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Zamial

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Preface: I have a nightshade allergy. I am allergic to potatoes, tomatoes, peppers and egg plants. My wife is diabetic, eating out is nearly impossible for us unless we go to a chain restaurant with nutritional info charts. Pizza as we knew it was now simply impossible for us to eat.

I recently found some pizza crusts (Momma Mary's) that come 2 in a pack. For this recipe we will be making 1 and storing the other in the freezer (It comes with a bag and tie to do this and stores fine.) They come in all wheat and regular the whole wheat being slightly better nutritionally. Alternatly you can use a spent grain crust too.

I have fed this to people that have promised me they can not stand mushrooms or some other veggie and ate 4 slices! Don't be scared this is really good!

Step 1: Spread oil on the top of the pizza crust. I like to use Auntie Ann's ****ake mushroom salad dressing but olive oil will work.

Step 2: Take 1/2 a bundle of asparagus (1/2 lbs I think) and snap it by holding the tip and the base and bend so that they would touch. Pro Tip: Asparagus will always break where it stops being tender! Throw the bottoms away and break the tops into about 1" chunks evenly across the pizza.

Step 3: Sprinkle Oscar Meyer real bacon bits over the pizza. You do not need much, maybe a TBL spn or 2. If you have home bacon bits you can sub those.

Step 4: Brown 1/2 pound of pork sausage. Drain grease and use 1/4 of it evenly. Freeze the other 1/4 to use later or mix it into your eggs/breakfast. I have subbed leftover steak and chicken with excellent results. I am sure you can sub hamburger as well.

Step 5: Use some FRESH sliced mushrooms (I can buy a variety pack that has portabella, ****ake and oyster you can also use the white buttons but they are not as good, IMO. I use 1/2 of the variety pack per pie.

Step 6: Evenly sprinkle a LIGHT amount of low fat mozzarella cheese over the pie. You should still be able to make out veggies through the cheese. I use about a 1/6 lbs.

Step 7: Extra veggies. I will put cauliflower pieces and broccoli shavings on most of the time. It doesn't take much to cover the pie. You can also add olives and tomatoes, peppers or even zucchini or carrot chunks.

Step 8: Now add about the same amount of freshly shredded Parmesan/Romano cheese to finish covering the pie.

Step 9: Time to add the artisan cheese. I like to use the dust, small chunks of feta cheese. I also will add in small chunks of 5-10 year cheddar (if you can not find cheddar that old get the sharpest you can find.) think of these cheeses like sprinkles. a little goes a long way!

Step 10: Make sure the pie is not center loaded. You can gently push the toppings down and out to the edge.

Preheat oven to 250. Place pie on a sheet on the center rack, reduce heat to 225F and let cook 15-20 minutes. When the cheese looks golden brown in the middle you are done. Let cool a few minutes and then cut into 1/8ths. A 1/4 pizza is under 32 carbs and will hit your tummy like a lead brick. I seriously suggest only eating 2 slices until you know your limit. This is going to fill you up for a good long time and if you over eat it can be painful and cause you to not want to move... Dinner then reheated or cold for lunch leftovers. :D

I would be floored if I had over $10 in both of them...

I made the red steps that way to indicate meat. This can be easily adapted to a vegetarian pie by simply omitting the meat and upping the rest of the veggies and mushrooms to compensate. So MOST veggie people just need to overlook the red steps!
 
My Pie is just about ready. Time to go pull an IPA from the tap! :mug:
 
I will snap a pic the next one I make up. This one is mostly gone!

as for Banjaxed it is an old Irish term meaning broken or intoxicated beyond repair.
 
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