No matter what- You too will do stupid shiz

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CreamyGoodness

CreamyGoodness

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Last night I made chili. Because my wife and I both like a little more heat in our chili than just cayenne, and because my stomach cant handle scotch bonnets, I sliced up about 6 nice red jalepenos. And then I did it. What's the one thing you are told over and over again NOT to do?

Yup, I rubbed my eye. 20 something years of hearing chefs and yutzes on the morning shows warning you not to rub your eyes when you have handled hot peppers, and here I was... jumping around my kitchen shouting "F'! ****!"

SWBO "WHAT?!"
ME: "I just rubbed my eye...!"
SWMBO: "oh no! flush it with water!!"
ME: "I CANT! Its still on my hands!
SWMBO: "OK I'm coming!"
ME: "Get the vinegar for my hands, I cant see!" *bumps into her and shouts F'! again"*
SWMBO: "I cant reach it, the shelf is too high!"
ME: "WHY ARE YOU SO FRIGGING SHORT?!"
SWMBO: "Be nice! Now come to the sink!"

Thats right, I wound up bent over the sink flushing my eyes in my wife's cupped hands. All the while saying "wow, Im an idiot, Im REALLY an idiot. That was dumb."

So yeah, what's something you know you shouldn't do, you've been told a million times, and yet you still do/did it. In before you, Chapp, yeah yeah, clicking on a CreamyGoodness thread. RDRR. Humpf.

If you are wondering, by the way, the chili still came out darned good. I put beans in mine. Some of you will just have to deal with that.
 
Couple years ago I was trimming a neoprene vest for my dog prior to the start of hunting season, using a utility knife to clean up the edge of one of the leg holes. Paused at one point, looked at the way I was working and thought "Y'know, this would be a great way to slice my finger"

Wouldn't you know, less than 5 seconds later the blade slipped and gashed the tip of my left index finger.
 
I once went SCUBA diving while I was sick and congested. Got a few feet down and realized I couldn't equalize, so I stopped and tried to equalize for a minute. Still couldn't do it so I said, f*** it (in my head, obviously) and kept going down to about 70 ft. That f-ing hurts. I'm surprised I didn't bust my ear drums that way. Also I ended up with a bloody nose because of it. And if that's not enough, I did it again on the second dive of the day, but that was only to 30 ft so it wasn't as bad, but still very stupid. Never again.
 
I've also done the jalapeño thing. I always say I'm going to buy some gloves for slicing jalapeños but never do.
Also cutting toward myself with a knife when I know I shouldn't.

CreamyGoodness said:
I put beans in mine. Some of you will just have to deal with that.
Click to expand...

BTW, I also made chili last night and I always put pinto and black beans in mine. So you won't hear any complaints from me.
 
WesleyS said:
BTW, I also made chili last night and I always put pinto and black beans in mine. So you won't hear any complaints from me.
Click to expand...

Hehe nice. I have literally been talked to like I was an idiot for putting beans in my chili because apparently "purists" use only meat and sauce. The day I forcefeed someone chili with beans is the day that that is acceptable behavior.
 
it doesn't hurt that bad.

the worst is when you make chili then go to take your contacts out. once you get one out and the burn sets in and you realize what's happening, you have a decision to make:

"do i take the other one out, or put that one back in?"

either way, you're in for more pain.
 
Where I come from we have:

1) Chili - used for toppings of Sandwiches, burgers, hot dogs. Only contains meat and sauce

2) Chili beans - made with meat, sauce, and beans. Served as a stand alone meal in a bowl.

No complaints on the beans, it's a fine meal.
 
And, oh, I love the flavor of Scotch Bonnets. Especially smoked.

But no, my stomach cannot take them. Nor can my further part.
 
Ouch! I had a hot pepper flake get in my eye when we were eating pizza outside on a nice afternoon and I was spicing up my slice of pie. That sucked!

Chili oddity here in Indy (Which I don't, being from MS I think this is really weird and still do after 10 years of living here) - noodles in the bottom of the bowl, chili on top.
 
I once made a grenade out of a medicine bottle, some pebbles and a firecracker. I fingered the fuse to make it burn slow, and had a friend light it while I tried to put the cap on and throw it. Didn't get the cap on, but I did manage to toss it. Got about 4 feet from me when it went off.

Somehow the bits of pebbles only stuck in my hands and legs. My face was unhurt, but I couldn't hear much for the rest of the day.

I'm pretty sure I could do a better job now that I'm older and more experienced.
 
I got a high pressure jet nozzle for my garden hose, and turned it on while looking directly into the nozzle. Felt like I'd blown my eyeball apart. I immediately clapped a hand over the eye, and was afraid to look at it for several minutes. There was no damage, but I still have no idea how I could have done such a stupid thing.
 
Funny mention chili, cayenne pepper and adding more hot peppers to it!

on Monday night my wife cooked white chicken chili and decided to try adding some "hot sauce" because she and I both like it hot. Well the hot sauce she grabbed from the fridge was my home made Bolivian Chili Pepper sauce (about as hot as habanero). Well this sauce is about 50% pure pepper puree and the rest is garlic and vinegar....

She must have dumped in 3-4 heaping tablespoons in the 1 gallon batch of chili because it was the hottest chili I have ever eaten...I was on the can at least 3 times Tuesday morning at the office!

Look on the bright side...at least you didn't cut up scotch bonnets and then rub your eye. Jalapeno is a sweet pepper compared to those.
 
Not me, but I was present when it happened:

In my teenage years, I was in Air Cadets, and every now and then we'd go on a "bush trip," just basically spending the weekend in the woods, learning how to build campfires, lean-to shelters, identify animal tracks, that sort of things. Anyway one year we went on one in October, and it was particularly cold (almost freezing).

One of the cadets who fancied himself particularly "woodsmanly" (you know the type, always has a pocket knife on him, uses carabiners for everything, refuses to admit when he's cold/tired/hungry) had brought a chocolate bar with him. He wanted to break off a piece, but since it was near-freezing, the chocolate bar was practically frozen solid. So he sits down, sets the bar on his thigh, whips out his buck knife, and proceeds to stab at one of the creases in the chocolate bar to break off the end.

Smash cut to one of the leaders rushing a crying 15-year-old out of the camp, back towards the cars, with a rapidly-spreading red stain on his thigh, screaming, "Keep pressure on it!"
 
jhhicks said:
Chili oddity here in Indy (Which I don't, being from MS I think this is really weird and still do after 10 years of leaving here) - noodles in the bottom of the bowl, chili on top.
Click to expand...

That sounds "different."
I actually like to fry sliced potatoes to eat with my chili. Not sure if that's odd or not, just something I've always done.
 
SharonaZamboni said:
I got a high pressure jet nozzle for my garden hose, and turned it on while looking directly into the nozzle. Felt like I'd blown my eyeball apart. I immediately clapped a hand over the eye, and was afraid to look at it for several minutes. There was no damage, but I still have no idea how I could have done such a stupid thing.
Click to expand...

That reminds me of another stupid thing I did when I knew better. One part of my business is power washing. One day I needed to rotate the nozzle and for some reason I still don't understand, I pulled the trigger to check before removing my finger from the nozzle. The result was a 4000 psi jet of water slicing through my thumb. It hurt so bad I never made that mistake again.
 
WesleyS said:
That sounds "different."
I actually like to fry sliced potatoes to eat with my chili. Not sure if that's odd or not, just something I've always done.
Click to expand...

That actually sounds pretty good. I always loved tortilla chips on my chili.
 
I power drilled straight into the palm of my hand while ignoring proper safety precaution. I could see the cavity of my hand, pretty awesome. When i took the cuticle scissors to cut the flesh hanging out of the hole, i hit a giant nerve that was hanging out! It was the only painful part, and holy monkeymasterbation it was extremely painful. Not one person could stomach to hear the whole story. And my brother who was there refused to help me clean the flesh from the drill bit. Luckily I hit nothing vital to fine motor skills, and my hand is just fine today.
And no, there was no doctor, ER, or outsourced medical attention needed. Good ole' Marine Corps combat lifesaver certification.
 
motobrewer said:
no, that's actually "two-way cincinnati style" chili.
Click to expand...

I'm in Oklahoma. It's all Greek.

I go to a place called Coney Island downtown. Specializes in simple hot dogs. Ran by a greek fellow. he makes spaghetti with chili. Calls it greek spaghetti. Has done since 1924.

I'll not argue with him about it. You can tho'. (405) 239-8568.
 
GilaMinumBeer said:
I'm in Oklahoma. It's all Greek.

I go to a place called Coney Island downtown. Specializes in simple hot dogs. Ran by a greek fellow. he makes spaghetti with chili. Calls it greek spaghetti. Has done since 1924.

I'll not argue with him about it. You can tho'. (405) 239-8568.
Click to expand...

could be. i'm not arguing with anyone. i despise spaghetti in my chili. i like beans, tho.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cincinnati_chili
 
At work I operate a machine that grinds chipper knifes to sharpen. We're talking industrial cutting tools. Well, usually wear gloves when doing anything with sharp knives and like a fool, I wasn't wearing gloves and cut a hunk of skin off my middle finger. That was Monday, and it's still an open wound. It isn't bloody or infected, just hurts like a mother if anything slides across that spot.
 
We had moved in 2 weeks prior to this and were still decorating the house. I was playing fetch in the house with our cattle dog Kronk (RIP). He never returns the ball all the way to you, just gets close and rolls it at you. On the last fetch of that day I missed his rollback and spun around, started to bend over to get the ball and impaled my right eye socket on the Mooose antlers we had just put up on the wall.
My wife was on the phone with or youngest daughter in Texas and all she heard "Holy F***ing ****" and me grabbing my face and falling to the floor.
Long story short, we put a cold compress on it and she started rushing me to the hospital and about halfway there, I got this intense pain and pressure in the socket and my eyeball actually slid back into place. Ended up with a hole though the eyelid and an eyepatch for 2 weeks.
Moral - never hang pointy things on the wall!

I also include a mix of pinto, black and kidney beans in my chili. I always make 2 pots, 1 spicy and 1 mild and I always include a couple of tablespoons of unsweetened bakers chocolate, it makes the chili more velvety and rich.
 
SharonaZamboni said:
I got a high pressure jet nozzle for my garden hose, and turned it on while looking directly into the nozzle. Felt like I'd blown my eyeball apart. I immediately clapped a hand over the eye, and was afraid to look at it for several minutes. There was no damage, but I still have no idea how I could have done such a stupid thing.
Click to expand...

I lol'd at work. I've done stuff like that and wondered, "Do I even have an eye left?!?"
 
I took a leak in the middle of harvesting my jolokia peppers :( Didn't even think about it. Screamed bloody murder. Never again.
 
Subsailor said:
On the last fetch of that day I missed his rollback and spun around, started to bend over to get the ball and impaled my right eye socket on the Mooose antlers we had just put up on the wall.
Click to expand...

AAGGHH!! ****! Dang!

images (4).jpg
 
If I ordered chili and it came over spaghetti I'd be annoyed, but if I went to someone's house and thats what they served me I'd probably love it. Kind of like when my ex girlfriend's grandmother subbed out hardboiled eggs for meatballs in her spaghetti sauce.
 
CreamyGoodness said:
If I ordered chili and it came over spaghetti I'd be annoyed, but if I went to someone's house and thats what they served me I'd probably love it. Kind of like when my ex girlfriend's grandmother subbed out hardboiled eggs for meatballs in her spaghetti sauce.
Click to expand...

Ha. First time I ever tried Pho' (Vietnamese noodle soup) it was listed as having meatballs.

Turns out they were fishballs (not testicular, btw).

Nasty.
 
I love Pho and I love fishballs. I still pronounce it "Foe" in my head, even though I know its pronounced "Fuh."
 
I made chili monday and was about half way through dicing a habanero when i realized that i didn't glove up first. Washed my hands about a dozen times but still nearly blinded myself when i put contacts in before work that night
 

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