Messing with SWMBO

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CreamyGoodness

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So far, one of the major perks of having a woman love me is the very limited consequeces of torturing her. My wife has the patience of a Saint, and I take full advantage of this. Below are a few of my favorite techniques to share. I take no liability for any marriage or relationship, including my own, that might end in their use. HBTer discretion is advised.

* Bring a book to read on the toilet, preferably a large reference volume. Leave this on the bathroom floor.

* Come in from outside with a sweaty head. Bonus points if you have headfunk. Tell her to rub your head for good luck. Once in a while, she'll fall for it.

* Touch the tip of your thumb to your fingertips and bend your elbow back. When she isnt expecting it, strike her sharply with your fingertips and say "cobra strike!" They hate that.

* From the bathroom, shout "Holy crap! Hey babe check this out!"

* Walk around the house in your boxers and black dress socks. I do not know why this bothers the ladies so, but it does. Exploit this.

* Turn any framed photo in the house/apartment upside down. Wait to see if she notices.

* Make pickled eggs. Come out of the kitchen with the jar and proudly present them. This is even better if it is pickled pigs feet.

* Y'know that tea kettle her mom gave her that is shaped like an apple? Consistantly refer to it as the "the tomato kettle" no matter how often she corrects you.

* Blow a loud zerbert on her first thing in the morning, before she wakes up.

* Tell her about a new fetish you have developed. If asks what it is, tell her you want to keep your sex life just like it is now, only thing you want her to wear socks on her hands. Or, tell her you want to be holding a spoon at the time. Try to appear as serious as possible. Eventually one of you will eventually break, but I am really hoping to hear that some poor SWMBO comes to bed with a pair of throwback sweat socks on her hands.

* Wear her underwear on your head for a while. Wait til she gets mad.

These should get you started. :ban:
 
Wash and dry all of her clothes. You'll screw it up and likely ruin many garments.

You'll never have to do laundry again.

Also walk around and talk to them with your ball sack hanging out like nothing is happening. Sneak up on them and rest your nuts on their shoulder. You score 1 point for every second they remain in contact.
 
Make it look like your picking your nose(or do) and wipe your finger on her. I've gotten mine to change her pants. I didn't even do anything. But she to this day thinks I did..

the most obvious, leave the seat up. We have three bathrooms and I purposely do it in each one.

When laying in bed, leave a quiet fart, then make her roll over, pull the sheets up, something to get them to waft said fart into her own face. Better than dutch ovening her yourself. She does it on her own.

To think I'm not even married yet. God love her..

Edit: forgot one. Purposely scroll through the guide and stop at the smut channels and read every title off out loud. Then when you get to the dirtiest sound one. Go "hmm..." in a provoking way. Either you'll find out how much of a freak she is, or you'll get a "REALLY!!?!?..."
 
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:mug:
 
Lol troll thread, good ideas. We just mess around seems they always want in your head ( im talking about the brain).

Lol thanks for this made me laugh. Fighting with SWMBO today ( preggo ) :(
 
If she ever send you to the store to pick up maxi pads, pick up the biggest thickest ones you can find. Try to get the ones that are slightly smaller than a queen size mattress. you will never be sent again
 
Reverse the direction of the toilet paper & see how long it takes her to notice.
Unroll the toiletpaper roll a little bit & write a msg on it for her, then roll it back up & wait.
Feel her up from behind when she's washing the dishes, this will often work out really well for both of you, but you might have to mop the floor later. ;) YMMV
Regards, GF.
 
The dutch oven reminded me of one.

When you have to fart in bed, lift one leg up really high first. Then let 'er rip, and let the fart "mature" for a few seconds under the sheets. Then let your leg drop, and the gentle collapse of the bed sheet will push that juicy fart-air right up towards your heads. It's disgusting, but since everyone likes the smell of their own brand, it's only disgusting for one person.
 
Another fun one involves a label maker. Go nuts. Make labels for things that are self-explanatory. Put a label that says "TV" smack dab in the middle of the screen. Label the first few sheets of toilet paper and paper towel.

Let her know how much you care by wasting a huge chunk of your time labelling household objects. If you own a cat, label that little bastard. Put a label on your infant's forehead. Have a lot of fun.

The absolute easiest way, it has been proven by psychologists, to ensure loyalty is through erratic behavior. Remember that thus, though she may look annoyed when she pulls a label that says "@ss" off her posterior that you put there whilest she slept and while she might say "you are wasting the label cartridge and those are expensive!" she aint goin nowhere.
 
The dutch oven reminded me of one.

When you have to fart in bed, lift one leg up really high first. Then let 'er rip, and let the fart "mature" for a few seconds under the sheets. Then let your leg drop, and the gentle collapse of the bed sheet will push that juicy fart-air right up towards your heads. It's disgusting, but since everyone likes the smell of their own brand, it's only disgusting for one person.

When I read this and got to the word " MATURE " I laughed so hard my eyes watered....Not as bad as your wifes eyes watered but you get the point !

Pat
 
Creamy - your best thread yet. I'm dying laughing over here. You are well on your way to a successful marriage. It involves lots of laughter. Well done.
 
Rip a ripe one under the covers when you know she's asleep. Then gently pull the covers over her head. Watch how long it takes her to tear the room apart trying to get away from ground zero. The ol' C bomb always works.
 
My favorite one I've done is to take a beard trimmer or electric clippers and turn it on next to her head while she sleeps. Works best by telling her a few days beforehand that one of these days you're going to shave her head.
 
Then set the cd/clock radio to wake her up with that ree ree ree ree ree from the shower scene in the movie Psycho....;)
 
I like to give her a big ass hug when I come back from a run or equally strenuous workout.

I also like to throw my dirty socks at her (and the dog) when I get home from work
 
I expected a laugh but the fact I'm In my boxers and black uniform sox at this very moment made me laugh hysterically
 
Ladies, weigh in on that one! Why do boxers and black socks annoy you so!?

BTW, the toilet paper cannon made me snort so hard I had to blow my nose.
 
Wash and dry all of her clothes. You'll screw it up and likely ruin many garments.

You'll never have to do laundry again.

Also walk around and talk to them with your ball sack hanging out like nothing is happening. Sneak up on them and rest your nuts on their shoulder. You score 1 point for every second they remain in contact.

I did the laundry thing. It cost me a fortune to replace the clothes. Still worth it. No laundry duties.
 
Ask who her favorite US President was. If she is awesome, she will say Lincoln. If she's not so awesome she will say Washington, because seriously what a copout. If she's Canadian, I dont know what to tell you.

With that being said, once she chooses say "oh yeah? Mine was Polk"... and then poke her. If you do this every 2 or 3 years you should be able to make it work each time.
 
Ask who her favorite US President was. If she is awesome, she will say Lincoln. If she's not so awesome she will say Washington, because seriously what a copout. If she's Canadian, I dont know what to tell you.

With that being said, once she chooses say "oh yeah? Mine was Polk"... and then poke her. If you do this every 2 or 3 years you should be able to make it work each time.

An intellect question wouldnt work with my wife, she thinks Joan of Arc was Noah's wife, and last Christmas when she was explaining the story of Christmas one of the grandkids asked why all the Inns were full and babyJesus had to be born in a stable, she replied because it was Christmas and everywhere is booked out over Christmas!
 
An intellect question wouldnt work with my wife, she thinks Joan of Arc was Noah's wife, and last Christmas when she was explaining the story of Christmas one of the grandkids asked why all the Inns were full and babyJesus had to be born in a stable, she replied because it was Christmas and everywhere is booked out over Christmas!

Oof
 
Reverse the direction of the toilet paper & see how long it takes her to notice.

We have separate rolls. In all of the bathrooms. She doesn't care about the direction, but hates those 1000 sheet rolls.

After waiting 58 years to get married, annoying her isn't on my list.
 
I like this whole thread! hahaha


I wish my girl was a better sport but she gets pretty pissed when I go "too far" and "too far" isn't very much...
 
I like this whole thread! hahaha


I wish my girl was a better sport but she gets pretty pissed when I go "too far" and "too far" isn't very much...

I heard that! About the most I can get away with is standing outside the door to a room she is occupying. She's incredibly jumpy, so when she opens the door and she doesn't expect me to be there, she gets really scared. I once challenged her to a prank off and she told me she hates pranks, so... yeah. Maybe I'll start pranking her anyway just to see where the line is.
 
CreamyGoodness said:
Ask who her favorite US President was. If she is awesome, she will say Lincoln. If she's not so awesome she will say Washington, because seriously what a copout. If she's Canadian, I dont know what to tell you.

With that being said, once she chooses say "oh yeah? Mine was Polk"... and then poke her. If you do this every 2 or 3 years you should be able to make it work each time.

Haha im doing this one. She'll fall for this. So corny but great.
 
Also, I like to pretend I can't understand what she's saying and make her repeat herself until she catches on. Or, she'll say something like "Did you feed the dogs?" to which I'll reply "Free the logs? What are you talking about?" Drives her nuts.

My three year old daughter is catching on to my annoying brand of humor. Now, whenever I try to quiz her on things she's learned, her answer is always "carrot". Q-What month were you born? A-Carrot. Q. What street do you live on? A-Carrot. Always delivered with the just the right amount of dry aloofness. That's my girl.
 
My wife is from Andalucia, people there invented nap so she takes her nap seriously, most of the time she puts her pijamas and goes to the room an she have a towo hour nap, sometimes she will take the nap in the sofa. It´s very hard to wake her up she is a log so I took some advantage when she fall asleep in the living room an literally I took all the furniture and move it to the next room, same thing with tv set, paintings and drawings and pictures I only left the sofa with my wife on it, closed all doors with the key and waited... it was terribly funny because she is one of those people that don´t know exactly what is going on for the first 5 minutes she is been up didn´t get that in camera which I regreat but it was funny, it wasn´t so funny when she told me that it was a great thing moving all the furniture so whe can clean the living rooms and paint.... It wasn´t funny niether when she got back at me tyied a little rope to one of the bed legs and the other end was sewed to my pijamas I almost break my face when I hit the floor.
 
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