I feel so bad for my wife, I feel like I should have been there...

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The Pol

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MY letter to the court... my poor wife....

My wife attempted to pick up my son pursuant to our court order on Saturday, July 12, 2008 at 11am. My wife, daughter and a family friend made the 3 hour drive to the exchange point, where Ms XXXX refused to allow my son Parker to leave with them. I was called in to pilot an aircraft to Nova Scotia at 3am that morning and was unable to complete the pick up myself. Please note that my wife IS Parkers primary caregiver when he visits our home, as I am gainfully employed.
My wife carried with her a recording device that captured the entire scene. My wife also called the police. The Indiana State Police responded to the scene and pleaded with Ms XXXXX to allow an amicable solution so as not to “scar the child” as they put it. Ms XXXXX refused. Ms XXXX stated that since I was not present she assumed that "you and Rob may have had a fight and you are here to pick up Parker out of spite". I feel stupid even repeating it but it is CLEARLY identifiable on the tape.
During a hearing this spring we were all informed that my wife IS allowed to pick up my son Parker in my absence. Ms XXXX has already in the past allowed my wife to pick up my son Parker. Ms XXXXX also utilizes her boyfriend Adam to perform pick up and drop off when she is absent. I wish to file for SHOW CAUSE for Ms XXXXX actions this weekend. I would like to request reimbursement for the cost of traveling to and from the exchange point, to and from the associated court hearing, non-refundable costs associated with the (2) summer camps in which my son has been enrolled this summer AND makeup parenting time.
As stated in previous letters, I am sorry for the continued issues and for requiring your continued attention to these matters. I will say it again… all that we want is TIME and COMMUNICATION with Parker, with no games and no excuses. As stated before, this has been happening for years, and I fear this is not the end. Thank you again.
 
Just my 2cents -

As someone who grew up with divorced parents, as I'm sure many of you did, it is very important to try to be as amicable as possible for the childs sake. A child that gets put in the middle of these type of situations will carry these times with them for a very long time, perhaps forever.

It sounds like you love your son and just want to spend time with him, it also sounds like your ex is using him to make things difficult for you. Is she unbalanced?

Anyway, I certainly don't have a solution for you. But, recording these confrontations is a great thing to take to the judge. If you can get a copy of the police report that would be helpful as well. Do what you can to reassure your son, remember he is the most important part of all of this. Good luck.
 
Wow. Someone had a nice big helping of ***** flakes for breakfast. I hope you get your money back and the time back with your son.

Remember, the best revenge is living well and being happy.
 
Unbalanced... we actually hired a family therapist for my son when he visits our home... he is actually MISSING his appointment with her tomorrow because his mom would not let him go with my wife! His therapist thinks that she is bipolar and has some sort of borderline personality disorder. Nice huh. It took three weeks, a letter to the court, and several conversations NOT to get my sons new pediatricians name! I was told he didnt have one, after some digging I got it, I do this stuff every week, honest.
 
Aside from the fact that my son is the big loser in this situation, she is hilarious in what she sayes and does. Each time we are in court she looks like a flaming idiot...
 
This seems to be a continuing issue. I really think you need to consider full custody of your son. This is not good for him or his relationship parents in general. Sorry about the **** you have been going through.
 
I listened to the tape... what the hell does " you may have argued with Rob and could be here to pick him up out of spite!" mean?!?!?! My wife does favors for me when she is pissed? That would be awesome! ;) During the hearing I am going to mention full custody, because I assure you that if he lived in my home, rational thought would prevail... he WOULD see his mom when he is supposed to, guaranteed! I know what it is like to be on the short end of the stick!
 
I listened to the tape... what the hell does " you may have argued with Rob and could be here to pick him up out of spite!" mean?!?!?! My wife does favors for me when she is pissed?

I'm a little rusty on my psycho-*****-speak, but what I think she meant was "how do I know you two didn't have a fight, and you're here to kidnap the kid?" (to "spite" you, not Ms xxxxx...though a felony is an awful lot of spite)

Oh, and my sympathy to you (and your kid) for the situation)
 
We interpreted it as "kidnap" as well. I tell you what, if the tables were turned I would DEFINATLY not drive 6 hours round trip to kidnap my stepchild! LMAO How many spouses kidnap thier stepchildren anyway? And why would this seem more plausible than the reason given.... I AM A RESERVE PILOT AND GOT CALLED OUT AT 3AM!
 
Man I hate ex-wives. Sorry to hear that you're going through this. My ex was a real ***** for the first couple of years. Things have gotten better, but I still only deal with her because I have to.
 
The other disturbing thing is that the man that she is "supposedly" marrying was with her, and backed her up on her excuse! EVEN THOUGH, HE performs pickup and drop off for her. My wife asked him, on the tape of course... "what is the difference between me picking up Parker for my husband and YOU picking up Parker for your fiance'? He had no response... Inbreeding, what ya gonna do?
 
The Pol, why does it feel like you're my Ghost of Christmas Future? I just got my day in court with Plumpy McPsycho and visitation still needs to be hammered out in detail. That does sound like typical crazy behavior. SHE may think driving 6 hours round trip would make sense to her. Essentially what she's saying is is that if she were pissed at her bf/husband/sucker, she'd have no qualms about kidnapping her stepkid. Too bad your ex is 3 hours away, it sounds like you could have had a convenient dumping ground for your spent grains.


Not that I would condone such a thing.......
 
My father-in-law deals with this exact same nonsense all the time. It's happened repeatedly and he can't seem to get anyone to do anything about it. It's mostly crummy for the child, she's 13 and doesn't know which end is up anymore.
 
+1 for going after full custody. She is unstable, and if she's making such great efforts to do this at exchange time I can't imagine what kind of stuff she's putting in the kids head.
 
Man, sorry to hear about the problems with the PBFH (Pscho B!tch from Hell).

I hope you get things worked out - I know the courts seem to favor keeping the kid with the mother, but why she's off her rocker, that's crap. Good luck!
 
I am also holding her in contempt for not following the courts guidance pertaining to placing my son in the middle of parenting disputes. The court has this policy, and I have written them letters concerning her doing this, they have even sent her letters telling her to stop traumatizing my son. This week we recorded her having him call us, asking us why I was not there to pick him up, only my wife, he also stated that he called because "mom and Adam want to know...." and they can both clearly be heard in the background having him relay thier messages and deliver thier questions about the failed attempt at pickup. On the tape we are also telling my son that he cannot and should not be in the middle like this and that his mother needs to speak to us directly... then she gets on the phone and yells at us for "lecturing him". In my REVISED letter I informed the court that they had sent her a letter informing her that this is not appropriate, and that since it is still happening, and I have proof, they MUST enforce thier policy and thier instructions.
 
Man, hearing about your son calling on behalf of your ex brings back memories....

My folks split and life was pretty sh!tty as a kid...the worst part was not knowing who was "right" and eventually just shutting off. Later on I figured out my mom was the worst of the two evils and I haven't talked to her going on 4 years now.....I've still got misgivings about my old man/step mom though...

Do what you can to comfort him and be as neutral as possible....he does not/should not be filled with propaganda...

Best luck to you and your family :mug:
 
I simply told him... LOOK, this is not your issue, I dont want you dwelling on what is happening or worrying about it. I said, I forgive your mom for what she has been doing, I dont think she is right, but I am not going to stay angry. This isnt your issue, this is an adult issue and I will have to handled, we will get you here, no worries. I want you to worry about girls, doing tricks on your bike, breaking your leg, baseball...etc... not this stuff. Just enjoy your summer, and when you DO get here, we have alot to look forward to. We love you and want you here, we will get it worked out, it IS NOT A BIG DEAL.

It is a big deal, but I want him to know it isnt so big that we will let it infringe upon our time, or our relationship... it is between his mom and I, not me and him. When he comes to our home, he repeatedly asks if we can pray for his mother as we are saying Grace... and we do, joyfully... the battle is not with her, it is with the evil that is controlling her and we have to combat that, not her. Thanks guys...
 
Sounds like the troubles my brother in law has with his ex.

He drives close to three hours to pick up his kid, and if he isn't exactly on time, to her watch, she packs up and leaves with his daughter, as he wasn't there at the scheduled time for pickup.

What's with chicks going crazy psycho hose beast after marriage anyway?
 
UPDATE:


We had a hearing, during the pre-hearing meeting our case worker basically told her that she had no valid reason for doing what she did, and asked if we could resolve the issue without a judge. She was completely defiant and said that she would offer me nothing, so we went before the judge, I was actually quite happy to.

Judge said that he could give her up to 45 days in the county jail for her first offense, but stated that he doenst think he will see her in his courtroom again. Fined her $100 and gave me an extra (2) days of time with my son. Stated that she had no reason to do what she did that all of her excuses were meaningless. FINALLY some sort of justice.
 
UPDATE:


We had a hearing, during the pre-hearing meeting our case worker basically told her that she had no valid reason for doing what she did, and asked if we could resolve the issue without a judge. She was completely defiant and said that she would offer me nothing, so we went before the judge, I was actually quite happy to.

Judge said that he could give her up to 45 days in the county jail for her first offense, but stated that he doenst think he will see her in his courtroom again. Fined her $100 and gave me an extra (2) days of time with my son. Stated that she had no reason to do what she did that all of her excuses were meaningless. FINALLY some sort of justice.

Oh, I'm so glad to hear that! I always feel for parents who have a jerk for an ex who try to get their revenge through the kids. I have never said a bad word about/to my ex because I love my kids and they need a relationship with him. They will find out soon enough that he is not a reasonable man- but not from me. Good for you for doing all that you can to make your son feel valuable, loved, and not a part of the problem. :mug:
 
Congratulations on a victory...but keep a close eye out.

Now that she knows "the world" is against her...she's likely to slip a bit further into psycho-ville and become more desperate in her actions.
 
UPDATE:


We had a hearing, during the pre-hearing meeting our case worker basically told her that she had no valid reason for doing what she did, and asked if we could resolve the issue without a judge. She was completely defiant and said that she would offer me nothing, so we went before the judge, I was actually quite happy to.

Judge said that he could give her up to 45 days in the county jail for her first offense, but stated that he doenst think he will see her in his courtroom again. Fined her $100 and gave me an extra (2) days of time with my son. Stated that she had no reason to do what she did that all of her excuses were meaningless. FINALLY some sort of justice.

Glad to hear it! In thinking about it. Why after all of the immaturity and nonsense she has shown the court would you not ask for sole custody? It seems she and the boyfriend are proving to be somewhat unfit in the care and well being of a child, granted I'm not the judge, I do see this as somewhat plausible.
 
Congratulations on a victory...but keep a close eye out.

Now that she knows "the world" is against her...she's likely to slip a bit further into psycho-ville and become more desperate in her actions.

Bingo. Don't wanna rain on your parade, brother, but now is the BIGGEST time to keep your eyes peeled.

Make sure all communication lines with your kiddo are open and ask him lots of open-ended questions about his life. Don't go digging, but let him know he is free to talk to you about what's going on with his mom.

Be relaxed no matter what your ex says to him about you...laugh it off in his presence, even if it feels like someone's twisting a hot poker in your nads as you do so...say things like "your mom gets some weird ideas about stuff sometimes, buddy, do you REALLY think your daddy'd do/say something like that? ...now, you been watchin' the Olympics?" Your job is to be his rock, his touchstone for reality. She'll be spinnin' her own version of reality, but if your kiddo has a lick of sense, he'll be looking for a second opinion--if not now, then later.

As the wicked stepmother to three kiddos who have the Borderline Personality Disordered mom, I KNOW of which I speak. Oh, and to add to my credentials a bit, I'm also a child and adolescent psychiatrist so I deal with this on a professional level EVERYDAY. It sucketh large for all involved, but if you remain steady, it will pay off in the end.
 
Nice. Half of that $100 fine should go to you for the wasted gas and to the courts for wasting their time. It looks as if justice worked this time.
 
I did get half of that $100 and the court took the other half. My wife and I both realize that there can be no grey areas overlooked, because his mother will be on the warpath at this point. Our defenses are up, and we are carefully watching every legal detail so that we do not leave ourselves vulnerable.
My wife has been reading a book about PAS, parental alienation syndrome, and my son sadly is the poster child for this. He exhibits every symptom, and his mother does nearly everything that is described in the book. The problem is that courts do NOT take this sort of thing very seriously. We are thankful for the small victory that we have had, but unfortunately there is alot going on that my son will not share with us. We have family counseling sessions when he is at our home, perhaps they will yield some answers. Thanks for all of the support here!
 
A chainsaw, acid proof tub from the container store and a couple gallons of acid are MUCH cheaper then a lawyer and court.

just fyi
 
BADS197 - That is horrible advice! Very true, final, and much better than dealing with lying, psycho, egomaniac spawn from hell. (And that is just the lawyers).

The Pol - Just remember you are in a war not of your making, and your son has become the "weapon of mass destruction" to be used against you at all cost. Hopefully you can keep him engaged with open lines of communication and in time he will understand. I was 8 years old when my parents divorced and they refused to use us kids as weapons and that was tough enough. However I have seen it many times with friends as kids as well as adults and there are no winners ever.

Best of luck, this is a very *crummy* situation. I had better words but I don't want to get banned.
 
I'm glad to hear it worked out and some kind of justice was doled out. Man, I can't ever imagine having to deal with that kind of crap. It sounds like you're doing everything right by your son and doing everything you can to maintain a sense of normalcy for his sake. Remember to document every little thing she does, and contact the authorities whenever necessary. It sucks to have to do it, but the more official documentation there is, the easier your job will be in the long run if you decide to take things further. Best of luck to you.
 
A chainsaw, acid proof tub from the container store and a couple gallons of acid are MUCH cheaper then a lawyer and court.

Movie myth. Everyone knows you use a caustic solution to dissolve meat and fats. :D

On a serious note; Why didn't the police enforce the court order? Once your wife produced it, they should have told your ex to stand aside or be arrested for custodial interference.
 
Apparently they cannot in Indiana, they said that only the court can enforce it. They tried to mediate a solution, but failed, my sons mom tried to say that my wife "escalated" the disagreement by calling the police. I was like, no... listen to the audio tape, it was all very calm, the police were called to mediate a solution when it was clear that my wife and my sons mom were not getting anywhere. Then his mother said that we AGREED to not take him, and do it another day when I was home... I was like, LIAR... if we AGREED to it, why am I here, driving 12 hours to take you to court? HELLOOO? She is horrible at lying, that is why we record EVERYTHING.
 
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