I am an idiot

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CreamyGoodness said:
Hear me out hear me out. Make learning to brew a series of projects. Start with table sugar and yeast in a plastic bag in a bucket. Watch it explode. Lesson on CO2 as a byproduct has been taught. Move up to JAOM, using only things you can find at the grocery store. Notice what's wrong and annoying about the process. Buy one or two measly pieces of actual equiptment and make apfelwein.... and so on. Don't even take out a hydrometer until chapter 6.


Thats what I've been doing over the past year on my own, because I tell you right now when I started reading early on about floccuation and efficiency I done got scareded.
Click to expand...

Sounds to me like you are trying to reinvent the Mr Beer kit
 
Right on. It's all about learning from mistakes firsthand, but in a well laid out, scripted manner.

Brew #1. Table sugar, (or 132 packets of Heinz Ketchup in a pinch) and tap water filtered through a loaf of bread in a large gym sock. Open ferment under your bed in a lasagna pan.

Brew #2. Same but ferment in a carboy with an airlock.

Brew #3. Sanitize equipment this time.

#4. Boil the "wort" this time.

#5. Maybe add some hops.

By just your 68th brew session, you'll be capable of making something every bit as good as a can of lost and found Natty Light.
 
Hamsterbite said:
Right on. It's all about learning from mistakes firsthand, but in a well laid out, scripted manner.

Brew #1. Table sugar, (or 132 packets of Heinz Ketchup in a pinch) and tap water filtered through a loaf of bread in a large gym sock. Open ferment under your bed in a lasagna pan.

Brew #2. Same but ferment in a carboy with an airlock.

Brew #3. Sanitize equipment this time.

#4. Boil the "wort" this time.

#5. Maybe add some hops.

By just your 68th brew session, you'll be capable of making something every bit as good as a can of lost and found Natty Light.
Click to expand...


Where was this information when I was in High School?:D
 
Hamsterbite said:
Right on. It's all about learning from mistakes firsthand, but in a well laid out, scripted manner.

Brew #1. Table sugar, (or 132 packets of Heinz Ketchup in a pinch) and tap water filtered through a loaf of bread in a large gym sock. Open ferment under your bed in a lasagna pan.

Brew #2. Same but ferment in a carboy with an airlock.

Brew #3. Sanitize equipment this time.

#4. Boil the "wort" this time.

#5. Maybe add some hops.

By just your 68th brew session, you'll be capable of making something every bit as good as a can of lost and found Natty Light.
Click to expand...

68th session?! Slow down a little bit. That's way too soon to make Natty Lite. Over zealous much? You want to take this slow. I think somewhere around the 217th brew session would be the right time to advance to that.
 
WesleyS said:
68th session?! Slow down a little bit. That's way too soon to make Natty Lite. Over zealous much? You want to take this slow. I think somewhere around the 217th brew session would be the right time to advance to that.
Click to expand...

Point of clarification. I did say "lost and found" Natty light. I was thinking of the can that got forgotton about in the bottom of the P/U truck tool box from 2 summers ago. Also, the resulting brews from the experimental stages are likely to do some sort of damage to one's palate, so the would-be padowan learner would be unlikely to discern a difference by that point anyway.
I didn't feel it would be advantageous to make mention of this in Creamy's book advertisement.
 
In an effort to avert a future bacon shortage, I am going to attempt to make a beef version of bacon from brisket. Don't panic.
 
frying a piece of good salami in butter makes an acceptable breakfast meat. Im not going to say bacon substitute, but an acceptable breakfast meat.
 
CreamyGoodness said:
frying a piece of good salami in butter makes an acceptable breakfast meat. Im not going to say bacon substitute, but an acceptable breakfast meat.
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I'd even accept a fried piece of bologna.
Don't judge me!!!!!!!! :)
 
Obliviousbrew said:
I will say serrano ham, over a toast of home-made brew with olive oil and fresh grinded tomato....ahhhh... heaven
Click to expand...

Sounds great!
 
Obliviousbrew said:
I will say serrano ham, over a toast of home-made brew with olive oil and fresh grinded tomato....ahhhh... heaven
Click to expand...

What kind of crazy tomatoes do you guys have over there?
 
don´t know how to put it in english
sorry
you use this
idealisk-rallador__23279_PE098510_S4.jpg
plus a tomato.

You can also rub the tomato over the toast for similar results
 
You Spaniards and your serrano ham...

Yeah... its delicious. I want to say procciuto is always better, but alas it isnt so.
 
Obliviousbrew said:
don´t know how to put it in english
sorry
you use this
View attachment 96150
plus a tomato.

You can also rub the tomato over the toast for similar results
Click to expand...

Lol, that was awesome!

"THIS" plus a tomato.

I guess that would shred a tomato (sounds messy;)) but I think we get you now! That does sound good!
 
CreamyGoodness said:
You Spaniards and your serrano ham...

Yeah... its delicious. I want to say procciuto is always better, but alas it isnt so.
Click to expand...

I´m half spanish half italian I lived the Prosciutto- jamón discussion in my house too many times... for me it´s clear the best cured ham around the globe it´s made in Spain, the bread of pigs it´s totally different, quality ham are from free range iberic pigs that only eat acorns... joselito hams are considered the best in the world... a little pricey yes but the best ham you´ll ever eat
 
bottlebomber said:
It literally did
Click to expand...

Scrape that crap off and you have something good looking there. :p

I love making pizza at home. I've been using Mario Batali's dough recipe for a while with one change. His recipe calls for wine and I use beer instead. It turns out really good. Before that I used Wolfgang Puck's recipe, but it never turned out that great.
Now after talking about it I'm going to have to make pizza this week.
 
Obliviousbrew said:
I´m half spanish half italian I lived the Prosciutto- jamón discussion in my house too many times... for me it´s clear the best cured ham around the globe it´s made in Spain, the bread of pigs it´s totally different, quality ham are from free range iberic pigs that only eat acorns... joselito hams are considered the best in the world... a little pricey yes but the best ham you´ll ever eat
Click to expand...

I forget the name of the ridiculously expensive stuff my wife used to sell at the market. As you say, the pigs only ate acorns, and for the last months of their lives they were only to eat those acorns that naturally fell from the trees. Gorgeous stuff.
 
My argument, when it comes to pizza, is that a go-to pizza on a normal day in which I want pizza, should be a simple New York-style pie with tart, bright sauce, good cell definition in the crust, perhaps a bit of char on the bottom, and bubbly, good quality mozzarella. I want a little saltiness but nothing briney.

If I want fancy pizza, I go the brick oven route, which is very likely the early version of pizza in America and indeed in New York.

If I want something a bit different, then I start looking at possible toppings, but less is usually more. Anything that I would usually eat uncooked (ie, serrano or procciuto), as a rule, I dont want to my pizza. I suppose you could put it on top after its cooked, but I dont see the need.

What bomber has presented, I would refer to as "a round flatbread" as there is no noticable 1/3-1/3-1/3 bread/sauce/cheese ratio that would identify it as a pizza. That being said, I would eat the ever loving bejoobus out of that flatbread.
 
WesleyS said:
I'd even accept a fried piece of bologna.
Don't judge me!!!!!!!! :)
Click to expand...

One of my favorites is fried Spam. Plop it out of the can (it literally plops out of the can), wipe off the slimy jelly, slice it up semi-thin and fry it up. Goes great with scrambled eggs.

Don't knock it till you've tried it.

And don't judge me either. If it weren't for soldiers eating Spam during WWII, we'd all probably be speaking German now!
 
b-boy said:
One of my favorites is fried Spam. Plop it out of the can (it literally plops out of the can), wipe off the slimy jelly, slice it up semi-thin and fry it up. Goes great with scrambled eggs.

Don't knock it till you've tried it.

And don't judge me either. If it weren't for soldiers eating Spam during WWII, we'd all probably be speaking German now!
Click to expand...

OHHHH! Spam:
 
Last edited by a moderator:
b-boy said:
One of my favorites is fried Spam. Plop it out of the can (it literally plops out of the can), wipe off the slimy jelly, slice it up semi-thin and fry it up. Goes great with scrambled eggs.

Don't knock it till you've tried it.

And don't judge me either. If it weren't for soldiers eating Spam during WWII, we'd all probably be speaking German now!
Click to expand...

Ahhhh......The spam plop and jelly wipe. Takes me back to when I was a kid.
I remember eating fried spam sandwiches with mustard on plain white bread.
 
WesleyS said:
Scrape that crap off and you have something good looking there. :p

I love making pizza at home. I've been using Mario Batali's dough recipe for a while with one change. His recipe calls for wine and I use beer instead. It turns out really good. Before that I used Wolfgang Puck's recipe, but it never turned out that great.
Now after talking about it I'm going to have to make pizza this week.
Click to expand...

Shoot, eggs on pizza is bomb. I'll put an egg on anything.
 
CreamyGoodness said:
What bomber has presented, I would refer to as "a round flatbread" as there is no noticable 1/3-1/3-1/3 bread/sauce/cheese ratio that would identify it as a pizza. That being said, I would eat the ever loving bejoobus out of that flatbread.
Click to expand...

I would agree with you there Charlie. Anything more than sauce and two toppings including cheese is no longer pizza. Margherita and Funghi being my two faves
 

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