Caught in the Act

Brew-Happy said:

Just some ideas for you.

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Hmm... I just happen to have an old French Horn laying around...

Airborneguy said:

The Admin needs to put a note in this guys signature which cannot be removed to ensure that no one swaps with him.

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Like the Scarlet Letter...except a golden "P"!

Who knew R Kelly was a homebrewer who posted here on HBT?

Woke up this morning and hopped on to the HBT to find that I posted this last night while falling asleep; my goodness, all that Arrogant Bastard made me act like a... like a...

I once let fly off the third floor balcony of my condo at around 2AM...completely forgot about the concrete slab directly below. Probably woke up half the neighborhood.

From the center of the Ross Island bridge span, at a height of 125 feet off the water, during daylight hours.

Hey at least you didn't take a dump in your kettle.....I accidentally pissed on a buddy twice on the same camping trip. First time we were on the boat fishing/drinking, when the urge hit me while we were motoring back to camp. I was in the bow and pissed over the side, but the wind blew it back into my buddy's face. Second was later that night I climbed out of my tent to do the deed. In my drunken state I didn't realize I was pissing on my buddy's tent, he had his mesh window open and bamm right in the face again. He wasn't to happy but too drunk to do anything but laugh!

i think the worst i've done was horribly intentional, but i was drunk.

I was at a friend's house during a very cold winter (for washington, at least) several days of highs in the teens. went outside for a smoke, and the urge hit, so did the deed on my other friend's car door locks & handles.
i got the driver's side, and another friend of mine got the passenger side.

the next day at work her he asked it anyone else's locks froze up that night.

slomo said:

Buddy of mine was so drunk one night that he had passed out in his lazy boy. I was sleeping on his couch and in the middle of the night woke up to him peeing in the middle of the living room. Once he was done he went back to bed in the lazy boy. The next morning I told him what I had witnessed, and he said that he thought that he was outside peeing.

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Been there, done that. I lived in the barracks at the time (Camp Pendleton). The next morning I remembered what I did so I tried to dry it up by ironing it. Burned pee smells disgusting.

Diaperload said:

Been there, done that. I lived in the barracks at the time (Camp Pendleton). The next morning I remembered what I did so I tried to dry it up by ironing it. Burned pee smells disgusting.

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go back and read post 21, was this one you...lol

Freshmen year of college one night I woke up to my roommate asking why I was sleeping in the bathroom. I told him this was our room and the bathroom was across the hall. He told me I was crazy and proceded to open his fridge door and pee all over everything.


One night I had a bit too much to drink. I was praying to the porcelain gods head first when I ended up pooing my pants while in mid puke. Thank god none of the roommates knew.

bengerman said:

i think the worst i've done was horribly intentional, but i was drunk.

I was at a friend's house during a very cold winter (for washington, at least) several days of highs in the teens. went outside for a smoke, and the urge hit, so did the deed on my other friend's car door locks & handles.
i got the driver's side, and another friend of mine got the passenger side.

the next day at work her he asked it anyone else's locks froze up that night.

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done this more than i care to admit. also once (in the middle of town) i peed all over what i thought was my friends car. turns out his car was parked on the next block : ( someone had a wierd night.

If you can drink piss you can drink just about anything.

Passed out with an ex about 8 years ago after drinking waaaaay too much one night... All I remember is being asleep and realizing how badly I had to piss. Next thing I know, I'm standing, peeing, eyes shut, reveling in the glory of letting it flow. I open my eyes, look down only to see her brand new flat screen monitor perched on her computer desk. She's sound asleep behind me, I'm pissing like a horse all over her stuff. I couldn't stop it! I finished up, used all of her moms fine linens that were in a closet near her room to try and wipe it up. Ran out of those, so I used my winter jacket I had with me. Ended up getting outta there and walking home, jacket held in my extended hand...almost froze to death on the way home.

I remember her room stinking like piss and "no one" knowing why... the following summer she got rid of that computer desk, and when she moved the monitor, the wood underneath was all "water" damaged, and still stank!

The worst I did was wonder why the bathroom at Joker's Wild in Henderson, NV had no urinals. In my then 18 year old drunken state, I began blaming the liberals for attempting to turn us all into women. I'm a man dammit!

...pissing in the women's room.


Before I get the band, this was over a decade ago when a ham steak the size of a frisbee, eggs, hash browns and toast were $1.50.

SenorPepe said:

In high school my brother and I shared a room. He stumbled home drunk one night and passed out. While I was still up watching TV, he awoke, walked up to his own dresser, with the top drawer open, and took a piss all over his own clothes. I couldn't wake him with yells for a good 45 seconds while he just soaked his own stuff. He had no idea what he was doing and seemed to be basically sleepwalking. Pretty funny for me but he had a pretty bad morning.

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I did this too!! My ex and I went to a party and both got really drunk. We were staying over her brothers in her nephews room. Woke up sometime during the night to piss. Woke up the next morning to her SIL getting clothes out of the dresser for her son. She starts screaming that the dresser smells like piss and all the clothes are wet. Took me everything I had not to lose it. Felt bad though at the same time. I then went outside laughed and then puked all over the lawn.. Ahh... to be 21 again.

Misfit said:

One night I had a bit too much to drink. I was praying to the porcelain gods head first when I ended up pooing my pants while in mid puke. Thank god none of the roommates knew.

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That happened to a friend of mine Freshman year. We had communal bathrooms in the hallways for the entire dorm floor, and we found him post-party one morning all curled up next to the toilet asleep.... naked... with a turd next to his head.

The questions were many. The answers were few.

The worst experience that i've had myself is pissing my own pants trying to get to my own bathroom. Nothing the washing machine can't handle.

However....

Another friend of mine was expelled from college after another party. He was a resident's assistant for his floor for the first time and had a new dorm room in his senior year, and was hammersmashed after a game of mexicali at our back to school party that night. He did manage to stagger down the hall to his room and find his bed, but...

During the middle of the night, he got up, forgot where he was and wandered into another students room that used to be his old dorm room. With no racism in my heart, he was indeed a big muscular black man. It's a fact, and for benefit of the story, it requires mentioning. So, he stumbles out into the hallway completely drunk and (of course) completely naked.....

and winds up in his old dorm room. He took a piss in the bathroom, then crawled to the bed and climbed in, where he passed out cold.

Now, granted this did in fact used to be his dorm room. However, on this particular occasion, it had been newly occupied by two freshman girls who were, i'm sure, having trouble adjusting to their first night of college around a new room mate.

How would you react when a big muscular black man snuggles up with you in your little dorm room bed.... with you in it? Did I mention he was naked? :rockin:

It was the most awesome thing ever, but it got him booted right out of college.

I work third shift so four deep at 9:00 isn't too shocking I hope.. I will share if I do find I've created another story worth telling though. I'm finding it tougher to create them as I get older. It's sad really....

That turned into a downer. Someone tell another tale!

Cheers!

One time, after slamming 10 too many back at a bonfire extravaganza (where i was used to pissing outside) in a drunken stupor ended up pissing in a little desk sized garbage can and spilling it all over the floor in the process

I was at the Nottingham Beer Festival this last October, and I had enough beer to feel great. And by that I meant that I went from good to great, then down to awful, and then back up to great again.

I left the tents with 14 drinks in me. Now, a disclaimer: these were mostly 1/2 pints with a few 1/3s thrown in for good measure - it was for tasting, after all - but best-case scenario we're talking around 5 pints, most of which were 6% or higher.

I found my wife and son, and by that I mean they found me. Wife hands the boy to me and says "It's too bad you're so drunk, I wanted to take the dungeon tour." I replied as any of you would, if you were drunk and full of bravado.

"I WILL TAKE ALL TOURS."

So up we went, into the castle, and purchased tickets. Twenty minutes later we were underground. Everything was awesome, until we reached the halfway point when I realized I had to pee.

Now, one thing that you need to know about the dungeons is that they are big, and it takes a long time to recount their history. We had an excellent guide, who knew a lot about the subject matter and kept making jokes and picking people out to do little skits and why oh jesus god, i am dying, please let me go i need to piss

The day dragged on and on and I though i was going to die. I was walking crooked, and my toddler son kicked me in the stomach over and over with impatience. Every step felt as though it would rupture me, and when we reached the stairway down I thought it was too late. We descended, and I felt my bladder compress with every lurching step. We reached the gate and, oh holy hell NO, he started telling us about the history of the damned thing.

Tears were in my eyes as he unlocked it, and I said to the guide very quietly, desperately, that I had just come from the festival and that I was going to die peeing. He pointed me at the bathrooms and I was running. I reached it, heaved on the door, and-

It was locked. The guide caught up and explained that I would need to get a key.

But I saw a tavern - Ye Olde Trip to Jerusalem, which you may know as the world's oldest pub*. I ran, passed through the doors and went straight for the stalls, and gasping in pain and fear I loosed my wicked stream upon porcelain and tile. More tile than would have been ideal, but I defy any of you to improve upon my accuracy in the situation. Shaking, I turned to go, but as soon as I exited the establishment I had to piss again and so I went back and repeated myself.

When I finally made it outside, i was greeted by applause. My wife covered her face. My son started screaming.

And that's the story of how I came to piss in (and on) the world's oldest pub*, without actually drinking their beer.

*Ye Olde Trip to Jerusalem is actually significantly newer than they advertise, though it is still several hundred years old.