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Chad

Chad

Well-Known Member
Joined
Sep 15, 2007
Messages
1,026
Reaction score
12
Location
Apex, NC
Texts from Last Night.

Go to the bathroom before you begin reading. Otherwise you will soil yourself. I have a headache from laughing so hard.

(817): I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
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(815) Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
(1-815) You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
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(609): i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
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(703): Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
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(802): I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
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(323): just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
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these are great.........
 
(856): My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
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(312): I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
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been there, done that ...

(301): There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
(240): What a good friend
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(517): areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
(616): you srsly need to quit going to that bar
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the last one may end up as my new sig
 
Yah. Don't read these at work. People will come over!
(546): Just did shrooms. Don't feel s***! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. F***n waste of money.
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Great site.

(805): Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
(1-805): Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
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(734): hey call me
(810): can't. in the shower.
(734): ... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
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Paging olllllo !
(505): so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
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(601): How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
(318): Alcohol?
(601): Sex with a fat chick.
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my good god this is hilarious! thank you for sharing. i can see this site blowing up!
 
Cracks me up! :rockin:

someone took a **** in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
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(805): Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
(1-805): Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
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There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
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(870): do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
(1-870): well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
(870): what chic?
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Oh, man. That's a tough one to recover from.
 
These are too damn funny. I am sitting here actually crying!!!!

(801): hey, what are you doing tonight?
(646): sleeping, g'night!
(801): but i wanted to see you :(
(646): sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
(646): stop - you have a right hand - use it!
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(519): It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
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602): i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
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Too good :D
 
(616): dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
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Soooo been there....
 
(859): I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
(973): Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
(859): Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
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this one brought tears to my eyes.
 
A lot of these are genuinely funny. But after reading them for a while I started to feel cheap, like we are all cheap. Maybe I just have too many memories of free drunken love messing up my life when I was younger :eek:
 
Brewer's Friend 300

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