I love puns!
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I'll admit it, that first one brought a smile to my face.
Ha! Gender rolls! I need to bake hilarious and inappropriate shaped dinner rolls now. Off to the kitchen!
Hellfish76
Well-Known Member
I love puns as well!
arturo7
Well-Known Member
That was punishing.
Hang Glider
Beer Drinker
^
this
Sarcasm is much better than the best pun.
but an embedded pun in the sarcasm....
priceless
m_c_zero
Well-Known Member
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A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller.
He can see from her nameplate that the teller's name is Patricia Whack.
So he says, 'Ms Whack, I'd like to get a loan to buy a boat and go on a long holiday.'
Patti looks at the frog in disbelief and asks how much he wants to borrow.
The frog says, '$30,000.'
The teller asks his name and the frog says his name is Kermit Jagger and that it's OK, he knows the bank manager.
Patti explains that $30,000 is a substantial amount of money and that he will need some collateral to secure the loan. She asks if he has anything that he can use as collateral.
The frog says, `Sure, I have this,' and produces a tiny pink porcelain elephant, about 2 cm tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.
Very confused, Patti explains that she'll have to consult the manager and disappears into a back office.
She finds the manager and says, `There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000. And he wants to use this as collateral.'
She holds up the tiny pink elephant and says, 'I mean, what the heck is this?'
So the manager looks back at her and says, `It's a knick-knack Patti Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone.'
He can see from her nameplate that the teller's name is Patricia Whack.
So he says, 'Ms Whack, I'd like to get a loan to buy a boat and go on a long holiday.'
Patti looks at the frog in disbelief and asks how much he wants to borrow.
The frog says, '$30,000.'
The teller asks his name and the frog says his name is Kermit Jagger and that it's OK, he knows the bank manager.
Patti explains that $30,000 is a substantial amount of money and that he will need some collateral to secure the loan. She asks if he has anything that he can use as collateral.
The frog says, `Sure, I have this,' and produces a tiny pink porcelain elephant, about 2 cm tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.
Very confused, Patti explains that she'll have to consult the manager and disappears into a back office.
She finds the manager and says, `There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000. And he wants to use this as collateral.'
She holds up the tiny pink elephant and says, 'I mean, what the heck is this?'
So the manager looks back at her and says, `It's a knick-knack Patti Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone.'
I can't take credit for it. I saw it in an email a couple years ago and dug it back out to share. Glad you liked it. 
Okay that made me cry laughing! Loved it!! It's a knick-knack Patti Whack. Give the frog a loan!!! Damn funny man!
Packman715
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You guys are so punny.
Remember old Chief Shortcake? One day he decided to head off on perhaps his last hunt and told his squaw to come find him if he didn't return in two days. On the third day, she got on her horse and went looking for the old chief.
She retuned two days later, and all the Indians in the tribe crowded around her and asked, "What happened to our chief?"
To which she replied in dead earnest, "Squaw bury Shortcake."
She retuned two days later, and all the Indians in the tribe crowded around her and asked, "What happened to our chief?"
To which she replied in dead earnest, "Squaw bury Shortcake."
Laughing_Gnome_Invisible
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I walked past a beggar who had his dick resting in a bowl of custard. I asked him why he had his dick in a bowl of custard. He told me that 30 people walked past, and he only made $1......"So I'm f*cking dis custard"
Hold on....This does not work at ALL when typing it, and not applying the racially insensitive context!! Damn!
Hold on....This does not work at ALL when typing it, and not applying the racially insensitive context!! Damn!
yak80yak
Active Member
I sat up all night wondering where the sun went.....
Then it dawned on me!
http://memegenerator.net/Lame-Pun-Coon 325 of 'em!
I love puns too, and this made me cry laughing....
Then it dawned on me!
http://memegenerator.net/Lame-Pun-Coon 325 of 'em!
I love puns too, and this made me cry laughing....
My father was a scientist and completely afraid of death. He worked tirelessly on life extension projects. His most successful work was with porpoises. He found that by feeding them a steady diet of baby seagulls the porpoises seemingly lived forever. Of course, baby seagulls are hard to come by. My father would have to wake up very early every day and head to the beach to club a few baby birds.
My fathers downfall occurred one day while he was out hunting seagulls. At the same time, the nearby California Zoo had a lion escape. The lion happened to choose to rest during his escape right in front of the gate leading to the large pool where my fathers porpoises lived. Upon returning home my father saw the sleeping lion blocking his way. Desperate to feed his beloved porpoises and continue his longevity experiment, he decided to try to step over the sleeping beast. At that very moment, a shout of Halt! startled my dad. My father was arrested. The charge? ..
Transporting young gulls over the state lion for immortal porpoises.
As an aside my father always thought maybe mynah birds would have worked.
My fathers downfall occurred one day while he was out hunting seagulls. At the same time, the nearby California Zoo had a lion escape. The lion happened to choose to rest during his escape right in front of the gate leading to the large pool where my fathers porpoises lived. Upon returning home my father saw the sleeping lion blocking his way. Desperate to feed his beloved porpoises and continue his longevity experiment, he decided to try to step over the sleeping beast. At that very moment, a shout of Halt! startled my dad. My father was arrested. The charge? ..
Transporting young gulls over the state lion for immortal porpoises.
As an aside my father always thought maybe mynah birds would have worked.
They say that people who are extremely good with word play are more likely to be highly intelligent and attend an Ivy League school....
In other words, use a pun, go to Yale.
Not mine, but it seemed appropriate.
Enjoy!
In other words, use a pun, go to Yale.
Not mine, but it seemed appropriate.
Enjoy!
Conan
Well-Known Member
Joke time, all my originals:
What did the police call the guy they arrested at the sandwich shop?
-----"sub dude"
Mrs. Claus walked into Santas office to see him leaning precariously to the side. She asks, cautiously, "Santa- what are you doing??" To which he replied: "Im listing!"
Why was the bull so infatuated with the cow? Because she was utterly amazing!
What do you call a Tibetan fly?....."Buddha-Pest!"
Whatd the attorney prefer to wear to court?--- his Law-Suit
I crack myself up. Kyle
What did the police call the guy they arrested at the sandwich shop?
-----"sub dude"
Mrs. Claus walked into Santas office to see him leaning precariously to the side. She asks, cautiously, "Santa- what are you doing??" To which he replied: "Im listing!"
Why was the bull so infatuated with the cow? Because she was utterly amazing!
What do you call a Tibetan fly?....."Buddha-Pest!"
Whatd the attorney prefer to wear to court?--- his Law-Suit
I crack myself up.
Kyle
I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian
Conan
Well-Known Member
^Now that is my kind of humor! Kyle
Conan
Well-Known Member
Oh, and one I thought up today:
What did Blackbeard use to edge his curtains?
Queen Anne's Lace!
What did Blackbeard use to edge his curtains?
Queen Anne's Lace!
rjd
Active Member
true story:
a farmer where I used to live had sheep and one old one was adept at escaping through the fence so he made a collar out of 1x2 wood strips so it could still graze but not fit through the fence. First time I saw it I said "there is a mutton for punishment!"
a farmer where I used to live had sheep and one old one was adept at escaping through the fence so he made a collar out of 1x2 wood strips so it could still graze but not fit through the fence. First time I saw it I said "there is a mutton for punishment!"
So a man named Rudolph and his wife were walking down the street in Soviet Russia and it started to rain. She turned to him and said "Oh no it's starting to snow" he replied "No no that's rain."She says "Oh no looks like it's sleeting" He replies "I'm pretty sure that's rain honey" She asks "Well what do you know anyway?"
His reply: "Rudolph the Red knows rain dear!"
His reply: "Rudolph the Red knows rain dear!"
A grenade thrown in a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
CreamyGoodness
Well-Known Member
When I was on my honeymoon in Mexico the "lounge" bar of the resort had a single, rather cute little gecko on the wall that would just hang out there. I noted to my wife that he was a lounge lizard. I got a kiss for that one.
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