I am an idiot

WesleyS said:

Alright hamsters and hamsterettes!
I just drove away from the LHBS with the ingredients I require for the idiotic black IPA. When I get home I will post the recipe, which is pretty idiotic by the way. I think there's at lest an 80% chance this beer will turn out tasting like a sewage filled gym sock.
Of course, that's what all my beers taste like, so no big surprise.

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Send a bottle or two to me. If you see me typing "braaaaaains" then you know the beer didn't do too well. Also, you might need to arm yourself because if I morph into a zombie, I can no longer be held accountable to any mangling and harm to others that I may cause.

sonofgrok said:

Um... the square root of -1 is "i". Legit.

That wasn't so idiotic of a statement.

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That's why I like numbers, they are always rational.

Leadgolem said:

That's why I like numbers, they are always rational.

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As opposed to people, who are almost always irrational!

WesleyS said:

Oh sorry. I must pay more attention. In that case wrap it up in lambs skin, do the safety dance, burn a fifty dollar bill and shave a monkey. That ought to do it.

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1 posts to rule them all 1 post to find them 1 post to shave a monkey and in in in in....the darkness blind them

cheezydemon3 said:

1 posts to rule them all 1 post to find them 1 post to shave a monkey and in in in in....the darkness blind them

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A shaved monkey can do that, especially if you add the monkey instead of the shavings to the brew.

Alright Menerdari. I hope your still checking in because here's the brew dedicated to you.

HBT's Village Idiot (Black IPA)
5.5 gallons

16 lbs 2-row
12 oz midnight wheat 550L
10 oz crystal 90L
8 oz carafa 320L (Added at end of mash)
6 oz crystal 120L
5 oz flaked barley

1 oz cascade 5% AA (FWH)
1 oz chinook 13% AA (FWH)
1 oz Columbus 17.7%AA (20 min)
1 oz cascade 5% AA. (10 min)
1 oz chinook 11.1% AA (5 min)
1 oz Columbus 17.7 AA (0 min)
1 oz chinook (Dry hop)
WLP 005 British Ale Yeast

Brewing this in the morning. I'll see how it all goes, but I might have to improvise with some hamsters, turtles or crocs. Maybe do a little dance for good measure. I can tell you this, this beer has already started out with an idiotic act. I crushed that whole grain bill with my corona mill cranking by hand. I'm such an idiot.

Wait a min. I used my corona to grind 12.5lbs of grain last night.

Whattawort said:

Wait a min. I used my corona to grind 12.5lbs of grain last night.

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I don't know about you, but I sure feel like an idiot every time I hand crank my corona.

Lautering now:


First wort hops:


Bourbon and first runnings:

Boil has been achieved.

WesleyS said:

I don't know about you, but I sure feel like an idiot every time I hand crank my corona.

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Actually I let my friend do it since he said he wanted to help.

2 Week update on the Stumbling Bumbling Idiot BIPA

Time for dry hopping! Who like pictures?

Mmmmm, used motor oil. Look at that krausen sludge!



Here's what it looked like in a glass. It finished at 1.018, down from 1.079 OG. Quite a bit stronger than what I was going for at 8.3% ABV, temp corrected. On brew day, the wort was not at all pleasant and I thought for sure this brew would only be good as a blender. 2 weeks of fermentation later, and this is a completely different beer. It's unlike anything I've had before, but it is really good. It's not going to be a CDA/BIPA per style guidelines, but I think I'm going to enjoy the hell out of it just the same.



Time for dry hopping. It's my first time, so better safe than sorry. Boiling the sack with a glass weight.



Sanitizing my tools



1 Oz each of leaf hops, Citra, Cascade and Amarillo



Ready to go!!



I'm only going to DH for 7 days. What do you all think I should do after that? Rack off of the hops and age for a while, or just bottle 'em up? It should probably be treated like a DIPA no? Maybe split the batch?

Bottle and drink as soon as possible. That fresh, juicy flavor disappears way too fast :-(

Hamsterbite said:

Boiling the sack with a glass weight.

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I tried that once. I've never been the same man since.

No wonder you have to work your own crank.

I think I would rather have it squeezed

By the way hamsterbite, that's some fine looking black gold you brewed there. Mine didn't come out quite pitch black as I hoped for, partly due to the fact that I ended up with more wort than planned. I lost much less in evap today than usual from cooler weather, and couldn't extend the boil longer because I had to be somewhere in the afternoon. But it looked good and smelled good. Now its up to the yeasties to do their work. I'm looking forward to trying the finished product. Let me know how yours turns out with the 2 oz of dry hops. As of right now, my plans are just 1 oz of chinook for my dry hops.

That looks all sweet and yummy like candies.

Mr. Potato Head brewed me a pot and toe beer.

Oh, so that's what they meant by "herbal variations" to mead.

Quick update on the Idiotic Black IPA.

Nice

Looks absolutely idiotic!

WTH are you doing? That's no way to ferment an Idiot IPA.... oh.... wait.... maybe it is. Never mind. Carry on.

WesleyS said:

Quick update on the Idiotic Black IPA.


View attachment 78868


View attachment 78869

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What's with the 1G ferementer? Did you just run out of carboy room, or are you doing something different with the small batch?

Hamsterbite said:

What's with the 1G ferementer? Did you just run out of carboy room, or are you doing something different with the small batch?

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I ended up with more wort than I should've because I didn't lose as much in evaporation as normal due to a few issues on brew day. I didn't want to fill my 5g carboy too full so I put a gallon in the small bottle. I figure I'll just dry hop the big fermenter and then blend at bottling.

Got me wondering for my own curiosity....can you fit oak chips into one of those 1G bottles? Never tried oaking, but this seems like a low risk way to experiment.

Hamsterbite said:

Got me wondering for my own curiosity....can you fit oak chips into one of those 1G bottles? Never tried oaking, but this seems like a low risk way to experiment.

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Hmmmm.....now you have me thinking.

Probably easier to deal with in a big erlinmeyer, but sometimes you gotta improvise.:rockin:

I have an almost limitless supply of those four liter wine bottles because my FIL drinks that wine like its going out of style. So I could possibly cram a hop bag with hops and bourbon soaked oak chips into one and rack on top of it for secondary. Then after I'm done, if I can't get the bag out there's really no loss.

static said:

WTH are you doing? That's no way to ferment an Idiot IPA.... oh.... wait.... maybe it is. Never mind. Carry on.

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I know, I know. There's no hamsters, turtles, crocs or miniature whales involved in this process. It's almost as if I haven't been paying attention to the techniques discussed in this thread at all. I'm such an idiot. An idiot for trying not to be an idiot, but in the process of avoiding being an idiot I have made myself an idiot.


Idiot

I had such high hopes.... Please report to Wolpertinger for processing.

That's the problem with being idiots, the harder we try not doing idiotic things the bigger idiot we look. But the good thing is we don't have to try at all to just be idiots. That is good isn't it?

static said:

I had such high hopes.... Please report to Wolpertinger for processing.

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I read that as "high hops".

You might be a homebrewer....

grem135 said:

That's the problem with being idiots, the harder we try not doing idiotic things the bigger idiot we look. But the good thing is we don't have to try at all to just be idiots. That is good isn't it?

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Yes it is. Being an idiot comes naturally to me. So obviously my brewing will be idiotic. If I try not to brew idiotically, it ends up being more idiotic.
How many idiots does it take to brew a batch of beer?

I don't know, I'm an idiot!!

Wow! That brew looks idiotical in ever eye saw one!

Rondacker said:

Wow! That brew looks idiotical in ever eye saw one!

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So do that wording.

Thinkings of there that too me were.

In other words, same wangle.

Hamsterbite said:

Thinkings of there that too me were.

In other words, same wangle.

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Lets leave wangles out of this.

Wangles are serial business. Doan't start with the wangles if you're aint prepared for the recursions