only place I can share this, and get away with it... I hope.

So, I was driving home from work last night thinking about a sour mash Old Ale kind of beer I have been wanting to make. I was wondering if I should sour mash 20%, 30% of the grist, for 2 days, 3-days?? Just how sour would the finished product be? I got to thinking that there needs to be some kind of scale along the lines of I.B.U.s, and calculations based on percentage of grist, time, etc…. that way you would know beforehand if your beer would just be sour on the threshold of perception, or a real “pucker-up-and-slap-yo-mamma”. So I randomly came up with the idea of the “American Sourness Scale”… OMG, says I, that’s … A.S.S! ….
I can only imagine the dark look on someone’s SWMBO hitting playback on the answering machine and hearing “Hey Bob, what’s the A.S.S. like on that Belgian yer doin’?”… or… “Man, I don’t know how you did that big Brown thing, A.S.S, is soooo high…”
At that point things really went to hell in a chicken basket… we could call the calculations “Sour Mash Utilization Theory”, or S.M.U.T. Of course none of the Homebrew software would have this on board for a while, so seminars, or Special High Intensity Training (S.H.I.T.) could be offered to teach how to do S.M.U.T. by hand (!)…. I can see it now… “Hey Bubba, what do you say we head to the river this weekend and catch us some catfish?” “Sorry Vern, I’m really getting into S.M.U.T., and I have to finish this S.H.I.T. this week end so I can use the A.S.S. right”…
Wow, the warped, twisted, stuff that goes through my little mind during an hour and a half drive…..

So I'm not the only one with a buzz at noon?

I approve of this thread....


And I like your idea as well.

Ill smoke what hes smoking

That's just Nucken Futs man, but I like it!!

EvilTOJ said:

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i would like to know more about your A.S.S. training, thinking about it makes me want to take a S.H.I.T.

Thanks Revvy.... I think...
I think my original concept does have merit, at least before my thought process was inadvertently diverted into the gutter. (However, it does bring a whole new meaning to the statement “Damn, this beer tastes like A.S.S.&#8221. It would be so nice to have something like the good old “Gravity/Hops Ratio” chart for guidelines. All of the literature I have read on the subject says to “experiment”. That’s all well and good, but I’m thinking of a high gravity beer that will take about 4-6 months before it’s ready to drink, and I would like to “dial in” before I die of old age…. Figuring out the calculations is way beyond my ability, anybody versed on the science of growth rate and lactic acid production (and how this translates into the perception of sourness) of Lactobaccillus delbruckii? We would have to come up with another name for the scale though… I mean, just think…. Two guys sitting in a crowded Diner eating breakfast before work… “I sure liked the A.S.S. on that Flemish whatever you brought to my party the other night, good body, great head too. I still can’t believe you were willing to share… I’d like to get me some more of that, I’ll pay….” see, I can’t stop!