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Yooper

Ale's What Cures You!
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I posted this picture about 4 years ago, in the "Show Us Your Drunk Photo" thread.

DSCF0050.JPG


We were drinking homebrew (Mike is holding a Grolsch bottle of some amber ale of mine, I think) and playing horseshoes and things. I realize it is an amazingly unflattering picture of me but that was about five minutes before one of my friends and I started flashing body parts and I am NOT posting those!

My buddy Mike had a couple of minor oral cancers removed over the years (a former chewing tobacco guy) but last summer he couldn't swallow and ended up being diagnosed with an aggressive throat cancer. After radiation, chemotherapy, a tracheotomy, and a feeding tube, they found a few weeks ago that it didn't work. Mike is starting hospice care soon.

I've been thinking alot about Mike lately and our fun and crazy drinking times. I'm thinking of the books he's written and I've enjoyed (except when I was worried I'd show up as a character) and of the way he loves fried crappies. His BBQ, KC style, is to die for. His garden produced the catawba grapes for many of my wines. He LOVED my homebrew and most especially my "Fat Sam". He told me I'd win the Sam Adams competition, because my beer was always better than Sam Adams- his favorite beer. I got him to happily drink hoppy beers over the last few years and even a few stouts.

He lives about two hours away from me, so I don't see him much. But I'm going to see him in a few weeks to say goodbye. Life is just too short. And I have great memories of him as my friend. But I'm very sad.
 
We are getting to an age where more of our friends or family pass on, and our own mortality is perhaps more real. When folks like your friend go, its so sad, because its just too early, even though it happens more and more to us.

You, Mike and his family are in my thoughts and prayers.
 
that is an awesome photo, yooper. showing great times had by all :)
I Feel for you completely, i've had a few friends in the past years pass on to the next life, and it is really hard to say goodbye. But i would rather say goodbye if i was given the chance then sit on the side lines and never saying my last words.
i'm sending encouragement your way as well as my thoughts and prayers to his family...
 
Life is just too short. And I have great memories of him as my friend. But I'm very sad.

My sincere condolences Yooper.

I think, just like you posted here the good times must be remembered and celebrated by friends and family! Hard times will follow but for now celebrate the good memories, it helps in dealing with the days ahead.

Hospice is scary because it is the beginning of the end. If you have the opportunity to help out; I'm not sure how that works with non-family members. (sounds like you are very much family though). If possible try to help.

(I don't want to make this about me, just trying to give you an idea of why you helping with the hospice of your friend might help you and his family.)

When my father was in hospice the nurse who for realistic reasons couldn't stay with him 24/7 asked my brothers and sister to take turns being with Dad and helping out with the basic functions, medicine giving, hygene, colostomy bag. They took turns and then my big brother called and told me what was going on. I was in the Navy at the time immediately took leave and spent the last three weekswith Dad everyday. That's besides the point.

The nurse asked us to keep a log of medications given, discomfort.. whatever.

Me being a guy that finds some comfort in writing used the log as a testament of my dad's life and last few days, what he thought, his feelings, It was a deathbed life revealing episode. Told by my dad and recorded by me. Dad was a doctor and I admired him so very much for healing people during his 40 years of practice and told him so. He said to me it wasn't him, but God who had had worked through him. My dad was a very humble man. A portion of that text was quoted by my cousin during Dad's eulogy.

I apologize if I'm OT and making this about me. Just trying in my way to encourage you to be part of your friend's hospice.


You are truly in a position to be of great help and comfort in your friend's impending death and his family's recovery from their loss.

Sincerely,

Dan
 
Thanks for the kind words, everybody.

Mike lives in a town a couple of hours away. It's not terribly far, but it's not easy to pop in, as there and back is pretty much an all-day trip.

His SO is not really a friend of mine, although we've socialized together just fine. She is hard to take as she's really always talking about how "important" she is. I know she's really going to need support "after". She has no family or friends, except for her loser son about 800 miles away. So I know I will have to be there for her, because I've loved Mike.

Bob introduced me to Mike, as Mike volunteered for Bob at work after Mike retired. (He's a retired nuclear engineer, and became a novella writer after retirement.) Mike retired very young, like in his late 40s, so he spent a lot of time hunting and fishing and tramping around the woods. He's a super nice guy, and I will miss him very much.
 
Sounds like a tough situation Yoop. His SO and you didn't connect but you and your family did with Mike.

I think the hard road is ahead for both you and his wife. You trying to help and for her, sounds as the world is about to crumble.

I think you're a loving soul will come through very soon to SO.

I still believe you will be a very important factor in the healing process.

Dan
 
Good luck to you Yoop. I know your faith will help you along, but it still won't be easy. I'll be saying a prayer for his comfort and a raise a glass to your strength on your visit.
 
According to prognosis, how long does Mike have in hospice care? Is there a seed of an inkling of a chance for a miracle?
 
Always focus on the good times.

My brother died in January of cancer. When I came home from his funeral, I had presents which turned out to be 48 bottles, a brewmaster's best red ale (to brew) and a magazine subscription. We named the beer spaz willy, and went back in to celebrate his 41st birthday about a month after he died, toasting spaz willy all night. I think I have 4 bottles of spaz willy left...

Make a beer to remember your friend, remember the good times, and celebrate life. Life is just too short to drink bad beer.
 
I do hope I didnt come off as insensitive. Best of luck my best wishes to you all. I too hope Mike leaves us as painfree as possible.
 
I do hope I didnt come off as insensitive. Best of luck my best wishes to you all. I too hope Mike leaves us as painfree as possible.

Of course you didn't sound insensitive! Up until February or so, we were all hoping for one more miracle. But the tumor is growing, not shrinking, and it cannot be removed. He is no longer undergoing chemotherapy or radiation, because it simply doesn't "work" for him. It's a very fast growing cancer, and it's aggressive. But he is in relatively good spirits, and feels better than he did when he was getting chemo and radiation.
 
This reminds me so much of pop. He was fine one day. The next time we were thinking of droping by with the kids,he was in hospital with a cancerous brain tumor that hemmoraged. Just like a strok,there was nothing my wife & I could do but watch him die. He held on till after midnight Oct 10th,mom's b-dayNot to blow my own horn...just wanted you to know I understand all to well. Pop wasn't just my dad,but my huntin/fishin buddy,bar room buddy,fellow car guy.& co-worker. We just tried to make him comfortable in these final moments. Try to do the same for that special frind of yours. It hurts so much & it's tough,but try anyway. That last measure of devotion ya know...

Thought it might suite the moments...maybe a omage video of the good times of which you spoke. Might help you & his family get through it.
 
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This reminds me so much of pop. He was fine one day. The next time we were thinking of droping by with the kids,he was in hospital with a cancerous brain tumor that hemmoraged. Just like a strok,there was nothing my wife & I could do but watch him die. He held on till after midnight Oct 10th,mom's b-dayNot to blow my own horn...just wanted you to know I understand all to well. Pop wasn't just my dad,but my huntin/fishin buddy,bar room buddy,fellow car guy.& co-worker. We just tried to make him comfortable in these final moments. Try to do the same for that special frind of yours. It hurts so much & it's tough,but try anyway. That last measure of devotion ya know...
http://http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=48o5rCFFxh8
Thought it might suite the moments...maybe a omage video of the good times of which you spoke. Might help you & his family get through it.

Super nice unionrdr.
 
At first it would seems rather unfortunate that someone who has enjoyed life so much would have to punch their card earlier than the rest of us. When you think about it though...maybe it's better that way. To live your life to the fullest until you just can't anymore. Cancer and hospice is not the best way to end things, that's for sure, but it seems like the man will be able to look back fondly on all of the happy times he's had, especially with people like you, Yoop.

I had a very good friend die when I was young. She was about 14, and caught bacterial meningitis. She went from feeling sick to dead in about two weeks. Since then I've tried to make a point of enjoying every moment as much as I can because you never when things are going to be over for you. Not that I'm thinking about dying all the time, that'd be morbid.

But I digress. I'm sorry for the loss of your friend, and I hope his wife is able to reach out and accept the help she'll need.
 
2 weeks ago, one of my best friends' little brother who was around 25 had a stomach ache. Went to the hospital after a couple hours. 2 days and 4 surgeries later, he was in a medically induced coma. He died 2 days later. I had to work, so I missed the actual funeral, but another friend was telling me about it last night.

Almost started crying when he described how our friend had to give the eulogy at his little brother's funeral. The fact that he never really got to say goodbye or prepare for his brother to be gone is just incomprehensible to me.

Deepest sympathies, Yooper. Cherish the opportunity to say goodbye.
 
Yooper I'm so very sorry for your friend. I lost my father to cancer a few years ago; it's a cruel disease. The good news is that Hospice care is wonderful.... your friend will get to stay in his home where he is comfortable and hopefully they'll set him up to self medicate with Morphine for the pain (they did this with my dad).

I'm so glad you get to say goodbye...
 
Very sorry to hear that yoop. Cracked open your ruination clone just now, so here's to you and your friend. All the best
 
Really sad to lose a friend. Lost one four years ago to pancreatic cancer, the aggressive kind. Seven weeks from diagnosis to dead. It had been almost a decade since I had any face time with him, but we kept in touch. Didn't know he was sick until afterwards. His wife was just dealing with his problems and didn't have time to contact people.

I'll raise one for lost friends when Kellie gets home from her class.
 
Yopper I am sorry to hear about your friend. My uncle Jim had a heart attack last year, and fortunately he survived. It really struck home for me because he lives in Indiana and I am not able to see him as much as I would like. My uncle is the glue that holds my family together, so I Skype him and call him as much as possible now. Seems like you and your friend are just as close as i am to my uncle. It will be hard but try and enjoy these final moments, and remeber all the great times you had with him. I will drink a pint to you and your friend, and keep you in my prayers.
 
Mike never did get a chance to start Hospice care. He died last night. His funeral is on Saturday.

He always thought I was the best brewer in the world.

I will miss that man.
 
Oh, I'm so sad to hear this. My prayers go out to you and his friends and family.

Bob is going to speak at his funeral, and share some of the funny stories that many people (including his SO!) have never heard.

We've been looking at photos today, and sharing some of our favorite "Mike" stuff together. I called my daughter, and she sobbed like an infant. He really was a family friend, and my kids thought of him as an uncle. The old drunk uncle, I guess, the one who does the "pull my finger" routine. :D

This morning, about 10 AM, Bob went to the chest freezer and was digging around for something for dinner tonight. He ended up going to the bottom, and found a container of frozen smelt from last spring that Mike had given us. It even had "Bob" on the container in Mike's meticulous printing.

That was it- Bob totally lost it. He came upstairs and told me, and we both lost it. It's funny, the thing that tips you over the edge to pure grief. Who would think that we'd be reduced to sobs by frozen smelt.

Tomorrow night for dinner, we're having fried smelt and homebrew and lifting out glasses to Mike. Those were two of his favorite things.
 
Just so you know, I have tears streaming down my face. I dont know you or Bob well enough to be of much good... but my thoughts are with you both. Life is for the living, but its those that have left who make us who we are.

I guess I'm profound or something... sigh...

:-(


HUG
 
Yooper, I started to read your post 24 at work today, couldn't make it through it cause I started tearing up. Read it at home.. waterworks.

Heartfelt condolence to your family and his.
 
My boss and best friend died of cancer a couple of years ago. He decided early on not to fight it, he knew it would be futile. He came to the office until 10 days before he died, and my wife and I visited him almost daily until the day he died. He retained his sense of humor until the very end and was (is) a real inspiration to all of us. We shared half a Budwieser 2 days before he died, he just wanted one last taste before he died. We miss him but as I said the dignity he maintained to the very end was amazing. I hope all goes as smoothly for your friend.
 
Thank you all so much!

Dan, the funeral sucked. And was awesome. Both. We tried hard to celebrate Mike's life and his contributions to the world. He was an avid fisherman, a nuclear engineer, an environmentalist, a food geek, a gardener, and a beer lover. He was so much more than any obituary can describe.

The best part of that day involved just Bob and me. After the funeral, we drove home talking about Mike's books. In his first published book, it was set in various places in the Ottawa National Forest where he volunteered for Bob.

In the beginning of the book, he talks about a hole-in-the-wall bar in Kenton, Michigan (population 200ish) he called "Jumpy's" that had clientale simply decorate ceiling tiles. Some were gorgeous works of art- some are not.

Anyway, Mike would "go fishing" which involved an hour of fishing and then three hours of drinking beer at "Jumpy's" and chatting with the lovely Janey.

Anyway, we went to Hoppy's (first time I had every been there!), ordered a beer ($2.00 each) and saluted Mike's tile, and told them to tell Janey that he passed away after a courageous fight. It was the perfect closure for us, as Mike was NOT that guy in the coffin dressed in his fly fishing gear.

He was a part of every eagle that soars over the Ottawa, and every beaver that tries to dam up his precious trout streams. He was a guy who will never be forgotten.

And, oh, I miss him so much already.
 
Thank you all so much!

Dan, the funeral sucked. And was awesome. Both. We tried hard to celebrate Mike's life and his contributions to the world. He was an avid fisherman, a nuclear engineer, an environmentalist, a food geek, a gardener, and a beer lover. He was so much more than any obituary can describe.

The best part of that day involved just Bob and me. After the funeral, we drove home talking about Mike's books. In his first published book, it was set in various places in the Ottawa National Forest where he volunteered for Bob.

In the beginning of the book, he talks about a hole-in-the-wall bar in Kenton, Michigan (population 200ish) he called "Jumpy's" that had clientale simply decorate ceiling tiles. Some were gorgeous works of art- some are not.

Anyway, Mike would "go fishing" which involved an hour of fishing and then three hours of drinking beer at "Jumpy's" and chatting with the lovely Janey.

Anyway, we went to Hoppy's (first time I had every been there!), ordered a beer ($2.00 each) and saluted Mike's tile, and told them to tell Janey that he passed away after a courageous fight. It was the perfect closure for us, as Mike was NOT that guy in the coffin dressed in his fly fishing gear.

He was a part of every eagle that soars over the Ottawa, and every beaver that tries to dam up his precious trout streams. He was a guy who will never be forgotten.

And, oh, I miss him so much already.

Yooper, that is a beautiful post and wonderful tribute to your friend.

The healing begins.
 
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