, albeit awkward conversation.
 
So. Hypothetical situation. Your longtime buddy who is married tells you he's got a girlfriend on the side, AND that his wife is OK with it. Time goes on & you don't say anything cuz he's your buddy & it's none of your biz.

Now his wife is your friend too, at least by association, but you've known your buddy for a long time; longer than you've known his wife (or girlfriend). So everything seems to be going along just fine until one day your buddy's wife asks you if you knew your buddy was banging another woman. Now you're left wondering if your buddy lied to you about his wife knowing & being OK with it. You're also wondering just what to say to his wife. You don't want to make the situation any worse than it is for anybody, you'd really like to stay out of it, but the wife expects an answer.

The question at hand is: How do you respond? :confused:


Play dumb. Ask her if she's being serious, because it's not a funny subject. Ask who is the woman. Act shocked.

Is she attractive? Well... tell her if she ever needs to talk, she can always come by and vent over a few homebrews.






You're welcome.
 
So. Hypothetical situation. Your longtime buddy who is married tells you he's got a girlfriend on the side, AND that his wife is OK with it. Time goes on & you don't say anything cuz he's your buddy & it's none of your biz.

Now his wife is your friend too, at least by association, but you've known your buddy for a long time; longer than you've known his wife (or girlfriend). So everything seems to be going along just fine until one day your buddy's wife asks you if you knew your buddy was banging another woman. Now you're left wondering if your buddy lied to you about his wife knowing & being OK with it. You're also wondering just what to say to his wife. You don't want to make the situation any worse than it is for anybody, you'd really like to stay out of it, but the wife expects an answer.

The question at hand is: How do you respond? :confused:

My best friend and I became best friends after fighting over the same girl. Later, we dated sisters, and then traded same sisters. It was an entirely open and mutual situation. This history, and questionable acquaintances, lead to an agreement. If either of us knew the others girlfriend was cheating, we'd tell. If we were the one she was cheating with, we'd tap that for all it's worth, and tell. The agreement was quite the opposite should one of us be the infidelitant. Hedonism is an ethic.
 
I think a really surprised, loud, incredulous expression of: "______is cheating on you?????"

Might steer the conversation in a direction that doesn't require you to betray your ethical obligations to either of them....
 
Just before the first snow hit last year, had a dog run across a 4 lane busy road on my way biking home one day, owner didn't have the leash on (stupid considering the traffic). Dog bolts right into the road. I start hollering and wave my arms, pull my bike across the lanes and directly in front of a ton of cars going fast enough to do some harm. Someone on the other side of the road did the same for the other direction.

Dog ran right by me ignoring the owner, you could see the "YAH AWESOME RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYA" in it's eyes. Pup had no idea how close it was to getting smackered.

Anyhoo, owner was on the opposite side of the road, dog eventually ran back oblivious of all the honking cars, other person blocking traffic looked like she had a few unhappy words for the person in question. I just watched long enough to watch the leash go on.

Hope the traffic wasn't so heavy that cutting in front of it was going to be a risk to yourself or any drivers. If I see an animal on or near the road that's at risk of running into the road and getting smooshed, I'm going to slow down and be careful passing it just like I would with pedestrians or cyclists, but if an animal darts into the road and avoidance/preventative measures increase the chance of a traffic accident, it's roadkill. Human life trumps animal life, and I'm pretty sure it's your legal responsibility as a driver as well, at least in most places*. Sorry to the owner (if it's a pet), sorrier to the animal, but that's how it is**.

*I'm actually surprised I didn't encounter this question while studying for the Chinese DL theory exam last week. Had to take the test to transfer my California license now that I've been henpecked into the PITA that is car ownership in a large Chinese city...
**opinion

-----

Speaking of getting my Chinese driver's license, here's a question:

I took a hard-fought day off of work to get my DL transferred. It's an all-day process that involves going across the city a few times thanks to all the idiotic bureaucracy going on. I wound up short a form on my first trip to the DMV - because of a language-barrier miscommunication - and convinced the lady at the counter to let me fill in my address from that form - promising to bring a copy when I returned in the afternoon - against the possibility that she could get in trouble at work if the info were wrong; it can't be changed once it's been entered.

When I returned with the form that afternoon, the address on the form didn't match what I told her (half is identical, the other half is way different, I'm not sure if it is another way of writing my address or some other place entirely) she didn't say anything, but gave me a bit of a scowl before she sent me off with a receipt to pick up my license from another window.

With my experience in China, I don't think she'll get in any notable amount of trouble even if the discrepancy between the addresses is discovered by anyone else, but was it ethical for me to ask her to take that risk in order to save myself the trouble (time, taxi fees, extra day off work) of taking an extra trip to go get the residence form before turning in my application?

tl;dr - DMV worker might get in trouble because I asked her to help me avoid a second day of running around town to get my driver's license. Ethical, or bad move?
 
tl;dr - DMV worker might get in trouble because I asked her to help me avoid a second day of running around town to get my driver's license. Ethical, or bad move?

If the worker is in a position of authority and can freely answer "no" to your request, then it is ethical for you to ask. If she felt pressured to say yes for some reason, then it is unethical to ask.

However, if you think she may get in trouble by saying yes, even though she is free to say no, you may have done the wrong thing by asking. Sorry. In my view, we must be ethical; we should also try to be good people. (No one said it would be easy.)
 
If the worker is in a position of authority and can freely answer "no" to your request, then it is ethical for you to ask. If she felt pressured to say yes for some reason, then it is unethical to ask.

However, if you think she may get in trouble by saying yes, even though she is free to say no, you may have done the wrong thing by asking. Sorry. In my view, we must be ethical; we should also try to be good people. (No one said it would be easy.)

Although I phrased it poorly in the prior post, I didn't really think of her getting in any trouble until I referenced getting my DL in this thread, which made me think.

What went through my head at the time:

- What a pain in the ass.
- Wait a second, this is Chinese bureaucracy, the rules are made to be circumvented.
- Besides, although I'll probably format it differently because Chinese addresses can be written in a dozen ways, it's totally my correct address.
- What's the worst that can happen if I get it wrong and it gets caught?
- She can probably change it this afternoon - she's just saying she can't because she doesn't want to go through the trouble. If not her, then her supervisor.
- If she really can't, I'll probably just have to apply for an address change on my license or get my residence form updated and give them an updated copy. That would be a pain.
- Worst case scenario, I have to go through the whole process again. I'm willing to risk it.
- Anyway, if anything looks like it's going to go wrong, I'll just go into denial mode. As a Chinese-speaking foreigner in good standing for seven years in Wuhan, standing around in the government office and bitching about something like this almost always ends successfully, especially if you're tactful enough to be generally low-key and controlled about it (because nobody likes a tantrum). Sad but true.


That last one looks bad to an outsider, but it's a fact of life in China, especially second-tier cities and below, and the common folk nearby tend to support the battle. Respectful expats in China try not to cultivate or reinforce any stereotypes about a-hole foreigners, but Chinese in general are just as careful to prevent bureaucracy or other social ills from harming the overall experience and impression of their "honored foreign guests". In twenty years it won't be this way, and even now in places like Shanghai and Beijing expats can get away with a lot less (they make up for it by getting stuff done by proxy through friends or agencies, pretty much how most connected or well-off Chinese do), but that's how it is here and now, so I say "when in Rome..."

But yeah, another long post just to say that I only thought of potential fallout for her in retrospect, at the time it wasn't brought up and didn't cross my mind, hence asking after the fact.
 
From the looks of YouTube, if you can survive driving in China, your drivers license should come on a plaque with a medal and a ribbon. Is it more of an orderly chaos in person?
 
From the looks of YouTube, if you can survive driving in China, your drivers license should come on a plaque with a medal and a ribbon. Is it more of an orderly chaos in person?

I was in Beijing a few years back. It's nuts, but it is a 'controlled' nuts. There are bikes, trucks, cars, and pedestrians everywhere. Somehow it all seems to work. I saw very few accidents. I had a driver. I would not risk it myself.
 
From the looks of YouTube, if you can survive driving in China, your drivers license should come on a plaque with a medal and a ribbon. Is it more of an orderly chaos in person?

I was in Beijing a few years back. It's nuts, but it is a 'controlled' nuts. There are bikes, trucks, cars, and pedestrians everywhere. Somehow it all seems to work. I saw very few accidents. I had a driver. I would not risk it myself.

I'm definitely not looking forward to it. That said, the key is to be observant and extremely defensive. Drivers will pull the most egregious crap at any moment, so everybody drives slowly (think converting MPH from US traffic flow to Km/H in a one-to-one ratio on most roads) and they're ready to stop or get out of the way whenever someone does something ridiculous. My theory on why most drivers don't seem to get upset by others doing stupid crap is that they do the same things themselves, so it's a live and let live mentality, but I'm going to have a much harder time with it - I predict a significant increase in blood pressure from the moment I first get behind the wheel when we get our car in a couple weeks.
 
Todays ethical quandry. I think I chose properly. Public restroom at work. Some guy answered the phone while on the can. What to do? Remain and be courteous by withholding a flush or decide that if the echo doesnt give what he is doing away and make sure the flush is prominent.

I chose the latter.
 
If he's answering calls in the crapper, its likely whomever is on the other end is someone he has deemed hearty enough of sensibility and spirit to deal with the sounds of flushing, running water, and coffee-farts. I'm betting it was his wife.

Flush at will.
 
I agree with making all the bathroom noise you want. Cell phones are getting good and cutting background noises.
 
Todays ethical quandry. I think I chose properly. Public restroom at work. Some guy answered the phone while on the can. What to do? Remain and be courteous by withholding a flush or decide that if the echo doesnt give what he is doing away and make sure the flush is prominent.

I chose the latter.

He knows where he is....
He knows the consequences...
Flush away! :rockin:
 
If he's answering calls in the crapper, its likely whomever is on the other end is someone he has deemed hearty enough of sensibility and spirit to deal with the sounds of flushing, running water, and coffee-farts. I'm betting it was his wife.

Flush at will.

Yes, but does the person on the other end of the line get a courtesy flush when your output is extraordinarily colorful and pungent?
 
Hope the traffic wasn't so heavy that cutting in front of it was going to be a risk to yourself or any drivers. If I see an animal on or near the road that's at risk of running into the road and getting smooshed, I'm going to slow down and be careful passing it just like I would with pedestrians or cyclists, but if an animal darts into the road and avoidance/preventative measures increase the chance of a traffic accident, it's roadkill. Human life trumps animal life, and I'm pretty sure it's your legal responsibility as a driver as well, at least in most places*. Sorry to the owner (if it's a pet), sorrier to the animal, but that's how it is**.

There was space for me to get out there before the dog and the cars got too close.

I'd feel more sorry for the animal too. It doesn't know what's going on and it shouldn't suffer from it's owners idiocy but I hear you, not going to cause a pile up for a rabbit or dog in the road or anything if it can b helped. All I can hope for is that the dog dies instantly.

Todays ethical quandry. I think I chose properly. Public restroom at work. Some guy answered the phone while on the can. What to do? Remain and be courteous by withholding a flush or decide that if the echo doesnt give what he is doing away and make sure the flush is prominent.

I chose the latter.

FLUSH.

He knows where he is....
He knows the consequences...
Flush away! :rockin:

And this is why.
 
Just had one. A coworker of mine is a real piece of work. Not only is he lazy and bad at his job, he's rude as well. I really don't have a single nice thing to say about him.

This morning someone passed a card around that his mother had passed.

Now, I am not his fan, and I will probably never be his fan. He's one of a very few people in my career I have wanted to see fired, and if I were his manager I would fire him in less than one 8-hour shift... but under no circumstances did I want him to lose his mother.

If I signed the card I could be labeled a hypocrite, but NOT signing the card would have made me a true jerk. I just signed it "My sincere sympathies, James."

Hope that was the right thing to do.
 
Just had one. A coworker of mine is a real piece of work. Not only is he lazy and bad at his job, he's rude as well. I really don't have a single nice thing to say about him.

This morning someone passed a card around that his mother had passed.

Now, I am not his fan, and I will probably never be his fan. He's one of a very few people in my career I have wanted to see fired, and if I were his manager I would fire him in less than one 8-hour shift... but under no circumstances did I want him to lose his mother.

If I signed the card I could be labeled a hypocrite, but NOT signing the card would have made me a true jerk. I just signed it "My sincere sympathies, James."

Hope that was the right thing to do.

You did right.

Just cause the dude sucks doesn't mean you should suck too.
 
Todays ethical quandry. I think I chose properly. Public restroom at work. Some guy answered the phone while on the can. What to do? Remain and be courteous by withholding a flush or decide that if the echo doesnt give what he is doing away and make sure the flush is prominent.

I chose the latter.

Fart loudly, then flush. I believe that was from one of Emily Post's books.
 
Just had one. A coworker of mine is a real piece of work. Not only is he lazy and bad at his job, he's rude as well. I really don't have a single nice thing to say about him.

This morning someone passed a card around that his mother had passed.

Now, I am not his fan, and I will probably never be his fan. He's one of a very few people in my career I have wanted to see fired, and if I were his manager I would fire him in less than one 8-hour shift... but under no circumstances did I want him to lose his mother.

If I signed the card I could be labeled a hypocrite, but NOT signing the card would have made me a true jerk. I just signed it "My sincere sympathies, James."

Hope that was the right thing to do.
The true jerk move would have been adding "Why couldn't it have been you?" to the bottom of your signature.
 
I'm definitely not looking forward to it. That said, the key is to be observant and extremely defensive. Drivers will pull the most egregious crap at any moment, so everybody drives slowly (think converting MPH from US traffic flow to Km/H in a one-to-one ratio on most roads) and they're ready to stop or get out of the way whenever someone does something ridiculous. My theory on why most drivers don't seem to get upset by others doing stupid crap is that they do the same things themselves, so it's a live and let live mentality, but I'm going to have a much harder time with it - I predict a significant increase in blood pressure from the moment I first get behind the wheel when we get our car in a couple weeks.

How'd it go?

I've been there (and around China) a couple of times. In the city, they drive really slow. The intersections are ridiculous. The scooters don't obey any traffic law at a all, and to my eyes none of them should live through a day of driving like that, but because the car drivers are slow and cautious there's no accidents.

I spent a week riding a bike around Beijing. That was fun, really.
 
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