The Dysfunctional-Palooza Obnoxious Masshole BS Thread

Cape Brewing said:

LOL!!! If you tought me how to brew I would still be boiling off from a sparge I did this past Sunday.

(aaaaaaaand that should just about do it on the sparge jokes)

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yeager1977 said:

This year he has agreed that u4 will be 13 gallons. I will purchase no more grain than needed for that batch. Btw date is march 31.

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AZ_IPA said:

Looks like my trip to Hadley is a go. Not sure when yet, but which of you feckers (other than bird who already committed) wants to drink a beer or ten with the dude from AZ who saw how pathetic cape's convertible was at NHC last year?

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AZ_IPA said:

Looks like my trip to Hadley is a go. Not sure when yet, but which of you feckers (other than bird who already committed) wants to drink a beer or ten with the dude from AZ who saw how pathetic cape's convertible was at NHC last year?

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the_bird said:

You ought to just spend the week here.

When's the trip?

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yeager1977 said:

Thing is, that bar is in Brattleboro vt

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yeager1977 said:

Thing is, that bar is in Brattleboro vt

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LAGER/KELLERBIER
Victory Lager 12oz (PA) 5
Beersel Lager .375ml (BEL) 10
Mahr's Ungespundet .5l (GER) 8
Monshchof Kellerbier .5l (GER) 8.5
Krusovice Czech Lager .5l (Czech) 6.5

PILSNER/HELLES
Originated in Czechoslovakia, these very crisp, hoppy lagers are now made in every brewing country in the world.

Mahr's Pils .5l (GER) 8
Victory Prima Pils 12oz (PA) 5
Mahr's Helles .5l (GER) 8
Lagunitas Czech Pils 12oz (CA) 5

KÖLSCH
Traditional ales enjoyed in Köln Germany. Light dry and crisp, what you want in a pilsner you will find in a kolsch.

Reisdorf Kölsch .5l (GER) 8

ALT BIER
Meaning “old beer” these ales are still enjoyed in Dusseldorff. They are essentially light bodied brown ales.

Southampton Secret Ale 12oz (NY) 5
Uerige Alt .33l (Dusseldorf) 8.5
Uerige Sticke .33l (Dusseldorf) 8.5

SCHWARZBIER
Dark beers are not necessarily heavy or strong, they just have a roasted malt or grain added. These beers are great for that dry roastyness without the milkshake mouth feel. Extremely “light” bodied and smooth.

Mönchshof Schwarzbier 16.9oz 8
Einbecker Schwarzbier .33l (GER) 6

RAUCHBIER
A unique style from Bamberg, Germany, Rauchbier is produced with grain dried over an open fire. This gives the brew a very smoky flavor.

Schlenkerla Helles .5l (GER) 8
Schlenkerla Ur-bok .5l (GER) 8
Spezial Rauchbier 16.9oz (GER) 8.5

BOCK/STRONG LAGER
Bocks (originally produced in Einbeck, Germany) are strong lagers with a smooth and sweet malt, ranging in color from golden to black. The German word bock translates to “Ram”, sick.

Enbecker Ur-Bock .33l (GER) 6.5% 6.5
Mahr's Bock .5l (GER) 6% 7
Ayinger Celebrator Dopplebock .35l (GER) 6.7% 7
EKU 28 .35l (GER) (11% malt bomb) 7.5

HEFE-WEIZEN/DUNKEL WEIZEN/BERLINER WEISSE/GOZE
Bavarian-style unfiltered, bottle-conditioned beer produced with at least 50% wheat and a special yeast strain that gives off a banana and clove flavor. Dunkels are darker, maltier versions. We recommend you avoid the American versions as these are usually just pale ales with wheat.

Kapuzinger 16.9oz (GER) 8
Schneider Edel 6.2% 16.9oz (GER) 8
Schneider 16.9oz (GER) 8
Ayinger Dunkel 16.9oz (GER) 7.5
Schneider Aventinus 8% 16.9oz (GER) 9
Aventinus Eisbock 14% 12oz (GER) 10
The Breury Hottenroth Berliner Weisse (CA) 25.4oz 3.1% 22
Bahnhof Lepzieger Goze (GER) 8

"THE NOSTALGIA SERIES"
Remember when beer used to suck? Maybe your dad putting a few back yelling at you to get up and change the channel on the TV…. These beers are mass-produced swill, the wonder bread of beer, you can like this stuff but don’t try to tell us that it is good beer, you don’t know what you are talking about.

PBR 12oz bottle 2.5
Schlitz 2.5
Old Milwaukee 2.5
Schaeffer 2.5
Narragansett 16oz can 2.5

FRUIT BEER
Beer of any style that has fruit or fruit flavoring added to it. Not just for “Chicks”, in fact don’t use that term to talk about beer, or women, it pisses us off.

Fruli (Strawberry) 25cl (BEL) 8
La Choulette Framboise (Raspberry) 10
Abita Purple Haze (Raspberry) 12oz (LA) 5
Unibroue Éphémère (Apple Witte) 12oz (CAN) 6
Ommegang 3 Philosophers w/kriek 12oz (NY) 9.8% 7
Dogfish Head Fort (Raspberry strong ale) 25.4oz (DE) 18% 28

CIDER/MEAD
Fermented apples, or fermented honey -not as good as beer.

Original Sin Hard Cider 12oz (NY) 5
Green River Ambrosia Apple Cyzer mead 14% 750ml (MA) 20
Dupont Etienne Cidre 750ml 5.5% (Fr) 25
West County Cider 25.4oz (Colrain MA) 20

BITTERS/ESB
A Bit of a misnomer; in England a bitter means a low alcohol ale that is mild and smooth, a session beer designed with mid-day conversation in mind. An extra special bitter (ESB) is a stronger bitter, the flavor still all about the malt but everything taken up a notch. Caramel, butter, and toffee. Mind the Gap.

Ridgeway Bitter .5l (England) 8
Bluebird Bitter .5l (England) 8
Fuller’s ESB .5l (England) 6
Rogue Brutal Bitter 22oz (OR) 7

BRITISH STYLE PALE ALE
British pale ales are more about the caramel and toasted malts. In general British beers are striving to achieve a balance between malt and hops. The results are smooth refreshing and extremely downable beers. Some American breweries have picked up the torch on this style.

Ivanhoe .5l (England) 8
Endurance Pale Ale 12oz(MA) 4.5
Stone Pale 12oz (CA) 5.5
Ridgeway Blue .5l (England) 8

AMERICAN PALE ALE
While some American breweries have picked up the torch on British style pale ales Anchor brewing threw down the gauntlet and decided that a pale ale should be lighter in color and more about the hops than the malt. These are essentially mild American IPAs.

Lagunitas Pale 12oz (CA) 5
Dale’s Pale 12oz can (CO) 5
Smuttynose Shoals Pale 12oz (NH) 5
Mikkeller; All Others Pale (Denmark) Hybrid English/American style 11

IPA (INDIA PALE ALE)
Traditionally these were stronger pale ales with more hops (a preservative) so that the beer would make it to India for the conscripted soldiers, arguably a totally bull**** situation which resulted in a delicious beer. Americans have an obsession with hops. We love the green resin and citrusy, pine like blasts of dry bitterness and huge aroma.

Ridgeway IPA (England) mild flower hops 8
Dogfishead 60 min 12oz (DE) East coast 5.5
Pizzaport Wipeout 22oz (CA) West coast 11

DOUBLE IPA (TRIPLE IPA TOO)
These are probably more than you can handle. If you don’t like this style you should write your congressman, and be sure to keep your music in your cubicle at a reasonable volume... pansy

Stone Ruination IPA 22oz (CA) 7% 11
Dogfish Head 90 Minute IPA 12oz (DE) 9% 6
Lagunitas Hop Stoopid 22oz (CO) 8% 14
Dogfishead 120min IPA 12oz (DE) 18% 12

AMBER/HOPPED AMBER ALES
Maltier pale ales with some caramelization of the sugars giving them an amber color, and nutty, malty flavors. For Those more of a hop mission, there are full bodied aggressively hopped amber ales too. Dig the International Bittering Units babies. (IBUs)

Stoudt’s Scarlet Lady 12oz(ESB?) (PA) 32 IBU 5
Anderson Valley Boont Amber 12oz (CA) 15 IBU 5.5
Stone Levitation 12oz (CA) 45 IBU 5.5
Founder’s Red’s Rye (MI) 68 IBU 6
Stone Arrogant Bastard 22oz (CA) 7.2% 80+ IBU 9
Bear Republic Hop Rod Rye 12oz (CA) 8% 90+ IBU 6

BROWN ALE
Denser malt for color, smooth full bodied beer. Think nutty sweetness.

Avery Ellie's Brown 12oz (CO) 5.5
Smuttynose Old Brown Dog Ale 12oz (NH) 5
Dogfish Head Indian Brown 12oz (DE) 5.5

SCOTCH ALE/BARLEYWINE
Darker, maltier ale. Sweet and rich. The sugars are caramelized.
Stone Old Guardian 11.2% 22oz (CA) 14
Sierra Nevada Bigfoot 9.6% 12oz (CA) 5
Dogfish Head Olde School 12oz (DE) 15% 10
Oscar Blues Old Chub Scotch Ale 12oz (CO) 5

PORTER
This dark, rich ale was originally a blend of 3 beers (Mild, Old Ale, Bitters). These days in the US it means a beer with roasted malts offering up a dry clean bitterness. Baltic porters are full bodied, rich porters, fermented with lager yeasts, resulting in higher alcohol, wine-like beers.

Stone Smoked Porter 22oz (CA) 9
Founder’s Porter 12oz (MI) 6.5% 5
Sinebrychoff Baltic Porter 12oz (FINLAND) 7.2% 8
Smuttynose Baltic Porter 22oz (NH) 8.7% 12

STOUT
Stout originally meant strong, so there were “stout porters”. A misconception that persists is that a dark beer is somehow heavier or stronger than a lighter colored beer. Guinness seems heavier because nitrogen bubbles are smaller making it feel more like milk than water in your mouth, it is actually lighter than most beers. Today stouts are very dark, rich ales produced with unmalted roasted barley. The effect of British colonialism is apparent, as English style beers are still brewed in the far reaches of the former empire.

Rogue Shakespeare Stout 22oz (OR) 6% 10
Cooper’s Stout 12oz (Australia) 6.3% 7
Lion Stout .5l (Sri Lanka) 8% 6
Ridgeway Foreign Export Stout .5l (England) 8% 8

IMPERIAL STOUT
Originally produced in England for export to Catherine the Great’s court (she did it with horses- and drank some bad ass beer). Americans have really taken to this style and in our opinion improved on it.

A Le Coq Russian Double Extra Stout (corked) (ENG) 9% 10
Sam Smith Imperial Stout 12oz (ENG) 7% 6.5
North Coast Old Rasputin Russian Stout (CA) 9% 5.5
Great Divide Yeti Imperial Stout 12oz (CO) 9.5% 8
Stone Imperial Stout 12oz (CA) 10.5% 7
Dogfish Head World Wide Stout (DE) 18% f-ing crazy 12

SWEET STOUT/COFFEE STOUT
Stouts with added sugars for sweetness. Sometimes the sugars are from oats, which also add body to the beer other times brewers will add lactose (milk sugar) to a beer, think sugar in your coffee, to cut the dry roasted bitterness.

Anderson Valley Oatmeal Stout 12oz (CA) 5.5
Youngs Double Chocolate Can 14.9oz (ENG) 6
Left Hand Milk Stout 12oz (CO) 5.5
Butternuts Moo Thunder milk stout 12oz can (NY) 5
Founder’s Breakfast stout 12oz (MI) 8.3% 7
Mikkeller Beer Geek Breakfast Stout 22oz (DEN) 7.5% 18
Dieu Du Ciel Peche Mortel 12oz (Montreal) 9.5% 10

STRANGE BREW
Ever wonder who the first person to eat a lobster was? Some beers don’t fit the mold, these are -for the thrill seeker, our genetic code may not be passed on to future generations but the rest will learn from our mistakes and triumphs. Let’s go take it off some sick ass jumps Evel Knievel.

Dogfishead Theobroma 25.4oz (DE) 9% 22
Dogfishead Midas Touch 12oz (DE) 9% 7.5
Dogfishead Immort Old Ale 12oz (DE) 11% 7
Dogfishead Raison Detre 12oz (DE) 8% 7
Harviestoun Old Engine Oil 12oz (Scotland) 6% 8
Allagash Interlude 25.4oz (ME) 9.5% 22
Allagash Odyssey 25.4oz (ME) 10.4% 22

BELGIAN WHITE ALE
Hoegarden Belgian White 12oz (BEL) 5.5
Ommegang Witte 12oz (NY) 6.5
Unibrou Blanc De Chambly 12oz (CAN) 6.5

GOLDEN
Duvel 11.2oz (BEL) 8.5
Delirium Tremens 11.2oz (BEL) 9

BLONDE
Quintine Blond .33l (BEL) 11
Kerkom Bink Blond .33l (BEL) 9
Thiriez X Extra 750ml (France) 19
De Ranke XX Bitter .33l (BEL) 9
Gouden Carolus Hopsinjoor .33l (BEL) 8% 9
Urthel Hop-It .33l (BEL) 9.5% 8.5
Taras Boulba 750ml/330ml (BEL) (rare) 20/8

AMBER
Dekoninck .33l (BEL) 7
Quintine Amber .33l (BEL) 11
Unibroue Maudite 12oz (CAN) 6.5
Thiriez Amber 750ml (France) 19

BROWN
Dupont Moinette Brune 750ml (BEL) 8.5% 18
Des Rocs Belgian Brune .33l (BEL) 9% 7
Bink Bruin .33l (BEL) 5.5% 8

BELGIAN STYLE STOUTS/BLACK ALES
Roasted barley with belgian yeast and hops. So dope.

Ellezelloise Hercule Stout .33l (BEL) 9% 11
Brasserie De La Senne Stout Erik .33l (BEL) 8
De Ranke Noire .33l (BEL) 9% 8
Allagash Black 750ml (ME) 7.5% 22
Chambly Noire .33l (CAN) 6.2% 7

BELGIAN LAMBIC (NOT SWEET)
Open Fermented with wild yeast and then aged in oak these are some of the most amazing beers we have here. Brewed traditionally in the Lambeek region of Belguim, expect sour, tart, low carbonated brews that will make every nerve in your mouth fire at the same time. It turns out your mouth is an erogenous zone after all...

Drie Fonteinen Oude Gueze .375ml/750ml (BEL) 13/26
Drie Fonteinen Kriek .375ml/750ml (BEL) 13/26
Cantillon Gueze (blend, no fruit) .375ml/750ml (BEL) 15/30
Cantillon Rose De Gambrinus .375ml/750ml (BEL) 15/30
Cantillon Kriek .375ml/750ml (BEL) 15/30
Cantillon Vigneronne (with muscat grapes) 750ml (BEL) 60
Cantillon Grand Cru 750ml (BEL) 40

FARMHOUSE ALES - SAISON/BELGIAN OR BIERE DE GARDE/FRANCE
A traditional approach to beer. These all have wheat, are usually un-spiced and are slightly higher in alcohol than Belgian Wittes. They get their complexity from the particular yeasts that are employed in the fermentation. Saison translates to “Season” and is best enjoyed after a long spring/summer day working on the farm.

Saison Dupont 375ml (BEL) 9
La Moinette Dupont Blond 750ml (BEL) 17
Dupont Forêt organic 750ml. (BEL) 20
Dupont Avril 750ml (BEL) 3.5% 17
Brasserie de Blaugies La Moneuse 750ml (BEL) 18
Brasserie de Blaugies Darbyste w/figs 750ml (BEL) 18
The Bruery Saison Rue 25.4oz (CA) 17
Jolly Pumkin Bam Biere 25.4oz (MI) 18
Thiriez Blond 25.4oz (France) 19

BELGIAN TRAPPIST ALES
There are 6 Trappist monasteries that brew beer for commercial consumption. All 6 are in Belgium. We sell (depending on irregular availability) beer from 5 of em. These brews are typically revered as some of the worlds finest brews. Though all are strong in complexity and kick, their intense flavors differ greatly. Drink and Pray Drink and Pray.

Orval .33l (BEL) 6.9% 10
Chimay Cap Rouge .33l (BEL) 7% 8
Chimay Cap Bleu .33l (BEL) 9% 9
Rocheforte 6 .33l (BEL) 7.5% 11
Rocheforte 8 .33l (BEL) 9.2% 11
Rocheforte 10 .33l (BEL) 11.3% 13
Achel Blond .33l (BEL) 10
Achel Bruin .33l (BEL) 10
Westmalle Dubblel .33l (BEL) 7% 10
Westmalle Tripel .33l (BEL) 9.5% 10

BELGIAN ABBEY ALE

DUBBELS
Affligem Dubbel 750ml (BEL) 16
Ommegang 25.4oz (NY) 13
Allagash Double 25.4 oz (ME) 7% 14
St Bernardus Prior 8 .33l (BEL) 8% 8

TRIPPEL
Affligem Trippel 750ml (BEL) 9.5% 15
Tripel Karmeliet .33l (BEL) 8.4% 8
St. Bernardus Tripel 12oz 8% 8
Kerkom Bink Tripel 750ml(BEL) 9% 26
St. Fullien Tripel .33l (BEL) 8.5% 8
La Rulles Tripel 25.4oz (BEL) 8.4% 30

QUAD
St. Bernardus ABT 12 .33l (BEL) 10% 8
Allagash Four 750ml (ME) 10% 23
Koningshoeven Quad .33l (BEL) 10% 8.5
Unibroue Trois Pistoles 12oz (CAN) 9% 6.5

STRONG ALE
De Ranke Guldenberg .33l (BEL) 9% 8
Unibroue La Fin Du Monde 12oz (CAN) 9% 6

FLEMISH SOUR BROWN ALE
Duchesse de Bourgogne .33l (BEL) 8
Petrus Old Brown Ale .33l (BEL) 8
De Proef Zoetzuur 22oz (BEL) 16
Monk’s Café Flemish Sour 12oz (BEL) 7
Panil 25.4oz (Italy) 36
Panil Reserve 60
Jolly Pumpkin La Roja 25.4oz (MI) 22

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ComcastWineRookie said:

I am really disapointed, I just realized that I will be in NYC for the U4 brew day. I know PTN will be really upset about this.

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TheDudeLebowski said:

Moan & Dove is one of the best. Incredible beer list, as Bird shows, but I know some people that won't even step in a place unless they have at least 5 styles of Heidelbeere.

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yeager1977 said:

Wow, this day is getting better and better. Maybe Paul won't show either.

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the_bird said:

I had no idea was "heidelbeere" was, so I Googled it.

HA!

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paulthenurse said:

Sitting in the bar at the Mount Washington Hotel easing my aching legs with an Allagash White (or three). Skiing while it is snowing out is a pure blast but riding the chairlifts during a storm sucks. I've reached the point in my life where I dont need to sit on a freezing chair, dangleing 30 feet in the air, during a blizzard. That just isn't as much fun as it used to be. So we bailed out early, took a hike in the woods for a few hours, and hit the bar. Later on we're going to soak our bones in the hot tub with a bottle of wine along side, then head out for dinner in the main dining room. Not a bad way to celebrate my birthday eve.

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paulthenurse said:

Sitting in the bar at the Mount Washington Hotel easing my aching legs with an Allagash White (or three). Skiing while it is snowing out is a pure blast but riding the chairlifts during a storm sucks. I've reached the point in my life where I dont need to sit on a freezing chair, dangleing 30 feet in the air, during a blizzard. That just isn't as much fun as it used to be. So we bailed out early, took a hike in the woods for a few hours, and hit the bar. Later on we're going to soak our bones in the hot tub with a bottle of wine along side, then head out for dinner in the main dining room. Not a bad way to celebrate my birthday eve.

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Cape Brewing said:

'GO PAUL! You can win!!"

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ComcastWineRookie said:

that lift usually is 30 feet from the ground, but with your fat ass its more like 5 feet.

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DakotaRules said:

Now that's funny!!!!

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TheDudeLebowski said:

Moan & Dove is one of the best. Incredible beer list, as Bird shows, but I know some people that won't even step in a place unless they have at least 5 styles of Heidelbeere.

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paulthenurse said:

Not a bad likeness at all.

I gotta figure out how to sell advertising like that. Sheet, I ought to be able to shill for Ford, Exxon, Ernie Bock, you name it. I'm like the Green monster at Fenway, open for advertising. I ought to call WB Mason...

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Cape Brewing said:

Quick! Make an "ass-beer" joke and make it the daily double!!

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DakotaRules said:

Ah, 1 joke in and I thought we would have had 2. What a bunch of *****es.

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paulthenurse said:

What?

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