Messing with SWMBO

Yakima 728
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Last night the wife moved two of my gallon fermenters, one in each hand. I started laughing hysterically (I had been drinking, and I was rather tired). "What?" she said smiling. I couldnt get it out I was laughing so hard. "WHAT?! C'mon tell me!" big smile. She lost the smile instantly and gave me the Destroyer of Worlds face when I finally choked out "Nice jugs!"
 
Just don't try to exploit any irrational fears.

My wife is deathly afraid of spiders. It is not a joking matter. She turns pale white, faints, the whole shabang. It is my duty to destroy any and all spiders I encounter that might possibly cross her path. Funny thing is, show her a snake and she get's all ooey gooey and wants to hold it.

I have never purposely messed with her in this way, but once she got pissed at me because unbeknownst to her I had taken a cool macro digital pic of this freaky garden spider and she found it while scrolling through the camera.

She was completely unreasonable and was convinced that I did it on purpose. She probably still thinks that. That's the problem with being a practical joker...sometimes you get blamed for crap you didn't do. Oh well...it's still worth it.
 
CreamyGoodness said:
Ask who her favorite US President was. If she is awesome, she will say Lincoln. If she's not so awesome she will say Washington, because seriously what a copout. If she's Canadian, I dont know what to tell you.

With that being said, once she chooses say "oh yeah? Mine was Polk"... and then poke her. If you do this every 2 or 3 years you should be able to make it work each time.
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You forgot to mention that if you try this, be ready for a slap. I got a great poke in her ribs, but was totally not expecting the hand flying at my face.
 
The one I have been able to carry on the longest came around by accident. I misspelled Awesome as Awsome and realized it really bothered her that I left off the e. That was probably 6 or 7 years ago so I have spelled it that way ever since. Texts, Emails, even cards we sign. I sign the card "Awsome Job!" and only sign my own name and leave it out for her to sign. I even argue my point about how I am right and the world is wrong. "The word is pronounced Aw-Some. Not Aw-E-Some. Why the f**k is there an E in there? People are so f**king dumb!" She hates it.
 
AMonkey said:
The one I have been able to carry on the longest came around by accident. I misspelled Awesome as Awsome and realized it really bothered her that I left off the e. That was probably 6 or 7 years ago so I have spelled it that way ever since. Texts, Emails, even cards we sign. I sign the card "Awsome Job!" and only sign my own name and leave it out for her to sign. I even argue my point about how I am right and the world is wrong. "The word is pronounced Aw-Some. Not Aw-E-Some. Why the f**k is there an E in there? People are so f**king dumb!" She hates it.
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As a native Massachusetts speaker, I concur. The authentic MA phoenetic spelling is "ossum".
 
Hamsterbite said:
As a native Massachusetts speaker, I concur. The authentic MA phoenetic spelling is "ossum".
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Speaking of the word concur, I will constantly use the word disconcur with my wife. She hates it so much all because "it's not in any dictionary known to man". Pshhh! I say if it follows the rules of the language it should be valid. Can't get her to agree with me.
 
nukebrewer said:
Speaking of the word concur, I will constantly use the word disconcur with my wife. She hates it so much all because "it's not in any dictionary known to man". Pshhh! I say if it follows the rules of the language it should be valid. Can't get her to agree with me.
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I totally undissagree.:mug:
 
gratus fermentatio said:
Reverse the direction of the toilet paper & see how long it takes her to notice.
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This is one of my favorites. She notices right away. She used to rag me about this. Now she just switches it the way she wants without a word. However, she likes the paper coming off the top of the roll. We not have 2 kittens that like to unroll the entire roll onto the floor. I just informed her today that we now have to switch it around to my way with the paper coming off the bottom. No matter how much the kittens spin the roll, it's not going to end up all over the house.
 
I told my wife that years ago, I coined the term "dude". For some reason she was skeptical, so I told her I would coin a new term that would soon be commonly used. That word is "ugly", meaning awsome (using AMonkey's spelling).

Now I say things like, "Did you see that movie? That was ugly!". She just looks at me like I'm an idiot.
 
Obliviousbrew said:
My wife is from Andalucia, people there invented nap so she takes her nap seriously, most of the time she puts her pijamas and goes to the room an she have a towo hour nap, sometimes she will take the nap in the sofa. It´s very hard to wake her up she is a log so I took some advantage when she fall asleep in the living room an literally I took all the furniture and move it to the next room, same thing with tv set, paintings and drawings and pictures I only left the sofa with my wife on it, closed all doors with the key and waited... it was terribly funny because she is one of those people that don´t know exactly what is going on for the first 5 minutes she is been up didn´t get that in camera which I regreat but it was funny, it wasn´t so funny when she told me that it was a great thing moving all the furniture so whe can clean the living rooms and paint.... It wasn´t funny niether when she got back at me tyied a little rope to one of the bed legs and the other end was sewed to my pijamas I almost break my face when I hit the floor.
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That was funny! :mug:
 
TyTanium said:
One of the greatest SNL sketches of all time.
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Agreed. My personal favorite quote:

"I can read, Trebek! That says anal bum cover! I spent five years of my life trying to invent an anal bum cover! Failing to do so is my greatest regret."
 
Turd Ferguson?
Yeah? Whaddya want?
You buzzed in.
No I didn't.
Yes you did.
That's your opinion.
 
Trebek: Mr. Connery, let's see your answer. I'm sorry Alex.
Connery: That I am. I know I give you a hard time, but it's all in good fun, I mean you know that don't you?
Trebek: Well of course I do... Sean. Let's see what you wagered, friend... Trebek is such a fruit.
Connery: Ha!
 
CreamyGoodness said:
Last night the wife moved two of my gallon fermenters, one in each hand. I started laughing hysterically (I had been drinking, and I was rather tired). "What?" she said smiling. I couldnt get it out I was laughing so hard. "WHAT?! C'mon tell me!" big smile. She lost the smile instantly and gave me the Destroyer of Worlds face when I finally choked out "Nice jugs!"
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I just read this to my wife. Her reply,after she stopped laughing, "Oh my god, you are all alike!"

Safety in numbers, gents.
 
Here's one I tried recently that didn't work:

Winding down the evening, we were kicked back in our recliners enjoying a couple home-brews. She gave me the "I'm empty, refill please" glass waggle. I returned with two fresh glasses, mine with beer, hers with chicken noodle soup. Since the lights were dimmed, I was hoping she wouldn't notice before she took a sip. But she did.

I will wait a couple weeks and try again.
 
Hamsterbite said:
Here's one I tried recently that didn't work:

Winding down the evening, we were kicked back in our recliners enjoying a couple home-brews. She gave me the "I'm empty, refill please" glass waggle. I returned with two fresh glasses, mine with beer, hers with chicken noodle soup. Since the lights were dimmed, I was hoping she wouldn't notice before she took a sip. But she did.

I will wait a couple weeks and try again.
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LOL. try it with the coffe at morning time, maybe been a little asleep she will fall :p
 
Here's one I did some years ago to a former SWMBO. It was based on a prank I once heard someone pulled on an old college friend so I had banked it for future use when the time was right. We used to prank quite a bit but this was a big one and the time needed to be right.

Late night motorway journeys would invariably turn out that I would drive and SWMBO would promise to stay awake to keep me company but would be asleep within 10 minutes of departure. One night we were travelling and had about a four hour drive to get home so I lasted about three hours of debating with myself whether to go ahead with the prank or not. In the end I decided I would go for it, so here's what I did.

I found a service area on the motorway and pulled in to it then drove over to where the truck parking area was and quickly found a lorry which had the engine idling and the lights on whilst the driver built up air pressure before setting off again. I pulled the car across the front of the lorry so that the passenger side was about 10' in front of it then grabbed SWMBO arm and screamed "AAAAAAAGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!". So there she was jolted into consciousness and the first thing she sees is the front of a massive truck "heading for" us.

We have a saying in the UK that " the air turned blue" meaning that some choice language was being deployed, this was more ultraviolet..... But at least I had company for the final hour of the journey to help me stay alert!
 
mcspanner said:
Here's one I did some years ago to a former SWMBO. It was based on a prank I once heard someone pulled on an old college friend so I had banked it for future use when the time was right. We used to prank quite a bit but this was a big one and the time needed to be right.

Late night motorway journeys would invariably turn out that I would drive and SWMBO would promise to stay awake to keep me company but would be asleep within 10 minutes of departure. One night we were travelling and had about a four hour drive to get home so I lasted about three hours of debating with myself whether to go ahead with the prank or not. In the end I decided I would go for it, so here's what I did.

I found a service area on the motorway and pulled in to it then drove over to where the truck parking area was and quickly found a lorry which had the engine idling and the lights on whilst the driver built up air pressure before setting off again. I pulled the car across the front of the lorry so that the passenger side was about 10' in front of it then grabbed SWMBO arm and screamed "AAAAAAAGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!". So there she was jolted into consciousness and the first thing she sees is the front of a massive truck "heading for" us.

We have a saying in the UK that " the air turned blue" meaning that some choice language was being deployed, this was more ultraviolet..... But at least I had company for the final hour of the journey to help me stay alert!
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That is pure genius. I wish my wife could sleep during car rides.
 
mcspanner said:
Here's one I did some years ago to a former SWMBO. It was based on a prank I once heard someone pulled on an old college friend so I had banked it for future use when the time was right. We used to prank quite a bit but this was a big one and the time needed to be right.

Late night motorway journeys would invariably turn out that I would drive and SWMBO would promise to stay awake to keep me company but would be asleep within 10 minutes of departure. One night we were travelling and had about a four hour drive to get home so I lasted about three hours of debating with myself whether to go ahead with the prank or not. In the end I decided I would go for it, so here's what I did.

I found a service area on the motorway and pulled in to it then drove over to where the truck parking area was and quickly found a lorry which had the engine idling and the lights on whilst the driver built up air pressure before setting off again. I pulled the car across the front of the lorry so that the passenger side was about 10' in front of it then grabbed SWMBO arm and screamed "AAAAAAAGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!". So there she was jolted into consciousness and the first thing she sees is the front of a massive truck "heading for" us.

We have a saying in the UK that " the air turned blue" meaning that some choice language was being deployed, this was more ultraviolet..... But at least I had company for the final hour of the journey to help me stay alert!
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I did this once. Friggin hilarious and worth every minute I spent on the couch (and the subsequent bruised arm). The dutch oven was a close second but that time she was the one that slept on the couch. Both of those were early in the marriage. No way I could get away with either now. I often wonder what happened to her since of humor.
 
mcspanner said:
Here's one I did some years ago to a former SWMBO. It was based on a prank I once heard someone pulled on an old college friend so I had banked it for future use when the time was right. We used to prank quite a bit but this was a big one and the time needed to be right.

Late night motorway journeys would invariably turn out that I would drive and SWMBO would promise to stay awake to keep me company but would be asleep within 10 minutes of departure. One night we were travelling and had about a four hour drive to get home so I lasted about three hours of debating with myself whether to go ahead with the prank or not. In the end I decided I would go for it, so here's what I did.

I found a service area on the motorway and pulled in to it then drove over to where the truck parking area was and quickly found a lorry which had the engine idling and the lights on whilst the driver built up air pressure before setting off again. I pulled the car across the front of the lorry so that the passenger side was about 10' in front of it then grabbed SWMBO arm and screamed "AAAAAAAGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!". So there she was jolted into consciousness and the first thing she sees is the front of a massive truck "heading for" us.

We have a saying in the UK that " the air turned blue" meaning that some choice language was being deployed, this was more ultraviolet..... But at least I had company for the final hour of the journey to help me stay alert!
Click to expand...

I've considered this in one form or another many times as we (I) do a lot of long drives.

I like this thread. It gives me ideas. :D
 
Wait until you are in line at a store with many people in front and in the back of you. Once the moment is right and people are quit I turn to my wife and say, "Hey, mom said we can't have sex anymore." I am embarrassed but it is worth seeing her face, it works 60 percent of the time, every time ;).
 
While walking through Wal-Mart in a fairly full aisle of people, crack off a loud fart just as you hit the end of the aisle. Blame it on SWMBO.
 
I used to do that at the grocery store to clear the isle of women who stand on one side with the cart blocking the other side. Isle clears out so wife can get to what she needs.
 
CreamyGoodness said:
Another fun one involves a label maker. Go nuts. Make labels for things that are self-explanatory. Put a label that says "TV" smack dab in the middle of the screen. Label the first few sheets of toilet paper and paper towel.

Let her know how much you care by wasting a huge chunk of your time labelling household objects. If you own a cat, label that little bastard. Put a label on your infant's forehead. Have a lot of fun.

The absolute easiest way, it has been proven by psychologists, to ensure loyalty is through erratic behavior. Remember that thus, though she may look annoyed when she pulls a label that says "@ss" off her posterior that you put there whilest she slept and while she might say "you are wasting the label cartridge and those are expensive!" she aint goin nowhere.
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I am going to have to come back to this thread later... I am in tears already and I need to at least pretend to be doing work over here... *******!
 
paulster2626 said:
08cc247260e703f9c55ac7c1078d425a06205aab.gif
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This is genius. I'm doing it, and recording it. For anyone else contemplating, no head shots please. Never know what kind of junk might come flying out of the impeller.

I think I will have to test the waters beforehand with a simple "How is your day?" text. Doing this one on the wrong day could start WW3.
 
By the way... "the COBRA" backfired on me last night. SWMBO waited until I was in the middle of a show on TV and struck. Difference between me and her is she has lady nails. Yeah, I totally bled from the forehead.
 
Mine has taken to closing the ( normally open) sliding glass door and polishing the glass. I've been caught about 3 times in the last 18 months and it bloody hurts!

But that's technically SWMBO messing with ME!
 
It you have one and can, park your motorcycle or bring your roll away tool box or any other garage related item like the lawn mower into the living room. When she freaks out tell her it was cold out and you didn't want it to get lonely.
 
static said:
It you have one and can, park your motorcycle or bring your roll away tool box or any other garage related item like the lawn mower into the living room. When she freaks out tell her it was cold out and you didn't want it to get lonely.
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My Mom has a way back story about the time that she found a Saab 99 transaxle in her bathtub. Dad has a reputation for messing with Mom, and it it always comes back to this.

Then there was the year that Dad insisted on getting me (at age 12) a pellet gun for Christmas. Not just any pellet gun mind you...a 1500 FPS German match rifle. He got a CO2 pistol for himself, and we bonded by shooting up anything and everything around the homestead...including Mom's collection of windchimes, and my little sister's wading pool, and the dog bowls...What were we thinking?
 
Hamsterbite said:
My Mom has a way back story about the time that she found a Saab 99 transaxle in her bathtub. Dad has a reputation for messing with Mom, and it it always comes back to this.

Then there was the year that Dad insisted on getting me (at age 12) a pellet gun for Christmas. Not just any pellet gun mind you...a 1500 FPS German match rifle. He got a CO2 pistol for himself, and we bonded by shooting up anything and everything around the homestead...including Mom's collection of windchimes, and my little sister's wading pool, and the dog bowls...What were we thinking?
Click to expand...

You were thinking "Hey! Dad's cool and this is fun! I can also blame all of this on him since he's the adult!".
 

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