Wish Corruption thread

I wish I had more pie.

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Lima bean and cold liver pie it is. Enjoy.

I wish I had a pair of clear eyelids in addition to my existing eyelids.

Zul'jin said:

Lima bean and cold liver pie it is. Enjoy.

I wish I had a pair of clear eyelids in addition to my existing eyelids.

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Granted.They just happen to scrape your eyes and make you bleed every time you blink.

I wish I didn't need to rest.

oops

granted, you are now an insomniac


I wish my children would do thier chores without me having to get on their case about it.

Granted, now they do their chores without you asking because they need the allowance money to feed their crack addiction.

I wish my cat wasn't so violent.

TMet said:

Granted, now they do their chores without you asking because they need the allowance money to feed their crack addiction.

I wish my cat wasn't so violent.

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Granted,your cat gets savagely beaten by other more violent cats on a daily basis.

I wish homebrewing was free.

hereforbeer said:

I wish homebrewing was free.

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Granted. Due to the sudden interest in free homebrewing, every LHBS and online store runs out as soon as they get stock in. All that is left at your LHBS are 3 tiny bottles of StarSan, a few dust bunnies, and the owner sitting in the back room sobbing quietly into a Kleenex.



I wish the American Idol stage would catch fire.

scrambledegg81 said:

All that is left at your LHBS are 3 tiny bottles of StarSan, a few dust bunnies, and the owner sitting in the back room sobbing quietly into a Kleenex.

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I can brew with that.

scrambledegg81 said:

I wish the American Idol stage would catch fire.

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Granted,the fire turns our already hot Fall up by another 25 degrees.At least we can turn off American Idol.

hereforbeer said:

I can brew with that.



Granted,the fire turns our already hot Fall up by another 25 degrees.At least we can turn off American Idol.

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you forgot to make your wish.... FAIL!!

so I will try:

Granted the american idol stage catches on fire, while you are on it.

I wish I had the answer I have been waiting for

Granted - But the mayor was a minute too late, you've just been executed.


I wish my SWMBO would drink my beer

Granted, but then she says she wishes it was more like bud lite


I wish my thumb would stop hurting.

Fusorfodder said:

Granted, but then she says she wishes it was more like bud lite


I wish my thumb would stop hurting.

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Granted, it is now crammed up your ass and it doesnt hurt nearly as much as your ass does!

I wish dinner would make itself

Ceedubya said:

I wish dinner would make itself

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Granted. It also ate itself and didn't leave any leftovers.

I wish clothing was always optional.

ChshreCat said:

Granted. It also ate itself and didn't leave any leftovers.

I wish clothing was always optional.

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Granted but the only people who take advantage of the option are people you don't EVER want to see naked.

I wish this election bs was over and done with.

gestyr said:

Granted but the only people who take advantage of the option are people you don't EVER want to see naked.

I wish this election bs was over and done with.

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Granted, the American people have spoken.... look at all that RED!

I wish I had a 6 pack of Big Sky Moose Drool Brown Ale sitting on ice right next to me with a bottle opener and a glass and its all for me to drink!

Granted. It's from a run 10 years ago when they tried clear bottles... in mexico. Someone you really like and want to impress bought them for you and is watching you drink every one.

I wish I didn't have to wait to pass that damned background check before I start working...

Ceedubya said:

Granted, the American people have spoken.... look at all that RED!

I wish I had a 6 pack of Big Sky Moose Drool Brown Ale sitting on ice right next to me with a bottle opener and a glass and its all for me to drink!

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Granted, your wait is up, but they will be paying you in Peanuts and animal crackers.

I wish I never had to go to the DMV again

Granted, you're license was permanently revoked.

I wish my family wasn't coming for the holidays.

Granted they died on the way.

I wish I was a nice person.

Frankfurtvr4 said:

Granted they died on the way.

I wish I was a nice person.

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Granted. You're so deferential and saccharine that everyone you know hates you and no one wants to hang out with you.

I wish I could afford to go on vacation this year.

Granted. You are heading to Iraq for an all inclusive one-year stay.

I wish I had a cookie.

I wish I had a cookie.

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Granted. Your blood sugar spikes, sending you into diabetic shock and killing you.

I wish I would spend more time reading books and less time watching TV.

Granted, you now spend an extra hour a year reading books, and one less half our a year watching TV.

I wish winters didn't suck so much around here.

Granted, your winters now blow even harder.

I wish I had an efficient way to control fermentation temps.

Granted, your temps are all now 32 degrees as your electricity will go out during the coldest part of the winter.

I wish my meetings at work were shorter and I was paid more to attend them.

Frankfurtvr4 said:

I wish my meetings at work were shorter and I was paid more to attend them.

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Granted. You now have a 5 minute meeting every hour, 24 hours a day. You get paid 2x your hourly salary, but only during the meetings. And you get 1/2 your salary the rest of the time.

I wish the Broncos would win.

uwjester said:

Granted. You now have a 5 minute meeting every hour, 24 hours a day. You get paid 2x your hourly salary, but only during the meetings. And you get 1/2 your salary the rest of the time.

I wish the Broncos would win.

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Granted,but now you get transferred to work with Frankfurtvr4 under the same schedule.

I wish my job gave me 40 hrs of work a week no more,no less,with competitive pay and benefits.

Granted. Your new job for exactly 40 hrs of work per week is to shovel Asian elephant dung . Your pay & benefits are competitive with the local market.

I wish I could speak 3 more languages fluently.

Granted, you're now fluent in gibberish, cat, and drunk.

I wish I had more time to brew.

TMet said:

Granted, you're now fluent in gibberish, cat, and drunk.

I wish I had more time to brew.

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Granted, you lost your job and all your friends hate you.

I wish these chicken tenders were actually made from chicken.

IrregularPulse said:

Granted, you lost your job and all your friends hate you.

I wish these chicken tenders were actually made from chicken.

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Granted. They are made from chicken beaks, chicken feet and chicken ********.

I wish my vacation would hurry up and start!

Jason_Merritt said:

I wish my vacation would hurry up and start!

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Granted. I will speed time up for you. Your vacation will start and end before you know it.

I wish bacon cheeseburgers were good for you.

Granted, but due to overwhelming demand, Pigs and Cows become extinct.


I wish could skip Job #2 tonight and still get paid for it.

JorgeIsKing said:

Granted, but due to overwhelming demand, Pigs and Cows become extinct.


I wish could skip Job #2 tonight and still get paid for it.

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Granted, in fact you can skip job #2 and get paid for the rest of the week. You have been let go, but have been provided a weeks pay as severence. It will take you 2 years to replace job #2.

I wish people were honest and upfront!

(this should be fun )

Ceedubya said:

Granted, in fact you can skip job #2 and get paid for the rest of the week. You have been let go, but have been provided a weeks pay as severence. It will take you 2 years to replace job #2.

I wish people were honest and upfront!

(this should be fun )

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Granted. about 30 wars start because SOME people just couldn't keep their mouth shut and HAD to say what they perceived at the truth.

I wish the Pittsburgh Pirates will at least be competitive next year.

Granted, after getting tired of getting stomped in the NFL they announce they will be switching switching from football to badminton. The following year they win the world badminton championship.

I wish it wasn't so cold.

TMet said:

Granted, after getting tired of getting stomped in the NFL they announce they will be switching switching from football to badminton. The following year they win the world badminton championship.

I wish it wasn't so cold.

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Granted. It's 110* everywhere. All the glaciers manage to melt in one year. Thanks for drowning us, *******.


I wish life had a remote control. I could use that fast forward, mute, and rewind button....

Granted, But the batteries in it just died, so you're stuck going in normal time.

I wish I could be at a party this afternoon, where they actually appreciate good beers and wines, and have plenty of both to go around.

Granted,the just don't want to share any with you.

I wish I had a better cellphone.

hereforbeer said:

Granted,the just don't want to share any with you.

I wish I had a better cellphone.

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You have the best phone. Too bad the service sucks and you cant make a call without it dropping.

I wish my dog would stop being sick.