The Dysfunctional-Palooza Obnoxious Masshole BS Thread

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Hey guys,
Hope it's alright if I jump in here to ask a quick beer question, since observing at least three of you brewing at Paul's house during Masstoberfest was the final inspiration to get me brewing at home. Saturday at 6PM we were just finishing up our first batch of beer we ever made at home, and we were just getting ready to move it from the pot to the carboy, when we lost power. We finished the transfer with candles, flashlights and headlamps, and added the yeast. Wort temp was 66F. Sunday, firmentation underway in the basement, with the carboy temp at about 64-66. Just checked an hour ago, and wort temp is now 54 F. We still dont have power, and rumor has it that we may have to go another 4-5 days before the lights are on. I just put/wrapped the carboy into a sleeping bag to try and insulate it and let it keep its own heat. I hope it doesnt get any colder, but itk out of my hands at this point.
My question is, are we Ok with ferm at these lower temps, and or what should I do now to meep me from getting problems?
thanks for any help, and for the record, I was a Masshole for 35 years before I moved acoss the border to Nashua, NH and became a tax evading live free or die Nashole.

Hope that qualifies enough for answers, and abuse. If i just get abuse, you guys all suck, amd I'll just ask the EAC's in the beginners forum, where I belong.

Sent from phone and sorry about any typos, but my laptop is dead.
 
Sorry, just realized I didnt sign that or mention the yeast.

Dave "Mort" Morton, nhwrecker (I love wreckdiving)

Regarding yeast, let the flames begin, as I bought a recipe from Jaspers in Nashua that had me steep about a pound for an hour, then add the extracts, boil, are hopw, and when done cut open the liquid yeast pack and add. It was a pale ale, but I dont know the yeast used. Could dig it out of trash if its important.
 
nhwrecker said:
Sorry, just realized I didnt sign that or mention the yeast.

Dave "Mort" Morton, nhwrecker (I love wreckdiving)

Regarding yeast, let the flames begin, as I bought a recipe from Jaspers in Nashua that had me steep about a pound for an hour, then add the extracts, boil, are hopw, and when done cut open the liquid yeast pack and add. It was a pale ale, but I dont know the yeast used. Could dig it out of trash if its important.
Click to expand...

Your fermentation will be slow because of the low temp. If you got a smack pack I hope you popped it and it swelled before you pitched. If you know what yeast strain I can tell you the temp range. But there's nothing you can do at this point but snuggle with it to warm it up. Once it warms up if
You don't hit the respective gravity you can rouse the yeast to see if you can get some activity going if not you can re-pitch another package of yeast or add some dry yeast to save money.
 
You're in serious trouble. What you should do is post your address, take all your beer out of your fridge and leave them on your front driveway. We'll be there soon to pick it up. Think of it. When you bought the yeast it was probably taken out of a fridge. The fermentation will stall/slow and pick up when it gets to its ideal temp. I bet you didn't even need the yeast pack but was added as a safety. Wait out the storm, make sure the carboy is airtight against infection and warm up when electricity comes back.

Signed,
Former Nashole ~8 yrs

PS - Did you get your complimentary Hillary sign when you moved across the border?
 
Hey Mort, I think your brain has been addled from all that funny air you've been breathing.

That said, here, for your benefit is "Beer Yeast 101".

There are two yeast 'families,' ale yeast and lager yeast. The biggest difference between them is their temperature comfort zones. Think of lager yeast as hardy New England divers, plunging into the icey deep and ale yeast as Florida divers wearing a shortie. Ale yeast like to be warmer than lager yeast. You probably used an ale yeast since that is what 99 44/100% of brew shops will give to a n00b. (Unless they picked up on your Masshole accent, then they probably gave you something weird just to fark around with you.). Shop owners give n00bs ale yeast cause it's pretty much fool proof. It doesn't have any special requirements, just pour it in and walk away. Obviously there is more to it than that and as your brewing advances you'll learn all about the wonders of temperature control, but for now, so long as you keep your brew at a reasonable room temperature you will be fine.


HOWEVER...

You lost your electricity and heat. That's the Baby Jeebus' way of flicking boogers onto your windshield. See, he don't like refugees from Mass clogging up 93N from Hooksett all the way back to Newburyport . Sorry Dude, you're screwed.






Nahhhhh, just kidding. Put a few blankets around it, it's going to be 60 on Thursday, it will be fine.
 
kb.jpg


Cheers! :D
 
Mort, just re-read your post. I had missed it when you said that the temp was down to 58. Thats actually not that bad, if it was a consistent 58 I'd say you would be fine, but since the temp is probably going to drop a bit more I've put on my thinking cap to come up with a few ideas to help you warm up the wort without electricity.

1. Bring the carboy to bed. Plop it right between you and Pat. The dog might be pissed off but the dog is a dog and 5 gallons of beer is 5 gallons of beer.

2. Quickly throw together a nuclear reactor out in your garage. Design it so that the heat exchanger uses the beer as coolant. You can probably sell the excess electricity to your neighbors and turn a tidy profit.

3. Throw the carboy in the truck with your dive gear and head for Key Largo. Stop at my house and pick me up when you go by. I've got the first round at Alabama Jacks.

4. Rub two sticks together in a rapid, back and forth fashion right next to the carboy. The reflected heat will warm it right up.

5. It's Halloween night, bonfires are expected. Grab a couple of those brats mooching candy on your doorstep, pour a gallon of gasoline over them and flic your BIC. (You probably want to shoo them away from the door first.)

6. Bring it to work with you. I know you work down here in Mass, where we pay taxes that pay for things like road repairs, schools and public safety, all things that you've probably heard about but don't have any experience with living in Cow Hampshire. We'll loan you some of our electricity.

Your friend,
Paul
 
LOX!!!!!!!

You need LOX.

(All of you farkin' members of the lost tribe get a farkin' hold of yourself, I'm not talkin' fish here, I'm talking liquid oxygen!)


Get yourself some Georgia fatwood, (available at your local Whole Foods for the low, low price of $199.99) a few Sunday New York Times (Lets face it, the only thing the NYTs is good for is lining parakeet cages, wrapping fish and starting an insurance claim) and a bucket of LOX.

Now THAT will warm up your farkin wort, your dog, Pat and the whole state of Cow Hampstire
 
Well... now matter what method you use to get the temp up on that carboy, i would figure something out pretty quick. We all know that ale yeasts brought down below 59 degrees F for an extended period of time is how H1N1 got started.

We don't need another plague on our hands.
 
Good morning from noob hampsha. After digging through trash, I found some lunch for Paul, and the wyeast pack for 1056 american ale. It was warm and bloated before I pitched. Thanks for all the feedback and support, and for not suggesting I wrap it in an electric blanket. House is a steady 48F, and the carboy in the basement is staying at 54- 56, according to the stick on thermometer. It's bubbling slowly, like one burp every 4 seconds. Does Northern Tool carry Thermite? Do you need good ventilation for that? We may not get power back on until Fri or Sat. So, am I now lagering? My first batch, going for the gold. Watch out Nationals.....
 
and no, you're not lagering. "Lagering" simply means dropping the temp at least 8 degrees once primary fermentation is complete.

so... for lagers... what you do is typically ferment in the low 50's. say... 52... Once primary fermentation is complete, you drop the temp on that to at least 44 (preferably even lower) and then you "lager" it for another... whatever... 4 weeks or more.
 
nhwrecker said:
Good morning from noob hampsha. After digging through trash, I found some lunch for Paul, and the wyeast pack for 1056 american ale. It was warm and bloated before I pitched. Thanks for all the feedback and support, and for not suggesting I wrap it in an electric blanket. House is a steady 48F, and the carboy in the basement is staying at 54- 56, according to the stick on thermometer. It's bubbling slowly, like one burp every 4 seconds. Does Northern Tool carry Thermite? Do you need good ventilation for that? We may not get power back on until Fri or Sat. So, am I now lagering? My first batch, going for the gold. Watch out Nationals.....
Click to expand...

Does your water heater still work?
 
Leave it alone, Mort. All will be well. Except for the flu. The dog is gonna catch the flu and sneeze dog snot all over the living room for a month.


G'night all. I'm off to sleep, perchance to dream of nubile nymphomaniac's whose fathers own liquor stores.

PTN
 
Thermite!? Come on that's taking the easy road. Hook up your bike to a small heater and start peddling. By the time your heat comes back on you'll be just getting the temp back up and by then you can start "lagering" your beer.

Ya right, like "lagering" is even a word, pft. Cold fermented beer, come on guys, I've seen unicorns too, lets try to give him a little help.

If you add tinfoil and drano to 2 liter bottles and place several of them next to the carboy that should heat up a few things.
 
Warts, worts, old ladies, my old lady, SWMBO, H1N1, aka honenone -wait, Hon None, thoat sounds an awful lot like what I hearate on a Friday night. Wow, this beer world is harder to live in than I thought...with deep wreck diving, I just had to worry about dying fast. Now I gutta worry about my beer killing other people, oe attracting unwanted old ladies. Well, I guess it would matter where the warts are.
 
Worry? Not me. Worrying gives you warts.

Do you guys know anyone in Brew free or die? I think I'd like to join and start going to meetings, but there's not much info on the website. I was just talking to one of the brewers at Martha's Exchange in Nashua (Mark Harrington), and he recommended the club. The South Shore's too far to drive home from a late meeting on beer, at least until I perfect that whole autopilot thing for pickups
 
I forgot about that. The look one his face was priceless.

"Hey Chris. Sorry but i choked the bowl in the upstairs bathroom. I looked all over but couldn't find a plunger anywhere and it's overflowing."

He takes off like his ass is on fire and you looked over at me and said, "I bet you didn't even drop knickers, you made that whole thing up, right?"

"Yup."

About that moment we hear a high pitched "You *******!" from inside.


Priceless.
 
Read last night that George Frazier has advanced liver cancer and doesn't have many rounds left. Went to YouTube and watched his three fights with Ali.
Farkin'A!!! Those dudes could flat out box. Boxing is such a joke now you forget what a great sport it was.
 
SSBrew 300

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