venting

First, please excuse any typos as this is being done on my smart phone- and i am drinking.

Just need to vent to my favorite outlet. The wife and I did our usual sunday night routine of trivia at the bar with friends. Our team was tied for first place. After the first tie breaker i volunteered for the second. I didn't know the answer and we took second. My team was trying to give the answer (which they aren't supposed to do) and i didnt look to them. My wife, in front of our friends, scowls at me and says why didnt you listen to us. I didn't have a good answer for a pointed rhetorical question and said "i guess i wanted us to lose!" Now she sittng in the bed room and i am watching tv with the kid. I have no interest in talking to her, but am i being foolish? Should ijust chalk this up to her anger over losing? If so, isnt that childish of her? Ahhhh what is a husband to do?

You should always push to win. If you aren't first you're last!!!

You should be fine, these kind of things blow over. And yes she's being childish but don't tell her that, will only make things worse.

Second place? Second place is no place! (Had to throw in the KK II reference)

Hahaha. Totally ignore her until she decides to talk to you, and then remark, "well someone was a sore loser tonight/yesterday/last week... (however long it takes ).

EDIT: Say it with a smile and half-jokingly!

To answer your question I have to ask this question "how bad do you want to be married?"

If it is Yes, I want to be married and stay married, then yes you were foolish. You are going to face much greater things in your life than a trivia game and it seems while she's mad, you're mad too. It starts with a sorry honey.

but if you don't care about being married... always say the first thing that comes to mind.

My advice, drink heavily. That solves everything.

Thanks guys for listening, just needed go blow off some steam last night. Still waiting for a admission of guilt from the wife, which may be a while. Normally I cave just to get things back to the status quo. Not this time, let's see how long this takes.

Usually when either my wife or I get in a snit about something the other party will threaten to poke them mercilessly. Not a euphamism.

"Not this time, let's see how long this takes."

Probably till you'd like to have sex again..... good luck with that.

^-- exactly.

I usually cave when I want to go spelunking

Personally, I don't apologize unless I actually do something wrong. This see a ridiculous and so I have to think there is some underlying issue. Talk to her about it but don't apologize when you haven't done anything wrong. Explain your rationality to her like you did here. Now that everyone is sober, she will be more apt to shrug it off.
Best of luck, women are crazy.

Personally, I'd let this one go. I dont see any upside. I would treaten to poke her though.

Don't apologize unless you actually do something wrong. Don't be like a woman and wait around all moody and passive aggressive either. Talk to her about it. Explain your point of view rationally just like you did here. If she still has a problem after you two understand each other, you have bigger problems then trivia.

Sorry for double post, my iPhone acting like an iPhone.

I see no benefit to letting this go. You guys are right there are deeper issues here. My wife feels she doesn't have to take into consideration the impact of her words on other people. If i let this go I am just reinforcing that habit.

Was it really that bad? Or just your wife getting snitty after a few too many? It came across as the latter

JoshuaWhite5522 said:

Thanks guys for listening, just needed go blow off some steam last night. Still waiting for a admission of guilt from the wife, which may be a while. Normally I cave just to get things back to the status quo. Not this time, let's see how long this takes.

Click to expand...

I've been married 25 years and I'm still waiting for an admission of guilt from my wife for something (anything) that she's ever done.

The best I've ever gotten is that I'm NOT 100% wrong. If you can get her to admit it's only 50% your fault, consider it a victory.

I'm not even kidding.

"I'm not even kidding."


30 years here.

First thing is you have to figure out what's actually important to you? Somebody in any marriage has to cut the other some slack sometimes. It's not a matter of training your spouse, it's a matter of getting along and dealing with something big in your lives.

As I said you'll have bigger problems to face down the road. If this situation as you've described it is too much to write off for you, what are you going to do when someting really rough happens?

Not trying to offend you, I'd hate to see this as a start to a divorce. Good luck.

I'm way too late for this to be of any help, but did you just tell her why you did what you did? If it's against the rules for the team to help, and you wanted to follow the rules, then there's no cause for anger on either side.
Maybe she forgot the team wasn't supposed to help, or whatever. Not being there, I can't say.
But in my experience, things like this are usually an error in perception, and if both sides know what the other side was thinking, it smooths over fast and opens the door to further communication down the road.

"It'll still be two days til we say we're sorry."