No matter what- You too will do stupid shiz

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CreamyGoodness said:
Last night I made chili. Because my wife and I both like a little more heat in our chili than just cayenne, and because my stomach cant handle scotch bonnets, I sliced up about 6 nice red jalepenos. And then I did it. What's the one thing you are told over and over again NOT to do?

Yup, I rubbed my eye. 20 something years of hearing chefs and yutzes on the morning shows warning you not to rub your eyes when you have handled hot peppers, and here I was... jumping around my kitchen shouting "F'! ****!"

SWBO "WHAT?!"
ME: "I just rubbed my eye...!"
SWMBO: "oh no! flush it with water!!"
ME: "I CANT! Its still on my hands!
SWMBO: "OK I'm coming!"
ME: "Get the vinegar for my hands, I cant see!" *bumps into her and shouts F'! again"*
SWMBO: "I cant reach it, the shelf is too high!"
ME: "WHY ARE YOU SO FRIGGING SHORT?!"
SWMBO: "Be nice! Now come to the sink!"

Thats right, I wound up bent over the sink flushing my eyes in my wife's cupped hands. All the while saying "wow, Im an idiot, Im REALLY an idiot. That was dumb."

So yeah, what's something you know you shouldn't do, you've been told a million times, and yet you still do/did it. In before you, Chapp, yeah yeah, clicking on a CreamyGoodness thread. RDRR. Humpf.

If you are wondering, by the way, the chili still came out darned good. I put beans in mine. Some of you will just have to deal with that.
Click to expand...

So I read this this morning and it made want to make chili for dinner. So I did. But somehow, even keeping your story in mind I still managed to f*** this up. I cut up two jalapenos to put in my chili and did what I deemed to be a thorough hand washing. Cut to an hour and a half later; all the ingredients are in, the chili's been cooking down for a while and I decide to go for a run while it's cooking. Cut to twenty minutes later when I am at 2.5 miles and have been wiping my forehead with with my jalapeno handling hand. Yep, now I've got jalapeno death sweat dripping into my eyes and I've still got 2.5 miles to go to get home. I very nearly broke down and tried to hitch a ride so I could get home to flush my eyes. But I'm stubborn and I'm a man, so I toughed it out. Anyway, the lesson I want to pass on is that if you think you've done enough to clean your hand of pepper oils, do some more. It's still there.
 
Spilled scalding bacon grease on myself last week. Believe it or not, this is my arm looking much better.

ForumRunner_20121025_202540.jpg
 
CreamyGoodness said:
Last night I made chili. Because my wife and I both like a little more heat in our chili than just cayenne, and because my stomach cant handle scotch bonnets, I sliced up about 6 nice red jalepenos. And then I did it. What's the one thing you are told over and over again NOT to do?

Yup, I rubbed my eye. 20 something years of hearing chefs and yutzes on the morning shows warning you not to rub your eyes when you have handled hot peppers, and here I was... jumping around my kitchen shouting "F'! ****!"

SWBO "WHAT?!"
ME: "I just rubbed my eye...!"
SWMBO: "oh no! flush it with water!!"
ME: "I CANT! Its still on my hands!
SWMBO: "OK I'm coming!"
ME: "Get the vinegar for my hands, I cant see!" *bumps into her and shouts F'! again"*
SWMBO: "I cant reach it, the shelf is too high!"
ME: "WHY ARE YOU SO FRIGGING SHORT?!"
SWMBO: "Be nice! Now come to the sink!"

Thats right, I wound up bent over the sink flushing my eyes in my wife's cupped hands. All the while saying "wow, Im an idiot, Im REALLY an idiot. That was dumb."

So yeah, what's something you know you shouldn't do, you've been told a million times, and yet you still do/did it. In before you, Chapp, yeah yeah, clicking on a CreamyGoodness thread. RDRR. Humpf.

If you are wondering, by the way, the chili still came out darned good. I put beans in mine. Some of you will just have to deal with that.
Click to expand...

You are a great writer! Thanks for this.

Can you explain your signature quotes?
 
In this thread:

OP: [Story about making chilli, cutting peppers, rubbing eyes]
Everyone else: "Mmmmm, chilli!"
 
Franc103 said:
You are a great writer! Thanks for this.

Can you explain your signature quotes?
Click to expand...

Hehe thanks for the kind words.

I make a lot of JAOM, so I use a lot of breadyeast. The buttons on the hat is an old George Carlin joke. Usually its older gentlemen of questionable eyesight who would wear such a chapeau in public.
 
I was chopping up habenero for chili. Went to take a leak. My little friend felt like he was on fire. For some reason I thought milk would help, so there I was, standing in the bath room while my girlfriend poured milk on my tallywhacker.
 
A friend of mine tells a story of eating dinner at his Bengali (I believe) friend's house growing up. On the table was a big bowl of what appeared to be ground beef. So he took the serving spoon and served himself a healthy dollop, and picked up a forkfull and started to bring it to his mouth.

The 80something year old grandmother started shouting in Hindi or Urdu or Bengali or whatever. Alarmed, making big hand motions.

"Oh yeah, man, careful with that stuff! Try a teenie tiny bit and if you like it take more." So thats what he did. Apparently it was a fermented vegetable skin that included nameless chilis. He broke into a flop sweat and had a full on out of body experience. Next thing he remembers is the grandmother rubbing his back and offering him milk.
 
CreamyGoodness said:
Last night I made chili. Because my wife and I both like a little more heat in our chili than just cayenne, and because my stomach cant handle scotch bonnets, I sliced up about 6 nice red jalepenos. And then I did it. What's the one thing you are told over and over again NOT to do?

Yup, I rubbed my eye. 20 something years of hearing chefs and yutzes on the morning shows warning you not to rub your eyes when you have handled hot peppers, and here I was... jumping around my kitchen shouting "F'! ****!"

SWBO "WHAT?!"
ME: "I just rubbed my eye...!"
SWMBO: "oh no! flush it with water!!"
ME: "I CANT! Its still on my hands!
SWMBO: "OK I'm coming!"
ME: "Get the vinegar for my hands, I cant see!" *bumps into her and shouts F'! again"*
SWMBO: "I cant reach it, the shelf is too high!"
ME: "WHY ARE YOU SO FRIGGING SHORT?!"
SWMBO: "Be nice! Now come to the sink!"

Thats right, I wound up bent over the sink flushing my eyes in my wife's cupped hands. All the while saying "wow, Im an idiot, Im REALLY an idiot. That was dumb."

So yeah, what's something you know you shouldn't do, you've been told a million times, and yet you still do/did it. In before you, Chapp, yeah yeah, clicking on a CreamyGoodness thread. RDRR. Humpf.

If you are wondering, by the way, the chili still came out darned good. I put beans in mine. Some of you will just have to deal with that.
Click to expand...

I can one up you regarding hot chiles. I was dicing up some habeneros for chili and I wasn't wearing any gloves. I washed my hands and continued about my day.

Shortly after the wife and I start fooling around. Things are getting hot and heavy when she starts backing off of my hand. She then asks "Babe, did you wash your hands after cutting up the habeneros"? Apparently I still had some residual oils that didn't come off with the first hand washing and she was on fire inside.

Needless to say, that escapade was finished.
 
NCangler17 said:
Where I come from we have:

1) Chili - used for toppings of Sandwiches, burgers, hot dogs. Only contains meat and sauce

2) Chili beans - made with meat, sauce, and beans. Served as a stand alone meal in a bowl.

No complaints on the beans, it's a fine meal.
Click to expand...

Let the purists have their chili the way they want. Mine has ground turkey, black beans and corn in it. It's damn good chili if I may say.
 
jhhicks said:
Ouch! I had a hot pepper flake get in my eye when we were eating pizza outside on a nice afternoon and I was spicing up my slice of pie. That sucked!

Chili oddity here in Indy (Which I don't, being from MS I think this is really weird and still do after 10 years of living here) - noodles in the bottom of the bowl, chili on top.
Click to expand...

Chili mac. You can thank Cincinnati for that.
 
CreamyGoodness said:
Last night I made chili. Because my wife and I both like a little more heat in our chili than just cayenne, and because my stomach cant handle scotch bonnets, I sliced up about 6 nice red jalepenos. And then I did it. What's the one thing you are told over and over again NOT to do?

Yup, I rubbed my eye. 20 something years of hearing chefs and yutzes on the morning shows warning you not to rub your eyes when you have handled hot peppers, and here I was... jumping around my kitchen shouting "F'! ****!"

SWBO "WHAT?!"
ME: "I just rubbed my eye...!"
SWMBO: "oh no! flush it with water!!"
ME: "I CANT! Its still on my hands!
SWMBO: "OK I'm coming!"
ME: "Get the vinegar for my hands, I cant see!" *bumps into her and shouts F'! again"*
SWMBO: "I cant reach it, the shelf is too high!"
ME: "WHY ARE YOU SO FRIGGING SHORT?!"
SWMBO: "Be nice! Now come to the sink!"

Thats right, I wound up bent over the sink flushing my eyes in my wife's cupped hands. All the while saying "wow, Im an idiot, Im REALLY an idiot. That was dumb."

So yeah, what's something you know you shouldn't do, you've been told a million times, and yet you still do/did it. In before you, Chapp, yeah yeah, clicking on a CreamyGoodness thread. RDRR. Humpf.

If you are wondering, by the way, the chili still came out darned good. I put beans in mine. Some of you will just have to deal with that.
Click to expand...


I will say it ONCE.. and once only. That is not pain.


Grab your junk next time.. yea you go to take a piss... and then.. well... its EVERYWHERE but where you want.
 
dfc said:
I can one up you regarding hot chiles. I was dicing up some habeneros for chili and I wasn't wearing any gloves. I washed my hands and continued about my day.

Shortly after the wife and I start fooling around. Things are getting hot and heavy when she starts backing off of my hand. She then asks "Babe, did you wash your hands after cutting up the habeneros"? Apparently I still had some residual oils that didn't come off with the first hand washing and she was on fire inside.

Needless to say, that escapade was finished.
Click to expand...

I, too, have done this. They have no sense of humor about that,
 
The worst moment I've had with hot things, is I had some OC spray in my pocket and it got pressed against my keys . . . you can finish the story.

Habanero hand when taking a leak, jalapeno in the eye, nothing else come close.

In conclusion that is the one time I bathed in milk.
 
CreamyGoodness said:
Last night I made chili. Because my wife and I both like a little more heat in our chili than just cayenne, and because my stomach cant handle scotch bonnets, I sliced up about 6 nice red jalepenos. And then I did it. What's the one thing you are told over and over again NOT to do?

Yup, I rubbed my eye. 20 something years of hearing chefs and yutzes on the morning shows warning you not to rub your eyes when you have handled hot peppers, and here I was... jumping around my kitchen shouting "F'! ****!"

SWBO "WHAT?!"
ME: "I just rubbed my eye...!"
SWMBO: "oh no! flush it with water!!"
ME: "I CANT! Its still on my hands!
SWMBO: "OK I'm coming!"
ME: "Get the vinegar for my hands, I cant see!" *bumps into her and shouts F'! again"*
SWMBO: "I cant reach it, the shelf is too high!"
ME: "WHY ARE YOU SO FRIGGING SHORT?!"
SWMBO: "Be nice! Now come to the sink!"

Thats right, I wound up bent over the sink flushing my eyes in my wife's cupped hands. All the while saying "wow, Im an idiot, Im REALLY an idiot. That was dumb."

So yeah, what's something you know you shouldn't do, you've been told a million times, and yet you still do/did it. In before you, Chapp, yeah yeah, clicking on a CreamyGoodness thread. RDRR. Humpf.

If you are wondering, by the way, the chili still came out darned good. I put beans in mine. Some of you will just have to deal with that.
Click to expand...

Creamy, I think you need your own reality show!
Regards, GF.
 
My SWMBO said, after I shared some of the posts in this thread: "Ya know, if I did those things to myself, I sure wouldn't want to advertise it!" So, I will choose NOT to share any of the stupid shiz things I've done to myself over the course of my 66 years!

glenn514:mug:
 
Years ago, my X-GF was making us dinner. I was sitting on the kitchen counter talking with her. She was crunching up some dried habenero for whatever it was she was making. She proceeded to get frisky with me. She apparently had tasted the pepper prior. Neither one of us gave it much thought I guess. Seconds later, I'm pushing her head off of me and running for the bathroom. Next thing I'm standing in the shower with my junk in a big glass of milk. Didn't help much. But she took care of it. Finished the job with ice cream in her mouth.
 
Subsailor said:
impaled my right eye socket on the Mooose antlers we had just put up on the wall.
Click to expand...
Moose had last laugh :D
gcdowd said:
Spilled scalding bacon grease on myself last week. Believe it or not, this is my arm looking much better.
Click to expand...
Pig had last laugh :D
Krovitz said:
I was chopping up habenero for chili. Went to take a leak. My little friend felt like he was on fire. For some reason I thought milk would help, so there I was, standing in the bath room while my girlfriend poured milk on my tallywhacker.
Click to expand...
Peppers and GF had last laugh, and me too :D
 
dfc said:
I can one up you regarding hot chiles. I was dicing up some habeneros for chili and I wasn't wearing any gloves. I washed my hands and continued about my day.

Shortly after the wife and I start fooling around. Things are getting hot and heavy when she starts backing off of my hand. She then asks "Babe, did you wash your hands after cutting up the habeneros"? Apparently I still had some residual oils that didn't come off with the first hand washing and she was on fire inside.

Needless to say, that escapade was finished.
Click to expand...

Thought I was the only one with this story. 'cept, I've done it more than once. The look in here eyes was AMAZING. :D we never stopped the love making though, that's just silly. :D

I've also put contacts in after cutting jalapenos. touched my dick many times, touched my eyes, etc.

I used to cut peppers everyday so over the years, that stuff is bound to happen.
 
Subsailor said:
We had moved in 2 weeks prior to this and were still decorating the house. I was playing fetch in the house with our cattle dog Kronk (RIP). He never returns the ball all the way to you, just gets close and rolls it at you. On the last fetch of that day I missed his rollback and spun around, started to bend over to get the ball and impaled my right eye socket on the Mooose antlers we had just put up on the wall.
My wife was on the phone with or youngest daughter in Texas and all she heard "Holy F***ing ****" and me grabbing my face and falling to the floor.
Long story short, we put a cold compress on it and she started rushing me to the hospital and about halfway there, I got this intense pain and pressure in the socket and my eyeball actually slid back into place. Ended up with a hole though the eyelid and an eyepatch for 2 weeks.
Moral - never hang pointy things on the wall!

I also include a mix of pinto, black and kidney beans in my chili. I always make 2 pots, 1 spicy and 1 mild and I always include a couple of tablespoons of unsweetened bakers chocolate, it makes the chili more velvety and rich.
Click to expand...

I forgot to mention that I've used the dark chocolate trick when making braised short-ribs but never chili. Will have to give that a go!
 
CreamyGoodness said:
I forgot to mention that I've used the dark chocolate trick when making braised short-ribs but never chili. Will have to give that a go!
Click to expand...

Oh man, that sounds good on short ribs! Unsweetened/bittersweet Chocolate works great in many foods, I like it in mole sauces, time for more experimenting. The wife is going to be in Arizona for 2 weeks; that will be great time to try some recipes.
 
CreamyGoodness said:
I forgot to mention that I've used the dark chocolate trick when making braised short-ribs but never chili. Will have to give that a go!
Click to expand...

Oh yeah, really deepens the flavor but don't over do it. Just a bit of peanut butter will really make the flavors pop too.
 

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