You're An EXTREME Redneck When....

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Orfy

Orfy

For the love of beer!
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You're An EXTREME Redneck When....

1. You let your 14-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.

2. The Blue Book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas is in it.

3. You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.

4. You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night.

5. You wonder how service stations keep their rest-rooms so clean.

6. Someone in your family died right after saying, "Hey, guys, watch this."

7. You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.

8. Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.

9. Your junior prom offered day care.

10. You think the last words of the "Star-Spangled Banner" are "Gentlemen, start your engines."

11. You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.

12. The Halloween Pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse.

13. You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.

14. One of your kids was born on a pool table.

15. You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.

16. You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it.

17. You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.
 
Having an influx of 'murican rednecks there Orfy?

Or are rednecks there confused about their nationality?

:confused:
 
21) You are fascinated by throwing cans of explosive household products into a burning barrel.

I recently observed this phenomenon. Having successfully ventured deep into territories of the Amish and Mennonite sects to secure gastronomic delights much unknown to the modern world, I was intrigued by the prospect of adventure. Yes, perhaps an alternate route to my dwelling would assuage the deep yearning for adventure. An impulse, and two right turns later I found myself meandering along unpopulated country roads and finally an ascent alongside some seemingly forgotten mountain pass. It was here that I had a life altering encounter with this seemingly rare and introverted form of the human expression.

As I rounded the corner, still entranced by the surrounding beauty, I couldn't help but realign my focus to ponder this group of immature homosapiens, all males, most probably between the ages of 18-24 years, all unified in appearance through their minimally short electric hair clippered cuts, lack of torsal attire and denim cutoff shorts covering the genital region. They were dancing in tribalistic fashion, arms flailing, sweating aluminum cans of some form of yellowish liquid, quite probably alcoholic, with the word "Coors" written in bold, blood red font in hand, speaking strange tongues of what I can only ascertain was a form of Mountain Hillbilly morphed with Neo-Fascist expletive jargon. Suddenly, the one who appeared to be the clan leader, I suggest this because of his age and the fact that he had a small, unkept goatee, threw a cylindrical container containing some form of undoubtedly flammable liquid into the ritualistic hearth....."KABOOOM"!!!! and a flash of brief white-hot light shocked me to my mortal coil; startled I seized the wheel doing my best to keep my automobile on the road. Undoubtedly this was some contrivance to ensnare unsuspecting motorists into a brief moment of confusion and from their perspective a hopeful, yet colossally grander explosion.

-From the journals of zoebisch01, circa 2008
 
I find this offensive!

You shouldn't start judging me and my Family tilll you know us.....uh.....wait....were you talking about us or not?


#24 You think you might be offended by this thread!
 
They have Rednecks in England, Orfy?

#25 This song defines your family tree...

I'm my own Grandpa

Oh, many, many years ago
When I was twenty-three
I was married to a widow
Who was pretty as can be
This widow had a grown-up daughter
Who had hair of red
My father fell in love with her
And soon the two were wed

This made my dad my son-in-law
And changed my very life
For my daughter was my mother
'Cause she was my father's wife
To complicate the matter
Though it really brought me joy
I soon became the father
Of a bouncing baby boy

This little baby then became
A brother-in-law to Dad
And so became my uncle
Though it made me very sad
For if he was my uncle
Then that also made him brother
Of the widow's grown-up daughter
WHo of course is my step-mother

Chorus
I'm my own grandpa
I'm my own grandpa
It sounds funny I know
But it really is so
Oh, I'm my own grandpa

My father's wife then had a son
Who kept them on the run
And he became my grandchild
For he was my daughter's son
My wife is now my mother's mother
And it makes me blue
Because although she is my wife
She's my grandmother too

Now if my wife is my grandmother
Then I'm her grandchild
And every time I think of it
It nearly drives me wild
For now I have become
The strangest case you ever saw
As husband of my grandma
I am my own grandpa
Click to expand...
 
26. If you have ever worn more than 1 item of camouflage clothing at the same time.
27. If you have ever used the phrase 'whitchadidja'. Example: You didn't bring your truck whitchadidja?
28. If you mow around cars in the front yard.
 
30. When you think this is a good idea:

redneck-mansion.jpg
 
32. if someone yells hoedown and your girlfriend hits the floor.
33. if both your dog and your wallet are on a chain.
34. if your front porch collapses and kills more than 3 dogs.
35. if your wife has to have you remove the transmission from the bathtud so she can shower.
36. if your best suitcase is a pigly wiggly bag
 
I was also wondering if there are rednecks in England. Would those be the guys they call pikers?

'Ya like dawgs'?
 
blacklab said:
I was also wondering if there are rednecks in England. Would those be the guys they call pikers?

'Ya like dawgs'?
Click to expand...

Pikeys, diddykyes, gippos, are all terms for "Travellers". Not the same thing.

Bumpkins and wurzels are the rednecks of the south. I dunno what the northern terms are.

Hope that helps :)

Edit:- Why do you want to know? are you planning to go to England to get your face rearranged!? :D
 
Laughing_Gnome said:
I'm an urban bumpkin, and I have the same accent as Benny Hill. (Same hometown)
Click to expand...

So when you talk, just that stupid music comes out? Do you also chase people around, only to get confused halfway through with hilarious consequences?
 
zoebisch01 said:
didn't anyone like my story? :(
Click to expand...

OK, read it.... Now, here is the deal. I will promise to like your story, if you promise to like my fable describing the pointlessness of greed centred around a pseudo mythical carpenter and his experience with the rebirth of his previously unborn evil twin.

As a gesture of good faith, I will admit upfront, without hinderance of liability to liking your story....Here goes.

Yes, I liked your story! :)
 

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