Wife is going to kill me.

Yakima 728
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Fennis said:
Why is it so hard to just talk to your wife or significant other before you buy things? If she pitches a fit, then ask her why she is upset, explain to her what you want out of this hobby, and if she still doesn't agree then maybe you come to a compromise that you start as bare bones as you can and build up. Seriously, nothing can be more stupid than to hide purchases from your wife. It will only cause conflict and unnecessary fighting than if you had come out with it in the beginning. If she doesn't understand your need to have a hobby and want to take an interest in what makes you happy, then you have a much deeper problem than just money issues. That being said, if she has hobbies of her own that you have put down in the past for her to spend money on, then you deserve ridicule from her too. One possible way to divert her anger would be to ask her what she wants to do for a hobby. Don't be selfish here. If you get to spend money on a hobby, she should as well for something she enjoys doing. Maybe that means you cannot get that extra carboy this month or some new gadget for brewing that is not necessary but nice to have. I just do not comprehend how people think they are in a healthy relationship with someone when they have to do something as childish as hide purchases and intercept delivered packages so she won't know and get upset---she has a compete right to be upset at you. Grow up and talk to your wife about your interests. Is she is so uncompromising, then there are other issues you need to deal with and home brewing shouldn't be your top priority.
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Because no one wants to read a thread titled "I bought a whole bunch of expensive stuff... but discussed it with my wife first, and we came to a mutual agreement on finances"
 
Fennis said:
Why is it so hard to just talk to your wife or significant other before you buy things? If she pitches a fit, then ask her why she is upset, explain to her what you want out of this hobby, and if she still doesn't agree then maybe you come to a compromise that you start as bare bones as you can and build up. Seriously, nothing can be more stupid than to hide purchases from your wife. It will only cause conflict and unnecessary fighting than if you had come out with it in the beginning. If she doesn't understand your need to have a hobby and want to take an interest in what makes you happy, then you have a much deeper problem than just money issues. That being said, if she has hobbies of her own that you have put down in the past for her to spend money on, then you deserve ridicule from her too. One possible way to divert her anger would be to ask her what she wants to do for a hobby. Don't be selfish here. If you get to spend money on a hobby, she should as well for something she enjoys doing. Maybe that means you cannot get that extra carboy this month or some new gadget for brewing that is not necessary but nice to have. I just do not comprehend how people think they are in a healthy relationship with someone when they have to do something as childish as hide purchases and intercept delivered packages so she won't know and get upset---she has a compete right to be upset at you. Grow up and talk to your wife about your interests. Is she is so uncompromising, then there are other issues you need to deal with and home brewing shouldn't be your top priority.
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Funny... I think the same thing when I read these threads. It really shouldn't be so hard to just talk to your significant other. My wife and I both have friends that try to "win" the battle of spending their money and we really don't get it.
 
My wife and I trade off. We each have our own areas of the house now that the kids are grown up and mostly gone. sometimes we buy for her hobbies and sometimes we buy for mine, most of the time we buy for each other and that way nerither of us complains because we are supporting the orther's habit. Works good for us!
 
DoubleAught said:
Dr Phil?
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No, I am someone who talks with his wife before making purchases instead of lying to her and intercepting packages like a teenager hiding something from his parents. Yes, we get it. You work hard for your money, maybe you are the bread winner in the house, good for you. That is still no reason to have to sneak purchases behind your wife's back because of your fear that she will be upset, yell at you, or just say no--probably with a justifiable reason.

I am not trying to be a jerk, but come on. You are showing nothing but disrespect for your wife and are being completely selfish. All you are doing is delaying a future fight and also proving to her that obviously your needs are above hers because rather than hear her side of things before going to buy what you think you need, you just do it, then plan for the fallout later. Its foolish, irresponsible, and childish. Grow up. Talk to your wife when you want to make a purchase instead of sneaking around because you know she will object. Is it really that hard?
 
Fennis said:
No, I am someone who talks with his wife before making purchases instead of lying to her and intercepting packages like a teenager hiding something from his parents. Yes, we get it. You work hard for your money, maybe you are the bread winner in the house, good for you. That is still no reason to have to sneak purchases behind your wife's back because of your fear that she will be upset, yell at you, or just say no--probably with a justifiable reason.

I am not trying to be a jerk, but come on. You are showing nothing but disrespect for your wife and are being completely selfish. All you are doing is delaying a future fight and also proving to her that obviously your needs are above hers because rather than hear her side of things before going to buy what you think you need, you just do it, then plan for the fallout later. Its foolish, irresponsible, and childish. Grow up. Talk to your wife when you want to make a purchase instead of sneaking around because you know she will object. Is it really that hard?
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I agree with this guy. I am a member of a few different web forums for my varying hobbies, and all of them have had some sort of thread like this. From mountain bikes, to photography gear and everything in between. I have never understood the benefit of lying to someone that sleeps in the same bed as you. I mean if they find out that you have been lying constantly about purchases you think she will still trust you on other subjects? Yes people spend thousands of dollars on gear to support their hobbies. Yes sometimes its hard to explain why you needed the $400 brew pot, when there are $150 brew pots available. But if you sit her down and explain it to her you might be surprised that she agrees that the $400 pot is indeed the better value and it makes sense for you to get it. Women contrary to what many may think have working brains, they can reason.

If you give her a reason to not trust you, she wont. If she finds out you are doing stuff like this maybe she will start buying thousands of dollars worth of clothes without telling you. I know for damn sure I wouldnt notice if SWMBO's wardrobe changed. Then one day you would go to buy a lb of hops, and your credit card would be declined because you guys maxed it out without telling each other... :drunk:
 
Forgiveness is easier than Permission!

I just order stuff and when it shows up I act like it's a surprise package from her to me and thank her for thinking about me!

She just shakes her head, laughs and calls me a *******!
 
Fennis/CH66, I think that your relationships with your wives are the exception, rather than the rule here. We've (my wife and I) established a pattern of wanting "toys" and gone ahead and gotten them without consulting each other, "knowing" we'd convince the other of the merit of our decision. None of these items were extremely expensive, ie, a house. I think we'd rather beg for forgiveness than ask for permission. Since other people do it as well, it sort of adds legitimacy to what we're doing, (when you're talking to your buddies). Doesn't actually make it right though. I'd love to sit down with my wife and have a calm discussion about some things, but she's Italian and I'm Irish....:D
 
Maybe we should start another thread about things we've purchased on the sly without consulting your significant other. My first computer ($1300 386 proc 8 gig HD), surround sound system, VCR (1984 $650!!), PS3 (but it's also a blu-ray player..!), JBL speakers while on my first Med cruise... Another thread or just put a wooden stake in this one?
 
Where is Fargo ? I am heading to cap N cork (My local supplier) rite after my wife left this morning and said don't be spending money i have bills , funny thing is its my check she gets her own , I cant wight to set up this 4 keg , kegerator today ill post pick later .
 
Back when my wife and I first got married, we agreed on a set amount each month that we could both spend on whatever we wanted. Each month, that amount was automatically swept into each of our respective bank accounts that we set up. Over the years we have periodically increased the amount for inflation. It has kept peace in the house, as both of us know that that is "our" money to do with as we please but that it's no more or less than the other one gets.

I highly recommend this strategy. It makes my annual guys trip to Vegas much less controversial!
 
Everyone is different and so are relationships. My wife and I can't understand how marriages work when people are sneaking purchases behind each others backs, but it apparently does. It just doesn't work for us. If my wife and I did that to each other, our finances would be a mess and we'd have trust issues. If that's not an issue for you, then that's awesome.

Please don't misunderstand my confusion as to how this works for other people as saying they can't or shouldn't do it. I'm not here to tell you how to live your life. I'm just sharing that it's confusing to me how it works.
 

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