The Dysfunctional-Palooza Obnoxious Masshole BS Thread

paulthenurse said:

Cluck

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LOL.. You can swing on over and dance on my lawn in a chicken suit if you want.

Cluck cluck cluck cockadoodledooooooooo

Missing the Jamboree to hit the Cape for a triathlon would be even dumber than missing the Pig Roast to hit the Finger Lakes. Sorry. I ain't that retahded.

Cape Brewing said:

LOL.. You can swing on over and dance on my lawn in a chicken suit if you want.

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I would hardly have been the first...

Congrats Paulie. I did a fat guy triathlon yesterday and was sweating like a b*tch.

OK, so you have to get drunk and stupid on the 8th...

Don't tell me... You're getting the George Brett Memorial Hemerroid-ectomey on the 16th and that's why you are clucking out that day.

paulthenurse said:

I would hardly have been the first...

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I don't even know wtf that is supposed to mean....

I'll tell ya what Paulie... Since you're now an athlete and I am so out of shape, how about we just have a simple running race? On Sept 16th... We'll do a simple four mile run

How's that?

You've been training for this triathlon so this should be no problem.

And we'll do something light... Like $250 to the winners choice... $500 if I run the last mile backwards.

Does this mean that you've finally decided on a date, Paulie?

Cluck....

Cluck, cluck....

Any punk can run a few miles.

We're talking about the ultimate endurance event... Well, I guess you and I should acknowledge our long suffering wives but Thales not go there....

C'mon. You mock me cause I ONLY managed to complete my first tri ahead of a couple of cripples and arthritic grannies. I say I'm challenging you (20 years my junior) to the same. You used to skate. Hip check me into the bushes!

LOL!!!! It's now a "tri"?? Is that cool triathlete lingo??

When you earn your membership you get to use the cool lingo.

So when you got off the train yesterday did you run all the ways to your car? Backwards?

Hey, your the dude who runs "tri's" and is too chickensht to get out for a quick little jog.

Quick doesn't belong in the sentence when we're talking about me running.

So that's a "sorry, I'm too scared" then?

What scared? I challenged you, D'bag

I am not doing a triathlon. 1) I don't even own an effin bike and 2) you have been training on your bike for a farkin year. Fine! You win on a bike. There.

Now what about the other two? You really wanna jump in the ocean? Fine. We'll do a swim and a run. They are both areas you don't have months and months of training ahead of me on. You have a huge head start on me on the running and the swimming but you're effin old as dirt so we'll call it even and go from here.

I'll go $20 if there's no bike involved. I know my strength.

More important, I know my weakness.

I AVERAGE a 15 minute mile running. "Faster than your average glacier!" I walk a 16 minute mile. I can swim the half in 18 if I don't damn near drown because of the choppy waves.

That was VERY disconcerting. I saw down at Massapog a good half dozen times, it was always a mirror. On Sunday u had swallowed a gallon by the first buoy and puked it all up by the second. It is VERY hard to swim and puke at the same time.

paulthenurse said:

I AVERAGE a 15 minute mile running. "Faster than your average glacier!" I walk a 16 minute mile.

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Sounds like you'd do well in the Olympic sport of fast walking.

Sooooo. You're basically saying I would own you, with zero training, in two of the three events of a "tri" but you would make it up on the event you have been training for for over a year on while I don't even own a bike... Is that your big tough guy stance?

Something like that. Except for the part about you owning me. I'd kick your ass.

Lay off the sauce old man

You too bags of mayo ain't got nuthin on each other except when your placing your gut on each others forehead.

I just threw up in my mouth a little bit reading that

That's what I was going for!

I just complete a triathalon too. I drank a corney of beer, ate 5# of nacho's and spent the day on the toilet. Does that count?

I miss getting the crabs. Every year just about this time, I'd start getting them. It wouldn't stop until spring. I'm getting that old familiar itch.

Woah. This really sux
http://www.unionleader.com/article/20120817/NEWS03/120819709

More than likely a cranky neighbor that doesn't like the noise and traffic. Sad really. I used to go to that, it was pretty impressive.

It was Cape. He heard that the event was bigger than his Norton Invitation Man Boy Love Festival and that drove him off the edge.

Maybe I'll send him a cake in prison with a really dull file baked inside.

barneygumble said:

I miss getting the crabs. Every year just about this time, I'd start getting them. It wouldn't stop until spring. I'm getting that old familiar itch.

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I love that. Not sure what I like best, catching them or munching on them. Nothing like the taste of hot, spicy crab!

So how big a Patriots yahoo should I be at Wembly Stadium in October? I'm thinking "Would it be too much to go as Pat Patriot or would that be over the top?"

Or should I just wear my PTN nurses bikini?

paulthenurse said:

So how big a Patriots yahoo should I be at Wembly Stadium in October? I'm thinking "Would it be too much to go as Pat Patriot or would that be over the top?"

Or should I just wear my PTN nurses bikini?

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In the name of all that is good, and kind, and sane in the world, go as Pat Patriot.

So I guess its inevitable you will be in the PTN bikini.

Tell gomezcat I said hi.

The trip sounds awesome! You in a bikini, I just threw up on my wife.

DakotaRules said:

[...] You in a bikini, I just threw up on my wife.

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Hilarious. And eminently quotable...

Cheers!