SWMBO Hobbies

Not sure if this is the correct section for this, but here goes!

Ever since I started brewing (been about 3 months now), my SWMBO (girlfriends of ~20 months) has complained and complained and complained about the time I spend on brewing, reading up on brewing, listening to podcasts, and the like. It's not so much that she has a problem with me doing something that I love (she's extremely supportive in that respect), more that she doesn't have something comparable, no hobby that cosumes her, and generally nothing to do while I'm taking time brewing. She wants to pick up a hobby, and neither of us have any idea what she should do.

So, HBT, what do your SWMBOs do in their spare time? Helping me with brewing is out of the question (although she loves beer, she hates the smell of grains, wort, hops, and just about every othe part of the process). She's into wine (but not interested in making it), painting (but is "too time cosuming and labor intensive," so she doesn't do it that often), and cooking (though I'm better so she always makes me do it).

Any other thoughts? Anything and everything would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!

How 'bout sandwich-making?....









[ducks for cover from *my* SWMBO]

the_bird said:

How 'bout sandwich-making?....









[ducks for cover from *my* SWMBO]

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Haha I'm going to go ahead and NOT suggest this, for fear of no longer having a SWMBO.

Though if you tell mine, I'll tell yours. I think that's a fair trade, no??

She doesn't have ANY hobbies at all? That's very unusual. What does she do in her spare time? Maybe that would be a place to start.

My wife just picked up a sewing machine a couple months ago. She loves it and I'm happy she finally has a hobby. Come Janurary after we have the baby, I'm going to try and get her into my latest hobby. Fitness. Running and weight lifting. Really if she just got into running I'd be happy. I did my first Warrior Dash this past weekend and am now hooked on obstacles Races. I'm hoping she'll do them with me in 2012.

Lol. I have the same problem. My wife doesn't have a problem with my obsession, but she does have a problem with her not having anything comparable. She used to be very much into photography until we had children. She's now accumulating everything she needs to start developing 35mm and 120mm pictures again. I'm sure she'll be spending as much time in the soon to be darkroom as I do with brewing.

I'll also be rolling my eyes every time she starts talking about photography (even though I'm very interested in it) because that's what she does when I'm talking about beer.

Yooper said:

She doesn't have ANY hobbies at all? That's very unusual. What does she do in her spare time? Maybe that would be a place to start.

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I guess more info is needed. We're both entering our senior of college in about a month, me at a public university and her and a close by private one. She's receiving ZERO funding from her parents, and as such has to schedule work ontop of a full-time schedule. This doesn't leave much time for time consuming hobbies during the year.

This summer, we've both been working 40 hours a week, which leaves a chunk of free time from 4 - 10:30ish, which I have been filling with brewing related activities, and she's been doing, well nothing. She's usually either just hanging out at my house watching tv, sometimes reading, or trolling on news sites, etc. This takes up most of her time.

Ideally, I'd like to get her into something that has the potential for variable amounts of time commitment, such that she can start now and continue into the school year. Weekends and nights would probably be when she would be taking part in these activities, similar to my brewing schedule.

my wife makes jewelry. lots of hands on fiddling, but you can watch tv or chat at the same time. she seems to like it and she always has shiny trinkets to wear.

My girlfriend and her friends are big into scrapbooking. Which by the looks of my basement and the storage cabinets full of "scrapbooking stuff," is at least as expensive as homebrewing.

She works on it on her own once in a while, and every couple of weeks she'll get together with friends at someone's house and all scrap book together. She even went on an overnight retreat at a resort one weekend with some friends.

Lucky137 said:

Any other thoughts? Anything and everything would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!

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How about blowing the brewmaster?


_

wildwest450 said:

How about blowing the brewmaster?


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Best SWMBO hobby ever.

Lucky137 said:

I guess more info is needed. We're both entering our senior of college in about a month, me at a public university and her and a close by private one. She's receiving ZERO funding from her parents, and as such has to schedule work ontop of a full-time schedule. This doesn't leave much time for time consuming hobbies during the year.

This summer, we've both been working 40 hours a week, which leaves a chunk of free time from 4 - 10:30ish, which I have been filling with brewing related activities, and she's been doing, well nothing. She's usually either just hanging out at my house watching tv, sometimes reading, or trolling on news sites, etc. This takes up most of her time.

Ideally, I'd like to get her into something that has the potential for variable amounts of time commitment, such that she can start now and continue into the school year. Weekends and nights would probably be when she would be taking part in these activities, similar to my brewing schedule.

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Sounds to me like she just wants some time to relax and do nothing for a change. Let her.

I don't understand this... It sounds like she wants YOU to find something that she will like. The way I see it, it's something that she should find on her own. As an example, I wasn't just sitting around at my buddy's place one day when he says to me, "Hey, man. You should really take up brewing your own beer. I think it would be good for you." I came into it on my own, and the more I learned about it, the more I wanted to do it.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not bashing on the GF or anything. It sounds to me like she wants to spend time with you, but has absolutely no interest in what you're doing. Maybe she just wants more of your attention? I don't know, I'm just a dumb guy who gave up trying to understand women a long time ago. It's just easier for me that way.

My GF LOVES to read. But she has also professed an interest in getting a Cricut to make cards and decorate and crap like that. She's also mentioned about wanting to learn how to sew with a sewing maching, painting, photography, baking (more than just cookies and boxed brownies), and pottery. I was thinking about bringing her to a place that does ceramics sometime. My stepmom used to do that and while it was a lot of fun for her, it could also get pretty expensive as well.

Get her to make cleaning brewing equipment her new hobby..

You could get her pregnant so she can play with the kids while you brew.

Just a thought.

My wife really doesn't have hobbies, unless you count watching the latest flavor of tv program (currently Sons of Anarchy and Mad Men). Her hobby is working and raising kids. The kids are old enough now to do housework and pretty much take care of themselves, so it's easier. But my wife works a lot harder than I do, so I let her do what she wants when she's not at work.

I think she'd be happier with a hobby, but maybe that's just me. I LOVE hobbies. I got too many.

Some people on here do soapmaking, which is not expensive to do. Some people enjoy learning more about cooking. My wife used to go for scrapbooking, but since our friends have moved away, she doesn't do it much. Like I suspected, she probably really only did it for the social aspect.

There is always volunteer work. I bet there is a church or other organization that could use another pair of hands. I think it's a rewarding way to spend your time.

cricky101 said:

My girlfriend and her friends are big into scrapbooking. Which by the looks of my basement and the storage cabinets full of "scrapbooking stuff," is at least as expensive as homebrewing.

She works on it on her own once in a while, and every couple of weeks she'll get together with friends at someone's house and all scrap book together. She even went on an overnight retreat at a resort one weekend with some friends.

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My SWMBO has been a very serious scrapbooker for years now. I can attest to the fact that it can be comparable to homebrewing in time and money spent. She has no problem with my homebrewing because I have no problem with her scrapbooking (it could be argued that we both have a problem... )

We just bought our first house down here and we made sure to find a 4 bedroom with a full basement. She took one of the upstairs bedrooms and turned it into her scrapbook studio and the basement is all mine for my brewing activities, etc.

I've had the same conversation and I gave her the same response... it is up to you to figure out. She realized she liked gardening. She also likes buying old furniture and fixing them up. She strips the varnish sands the wood and and gives it a old time reclaimed look. Pretty cool. She then will sell it on ebay or craigslist for extra money. Not a bad gig to support my brewing habit.

TrainSafe said:

You could get her pregnant so she can play with the kids while you brew.

Just a thought.

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LOL. I don't see that one backfiring at all...

Homercidal said:

Some people on here do soapmaking, which is not expensive to do. Some people enjoy learning more about cooking. My wife used to go for scrapbooking, but since our friends have moved away, she doesn't do it much. Like I suspected, she probably really only did it for the social aspect.

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There are other homebrew-like hobbies, like cheesemaking. Really, it's such a big question, it's essentially impossible for us to answer without really knowing what she really enjoys. Is she an athletic/outdoorsey person? Bookworm? Music fiend? Drunkard?

My wife knits. Gardens. Blows the brewer. Drinks apfelwein. Chases our kids around.

That's the solution: find her a kid! Ha...no don't.

I'd agree, that in a perfect world, she would just find something that she enjoys and that would be that. However, she's a bit more of a complainer than she is a doer, and although it's not always the case, I do find that I am occasionally making decisions for her. My biggest motivation for helping her find something is so that she stops complaining about - she did not specifically ask me "hey, find a hobby I might enjoy and convince me to do it." I'm more taking it upon my self.

As for more specifics, she talks a lot about doing stuff but I think has a hard time really getting into it (she's like me in this way - I have trouble doing anything if it's something I don't truly enjoy). She talks about hiking and jogging, but it never lasts long and she can't get into a "groove" with it. Like I mentioned, she is pretty artsy, so I think this is a good road to go down. However, finding a good medium may be extremely difficult. A while back we went to one of those places where you can paint a blank piece of pottery, and then they fire it etc., and she was super into that (but that can get expensive fast).

And yes, she's a drunkard, though she won't admit it. Thanks all for the suggestions, I know I've been pretty vague, but I think I just need some inspiration, hoping something will ring true with me as a possibility.

Get a dog. Someone to keep her company while you're futzing around on HBT all night, and it makes her get up and go hiking or walking.

All you need to do is to find a way to convince her to become an expert in the sensual arts. I'm thinking someone like Inara Serra from Firefly....

My wife hikes, mountain bikes, brews, cooks, reads, and is into horses...

the_bird said:

Get a dog. Someone to keep her company while you're futzing around on HBT all night, and it makes her get up and go hiking or walking.

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The "D" word is banned in my company... not that she follows that rule.

I want one terribly badly, as does she, but it's not realistic given living, time, and monetary constraints.

I'm sure once we do get one this entire problem will be solved haha.

My wife Quilts, and Quilts and Quilts .... she buys large pieces of fabric, cuts them in to small pieces and sews them back together to create designs, pictures, landscapes .... she goes on quilt retreats with her lady friends (she is gone all this week) she organizes quilting retreats. We have rooms full of fabric, sewing machines (at least 4 in the house now). I built 48 lineal feet of shelving to hold tubs of fabric (they are full). She is as passionate about her quilting as I am about brewing ... other than the some of the equipment it is not all that expensive of a hobby... but like brewing can start small and grow...... quilting occupies 90% of her time... mmmm maybe that is why she got me my first brewing kit?

A quilt retreat sounds like the longest conceivable measure of time known to man.

My SWMBO reads pretty much constantly. We have stacks and stacks of books read and unread all over the house, on top of the four full bookcases. She's also a hell of a cook, as evidenced by my ever-expanding waistline.

Yeah mine reads a lot, I taught her how to play Solitaire on her I pod a couple months ago and she's won like 1000 times already, She likes to help me brew too and I got her to try to make a mead, She's pretty excited about it! Me too! another bubble to watch a lot of the time tho she just sleeps... we both have full time jobs.

It's really hard for me to relate, because I'm so busy doing things I love that there aren't enough hours in a day.

There are people out there that don't have hobbies, I guess, but that is so foreign to me that I just can't relate.

I brew, make soap, cheese, play hockey, camp, hike, fish, kayak, play with my grandson one day a week, work, travel, read, and of course this internet forum takes up a ton of my time. Even when I was in college, I was busy, busy, busy.

If she doesn't have any interest in anything, it'll be hard to find something for her that will capture that interest.

I had a problem similar to OP's with my girlfriend (now wife). So, one day, I brought home World of Warcraft for her. Problem solved. Nowadays, she plays Minecraft, which I highly recommend as it is potentially even more addictive and much cheaper.

I see you're in Seattle. How about getting her to watch them Seahawks once in a while? I introduced my wife to football a few years ago, explained the game, etc, and now she's the one in 2 fantasy leagues and knows much more about the NFL than I do.

Who has time for fantasy football when there's beer to brew? Oh yeah, she helps me on brew day also.

Other than that, she likes to scrapbook, and helps remodel the house (painting, trim, etc).

_JP_ said:

I see you're in Seattle. How about getting her to watch them Seahawks once in a while? I introduced my wife to football a few years ago, explained the game, etc, and now she's the one in 2 fantasy leagues and knows much more about the NFL than I do.

Who has time for fantasy football when there's beer to brew? Oh yeah, she helps me on brew day also.

Other than that, she likes to scrapbook, and helps remodel the house (painting, trim, etc).

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uhhhh, HOCKEY!

_JP_ said:

I see you're in Seattle. How about getting her to watch them Seahawks once in a while?

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what a terrible time to suggest this.

my wife likes zumba and taking baths

bengerman said:

what a terrible time to suggest this.

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Falcons didn't look too hot either Sunday. Coach Smith forgot to tell them preseason's over.

it sounds like she has no real interests and is a bit on the lazy side. I can relate to that in some ways(the lazy side anyway). Perhaps you should try to find her some friends as a distraction? or since she sounds like dead weight(unless the sex is worth it) you should find a swmbo with hobbies?

runningweird said:

or since she sounds like dead weight(unless the sex is worth it) you should find a swmbo with hobbies?

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wow, cold. maybe she could review this thread and see if any of the suggestions pique her interest.

FromZwolle said:

wow, cold. maybe she could review this thread and see if any of the suggestions pique her interest.

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In that case I am not here. without hobbies she could turn all her energy into rage and focus it on me! My apologies if it was cold but this is the internet.

but really, I have dated women who had no hobbies, and that is why i use the past tense. My wife has lots of interests that are different from my own and while we don't always get completely entrenched in each-others hobbies having them keeps us from going crazy(5 kids) and keeps us interesting to each-other.

Very true. If only one of you has an obsessive hobby while the other has no interest in any hobby, there will be a lot of conflict!