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GilaMinumBeer

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The wife and I had an all out today. Turns out, I am a lazy bastard and she's just bat-**** crazy.

Her biggest complaint of the day, is that I spend too much time outside in the yards. W......T.....F?

She "claims" that it takes away time spent with my three year old and completely excludes my 6 mo old. Of course, she also "claims" that I do little to help with the 6 mo old.

1. The 3 year odl is outside WITH me 90% of the time. HELLO, that is primarily why I am outside in 90*F fooking heat.

2. The other 10% is spent on property upkeep. Yards, gardens, etc....

3. When I do attend to the 6 mo old she takes him away b!tching that "I am doing it wrong" (Her REAL complaint here is that I don't tend to the baby at night, but again, she comes in and takes over before I have the bottle filled when I do).

Okay, that is the preface. Somewhere along the lines between yeaterday and today the keys to her car have been mis-placed. We only realized this afternoon. Of course, I was the last one to drive the car.

I spend the better part of the evening tearing the house apart trying to find the keys. My biggest concern is that I have a bad habit of setting things on the bumper of my truck. Rarely, I forget but I have a couple times. I don;t think I put the keys there but.......

Of course I haven't mentioned this to her. Point here is that, she hasn't raised a finger to look for the keys. And I have only just now given up the search (and gotten on here). I hate this. I feel breached. Like the potential is there that someone could steal the car, break into my home, and rob us blind.

She has no care at all and is, in fact, asleep.

There are still a few places I have yet to triple check but, they are in room with little people sleeping.

So, in summary, she has issues with me spending time outside in my own fooking yard but, when the keys to our house and car go missing it's not such a big deal as to lose any sleep.

Am I the only one who sees a issue with this?
 
Six month old baby? Would she normally act like this before the pregnancy? My wife had a bout of postpartum around 3-8 months after our first. I was often the recipient of her frustrations during that period. I could not do a damn thing right if my left depended on it. It still sucks and isn't an excuse but, it can point to an underlying problem. Hope you get it worked out, keep your head low in the mean time ;)
 
oh, well then... get a shovel and a shotgun. :D

Seriously though, sorry bud. They just plane loose their minds sometimes and want to takes ours with them. Hang in there mate.
 
If you don't find the keys, change all the locks on the house, you can at least do that yourself. I'd call a pro to do the car doors & ignition. Good luck findg those keys man. Regards, GF.
 
Plus juan for changing all the locks. Keys get lost, it happens. Just deal with it now when it costs a little money rather than taking the risk that someone burglarizes you and you're out money, property, and the feeling of safety.
 
I lost a set of keys for two weeks once. I eventually found them on the key hook thingy on the wall. But hey! They were hiding behind some other keys!
 
I lost a set of keys for two weeks once. I eventually found them on the key hook thingy on the wall. But hey! They were hiding behind some other keys!

Yeah. I am going to have to check all my pants too. I have been known to have keys laundered. Once, I lost a key to my gate. A few months later I put on the pants I wore the last day I had that key.

It was in the pocket and was very clean.

Made the wife carry the garage door clicker in her purse. All the inside doors have the sucurity locks (where they only unlock from the inside). I'll have another go at searching for them tonight. If not found, the locks get replaced. To be honest, I'd rather replace the car. It'd prolly be cheaper that way. Fooking import car and outrageously priced keys / parts. And it's a VOLVO, I mean it's not like theses things just got here. And whats more, Volvo is owned by Ford. WTF?
 
ya know what they say....

A woman get's married hoping to changer her man, and he never does change.

A man get's married hoping the woman stays the same, but she always changes...

hope you find the keys and things work out for you.
 
Anyone tried to just get the cylinders replaced (re-keyed) in their house locks?

How does one go about getting the cylinder (core) key? Does Lowes have those (that is where I bought the locks)?
 
You can just rekey them yourself, it really isn't hard for most locks. I used to do it at my old job, bought a little set to rekey on ebay and re-did the locks when I moved into my new house.
 
Anyone tried to just get the cylinders replaced (re-keyed) in their house locks?

How does one go about getting the cylinder (core) key? Does Lowes have those (that is where I bought the locks)?

If you bought the locks at Lowes, I'm guessing they are relatively easy to rekey.

If you go the the lock manufacturer website you can download instructions on how to remove the lock cylinders from your doorknobs/deadbolts. I believe you will need the key that fits the lock to remove the cylinder...that was the case for my locksets (Schlage). No "master key" necessary.

Once you have the cylinders in hand, you can take them to a hardware store and have them rekeyed. I don't know if they can rekey them randomly and make you a new set of keys, of if you will have to buy a new lock and have your cylinders rekeyed to for that key.
 
Not sure if they are Schlage or Kwikset branded. Turn out, Lowes carries the kits (at least on their website) for 6 locks at only $10.00.

Too bad it isn;t this easy for the car. I may just skip that one, it's insured.
 
Sorry to hear about your problems. Sometimes keys turn up much later, after you have replaced them. When Jon was very young he hid them to play with us, but forgot where they were. A year later I found them under the steps of the deck.

The other issue you are basically powerless to affect any change for the better. They do that sometimes, and there is no easy 'cure'. In my case, it took losing everything I had, divorce at her request, and she is still crazy 10 years later. About 98% of the time, they remain in denial, since it is easier to blame you. Their friends will be only too happy to jump on the pile, and no one will take your side, or if they do, they won't have guts to help you in any way. Friends of yours will take her side, because of horrible things she says you've done, and her friends will convince her to take you for everything.

You will dismiss this, but if things do continue in this way, it's your only option to prepare yourself for the eventuality of divorce, and property division. To help yourself before that fact, start selling your stuff, stashing the cash, and maybe convert titles to a trusted relative's name for $1 sale amount. You will need that cash to start over in a new apartment and with starting utilities. OR, you can keep trying to get her help, go thru excruciating and humiliating turmoil and argument, perhaps her getting physical and then blaming it on you, and the first one to make a complaint is innocent of the charge. You get arrested and she later drops the charge so it won't cost you guys anything. In which case, when she files, you are immediately legally forced out of the house, and she has custody of your property to liquidate, even though there is a restraining order to NOT sell stuff-because she will get away with this. You can be in a psych's office with her showing these symptoms, and the Dr. urges her to not make any decisions while there is this 'issue' with her going on, and she stays with her decision to divorce you, against the Dr's advice .

Guess how I know all this.

The key problem you can do something about.
 
Well, I have no solution to the key issue ... but as the mother of a 2-year-old and a 6-month-old, I can empathize a bit with your wife.

Does she stay at home with them? It can get very lonely, and it's also very stressful to have small people constantly demanding things from you ALL. DAY. LONG. I joked the other day that my idea of a good day was vacuuming the house without a baby strapped to my back and going grocery shopping without doing so much planning that I might as well be invading Normandy.

I'm willing to bet that her real concern is not so much "you're not spending time with the kids" as it is "I desperately need some time away from the kids." But a lot of women don't necessarily feel comfortable saying that. (Someone told me after I had my first, "There isn't a mother alive who wouldn't chew off her own arm sometimes to get away from her kids" ... and that was the first time I felt OK admitting, "Yeah, sometimes this mom thing SUCKS.")

I know most guys aren't big on the talking, but I would sit down with her and address two issues: 1) Does she need a break from the kids sometimes? (Maybe you guys can get a sitter and go out to dinner and a movie, or you could take care of the kids while she goes out with friends.) 2) Why isn't she more concerned about the keys? It may be she just hasn't thought it through and doesn't realize that there's a security risk here ... or she may realize (rather practically) that it's highly unlikely whoever finds them knows which house they go to :)
 
No. she works too but, she was BS crazy before the kids. Now, it's just more frequent. I am a VERY family oriented dad and a card acrrying housekeeper too.

The only things she does exclusively is the laundry (cause she's got too many "delicate" type stuff) and the cooking (cause she won't eat my food whereas I'll eat almost anything so long as it's cooked). She also tends the youngest (6mo)cause I, aparently, can;t perform those that task to her governement specifications. I however, tend the toddler (3yr) almost exclusively and include him into EVERYTHING I do. I, literally, have not showered, or **** alone for 3 years because he is ALWAYS there. She, on the other hand, has the luxury of cat napping while the baby nods. And when he's awake I am usually the one vacuuming with him on my hip.

We have talked about finding a sitter (of which I am not to comfortable with) and she is abhorent.

Honestly, I am completely clueless as to what the real issue is.

As to the keys, yes I realize that there is a possibility that whomever may find them may not know what house they belong to but, that isn't enough. We have too many valuable "toys" in the house and what's more we have the kids too. Not knowing where those keys are bothers me to no end. and the cost to replace the car key is rediculous.
 
Heh -- I can definitely sympathize with the inability to shower or go to the bathroom alone! Sucks, doesn't it?

Have you tried sitting down with her and saying, "Honey, I don't know what's going on, but I can tell something is wrong -- please talk to me"? Or maybe suggesting counseling?

She sounds pretty stressed and overwhelmed, at any rate. Sounds like she feels like she HAS to be there for the baby, and whatever her reasoning is, that can be tough. I'd work on getting her to feel more comfortable with YOU taking care of the baby, then working on getting her comfortable with a sitter or family member caring for the kids now and then. (Maybe someone from their daycare or something?)
 
Heh -- I can definitely sympathize with the inability to shower or go to the bathroom alone! Sucks, doesn't it?

Have you tried sitting down with her and saying, "Honey, I don't know what's going on, but I can tell something is wrong -- please talk to me"? Or maybe suggesting counseling?

She sounds pretty stressed and overwhelmed, at any rate. Sounds like she feels like she HAS to be there for the baby, and whatever her reasoning is, that can be tough. I'd work on getting her to feel more comfortable with YOU taking care of the baby, then working on getting her comfortable with a sitter or family member caring for the kids now and then. (Maybe someone from their daycare or something?)

She MAY be stressed about her current project, immigrating her Mother. of which, I have issues with. This would be the second time her Mother has come to live with us. the first time, my wife essentially booted her out onto a plane. She wouldn't even speak to her in the airport. This wasn;t part of the argument but, she knows I am vehemently opposed to any long term stays by her Mother. However, I do concede to a short term visit as it's less expensive for one to fly internationally than it is for 3.

Because it has been so long since her Mother left here my wife is forced to re-immigrate her Mother as they won't approve a visitation visa in consideration that they assume her mother won't go back. It has been going on for too long and yet, it is coming to an end too soon.
 
From the time my son was born until he turned four, our house was a battlefield. We fought and yelled, she cried, he screamed (all just verbal, thank god). He's almost six and I couldn't imagine a happier family.

Whatever you do, realize that two kids under age 4 will make you both insane. I can't imagine a bigger stress on a marriage. I can't tell you what to do, but I just gritted my teeth, realized what a pain in the ass it would be to split everything up and get divorced, and eventually things got better.

I also quit drinking beer for that period- and started with Scotch. It works faster.
 
I also quit drinking beer for that period- and started with Scotch. It works faster.

Nah. It'd interfere with my Coke addiction. Joking of course.

I honestly don't mind a little crazy. It's all the bat-**** that's getting harder to deal with. Divorce for me, at least, is not an option. 1.) I do love her. 2.) It's not worth the trouble to break up the family 3.) The first thing she'd do is pack up and go home. Prolly with my boys so a custody battle would have to take place and, what a pain.
 
The wife and I had an all out today. Turns out, I am a lazy bastard and she's just bat-**** crazy.

Her biggest complaint of the day, is that I spend too much time outside in the yards. W......T.....F?

She "claims" that it takes away time spent with my three year old and completely excludes my 6 mo old. Of course, she also "claims" that I do little to help with the 6 mo old.

1. The 3 year odl is outside WITH me 90% of the time. HELLO, that is primarily why I am outside in 90*F fooking heat.

2. The other 10% is spent on property upkeep. Yards, gardens, etc....

3. When I do attend to the 6 mo old she takes him away b!tching that "I am doing it wrong" (Her REAL complaint here is that I don't tend to the baby at night, but again, she comes in and takes over before I have the bottle filled when I do).

Okay, that is the preface. Somewhere along the lines between yeaterday and today the keys to her car have been mis-placed. We only realized this afternoon. Of course, I was the last one to drive the car.

I spend the better part of the evening tearing the house apart trying to find the keys. My biggest concern is that I have a bad habit of setting things on the bumper of my truck. Rarely, I forget but I have a couple times. I don;t think I put the keys there but.......

Of course I haven't mentioned this to her. Point here is that, she hasn't raised a finger to look for the keys. And I have only just now given up the search (and gotten on here). I hate this. I feel breached. Like the potential is there that someone could steal the car, break into my home, and rob us blind.

She has no care at all and is, in fact, asleep.

There are still a few places I have yet to triple check but, they are in room with little people sleeping.

So, in summary, she has issues with me spending time outside in my own fooking yard but, when the keys to our house and car go missing it's not such a big deal as to lose any sleep.

Am I the only one who sees a issue with this?

Cliff's notes: "I have a 6 yr old and a 3 yr old . . . oh, and I lost my keys."

A 6 month old and a 3 yr old means that you're both sleep deprived, peace deprived, and sex deprived. She has weird hormones coursing though her body making her think weird thoughts. You are stretched thin and working double time and can't get a moment to think straight. That sucks. In 2 more years you'll all be happy again. Suck it up, be a good dad and husband to the best of your ability and treasure the good moments. It gets better.

Lost keys? My 2 1/2 yr old has started dropping car keys down the heating floor vents. Check there. Then pockets and purses. Then the car ignition. Then the freezer. If you don't find them, they might have gotten flushed or thrown out in the trash (Daddy's little helper doing a little clean up.)

Good luck.
 
Found the keys! They were in the garden out back.

Sleep deprived? Maybe so, I forgot that the last time those keys came up missing we took the house key off the set. Doh.
 
It's that 'BS crazy and has been a long time' thing that speaks of more than acute tiredness and associated blame games.

I am a firm believer that many often ignore the warning signs of physiological illness, and dismiss it as other things, or poo-poo the possibility since 'they are all like that at times'. Or it's just the kid(s), and she'll come around in a few years, and it keeps getting more pronounced and those kids wind up growing up in it.

You can think the best of this and try to maintain your current status of having your stuff and keeping your marriage, but you don't hold all the cards here, and protecting yourself while trying to also get her some help is a more sound plan, than just wishing it was different.

At some point, as they say, it is best to cut and run and limit your liabilities.

Guess how I know.
 
GilaMinumBeer

I'm a stay at home Dad, due to layoffs. I have a 7 month old.

My wife is high strung and gets Bat$hit crazy. By that I mean she gets distructive, it pisses me off. I went grocery shopping and she didn't like that I bought stuff to make ice cream. She started whipping the food on the tile floor. Making a royal mess. I'm like WTF is your GD problem. I was going to make her favorite ice cream. "Fresh Strawberry w/ white chocolate". She was whiggin' out saying we can't afford it... Its BS. She is having her hair colored today....

I do have to get my house ready to sell, since I can't find a job and we can't live on $600 a month once all the bills are paid. Anyhow, I watch the kid all day, feed him, change diapers and bathe him. I clean house, do all the laundry, mow the grass and I also look for a job 2-3 hours a day. She does nothing around the house. In the evening, she complains the she has too spend half the night watching her son after working all day. As I either clean the garage or work in the basement I am a LAZY POS Mutha Farker!!!! Thats is how I have been branded since I don't have a job and I DON'T WORK!

She is full of $hit. I know that. If I find a job, things will get better for us. Neither of us want to sell.

Try to bite your lip on the "not doing it right" thing or ignore it altogether. I used to get that all the time right after my son was born. I took it for a bit, then I put it to a stop with her mom & dad right in front of us. I said a big "NO - I don't I just do it differently." I refused to allow her to take over. I was holding my son in away they never saw done before. Sitting down, I crossed one leg and laid him in the crook like he was sitting in a bucket seat. I still do it to this day. That comment stopped shortly, she went back to work after 12 weeks off.

Glad you found your keys.

I would try to talk to her and ask that she not go bat crazy in front of the kids. Try to talk and listen. She may be trying to tell you something that you are dismissing as unimportant. Which it might very well be but the dismissal part might trigger that BC-ness. I tend to do this myself which sets my wife off. Sometimes I do it intentionally to set her off, but I'm prepared for the rant. I usually try to avoid making her BC if possible. Occasionally, I do it as joke like pretending I got a speeding ticket!!!

Do you have grand parents closeby? Maybe both of you need a week some place nice so you can act like your single for bit.
 
GilaMinumBeer

I'm a stay at home Dad, due to layoffs. I have a 7 month old.

My wife is high strung and gets Bat$hit crazy. By that I mean she gets distructive, it pisses me off. I went grocery shopping and she didn't like that I bought stuff to make ice cream. She started whipping the food on the tile floor. Making a royal mess. I'm like WTF is your GD problem. I was going to make her favorite ice cream. "Fresh Strawberry w/ white chocolate". She was whiggin' out saying we can't afford it... Its BS. She is having her hair colored today....

I do have to get my house ready to sell, since I can't find a job and we can't live on $600 a month once all the bills are paid. Anyhow, I watch the kid all day, feed him, change diapers and bathe him. I clean house, do all the laundry, mow the grass and I also look for a job 2-3 hours a day. She does nothing around the house. In the evening, she complains the she has too spend half the night watching her son after working all day. As I either clean the garage or work in the basement I am a LAZY POS Mutha Farker!!!! Thats is how I have been branded since I don't have a job and I DON'T WORK!

She is full of $hit. I know that. If I find a job, things will get better for us. Neither of us want to sell.

Try to bite your lip on the "not doing it right" thing or ignore it altogether. I used to get that all the time right after my son was born. I took it for a bit, then I put it to a stop with her mom & dad right in front of us. I said a big "NO - I don't I just do it differently." I refused to allow her to take over. I was holding my son in away they never saw done before. Sitting down, I crossed one leg and laid him in the crook like he was sitting in a bucket seat. I still do it to this day. That comment stopped shortly, she went back to work after 12 weeks off.

Glad you found your keys.

I would try to talk to her and ask that she not go bat crazy in front of the kids. Try to talk and listen. She may be trying to tell you something that you are dismissing as unimportant. Which it might very well be but the dismissal part might trigger that BC-ness. I tend to do this myself which sets my wife off. Sometimes I do it intentionally to set her off, but I'm prepared for the rant. I usually try to avoid making her BC if possible. Occasionally, I do it as joke like pretending I got a speeding ticket!!!

Do you have grand parents closeby? Maybe both of you need a week some place nice so you can act like your single for bit.

Wow. My situation to near perfect detail. She went BSC on me cause I opted to sleep in an extra 30 minutes. And the argument exploded to a fight because she swiped the table in anger splashing hot coffee in the direction of my son. To that, I exploded.

All is calm now. Of course, it could just be the eye of the storm per se.

Thanks for hearing my rant.

Unfortunately, we are a semi-detached family. My mother has some severe health issues and is not reliable enought to care for my boys. Dad is in another state. As for her family, they are all (for the time being) in another country. We do have a good couple of friends but, both my wife and I are extremely protective. It's everything I can do to keep my boys in daycare.
 
The poor economy is keeping many that would have otherwise separated together for economic reasons.

Stress brings about irrationality. Talking these things out in rational discussion can be difficult.
 
The poor economy is keeping many that would have otherwise separated together for economic reasons.

Stress brings about irrationality. Talking these things out in rational discussion can be difficult.

Meh. I don't stay with her because I need the money. I stay with her because 90% of the time she isn't BCS but that other 10% is brutal nonethe less. Only difference is, she never swiped coffee toward my son. And that, no matter how angry you are, is in-excusable.

Thankfully, it did not get to him.
 
Meh. I don't stay with her because I need the money. I stay with her because 90% of the time she isn't BCS but that other 10% is brutal nonethe less. Only difference is, she never swiped coffee toward my son. And that, no matter how angry you are, is in-excusable.

Thankfully, it did not get to him.

One day on the way out the door, she slapped me across the face real hard, because I forgot to do something. I'm WTF gives you the right to hit me, no matter how mad you are right now. I kept on repeating this to her and proceeded to antagonize her about this over a cell phone. Eventually, she apologized.
 
One day on the way out the door, she slapped me across the face real hard, because I forgot to do something. I'm WTF gives you the right to hit me, no matter how mad you are right now. I kept on repeating this to her and proceeded to antagonize her about this over a cell phone. Eventually, she apologized.

I was wrong to do it but, I have had experience with girlfriends who are like this too. Push and Push because they know you'll not react. Current wifey has this tendancy too. One day she twisetd the screws to far and struck me, several times, for an issue that was meaningless. In a flash, she got a back hand across the cheek and realized that she could only push so far.

11 years and I've smacked her twice. I am not proud of it but, if she's man enough to deal the blows she'd better be man enough to take a couple back hands too. After all the smoke cleared, she admitted she desreved to be checked on both accounts. I am usually a very level headed guy in a conflict and it takes a LOT to push me to that line. trouble is, now she knows the line.
 
GMB, I would definitely (gently!) suggest that she seems to be really stressed out and that it might be helpful to her to talk to someone. Do NOT imply that you think she's crazy (even if you do) ... but present it in a way that says, "I'm worried about you."

The right combination of medication and therapy can make a world of difference. (Ask my husband, LOL! If I weren't on meds, I doubt we'd have ever made it to the altar, let alone STAYED married.)
 
I was wrong to do it but, I have had experience with girlfriends who are like this too. Push and Push because they know you'll not react. Current wifey has this tendancy too. One day she twisetd the screws to far and struck me, several times, for an issue that was meaningless. In a flash, she got a back hand across the cheek and realized that she could only push so far.

11 years and I've smacked her twice. I am not proud of it but, if she's man enough to deal the blows she'd better be man enough to take a couple back hands too. After all the smoke cleared, she admitted she desreved to be checked on both accounts. I am usually a very level headed guy in a conflict and it takes a LOT to push me to that line. trouble is, now she knows the line.

I usually one of us will bail out of the house for a few hours. If you sense its going that way, calmly say your heading out for bit. Offer to talk when you get back. Whatever you do...."Don't drink during that time out period." This usually works for me.

Sometimes, when I leave I fear for my carboys....:D
 
I usually one of us will bail out of the house for a few hours. If you sense its going that way, calmly say your heading out for bit. Offer to talk when you get back. Whatever you do...."Don't drink during that time out period." This usually works for me.

Sometimes, when I leave I fear for my carboys....:D

I have been there too. SUCKS! Spiteful damned women on BCS rampage. I'd rather she be on the rag for a year than deal with 10 minutes of that crap. She's 10 time milder.

Maybe Alexis is right and our wives need to be medicated. I hear Lithium is effective.
 
Occasionally mine gets this bright idea she doesn't need the meds. Hers are anti-anxiety (panic attacks). So not real serious - It help reduce the spazes.

After a series episodes I clue into this fact and ask about it, some times its a dangerous question.
 
GMB, I would definitely (gently!) suggest that she seems to be really stressed out and that it might be helpful to her to talk to someone. Do NOT imply that you think she's crazy (even if you do) ... but present it in a way that says, "I'm worried about you."

The right combination of medication and therapy can make a world of difference. (Ask my husband, LOL! If I weren't on meds, I doubt we'd have ever made it to the altar, let alone STAYED married.)

Wow! 27 posts and still in the last 5 new members list? You are prolific considering how fast the site membership grows here!

Welcome! :) We need more vocal lady brewers!
 
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