You know you're a home brewer when?

You try to use your beer equipment names as euphemisms to get your wife "in the mood!"..."let me mash in your lauter tun until it's time to sparge" "no, that's not my hydrometer in my pocket, I'm just happy to see you"... Can I transfer to secondary yet?!...

Beezy said:

What are you talking about? Smartphone + brewing apps or STFU.

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Lazy

When you can't walk by a fermenter without sniffing the airlock for a shot of bliss.

When you're not upset when the keg is empty: Now I can brew again!

When you glance over at the insulated coffee cup on your desk at work and consider that it could be used to mash a very, very small batch of beer.

When you set your baby up in her highchair in front of the carboy, to watch the yeast dance while she eats her lunch.

When your house gets an energy audit and the auditor is more interested in your homebrew setup...

When you're not upset when the keg is empty: Now I can brew again!

this is true (i need more kegs damnit!)

When making instant oatmeal for my son: I think of strike water and yell mash.

When you have brewed two batches in three days and have already planned two more for the following weekend!!!

You walk in your office at work and wonder why there are cornies in there and immediately realize its the coffee pumper pots. I did this twice already this morning though.

You're hungry, you open the cabinet. Instead of actually thinking about supper, you look at things in the cabinet and think "That would ferment."

you have 23 gallons of brew ready to drink, 15 aging, and 5 fermenting, and think... i should brew more this weekend.

the home brew shop calls your cell phone because they havent seen you in a while and wanted to make sure everything is ok.

jmlabeck said:

You're hungry, you open the cabinet. Instead of actually thinking about supper, you look at things in the cabinet and think "That would ferment."

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Why stop at the cabinet? I walk through EVERY store I visit (and life most days) as if I were a yeast cell. "I can ferment that.", "I can't ferment that but I bet it would add a nice flavor."

When you try to drink a commerical brew and gag! :cross:

When you're happy the keg kicks so that you can put the one you've just filled into the kegerator - needs carbing!

When your second grader goes to catechism. They are making bread and she pipes up with "grains, yeast, water? Those are the same ingredients my Daddy uses to make beer!"

When you get perturbered that the beer competitions take up so many of your hard-work delabeled bottles and you don't get any back - I need to start working competitions.

When you gather the courage to build your own bottle tree and wort cooler.

When you try to convince your soon to be wife that we could get a smaller cake and a better fermentation set up with the money your saving.

When your kids ask why your not brewing or "making beer" this weekend...

when my last "discussion" with my gf was about how, yes, i need the windows open and the fan on in the bedroom for the next three days! man i'm hoping for a mini fridge this xmas...

MrManifesto said:

when my last "discussion" with my gf was about how, yes, i need the windows open and the fan on in the bedroom for the next three days! man i'm hoping for a mini fridge this xmas...

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Ha! I have to do that now. Cellar is way too hot now that we turn the heater on

When your neighbors spy you tending your brew rig and aren't quite sure if you're brewing beer or making meth

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Diver165 said:

When your neighbors spy you tending your brew rig and aren't quite sure if you're brewing beer or making meth

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Haha, indeed! My neighbors saw my IC and thought I was distilling and asked me if anything could blow up!

When you walk down the aisle in the grocery store wondering, "I wonder if I can ferment that."

When you aren't that upset about forgetting your anniversary or your wife's birthday, but you're pissed you missed mash temp by 4 degrees.

You use a mop on the ceiling.

...you wake up in the middle of the night to run down to the basement to watch bubbles.

When you love driving to work on Tuesday mornings at 6:00am because you stop a few times to take bottles out of peoples recycle bins.

You are a determining factor in whether other people go to a gathering, because going to a crappy event is "OK if you're bringing homebrew"!

When you walk by a couple of women at Wallmart and hear them talking about a yeast infection and you wonder what kind they were using & if they sanitized properly? I know i will catch hell for this , but i have had a good day brewing and drinking brews and i'm to drunk to know what i am typing ok. I will drink one for u if u will drink one for me .

When your a member of Homebrewtalk.com

when you walk into home depot, you can think of 100 different things to make for your brewhouse in the plumbing aisle.

OR...

when every empty 5 gallon bucket on your property smells like beer.

when you go to the brew shop to many times so now your girlfriend refers to it as the porn store. On the phone? beer porn! on the laptop? Beer porn! in the garage? drinking and beer porn.

When you run out of beer and start drinking all the microbreweries beers to you find at the store untill you have the time to brew again! Then you don't stop brewing for the next 5 o 6 weekends..lol

When your employees bet on how fast you will make a brewing reference in the Monday marketing meeting.
And the one who said 45 seconds won.