Funny things you've overheard about beer

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During a tour of the Heineken brewery in North of France when I was in my late teens, the tour guide told us that it was not possible to get more than 6.5% ABV in beer by just fermenting it, you need to distil it if you wanted a higher ABV and, therefore, anything more than 6.5% ABV is not really beer... (I unfortunately thought it was kind of true for a long time).

The usual: Belgian tripple means 3 fermenting including a 3rd one in bottle (not fully wrong but I only learnt recently that trippel, dubbel or quadrupel was about the amount of grain)

My uncle showing off about getting some Westvleteren and how he called the monks non-stop to finally get the privilege to buy it, my mother thought it would shut him up to mention I brew my own beer, he asked if I was doing "fermentation haute ou basse" (literally high fermenting or low fermenting) and seeing my puzzled face, told me that room temperature was low fermenting.
I actually managed to shut him up by mentioning that Westvleteren could be bought in shops in the US.
 
Apatride,

The westvleteren was only available in the US for one of a kind special, just like it was available in Cork at the Abbots last february. At the time it cost €50.
Normally it is not available in stores. You can find it in Belgium in 2 or 3 off licences but that is about it.

The closest to it you will find in Ireland now is at my place, when i brew it again.

PS: really like your first beer.
 
My Swiss brewing friend of mine asked me this: what do 2 people having sex in a canoe and American beer have in common?
 
30 years ago that would have been true. Now America makes some of the best beer in the world and AB is owned by Belgians. It's like the whole world has gone crazy!
 
My brewing buddy and I were coincidentally talking about funny things to say about beer when we attend Winterfest this year in Indy so that accomplished craft brewers and beer snobs can overhear us and laugh, tear their hair out, and/or rudely interject.

Here are a couple we have thought of so far:

  • I've been looking into ways of hydrogenating my beer but where can I get a tank of molecular hydrogen?
  • I just did my 20th Mr. Beer batch last week. Do you think I should make the jump to all-extract?
  • I like really hoppy beers... Like a Belgian Trappers.
  • I think the strongest beer I've ever drank was Guinness. That stuff is dark!
  • I wonder if you can get a mayonnaise flavor into beer?

This thread has been very helpful so far though and we're definitely going to have write a few down and see if we can provoke any reactions.
 
My brewing buddy and I were coincidentally talking about funny things to say about beer when we attend Winterfest this year in Indy so that accomplished craft brewers and beer snobs can overhear us and laugh, tear their hair out, and/or rudely interject.

Here are a couple we have thought of so far:

  • I've been looking into ways of hydrogenating my beer but where can I get a tank of molecular hydrogen?
  • I just did my 20th Mr. Beer batch last week. Do you think I should make the jump to all-extract?
  • I like really hoppy beers... Like a Belgium Trappers.
  • I think the strongest beer I've ever drank was Guinness. That stuff is dark!
  • I wonder if you can get a mayonnaise flavor into beer?

This thread has been very helpful so far though and we're definitely going to have write a few down and see if we can provoke any reactions.

FTFY, you gotta say Belgium when referring to the beer, Belgian when referring to the country to make beer savvy people rage.

Ex: "My wife and I took a trip to Belgian last year and all I drank was Belgium Tribble lagers"
 
My brewing buddy and I were coincidentally talking about funny things to say about beer when we attend Winterfest this year in Indy so that accomplished craft brewers and beer snobs can overhear us and laugh, tear their hair out, and/or rudely interject.

Ooo... I like that idea! We've got a winter beer festival coming up here next month, too; I could use some ideas. Maybe a side-thread for deliberately obtuse beer-related comments intended to provoke the ire of eavesdropping beer snobs?

"I dunno about this beer festival, man. Do you think any of the breweries will be serving any lagers, or is it all just beer?"

We could have a lot of fun with this. :)
 
PhelanKA7 said:
Have you tried growing your own Whip? I've never been clear on which end of the cow to plant facing up...

I think that one is kind of obvious!
 
FTFY, you gotta say Belgium when referring to the beer, Belgian when referring to the country to make beer savvy people rage.

Ex: "My wife and I took a trip to Belgian last year and all I drank was Belgium Tribble lagers"

UUUUUGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!

I just posted about that in a pet peeves thread. People do that on here all the time, and it drives the grammar geek in me crazy! 'Use higher ferm temps to get more Belgium flavor from the yeast.' Then again, there are a lot of grammatical things people type on here that drive me crazy:drunk:.
 
UUUUUGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!

I just posted about that in a pet peeves thread. People do that on here all the time, and it drives the grammar geek in me crazy! 'Use higher ferm temps to get more Belgium flavor from the yeast.' Then again, there are a lot of grammatical things people type on here that drive me crazy:drunk:.

and they speak Belgian, right? ;)
 
Ooo... I like that idea! We've got a winter beer festival coming up here next month, too; I could use some ideas. Maybe a side-thread for deliberately obtuse beer-related comments intended to provoke the ire of eavesdropping beer snobs?

"I dunno about this beer festival, man. Do you think any of the breweries will be serving any lagers, or is it all just beer?"

We could have a lot of fun with this. :)

What would be more humorous is if what you said at the beer fest makes it's way back to this thread as a stupid comment someone overheard about beer. Lol
 
Ok guys now your just being stupid....everyone knows that Miracle Whip is a fully modified dressing and can be mash with a simple infusion mash. Unlike mayo which isn't and must be step mashed.

The need to step mash mayo is a myth which has been thoroughly debunked. Please stop perpetuating such myths. It's irritating as hell, and confusing to the newbies.
 
Ask the server of an American Brewing co or even better, a well known local company, after tasting their beer, if they have any domestics, that foreign stuff is way to heavy and strong...

Or taste one of their beers and say "oh this must be an import, American beer is watered down women's beer. WHAT COUNTRY ARE YOU FROM!?" (Loud and slow like you think they are hard of hearing or something because they might not speak English well.)

Or when you get up to the server for your two ounce sample and they ask what you'd like to try, "ale please, I hate beer it has no taste" walk away proclaiming real men drink ale...
 
Matt3989 said:
Anyone know how mayo affects the SRM, I'm thinking of a mayo hefe with a light mayo drizzled over the head for serving.

I'm worried about clarity, but I'll just blame it on the wheat.

As I have seen women use it to strip the color of bad dye jobs from their hair, I believe mayo to be actually in the negatives for color and in my perfectly scientifical expert opinion, somewhere around -10 unless roasted or using belgian special M 10l commonly known as miracle whip

Also important to note when using mayo it is no longer craft, but now rather "Kraft" beer.
 
Klickmania said:
Nope! Flanders.

No no Flanders is just a dialect of Belgian like lambic come on man, if you are going to correct someone have your facts in order
 
The need to step mash mayo is a myth which has been thoroughly debunked. Please stop perpetuating such myths. It's irritating as hell, and confusing to the newbies.

Sure, if you're using modern-day well modified mayonnaise, it's not absolutely necessary, but if you do decoction mashing, those Maillard reactions give you subtle mayo flavors that are unachievable by any other method.
 
You guys are all off base. If you want that traditional mayo flavor it's necessary to do a triple decoction mash. Otherwise you won't get the mayoiest notes out of it.

The funniest thing I heard about mayo was some dumb guy a the local Kraft Beer bar telling me mayo was invented in county Mayo, Ireland. Wrong, it was invented in Mayonnaise in Alsace.
 
dkwolf said:
Even though I know you're joking, I just threw up in my mouth a little.

I know a guy who owns a small brewery, and they self distribute. A couple times, when they were able to take an account away from a distributer at a bar, the distributer would smear mayo inside the keg connection to my buddies kegs to make his beer taste rancid. That's how evil and vindictive the distributors are these days.
 
Japan. It is always Japan.

Sorry, this is a little bit :off: but I had to :

20100915062904-japan-producing-78-percent-of-the-worlds-wierd-****-since-1952-01.jpg
 
Old Cock ale recipe- replace cock with turkey.Spice with salt and pepper last 10 minutes of boil. Dry whip secondary with mayo? Enter under bjcp Christmas beer category, name it something creative involving "next day christmas dinner left over samiches," someone please do this because I want to hear about how it goes, and the looks on the judges faces...
 
Marauder said:
Old Cock ale recipe- replace cock with turkey.Spice with salt and pepper last 10 minutes of boil. Dry whip secondary with mayo? Enter under bjcp Christmas beer category, name it something creative involving "next day christmas dinner left over samiches," someone please do this because I want to hear about how it goes, and the looks on the judges faces...

Has anyone on here ever made cock ale? I've been wondering that ever since I heard about it.
 
Things got a whole lot funnier these last few pages:fro:

Starting, for me, with the Monty Python skit :fro:and then this next comment had me chuckling away to myself:mug:

FTFY, you gotta say Belgium when referring to the beer, Belgian when referring to the country to make beer savvy people rage.

Ex: "My wife and I took a trip to Belgian last year and all I drank was Belgium Tribble lagers"
:rockin:
 
Oh look! A new direction!

Mrs McDinsky: Beer goggles is real, dawg.
Me: Of course they are but flushots are too.
Sam: Don't. Please, don't.
Me: Recite the passages. Dispel the evil. Save my soul... And your own lives!

1488787_med.png
 
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