Post the stupid things you did when drunk

I'll be the first to start, only because I did one of my top ten most stupid things TONIGHT.

I'm one of the co-founders of a local beer tasting club. . . tonight we had one of our monthly meetings. One of our members brought some home grown habanero peppers.

Well, after tasting a few brews, a dare occured, and people dared me that I could not eat and chew up a habanero pepper.

I proved them wrong-------only to end up outside, with my tongue swollen up 5 x normal size. I was literally licking concrete to make the pain go away. I was drooling on myself and having a bit of trouble breathing.

For a minute, I was actually questioning my intelligence and whether or not I should go and give myself an epinephrine injection and call an ambulance.


It was totally AWESOME.
I'm sure I'll pay for that habanero about 0900 in the morning when it comes out the other end.

The term "$#itting razorblades" comes to mind.





This one totally ranks in the top ten.

That said, I'd love to hear of other people's drunken confessions.

I have nothing to say but ROFLMAO and yet feel sorry for ya.

Isn't it amazing that nature wraps those seeds around something so sinister as a hot pepper so no animals will eat them? cept for us 2-leggers.

Oh yea, your bungholeo is going to feel like your tongue tomorrow as well.

yeah, good times. . ..good times. . .. .

"fire in the hole!"

I'll submit a stupid for your approval as well.

A couple years ago, after I'd been dating my future wife for about a month, we took a trip to vegas with some friends. My now-wife had previously worked for a corporate housing company that supplied traveling execs with a furnished condo to live in for a few weeks at a time. Anywhoo, she called up an old friend and got us all into a two bedroom condo for free. It was great! So my wife and I go to a wedding on Saturday, hit the reception, then drive to Vegas. We get to vegas around 10pm and meet the crew, hit a bar and one of those ridiculous yet fun dance clubs. I drink a lot of double-whisky and cokes. We get back to the condo around 5 am and all crash--the dudes in one room and the ladies (all unattached) in the master bedroom. I got up a couple hours later and go to take a piss. In the bathroom, opposite the sink, is a huge hole in the drywall. I do a double take. I vaguely recall using the bathroom earlier, but not kicking a hole in the wall. So I investigate the hole. It's too high and too large for a kick. Too low for a head butt. Too big for a knee............ah. I turn around and bend down a bit to confirm: yep, it's a butt-hole. So somehow, I reckon, I managed to fall backward and throw my ass straight through a wall, then get out and go back to bed.
The worst part was teh few minutes after I told my future wife what i'd done and before she started laughing.
Afterward we took a picture as a dramatic reenactment. I don't know how to post pictures or I would show you.

Cheers! And try to keep your asses out of the drywall!
monk

That's a good one.


Also in my top ten. . .

I went on a fishing trip, and drank a piss load of doppelbock. . . I woke up in the middle of the night in the cabin bathroom on the wet floor with the lights off, and the water running in the shower and the sink, and with toilet paper all over the damned place.

I had no idea how I got there, and what the hell possessed me to go to the bathroom, turn all the damned water on, (with the lights off mind you), and wallow around on the floor in a pile of wet toilet paper.

To make matters worse, I cleaned up the mess, and the next morning when my buddy went to take a $#it, he was cussing about the fact that there was no toilet paper anywhere in the cabin.

I blamed the lack of TP on the maids, and not on my drunken bathroom misadventure.

That's nothing...

As we were walking home one night (the smartest decision of the evening), of my own drunk volition, I took a spin on a tiny, pink, kid's bicycle...and even wore the pink helmet. The helmet did me no good, however, when I turned the handlebars too far and wiped out. I put a foot down to break my fall...the fall was not broken, but my ankle was...in two places. I spent the next 90 days recovering from the break + required surgery that put a stainless steel screw temporarily throught the bones in my ankle.

*******.

Biermann said:

I blamed the lack of TP on the maids, and not on my drunken bathroom misadventure.

Click to expand...

Good cover.

Yuri_Rage said:

That's nothing...

As we were walking home one night (the smartest decision of the evening), of my own drunk volition, I took a spin on a tiny, pink, kid's bicycle...and even wore the pink helmet. The helmet did me no good, however, when I turned the handlebars too far and wiped out. I put a foot down to break my fall...the fall was not broken, but my ankle was...in two places. I spent the next 90 days recovering from the break + required surgery that put a stainless steel screw temporarily throught the bones in my ankle.

*******.

Click to expand...

OMG!!!

At least none of mine ended up in surgery . . . . or wearing a pink helmet.

I can't say it until the statute of limitations runs out.

MrSaLTy said:

I can't say it until the statute of limitations runs out.

Click to expand...

Sure you can. I'm not sure lawyers know how to brew. *L*

Also in the top ten:

When I moved to Carbondale, IL (SIU),

the first night there I went out to drink with my cousin (female--helped me move), and my best friend. I had at least 6 pitches of beer myself.

Well, in all my drunken wisdom, my buddy talked me into buying a case of Rolling Rock on the way home. I drank half of it.

The next morning, I woke up in an unused bedroom in my apt, with my shirt off, curled up in the corner.

I went downstairs, and found my cousin (female) on the couch asleep. The front door to the apt was hanging wide open.

I called my buddy on his Cell, and asked "what the F@#$ happened?"

He replied, "I left at 0400, and you were driving the porcelain bus passed out at the wheel---with your shirt off."

I spent the afternoon afterwards eating Taco Bell Gorditas all the while with a raging headache.

Biermann said:

I went out to drink with my cousin (female--helped me move)

The next morning, I woke up in an unused bedroom in my apt, with my shirt off, curled up in the corner.

I went downstairs, and found my cousin (female) on the couch asleep.

Click to expand...

You and the cousin were clothed in separate rooms...no harm, no foul, as I see it. And if you were in Kentucky, other conclusions would've been perfectly acceptable as well.

Others that top my list:
EDIT (to protect the innocent...er, uh...well, me): Strip poker with less than desirable opponents.

Went to "Boystown" south of Acuña, Mexico...enough said if you've ever heard of the place or had the misfortune of going there yourself.

Tried to walk home from a bar on 4th Ave in Tucson. Spent the night parked in a parking space at the local VA hospital (without a car). Woke up when a pickup truck parked next to me, finding myself using my shirt for a pillow.

Shaved things.

Spray painted someone's car fluorescent orange...without permission.

Played bumper cars...with real cars...on purpose.

And this has the potential to qualify as #1 every time I do it:

YOGA FIRE!

OK, here's one of my stupid stories. We were out in the woods, burning pallets and mattresses in a huge bonfire. Several hours had gone by and it was mostly coals, but still there was some flame. I came up with the brilliant idea to jump over the fire pit. I'm not sure if I went first or not, but I know that I at least attempted to do it. I took a huge running start, and just as I was planting my foot for takeoff, it slipped in the mud. I flailed over the fire not quite sure if I was going to fall onto my back into the flames or make it. I did actually make it over but it was close My wife said later that if I fell into the fire, she was going to kick me until the flames were out, then keep kicking me a little more. Gawd I love her That was also the same party that I squeezed through a window that was barred up, but that story's for a different day.

Seriously, Biermann, if you value your sitting gear, use some preparation H in anticipation of the habanero's dramatic exit. You may lose your dignity, but better than feeling like you have a lawn aerator going over the mountain pass.

I have my fair share of stupid things I have done...but my friend Nick takes the cake on this one...

We where hanging out in has yard drinking when he got a great idea to take care of a tree that had been hit by lighting and broken in half. So he climbed up there with a saw (not a chainsaw, I was able to talk him out of that) and started cutting...well he cut off the branch he was sitting on...15' down he came riding the branch like Wile E. Coyote . He was very lucky and only walked away with some scrapes and bruises.

This was almost 10 years ago...he still has not lived it down!!!

Tom

HABANERO has exited the building!!!!

Good Lord. I feel like someone sprayed MACE all over my tail end!!



I was seconds away from running around my office dragging my bare a$$ on the ground

Tom Church said:

I have my fair share of stupid things I have done...but my friend Nick takes the cake on this one...

We where hanging out in has yard drinking when he got a great idea to take care of a tree that had been hit by lighting and broken in half. So he climbed up there with a saw (not a chainsaw, I was able to talk him out of that) and started cutting...well he cut off the branch he was sitting on...15' down he came riding the branch like Wile E. Coyote . He was very lucky and only walked away with some scrapes and bruises.

This was almost 10 years ago...he still has not lived it down!!!

Tom

Click to expand...

ROTFL!!

I'm pretty sure that would be good material for Ebaum's world. . .*L*

The internet is not big enuff to list every stupid thing I have done when drunk . . . or sober for that mater. Heres a short list of some of the off the top of my head things . . .

• Punched a camel I HATE camels and those dirty bastards spit (U.A.E.)
• Got into a fight with the Australian Navy (about 50 vs 10 . . . we lost but drank for free for the rest of the week, the Ausi's bought )
• Tryed to "sleep it off" in my car (wasnt driving at all that night) and woke up in the Navy hospital with a BAC of .380
• Walked through a door (closed) trying to prove to my Mom I wasnt drunk (after I was rolled to the front door on a scooter . . . the kind you use to work on the under side of your car)
• ate a beer mug
• Hung a cop by his underware on a fence when he tryed to arrest me for being drunk (Hong Kong)
• Kissed a cop and shoved him in the bushes when he tried to arrest me for being drunk (Singapore)
• Declared myself a mecenary after the Offier of the Deck wouldnt allow me back on the ship because I was too drunk to stand and request permision to return (I dunno either but they said it worked)
• Took over a Air Traffic Controll Tower the ordered planes to be shot down because they werent listening to instructions (turned out to be a water tower and the pilots couldnt hear me yell clearances to them)
• Stole a sign from the USMC, sign read "Do Not Enter - Deadly Force Authorized"
• Reorganized the Admirals lawn gnomes into pornographic positions (NAS Alemdea)
• Declared "WAR" on Tiajuana and beat the hell out of a mexican light post . . . it attacked me
• Told Vice Admiral James Stockdale he should kick H. Ross Perot's ass for making him go to the Vice Presidential Debate and making himself look like a retarded old fool - fortunately he had his hearing aids turned off . . . again (some bar off base in San Diego)
• p1ssed on the US Navy . . . well on the NAS Corpus Christi front gate . . . in front of the sentrys . . . ran . . . got caught . . . resisted . . . got beaten down and taken back to my barracks . . . found out later the Sentries were the guys in the barracks room next to mine

And you guys wonder why I have so much home brew and am trying to work myself back up to a brew a day . . .

Since I have a very high IQ and a low tolerence for alcohol, I get sick long before I get stupid. This may or may not be a good thing.

On the other hand, I've eaten those little red peppers in Chinese food while sober.

david_42 said:

Since I have a very high IQ and a low tolerence for alcohol

Click to expand...

Aww, don't be so modest!

Those hot peppers can be a mf'er.

I used to work as a sales rep for a manufacturing facility. Our factory was mostly Mexican workers and most of them spoke little english. For some unknown reason, one of our truck drivers (a white guy) challenged one of the Mexican guys to bring him a pepper he couldn't eat.

About 15 minutes later, we had parametics on the scene - lol.

Jesus Pumbaa, remind me never to piss you off.

MrSaLTy said:

Jesus Pumbaa, remind me never to piss you off.

Click to expand...

ROFL
Since I have ben married my hanging out and drinking with the guys has really slowed down . . . ok well it's stopped. Thats probably a good thing but isnt near as much fun

I dont care how drunk you are at the time, and how much you can justify it. Its never a good idea to sleep with your girlfriends best friend.....ever, so dont do it.


Hell hath no wrath like a woman scorned

Chimone said:

Its never a good idea to sleep with your girlfriends best friend.....ever, so dont do it.

Click to expand...

I totally disagree! It's only a bad idea if you want to KEEP your current girlfriend (or boyfriend for the girls that might be reading)

How about sleeping with your best friend's girlfriend? Is THAT a good idea?

Chimone said:

I dont care how drunk you are at the time, and how much you can justify it. Its never a good idea to sleep with your girlfriends best friend.....ever, so dont do it.

Click to expand...

However, if your girlfriend is also in attendance and she made the request for you to sleep with said friend while she has the video camera then it's ok.

Unless of course your girlfriends best friend is a guy in which you should get the hell out of there! (you were not gender specific).

i'll tag in with a story that has a little something to do with too many chemicals in the bloodstream -

i was hanging out at a friend's place on a nice summer saturday night.....waiting on a another guy. we were all supposed to go down to this local bar (short walk from the house) and meet some guys we hadn't seen in a while. things got delayed and we enved up getting a pretty good head start on the drinking before we were even at the bar. after a few hours of a Smoked Porter i had brewed a few weeks before, coupled with a half a bottle of Tenoch Reposado tequila (yeehaaa!) i needed a little snack to keep the system running smoothly. my buddy pulls out a rice krispy treat - homemade - from his pack (first clue missed....who travels with homamade rice krispy treats, anyway?!!?) and i hungrily wolf it down, much to the grins of my buddies.

(editors note: a few of these guys are regular pot dudes. now, i have absolutely 0 problem with this, i just don't do it......much. regardless, in retrospect, i should have put two and two together. plus, the krispy treat tasted a little funny. clue #2 missed!!!!)

15 or so minutes later, the late friend arrives and we walk up the bar. at this point, i'm feeling like the tequila of realy having a good time in my stomach. feeling very light on the shoes!

to make a log story short, by beer #2 at the tavern my pupils were about 1/2" across, i was clutching my glass like my life depended on it and it looked like the Harpoon IPA tap handle was a dragon head that was making a weird hissin noise. bailing was essential, much to the relentless gigles of my companions.

the trek home (another long story) involved being sandpaper-thirsty, trying to drink water from a dude's sprinkler-hose, and getting chased down the street by said homeowner.

i'm not sure i can blame it on the booze, but i still consider it a good intoxicated evening!

desertBrew said:

However, if your girlfriend is also in attendance and she made the request for you to sleep with said friend while she has the video camera then it's ok.

Click to expand...

I stand corrected

the_bird said:

How about sleeping with your best friend's girlfriend? Is THAT a good idea?

Click to expand...

it all depends on how hot the girl is and how big your best friend is

Fiery Sword said:

i'll tag in with a story that has a little something to do with too many chemicals in the bloodstream -

i was hanging out at a friend's place on a nice summer saturday night.....waiting on a another guy. we were all supposed to go down to this local bar (short walk from the house) and meet some guys we hadn't seen in a while. things got delayed and we enved up getting a pretty good head start on the drinking before we were even at the bar. after a few hours of a Smoked Porter i had brewed a few weeks before, coupled with a half a bottle of Tenoch Reposado tequila (yeehaaa!) i needed a little snack to keep the system running smoothly. my buddy pulls out a rice krispy treat - homemade - from his pack (first clue missed....who travels with homamade rice krispy treats, anyway?!!?) and i hungrily wolf it down, much to the grins of my buddies.

(editors note: a few of these guys are regular pot dudes. now, i have absolutely 0 problem with this, i just don't do it......much. regardless, in retrospect, i should have put two and two together. plus, the krispy treat tasted a little funny. clue #2 missed!!!!)

15 or so minutes later, the late friend arrives and we walk up the bar. at this point, i'm feeling like the tequila of realy having a good time in my stomach. feeling very light on the shoes!

to make a log story short, by beer #2 at the tavern my pupils were about 1/2" across, i was clutching my glass like my life depended on it and it looked like the Harpoon IPA tap handle was a dragon head that was making a weird hissin noise. bailing was essential, much to the relentless gigles of my companions.

the trek home (another long story) involved being sandpaper-thirsty, trying to drink water from a dude's sprinkler-hose, and getting chased down the street by said homeowner.

i'm not sure i can blame it on the booze, but i still consider it a good intoxicated evening!

Click to expand...

well if we're lumping that in as well, heres a few stories:

me and 2 others managed to get about 30-40 people, cant remember exactly, singing THIS song through the middle of town.

Got dared to jump through a hedge, no biggie, dived in only to find out it was a holly bush

made out with best friends girl and got smacked clean in the nose, it bled for quite a while lol

drank a friends seman, long story short he "put" it in to a bottle of yazoo + vodka secretly and let me + 2 others drink it

jumped from a roughly 18-20 foot tree branch, didnt get up for a fair old while aparently heh.

thats about all i can think of for booze stories, as for drugging stories:

me and a few others had sneaked onto the private land of a mansion and were toking away on Salvia (google it).
one of my friends disapeared for a bit, i went to look for him and after a long, walk with lots of falling over and trees laughing at me i found him, in front of an old woman with a huge stick held in his hand like a sword.
I was pretty out of it at the time, so just laughed and left him to it.
he came back later dragging a huge hose, to put it in perspective i couldnt even lift it. he had dragged it maybe 3, 400M, through plain sight of the mansion.

After he had done that, he released a dragon that flew around the sky, chasing us around. he also released the "castle guard" who tried to catch us. im guessing now that this was security heh.

Any way, we then had a good hour or two (we had combined Salvia with weed which seems to give longer effects) chopping down imaginary enemies with swords


Another time (again, Salvia) i left my body completely, just stared down at it. a guy in a suit came up to me and walked me into my ear.
Inside my mind was a big office with loads of people working away, if i opened a filing cabinet i could see memories, was very strange heh.


Probs only story i have for weed would be the first time we tried it with a bong, was insane. We were all so ****ed we just laid down on the ground and staired at the trees, i tried to stand up at one point and couldnt move my legs lol.
Any way, we were all in this state when we hear the good ol shout of the police running down at us.
Well, lets just say that running like that is a life experience heh.


well, thats me done.

drank a friends seman, long story short he "put" it in to a bottle of yazoo + vodka secretly and let me + 2 others drink it

Click to expand...

DUDE, F'in GROSS!!

I think I'd cause said friend some serious bodily harm afterward.

And, for the record, my bum has been paying the price for that Habanero ALLL freakin' day.

It actually hurts to walk now (combination of caustic pepper burn and rough TP).

LewisM said:

drank a friends seman, long story short he "put" it in to a bottle of yazoo + vodka secretly and let me + 2 others drink it

Click to expand...

I once filled up a "buddy's" pint glass with piss. My other friend served it to the guy and told him it was beer. He took a big swig, smelled it, pretended like nothing ever happened and then said, "This smells like piss, I'm not drinking it!" Noble attempt at a recovery, but we all saw him drink it.

Now semen is just crossing the line!

OK, went to a party, drank too much, and got hungry. The back of my buddies pickup was the only seat left for me and 2 other guys. Wound up ROARIN' down the highway threatening to shoot the next a#$ who got too close with a freakin compound bow and arrow that I found in the back. That's the best one outta all the foggies that I can dredge up. BTW, didn't shoot, and ate half a pancake at the waffle house off a plate at the next table. It was a dare, and I got a free breakfast for it.

Chemically, I smoked a bit and got lost on the way home, 4 miles away, and wound up trying to navigate by the moon. Don't ask me, it was herbal.

Biermann said:

DUDE, F'in GROSS!!

I think I'd cause said friend some serious bodily harm afterward.

Click to expand...

haha, i was throwing up after he told me for a fair old while, had a wee fight afterwords but nothing much.

yea im far to friendly ^-^

I can't say that I have actualy gotton drunk on beer. I usually fill up way before that happens. Southern Comfort though is another issue. The stupidist thing I had ever done was drink way too much. I have no idea what I did and was very happy that I was with someone I trusted. It was the first and only time I have no idea what happened.

I just get really, really, REALLY silly and goofy, even moreso that my usual self, when I'm wasted. Haven't been DRUNK-drunk in ages, though, probably about three years ago. Used to drink too much back in high school, but no stories that compare to Puumba (way to raise the bar, buddy).

LewisM said:

haha, i was throwing up after he told me for a fair old while, had a wee fight afterwords but nothing much.

yea im far to friendly ^-^

Click to expand...

I would of got him so drunk he passed out. then tea bagged him and put a video of it on youtube

Got maggot down my local came home early, scraped together some ingredients for a pizza and at the last minute thought i would make one with tinned dog food on it and leave it out for my mates when they arrived home. Went to bed and the rest is history, naturally they ate the lot what can i say?

LewisM said:

haha, i was throwing up after he told me for a fair old while, had a wee fight afterwords but nothing much.

yea im far to friendly ^-^

Click to expand...

I vote for brewing up a brown ale, and dry hopping one bottle with a big ol' piece of dog ****. Just for him.