The Dysfunctional-Palooza Obnoxious Masshole BS Thread

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AlCophile said:
300ml/dl?
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Milliliters in deciliters. 300/1000 of a liter in 1/10th of a liter. (A liter is about a quart). A really, really small amount. Unless you are talking about an alcohol level in someone's bloodstream. Then it's significant. Even somewhat impressive, unless you are talking about a professional drinker. I think of 300 as the gateway to being truly drunk, where I need to start worrying about protecting airways, etc.
 
Three guys go away fishing every summer for years and years. Finally one of the guys says he can't go, his wife vetoed the annual fishing trip. His buddies are bummed out but understand. When the big weekend comes they arrive at the camp to find him already there, sitting on a camp stool beside a cooler full of beer.

"What happened, we thought you couldn't come?"

"Well, last night she came into our bedroom wearing a sexy nighty, carrying a copy of the Fifty Shades of Grey book and a pair of handcuffs. She had me handcuff her to the bed frame and told me to do what I wanted to do."

"And?"

"I did. Got here about 9 last night and caught six fish already."
 
Cape Brewing said:
Soper only went with "Cape" because we hung out for a couple beers at the NHC two years ago out in San Diego so we've met.

No, sorry Sop'. Not making it this year. Got a ton of guys from my club going but I got too much going on to make the trip
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Shucks, at least send down some beers. What about MI next year?
 
Soperbrew said:
Shucks, at least send down some beers. What about MI next year?
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Pretty skeptical on future NHCs unfortunately... unless it is in freakin' Boston. I am way beyond busy these days. Let me know if you're going to be swinging through anywhere up around these parts though. Our beers will be on tap at a couple of different places and if you're really nice, I might give you a PERSONAL tour of the ENTIRE brewery.

I know..

it's a cool offer..
 
paulthenurse said:
Alas , we've seen the last of Cape at the NHC. BUT we can look forward
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To seeing him at future industry shows, like the Beer Summit, etc. Look hard. Real hard. Over there. Past Sam Adams. Past Harpoon. Past Pretty Things. Past Slum Brew.

Yup, over in the corner by the ladies room. They'll be the ones with the "Sorry, no more beer" sign at their booth. You'll find Cape sitting behind the booth, all glassy eyed, mumbling "We wanted to put a spin on it. We put a spin on it. Spin on it. Spin on it, spin on it.""
 
Actually I bet Cape will be at the MI show next year. He's hoping to go and hang out with his adoring fan club. "We love you, Cape. "You're the best, Cape." "I wanna do just what you did, Cape."

Aaaannnd, if he's wicked lucky, Revvy will stop by! How frickin' cool will that be?

"Hey Bri, show me your Vette and I'll tell you about the time I wrote about my date with the left handed midget lesbian from Latvia."
 
Ya.

You're right.

You got me.

I'm jealous. I wish I could empty my IRA and piss away the past few decades worth of savings all for the opportunity to walk into a bar and pay a bartender $7.50 to pour me a beer I brewed.

I'm missing out on the opportunity to lean over the bar, sneak a peak down her shirt and whisper to her, "You know, I'm the guy who brews the Bog Water..."

"We're out of f'ing Bog Water. Again. How 'bout a PBR? $2.00 drafts till 6."
 
You gotta remember guys... Paul lives in a world of "not-so-much".

I have a really cool, huge pig roast that is so epic that a mere video of an older one is makin me about $100 a month on youtube now. Paul? Ehhhhh... Not so much. He has six guys stand in his driveway and eat pork jerky. I have Das Boot... Probably the most coveted homebrewing trophy in the state next to an NHC gold... Which is why we had 39 entries for it at last year's colkout. It's a COOKOUT and we had 39 kegs. Paul? Ehhhh... Not so much. He has a sad copy of the Stanley Cup that people are reluctant to touch never mind bring home if they beat out the other three beers in the "competition". I just opened a brewery that can't keep beer in stock fast enough to keep up with demand.... Paul? Ehhhh. He gets to brew once a year with Yeager. Soooooo. Not so much.

So if Paulie needs to take pot shots on this thread... Maybe make himself feel a little better.... Ya know what? Let him have his fun. I have no problem being the target of Paul's jokes. Cuz again.. I gotta head in this weekend and get some kegs filled that are already sold while Paul is planning his next "big brew day" with Yeager.

How upset do you think I can really get?
 
By the way... We have confirmed our attendence for two Boston Beer Week events we were invited to.

March 12th at Stoddards
March 15th at Kinsale


(Flipping Paul off)
 
Haha! No. That video was the year before. I've roasted about 20 pigs... ONE came out bad. So I'm 19 outta 20. You have yet to make a decent one... unless of course you enjoy rust dusted pork jerky.

"Mmmmm. You can really taste the oxidized metal!! Hey!! Lucky me!! I got a bolt in mine!! Yayyyy!!"
 
Speakin of pig roasts... I remember, about 500 pages back on this thread, me openly mocking your manhood because your ovaries were practically falling onthe floor when I challenged you to a little pig roasting challenge. You suddenly lost the internet muscles and started complaining that the mere thiught of having to go up against me in that sort of challenge made your manboobs hurt.

So... Again. Any time you wanna go tough guy.
 
And I distinctly remember a throwdown challenge by me to you way back in the beginning of this very thread over quahog chowda that you wimped out on.

We could be doing this this afternoon if you had the balls.

(I'd suggest we do it this weekend but as you noted earlier, you have to siphon the Bog Water out of the swamp.)
 
Ahhhhh. So we are creatively editing signatures now??? Do you really wanna go down that path?


And really??? I'm full of myself?? This coming from the guy once told a fellow HBT'r that his attempt to brew you famous U (which you've only fckin' pulled off ONCE) was like someone "trying to recreate the Sistine Chapel using crayons"

If you wanna go down that path... I'm MORE than happy to put a signature together.
 
.... yes, I wrote that... And you took out a lot of what else I wrote to make it look dramatically worse than it was... And are now broadcasting on every thread you've ever been on.

I told you... Thats totally fine and it doesn't bother me at all. As I have told you 400 times when you pull something like that... Payback is always a btch and I don't wanna hear you crying or... I dunno... Calling my cell freaking out asking me to take something down when I do the same...Cuz... I will simply hang up and flip off the phone after I do.
 
Now... Luckily HBT has a pretty robust search function so I can look up every specific word our dear friend Paul has ever typed in... And I'll see what kind of story I can weave into a signature out of those words. Hey.. he typed them in so they are apparently free game!

This will be fun!!
 
... and I have told you three times... My panties are not in a bunch and there is no need to take it down. For the 1.2 millionth time... It's fine, just don't call my cell all frantic, practically crying, giving me "you gotta take that down!!" when I lob my servo over the fence.
 
Did you guys see the prices for Bog Water T-Shirts? All they are is iron stickers Cape made and they want $24.... Guess its the only way they will make money at the brewery....
 
Hey, I'm making $100 from YouTube and $24 from CafePress....

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