Pouring like a Noobie?....Riiiiiiight.

So I had a few buddies over the other day to try out a new IPA. Along with them was a straggler friend of theirs, let's call him Bill. I start pouring everyone my IPA in Draft Glasses with a nice thick foam top. While me and my buddies eyeball the nice carbos, Bill yells out with an excruciating screech "You pour like noobie!!!" and laughs. Not only did I grab my beer out of his hand but I kicked him out. My friend went on to tell me he's a "Budwiser." I sympathized and let him back in w/o a beer. Some folks just aren't worthy. Anyone else experience the pain of the Flat Glass specialist?

Sorry bro. Sounds like you were the bigger ****** this time.

Better to teach than to redicule, as I eat my own words.

"Pour a man a beer and he'll drink for an hour. Teach a man to pour and he'll drink for a lifetime."

Everyone drinks beer for their own reasons, whether it's for the taste or just to get a quick buzz. When I have friends over, some get the homebrew, some get whatever was cheap at the corner store. The urge to turn snobbish on people is high, but there are always those things that some people just can't appriciate properly. Some people get crazy over wine, and I've just never been a huge fan.

But nobody calls me a noob in my house and gets away with it! I would have at least confiscated the beer and made him sit through a long, boring lecture about proper pouring techniques.

GilaMinumBeer said:

Sorry bro. Sounds like you were the bigger ****** this time.

Better to teach than to redicule, as I eat my own words.

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Teach what? Manners? That's for parents to teach. Eat your words. I didn't have to as my buddies were quick to inform the boy.

I think he just meant that it may have been more productive (and more conducive to friendship, you did refer to the guy as your buddy) to explain why you pour the way you do, and the benefits involved. Not everyone gets the exposure to quality beer that we have, just think back to the last time someone asked you if your homebrew could make them blind, or if you brewed it in a bathtub.

And besides, I am the biggest ****** in this thread. Stand in awe of my *****ebaggery!

Agreed. I might laugh back at him or just give him a look until he shuts up.

Oh well. Hopefully he learnt sumpin.

I agree he has bad manners, but I also agree that was an opportunity to educate, not ridicule and be big a ****** as him.

Point is, regardless of beer quality, many percieve foam as volume loss and a bad pour.

Our personal sonobbery is of appreciating the aromatic qualities and admiring the legs on a layer of foam. Not every one who appreciates beer gives a **** about it. But, to deny, someone beer because they don't want the foam is *****ebaggery. The Noob insult is forgiveable given that the "boy" was unawares of the reasoning.

Better beer is promoted through advocacy. Snobbery only serve the BMC engine.

However, if he were to nooberate you again, cock punch him.

GilaMinumBeer said:

Point is, regardless of beer quality, many percieve foam as volume loss and a bad pour.

Our personal sonobbery is of appreciating the aromatic qualities and admiring the legs on a layer of foam. Not every one who appreciates beer gives a **** about it. But, to deny, someone beer because they don't want the foam is *****ebaggery. The Noob insult is forgiveable given that the "boy" was unawares of the reasoning.

Better beer is promoted through advocacy. Snobbery only serve the BMC engine.

However, if he were to nooberate you again, cock punch him.

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You all are spot on. It really was in the way he laughed afterwards. A screech so bad I would have felt better with a Louisville Slugger to the cranium.

GilaMinumBeer said:

Point is, regardless of beer quality, many percieve foam as volume loss and a bad pour.

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Including most of England.

I agree with all of the others that are knocking on you HomeSlice. I personally have a friend that calls all of my brews "stout" whether its a stout or not. I simply explain to him that a stout is a particular grain/yeast combination and not necessarily a way to describe the flavor of a beer. Also, every time someone tries one of my bottle beers I explain to them that it was naturally carbonated in the bottle and has a small amount of sediment that although won't hurt you if you do drink it, it just isn't ideal to drink, so you should pour slowly leaving a 1/4" of brew in the bottom of the bottle.

I also agree that an obviously ignorant person should not be criticizing people, but until he is educated, he wil forever be ignorant.

Ultimately, rdwhahb,
j

My next door neighbor is an old German fella, Schank lineage.

First time I poured for him he "commented" about how long it will take to wait for the foam to go down. This was a very leggy beer too. Lace stuck to the glass like spary snow to a window.

I just said "watch how it's done ole man" and took a huge whiff, exhaled and buried my nose in the foam to take a good, long, slow, drink. Pulled the glass away from my face with my nose dripping in foam and gave him a wink.

He's never complained since and I fill growlers for him often. Matter of fact, he always seems to cut his lawn on the EXACT same day and time I do mine. My lawn is twice his size easily and he always finishes the same time I do.

HalfPint said:

I agree with all of the others that are knocking on you HomeSlice. I personally have a friend that calls all of my brews "stout" whether its a stout or not. I simply explain to him that a stout is a particular grain/yeast combination and not necessarily a way to describe the flavor of a beer. Also, every time someone tries one of my bottle beers I explain to them that it was naturally carbonated in the bottle and has a small amouunt of sediment that although won't hurt you if you do drink it, it just isnt ideal to drink, so you should pour slowly leaving a 1/4" of brew in the bottom of the bottle.

I also agree that an obviously ignorant person shouldnt try to inform someone, but until he's properly tought, he will never know.

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Drawn and quartered will get him properly "tought" next time.

GilaMinumBeer said:

Drawn and quartered will get him properly "tought" next time.

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Fo Sho. Besides, I don't know about you, but I really enjoy teaching others/talking about anything involved in the brewing process.

J

HalfPint said:

Fo Sho. Besides, I don't know about you, but I really enjoy teaching others/talking about anything involved in the brewing process.

J

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Don't get me wrong, I teach all the time. I taught my buddies and they brought over a buddy to learn. Learning takes listening and observing, and I guess occasionally making an complete @ss of yourself. Shame.

There were two crimes committed here, but the offender really can only be aware of one of those crimes. First off, you don't insult your host, ESPECIALLY if the host is giving you beer. That is just rude, and for THAT, he deserved an evil look to let him know he stepped out of line, and maybe a comment like "You're effing kidding me, right?" or "That was awfully rude.". The second crime is insulting someone that knows considerably more about beer than he, and for that, he can be forgiven, for, we'll assume, he did not know.

I second the opinions here that say you should educate him, after the dirty look of course.

I have gotten the same thing from my grandpa. I can take a ribbing from him, so I was by no means offended when he said to me, "I see head on that beer, I have failed to teach you how to properly pour a beer." He then continued to tell me how to pour beer, slowly, down the side of the glass, raising as little head as possible. I let him finish, then went to town and told him that he is more than welcome to do that with his blessed Budweiser, but if he's drinking my beer, it will be given to you with the appropriate amount of head.

He loved my beer, and commented on the aroma.

People use the word noobie when not on the internet? What is the world coming to?

While I probably would have gone of on a tirade(about 10 mins long) about the swill he drinks I still would have shared info with him. Then I'd simply give him a small taste of mine. If and when he didn't like the beer he was given I would simply take it away and give him one of the BMC's that's stored in the back of the fridge. They also don't get a glass to enjoy it in. If he did like it, I'd have him pour his own and correct his technique.

I've had quite a few friends, who say they only like light beer, come over and try Corsendonk, Chimay, or even SN Celebration Ale and leave saying that they have been ignorant to whats out there.

Whats better is that when I visit I do bring my own but I can almost always count on them having something that they had before with me. Whether they drink it or just buy it for when I come it doesn't matter to me. They are learning and make an effort to pay me back. The best part about this is when I have a party I know I can count on someone bringing SN IPA, someone else bringing Chimay Red, and someone else bringing a DFH 90min.

I just hand my guests a glass and point them toward the taps. Problem solved. Most don't understand that the beer doesn't come out slower if you open the tap halfway, only foamier. They'll usually ask what they're doing wrong after their second failed pour.

Personally....I would have mocked him more and used big words that he couldn't understand.
I might even have mocked my buddies that had him as a tag-a-long.

I can bear the ignorant so long as their ignorance isn't voiced like a moron.

If he was to say "Whoa, buddy what's with all the foam?" I would have explained it (after a stern look of course)
But the moment he said "n00b" and punctuated it with a laugh the mocking would have commenced.

And under either instance, he would have none of my precious nectar.



My *****ebaggery is quite strong....quite strong indeed.

Wow, you guys have an admirable amount of patience if you would have calmly explained the pour after an outburst like that.

If some stranger comes to my house, to drink the beer I made that I'm giving him as a good host, and he makes a stupid remark about the pour... my patience would be tested. I would almost certainly have lashed out in some passive-aggressive manner.

remilard said:

Including most of England.

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Have you ever had real (cask) ale?

If BMC drinkers don't like head on their beers, then why do all their commericals show people pouring beer from heights of 10ft and causing 3" of head?

Gremlyn1 said:

Have you ever had real (cask) ale?

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I have had real ale and cask ale and real ale from a cask and in the latter case have had it in England.

Nyxator said:

Wow, you guys have an admirable amount of patience if you would have calmly explained the pour after an outburst like that.

If some stranger comes to my house, to drink the beer I made that I'm giving him as a good host, and he makes a stupid remark about the pour... my patience would be tested. I would almost certainly have lashed out in some passive-aggressive manner.

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My voice would likely be calm and polite, while my eyes would be snarky as I said something along the lines of...

"The head is to enhance the aroma of the beer. Lemme ask you do describe the smell of your favorite beer." Then enjoy his stammered response as he won't know what to say.

Perhaps then I'd further emphasize the sense of smell by pointing out how bland food tastes when your nose is stuffed up...how sense of smell has a profound impact on taste.

Hey, I can be a polite jerk (and often am I suppose)

remilard said:

I have had real ale and cask ale and real ale from a cask and in the latter case have had it in England.

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Right, but in England there are laws regulating the size of a pint, etc. which define the minimum amount of liquid (not head) that has to be in the glass. I would think that such laws would have a heavy influence on how the beer ends up being poured.

fezzman said:

Hey, I can be a polite jerk (and often am I suppose)

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Being a polite jerk is the best. Because you get to feel good about not being mean and you get to be a jerk AT THE SAME TIME. A friend of mine once said that I was the nicest ****** he knew.

SpanishCastleAle said:

"Oh, so you're one of those pussies that doesn't like head on their beer? You want a sippy-cup or a nipple too?"

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*raises hand* I'll take a nipple please.

homeslice said:

You all are spot on. It really was in the way he laughed afterwards. A screech so bad I would have felt better with a Louisville Slugger to the cranium.

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I can understand this. It's easy for us to say what we say. We're in a position to read something with no emotion. It sounds as though this guy was super annoying and you just went off on him. And that's fine. Annoying people need to know they're annoying.

TurboBrew said:

I just hand my guests a glass and point them toward the taps. Problem solved. Most don't understand that the beer doesn't come out slower if you open the tap halfway, only foamier. They'll usually ask what they're doing wrong after their second failed pour.

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haha I do this too. I told my buddy after pouring his first one to please help himself all night. His glass emptied and to my delight he walked back up (most of my friends feel bad for doing this and seldom drink my beer unless they insist on leaving some of theirs in exchange or trying to offer money) and when he started pouring I heard "whup", to which I replied while still looking at the TV, "you gotta pull the handle all the way or will do that "

remilard said:

I have had real ale and cask ale and real ale from a cask and in the latter case have had it in England.

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I'm not meaning to be argumentative, but I recall all of the cask ales I had in the UK had a solid head on 'em. It was on the small side, I'll grant, but there was definitely a head.

fezzman said:

*raises hand* I'll take a nipple please.

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Slap a bib on me, and gimme a rattle, I'll also take one of those!

Nyxator said:

I'm not meaning to be argumentative, but I recall all of the cask ales I had in the UK had a solid head on 'em. It was on the small side, I'll grant, but there was definitely a head.

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My point exactly. And even draught beers I've had in England have been poured 'correctly', maybe remilard didn't go to the right places...

Grimster said:

Slap a bib on me, and gimme a rattle, I'll also take one of those!

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Milk stout for all....................................:rockin:

Gremlyn1 said:

My point exactly. And even draught beers I've had in England have been poured 'correctly', maybe remilard didn't go to the right places...

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I think he means that they fill the glasses so full there's not much room for head. Everywhere I tried a pint, they'd fill it to within a quarter inch of the rim. They take care of you over there!

"You pour like noobie!!!"

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Age bracket?? Was he of legal age?

homeslice said:

Teach what? Manners? That's for parents to teach. Eat your words. I didn't have to as my buddies were quick to inform the boy.

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I am going to side with you Homeslice. A guy walks into your house that you don't know and flips his lip at you, he doesn't deserve the beer lesson. I think you taught him the right lesson and that is that Manners matter.

Dude, anytime anyone calls you a n00b, you headshot them and then call them a n00b back. Them's the rules.

I don't know what that translates into in real life, but not kicking out of the house.

kaiser423 said:

Dude, anytime anyone calls you a n00b, you headshot them and then call them a n00b back. Them's the rules.

I don't know what that translates into in real life, but not kicking out of the house.

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Full Details: In response to the Magoo comment, I gave my buddies the one-sided raised eyebrow ("Who the f@ck is this wahoo?") and they responded by kicking him out. I went on to invite him back in.
BONUS: He was wearing one of those t-shirts folks at the Mac Store wear.

Cliff897 said:

Age bracket?? Was he of legal age?

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Mid 20's

kaiser423 said:

Dude, anytime anyone calls you a n00b, you headshot them and then call them a n00b back. Them's the rules.

I don't know what that translates into in real life, but not kicking out of the house.

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Correction: you headshot them with the Panzerfaust.

Perfect song for this thread: