How weird am I?

Ok, So I am 23 and engaged to be married this upcoming September. All my friends joke that I am a "grandpa." I agree to some extent, I just have VERY different ways of thinking compared to 95% of my friends, and I think it makes it hard for us to hang out. The majority of my friends, and even my fiance's friends, think hanging out is going to the bars and getting hammered. They are also single and not looking to settle down anytime soon. I haven't been real drunk for over a year now. Its not my thing, and I get sick VERY easily. I love beer, but when I drink I have 1 or 2, maybe a 3rd if I am out, but thats it - hence the home brewing. My Fiance and I do have a few friends that can hang out and do other things, but its just kinda sad that people we have known for years don't want to just sit around and talk, or hang out. Can't seem to get guy friends to want to go play football or anything anymore (a lot of this is probably from schedule conflicts). Another thing is that since these people go out... they stay out late! I like to be in bed by 11-12 on the weekends and up around 8.

Anyone else go through a stage like this in their life? What did you do? My sister and her husband are 31/33 and she has told me that they know people that have kids and will hire a babysitter so they can go get tanked?! Maybe I am just more mature than the average person, or maybe my years of not being able to hold down alcohol are to blame. I just feel like I am a rarity amongst those my age, and it makes me wonder/sad. Ok... hope all my points came through and others can provide some insight. Thanks!

This happens at different times up until you have kids(I'm assuming). My wife and I have been together for 9 years and married for 2. We have a house that's a bit of a drive from where we grew up so we don't really get to see our friends all that often. When we do them see them though it's a much better experience than it was 5 years ago.

You're just beginning to see who your real friends are and over the next decade you'll slowly craft your friendship with others a bit differently since you'll be married. Things will start to fall into place.

For the most part we simply hang out with people from the brew club and our neighbors who are in their mid-40s(I'm only 30, and my wife is 28). We have a great time with them all and are all on the same wavelength so it's nice. It just takes time to get there.

I don't think you are weird at all, but it is hard. I went through the same thing all through my 20's and even into my 30's. It was pretty isolating in a lot of ways. Now, my wife and I have a 2 year old and 1 year old, but a lot of our friends with kids still (I guess) try to reclaim their 20's and drink a ton and go out a lot.

My wife has made a few friends that like things low key like us, but I haven't yet. We moved to a new town about 3 years ago and I feel more isolated than ever. There is a homebrew club near me that is having an Open House in January and I am trying to get up the nerve to go. If nothing else, I at least want to try it.

I guess I don't have any advice for you, just to say I know what you are feeling. But one thing, I think it is great that you don't compromise your lifestyle to try to fit in to someone else's. If that makes you weird, you don't want to be 'normal.'

I wish we were neighbors! Then again, I'm in my mid 30s, so I'm not near as "cool" as I used to be.

Don't get discouraged, most of your friends will eventually stop being cool as well... Weirdo

I went throught that stage too. Then went through a stage where I would love to go out and get hammered. Now I'm 27 and think I have reached a happy medium. Not a barfly, but don't much like just sitting around all the time. I have friends that are married and trying for kids, friends that are getting married. Then there is me, in a relationship but not yet engaged. We all still try and get together but I see another "lonely" time coming in the future. Where all of my friends will be having kids and I'll still be a year or two behind. It will all work out. I have a good group of friends. One of which is a brewer. Sit tight but life is what you make of it. Find friends with a similar situation. They are out there.

brettwasbtd said:

My sister and her husband are 31/33 and she has told me that they know people that have kids and will hire a babysitter so they can go get tanked?! Maybe I am just more mature than the average person....

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geeze, that's a tall horse you got there....

while we've never hired a babysitter so we can "go get tanked", (I can't remember the last time we hired a babysitter...) I'm not gonna rag on people for doing it. oh man! they were so...responsible!

let them do what they want and quit judging people. if you don't want to do the same things as your friends, find other people to hang out with.

Your weird in your crowd. I was weird in mine. Went thourgh the same thing. Eventually you'll find some other weird people to hang around that have the same weird intrest and just like that you'll be normal.

This is the time in life where people start taking different paths. When I was 23, I was still into going to the bars every weekend and get trashed and having a good time. I'm 28 now and am setteled down, married, own a house and have 2 kids. I still have friends, some even older, that still have parties with flip cup and beer pong and what not. And I have a fantastic time the 1-2 times a year when we go to them. Just cause you're grown up doesn't mean you can't have fun too. I wouldn't be looking down on people choosing the path they did, or put yourself on any pedestal for choosing the one you did either. And their is nothing wrong with getting a baby sitter and going out with friends and, OMG, getting drunk. We don't do it very often, but you have to realize that parents are still individual people and that portion of life has to be catered to along with the couple as a couple as well as the family as a whole.
Live how you prefer to live as long as you're not harming anyone, and surround yourself this those that share your lifestyle. You'll notice that you really don't even have to work at it, those friends will just gradually fade away as your interests and priorities drift farther apart. Just realize one lifestyle is better than the other. It's just what you prefer.

I'm actually the very same way and I'm just as young as you. I would so much rather sit around and hang out as opposed to going out to bars and getting wasted. I just feel like staying in and hanging out is cheaper (yes, I'm quite frugal with my nearly $80K in student loans) and just way more relaxing. I'm the same way with you in terms of sleeping, too. Waking up between 8 and 9 is considered late for me and I'm completely fine with that. I honestly wouldn't worry about it at all because there are people in life like all of us who posted here and then there are all the others!

I'm 26 and my own wife calls me a grandpa. I love going to bed early, I usually don't like loud music, young hooligans and their shenanigans bug the crap out of me, and I definitely don't like the bar scene. My friends are all pretty conservative folks anyways so we don't really conflict with things to do. I've been practicing for when i have a house and lawn to get my "HEY YOU KIDS GET OFF MY LAWN!" just right.

Thanks to all those who responded! I appreciate it

@motobrewer I didn't mean to come off as "Better" than those people, I was merely just ranting on the fact that it is sad that I will lose these friends over the next few years due namely to events center around alcohol. I know this is natural, but its a little disappointing, considering the activities that original were shared, are not important anymore. I guess that is part of growing apart and changing interests.

Not weird. Pretty much all my friends have given up clubbing and drinking for more 'grandpa' activities, especially since a bunch of them are married. Now we just go out for dinner as a group, sit around and talk, and maybe get a beer or wine after dinner. Yeah, how boring...

brettwasbtd said:

I know this is natural...

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if you knew this was natural, then what's the point of this thread?

to be honest, you sound like a typical 23yearold to me. but whatever.

motobrewer said:

if you knew this was natural, then what's the point of this thread?

to be honest, you sound like a typical 23yearold to me. but whatever.

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General chit chat

Crazybrew04 said:

General chit chat

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well, that's fair.

Some people grow up after college (or other rootin' tootin' time when you're 18-22 years old), and some people try to stretch it out as long as they can. Some people are the weirdos who still order "shots, dude. We're doin shots. Shots, shots, chicks, dude. Chicks. Shots, homie, bro." They also high five a lot, or pound fists. Never got the fist pound thing.

I am 37. Hanging out is not something that happens with friends. Heck, even my wife tells me to cover that crap with something.

It's a maturity thing. You're just ahead of the curve, which IMO has slowly crept in the wrong direction for a long time. People mature a lot later in life.

Friends can come and go throughout your life depending on which stage of life you are in.

Some will last the whole ride, most do not.
When the doors of friendship close in some stages of life, the window of opportunity will open.

Most people go through this.

motobrewer said:

if you knew this was natural, then what's the point of this thread?

to be honest, you sound like a typical 23yearold to me. but whatever.

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Ya, like Crazybrew04 said, its general chit chat. I was looking to see if there were others in the same boat as me and how they dealt/are dealing with it. I appreciate all the input

Why don't you let your friend drink when you hang out talking etc.??? They get to get liquored up and do there thing, and you get to not vomit on yourself and wet the bed. Winner winner...

Or it could be that those "friends" were really just acquaintances and you deep down don't care about hanging out with them. That is normal.

I have a few friends, but most of the time I just hang out with people because of convenience. Meh, if you are willing to not hang out with them now, just find some new friends to play shuffleboard with with sipping sugared ice tea

Also, when you are a parent, you will more deeply understand those people who want to go out and get plastered more than you can ever imagine. I love my daughter and hanging out with her, but I can fully understand people who need to escape their children.

Boerderij_Kabouter said:

Also, when you are a parent, you will more deeply understand those people who want to go out and get plastered more than you can ever imagine. I love my daughter and hanging out with her, but I can fully understand people who need to escape their children.

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indeed.

Man when I was 23 I was getting hammerfaced stealing patio furniture and jumping out of planes and fighting....all in that order. Now at 34 I don't fight anymore.

Boerderij_Kabouter said:

Also, when you are a parent, you will more deeply understand those people who want to go out and get plastered more than you can ever imagine. I love my daughter and hanging out with her, but I can fully understand people who need to escape their children.

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ha ha ha....I rarely go out and drink but that is so true and funny

Boerderij_Kabouter said:

Why don't you let your friend drink when you hang out talking etc.??? They get to get liquored up and do there thing, and you get to not vomit on yourself and wet the bed. Winner winner...

Or it could be that those "friends" were really just acquaintances and you deep down don't care about hanging out with them. That is normal.

I have a few friends, but most of the time I just hang out with people because of convenience. Meh, if you are willing to not hang out with them now, just find some new friends to play shuffleboard with with sipping sugared ice tea

Also, when you are a parent, you will more deeply understand those people who want to go out and get plastered more than you can ever imagine. I love my daughter and hanging out with her, but I can fully understand people who need to escape their children.

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All very valid points - I will try to revisit this thread after having children for a few years, then maybe my answer will be something like this --> :cross:

Hahaha yeah I'm 29, and have two children. Both boy by the way, and wow are they a handful. Sometimes I feel like I wanna just go and get tanked, but I wouldn't trade them for the world. You can have fun with kids, but your limited on what you can do mostly. So my advice is get your hanging, and partying, or whatever it is done now before you have any. When you do have them, it's best to devote as much time to them as you can. I hate seeing people get a babysitter just so they can get tanked. It just seems to me that they don't really want to have the responsibility of children, but have them anyway. But that's just my opinion. Not trying to say anyone is a bad parent in any way.

Boerderij_Kabouter said:

Why don't you let your friend drink when you hang out talking etc.??? They get to get liquored up and do there thing, and you get to not vomit on yourself and wet the bed. Winner winner...

Or it could be that those "friends" were really just acquaintances and you deep down don't care about hanging out with them. That is normal.

I have a few friends, but most of the time I just hang out with people because of convenience. Meh, if you are willing to not hang out with them now, just find some new friends to play shuffleboard with with sipping sugared ice tea

Also, when you are a parent, you will more deeply understand those people who want to go out and get plastered more than you can ever imagine. I love my daughter and hanging out with her, but I can fully understand people who need to escape their children.

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Their is a difference between those who need to "escape their children" ( and I know there are parents out there like this) and those of us who need to have an adult evening with our spouses and/or friends. This doesn't mean getting tanked necessarily, but going out for adult drinks and having a good time. Our evenings to indulge either consist of dinner with friends at a nice restaurant which usually involves picking the kids up afterward, or if our friend's band is playing a show, we'll go and live it up again. These are the nights the kiddies stay all night at their grandparents. Again, these big nights are less than 5 times a year, but I still find them important. You can act wild for an evening (within reason) and still be a responsible and very good parent.

Not saying you're weird or not, but I think it has alot to do with what type of person you are. I'm your age and I'm single. I don't feel the need to go out and get plastered to chase tail and such. I like my own space and my piece and quite...and a good brew or 8 (I don't drink 8 on my own.) I lucked out this year and managed to get a place on my own: I can workout, study, scream random obscenities at any time of day I want to and its great! Everyone else I know says they'd go crazy living alone, I love it! I do occasionally go out and get plastered, but my recent fitness goals and school work usually prevent that and its reserved for about once a month or so.

Can't say I'd be looking forward to getting married at our age, but I guess I haven't met the right girl.

Just gotta throw this out though- don't isolate yourself too much or in a few years you might wonder why you no longer have any friends! Not saying that is guaranteed to happen, but you gotta stay in touch/hang out some (not just say hey on the facebooks) or they won't much care about being friends with you either.

I went through the same thing. Lucky for me I have a close friend that was married and had kids at the same time I did, so I was able to maintain one no partying staying out late friend.

We get together now and play board games and do other wholesome activities.