Morning jog

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sudsmonkey

sudsmonkey

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Life is so peaceful here on the farm. I get up when the rooster crows and start coffee for me and the Mrs. This morning, a neighbor called just about dawn and told me two of my horses were in her yard. They'd eaten a bag of horsefeed, a half bag of chicken feed, and a bale of hay between them. Mrs. Monkey and I went over to get them. These are our older horses, the ones that you don't have to catch. This morning, they decided to be somebody else. I had the pleasure of jogging two miles before dawn today because these two didn't want to go home. Went through woods and fields. Managed to pass the house and wake the Kids up. They weren't much help. Horses finally went home on their own. I managed to get to work only 10 minutes late. Horses didn't die today from eating too much fed. I owe the neighbor $15 for the feed. Maybe we'll try it again tomorrow. I need the exercise.
 
Same thing happened to me the other morning. Only it wasn't horses, it was a poodle. And it wasn't two miles, just across two yards. And I don't think he stole any horse or chicken feed...maybe some cat feed tho. Other than that it was just the same...tiring isn't it?
 
sudsmonkey said:
Life is so peaceful here on the farm. I get up when the rooster crows and start coffee for me and the Mrs. This morning, a neighbor called just about dawn and told me two of my horses were in her yard. They'd eaten a bag of horsefeed, a half bag of chicken feed, and a bale of hay between them. Mrs. Monkey and I went over to get them. These are our older horses, the ones that you don't have to catch. This morning, they decided to be somebody else. I had the pleasure of jogging two miles before dawn today because these two didn't want to go home. Went through woods and fields. Managed to pass the house and wake the Kids up. They weren't much help. Horses finally went home on their own. I managed to get to work only 10 minutes late. Horses didn't die today from eating too much fed. I owe the neighbor $15 for the feed. Maybe we'll try it again tomorrow. I need the exercise.
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$15 plus tax
 
Can't forget that tax ! P. , A poodle counts as livestock. When the knucklehead ( Nice, non-profane description, huh?) won't come when you call him, you still deal with the frustration of it. Did you get to jog ?
Oh, yeah; Poodles are good eatin', I hear. Did that with some goats we had that were getting out. Set a very good example for the others!
 
sudsmonkey said:
Did you get to jog ?
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Yep got to jog, and got to do a broad jump across the fence that Rita knocked down (yes dear I know it's been three weeks...I'm getting to it).

sudsmonkey said:
Oh, yeah; Poodles are good eatin', I hear. Did that with some goats we had that were getting out. Set a very good example for the others!
Click to expand...
We've only got one poodle, which limits somewhat the effectiveness of that particular technique.
 
Like the story of the pig with the wooden leg: You don't eat a poodle like that all at once.
Or: Richard Pryor's Miss Rudolph, who wore a monkey foot around her neck and had a three legged monkey who didn't give her no sh*t.
One example is all it takes for some animals. How do you like your horse cooked ?
 
sudsmonkey said:
Can't forget that tax ! P. , A poodle counts as livestock. When the knucklehead ( Nice, non-profane description, huh?) won't come when you call him, you still deal with the frustration of it. Did you get to jog ?
Oh, yeah; Poodles are good eatin', I hear. Did that with some goats we had that were getting out. Set a very good example for the others!
Click to expand...

My neice has got a farm in Maine. Lots of live stock. One day a goose pecked her in the ars and she turned around and told it , the next time it did that she would ring its neck and cook it. Well, for some reason this goose was hard of hearing and decided to get him another piece of her back side. She turned around on the spot and ringed its neck. Next thing you know she's in the house plukin the someb*tch. You can only take so much.
 
Sudster said:
My neice has got a farm in Maine. Lots of live stock. One day a goose pecked her in the ars and she turned around and told it , the next time it did that she would ring its neck and cook it. Well, for some reason this goose was hard of hearing and decided to get him another piece of her back side. She turned around on the spot and ringed its neck. Next thing you know she's in the house plukin the someb*tch. You can only take so much.
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Your neice is brave...a charging goose for some reason scares the pee right out of me. :eek:
 
Walker said:
yeah.. just take the ear. the dog will get the point.

-walker
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Yeah, but the ear isn't very filling. Take a leg, and he gets your point while you get something for the crock-pot. Can you say Asian cuisine ?

Sudster- That goose was never a problem after that. I've got a long, drawn out billy goat killing story for another time, maybe even another forum. The moral of that one is: mever try to eat a billy goat, and just 'cause he's free, don't make him good.
 
sudsmonkey said:
Yeah, but the ear isn't very filling. Take a leg, and he gets your point while you get something for the crock-pot. Can you say Asian cuisine ?

Sudster- That goose was never a problem after that. I've got a long, drawn out billy goat killing story for another time, maybe even another forum. The moral of that one is: mever try to eat a billy goat, and just 'cause he's free, don't make him good.
Click to expand...
Seems like we've been talking about cooking all night...I'm getting hungry. Anybody know where to find that marmet butt stuff that Orfy was talking about?
 
Well I used to have a mean old rooster that would flog the heck out of you if you let him. He would side step at me and I would catch him up and grab him by the back leggs and swing him around windmill style a few times and toss him back to the ground. All the blood rushing to his head would have him staggering around like he'd had a whole night of homebrews. :drunk:

It took maybe 5 times and he wouldn't come after me any more. He wouldn't let my ex-wife get out of the truck though. Every time she'd put a leg down, he'd be on it. I used to LMFAO and leave here pinned down for a while before I went around and got him away from her side of the truck.

That rooster had more sence that I did back then. :D
 
Jogging in the morning isn't an option. My driveway is gravel. I can only do 4 mph, the greyhounds 45!
 
Well, if you don't want to cook the poodle, just bite its ear real hard and it will learn to respect you.

As for birds... <shudder> I was attacked by a Sawn once, I still have a phobia of the darn things ever since.
 
Reminds me of a trip a hs friend and I were making early before school one morning to buy some moonshine when we almost crashed into a herd of pigs in a blind curve. But, mission accomplished with no bodily, automotive, or livestock harmed.
 
david_42 said:
Jogging in the morning isn't an option. My driveway is gravel. I can only do 4 mph, the greyhounds 45!
Click to expand...

Even if they aren't misbehaving, take a leg (slow BBQ), they won't be able to run as fast. :eek:
 

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