Baby Momma Drama

Some of you may recall a post about a year ago where my wife and I scored a victory in court while my sons mother was trying her best not to allow him to come to my home. A year later, and many games later... this is my story.

We are heading to court for the second time in 2008... I was awarded long distance patenting time for summers since we live 5-6 hours apart and thus weekend visits are not even healthy for my son (we moved for my job). His mother is trying to block my ability to have him in my home for half the summer, thinking it is detrimental to his well being. This is why we are returning to court on April 1st...

Tonight I was told that my home is not safe.
We do not love my son.
His teacher is going to testify in court that coming to my home is not in his best interest.
My PARENTS are going to testify that he should not be allowed to come to my home.

Etc...
Keep in mind that his teacher and I email on a weekly basis concerning my sons progress and I recieve all of his weeky school updates from her. Also keep in mind that his teacher advocated allowing my son to even email me from school so that we can also communicate that way, in addition to telephone contact. Keep in mind that the email thing, his mother does not want to allow? Why?

My home is not safe, although his mother, nor any social worker have visited our home, let alone while my son is here visiting. This is a recurring statement that is never very specific.

We do not love my son... which of course is why we go to court and fight this rediculous crap every six months, and why I gleefully pay child support. It is also why his bedroom on our new home, that he has not yet had a chance to visit, is completely decorated BEFORE my own... yup, I hate that brat!

My parents are going to testify, along with his teachers? At this point I called her bluff and said, well I am recording this call... so I certainly hope that all of these people show up, otherwise after listening to this the judge will think you are only trying to intimidate and harass me. He will also know that you are a liar...

At this point she hung up abruptly...

Why is it that someone can suffer from such severe psychosis that they will do EVERYTHING including lying under oathe to keep thier own child from his father?

My option will be this... send a social worker to my home and allow them to stay the ENTIRE 7 weeks this summer while my son is being tormented and abused in my home... while we break him down and defeat his spirit, then you can take him out of my home based on something real. Hows that sound?

My wife, so fed up with my sons biological mother, has joined a group of step moms sufferin from the same issues... apparently biological moms going completely batty is not uncommon whatsoever! Who'd have thought all of that estrogen could cause such trauma.

When SWMBO is having her time of the month, remember me, and thank your SWMBO for only being cranky and not wanting to take over the world.

Thanks for listening...

It sounds like she hates you and is using the kid as a weapon.

Sounds like a really unfortunately situation. Keep your head high and your spirits strong, hopefully the judge will have the good sense to see the situation for what it is.

Oh, she hates me, I dont even think that is a strong enough word. My opinion is this... I can walk in there and tell the court that she beats my son, that she verbally abuses him, sexually abuses him and locks him in the basement and should be stripped form her care. It is all a lie, and I have no proof, and they would never do it based on that. My situation is the same, it is all a lie, it is all a fabrication and exagerration of the facts, so should they take any action based on that? No. There is such a thing as supervised parenting time, and I'd welcome it... I dont know what her excuse would be after a professional deems my home safe for my son, but trust me, there would be one... and it would be just as dramatic.
Youd think that I never graduated HS, had no job, lived in a trailer and made my kids sleep in dog houses outdoors! Instead of being a Christian airline captain that lives in a new subdivision with a daughter and a wife and loving family.

If you wanted your child to have a more solid relationship with the other parent, would YOU object to allowing him to email the other parent from school with the help of his teacher? And if so... why? His teacher recommended this because my son has communicated to her that he is sad that he has not seen me in a while. Would you object to it? Would you think the teacher was acting inappropriately?

One of my friends ex is battier than a loon. He went through similar hassles, she even called the cops on him a couple times. He had been granted 8 hours every two weeks and she was trying very hard to prevent that. Etc. Fast forward about a year. Yet another court hearing, with a slight difference: she told off him, his lawyer, HER own lawyer, the judge, bit one of the deputies. He walked out a full-time dad! The judge issued a restraining order against her and ordered the police to escort him & his daughter to the ex's house to remove all of the kids stuff.

She violated the order a couple times, moved out of state & is now serving time for trying to kill her mother. Sometimes ex's ARE crazy.

Dude, I wish she would allow them all to see her true colors...

My sons mom told me last week that our court order did not state that I get him for spring break, here is what is reads: FATHER granted alternate spring breaks beginning in 2008. She then back peddles this week and sayes that regardless of the order, the Parenting Time Guideline states that fathers get spring breaks during ODD numbered years. Well, I pulled out my copy of the guideline and it states MOTHERS ODD YEARS/FATHERS EVEN YEARS: Spring Break.

So, what sort of psychosis actually changes wording that is black and white, on paper, in front of someone? Basically her 30 minute rant tonight was nothing but lies... the stupid thing is that they are all lies that I can verify in like 10 minutes... so what is the point?

I went through all these things from the age of 5 until the day I turned 18. Only advice I have is try your best to keep your children out of the fights. My dad never involved me while my mom constantly would bad mouth my dad and drag me into their fights - not something I ever enjoyed. You longterm relationship with your children is more important than winning fights with an ex.

I hope it all works out for you - my mom did the same thing to my dad when they were in court. She would drag everyone I had any contact with into court to tell the judge how much my dad neglected me - even people who had never met my dad. My neighbor would say stuff like I smelled like I hadn't showered and wasn't obedient when returning from my dads. Of course it was all lies but what can you do?

A guy I work with deals is dealing with a similar situation. The soon to be ex is causing all sorts of problems and he pretty much can't get anyone to side with him. Too often the courts, the social workers, etc... automatically side with the woman in these situations.
Are your parents seriously going against you or is that just what she is saying?


Good Luck, and keep fighting for your kid.

WOW, you were the son? I feel for you. I have a very low opinion of my sons mother, and she is a compulsive liar, and has some sort of psychosis... but Id NEVER tell my son this, and I never share my feelings about his mother with him. I do not want to lose his respect, and I dont want him to be uncomfotable, or feel like it is not OK to love his mom. She will make my son, physically hold him by her side, as she yells and berates myself and my wife... and then testifies that my home is unsafe for him. I tell him to get in the car, that he does not need to be a part of the argument that SHE starts (I dont argue, there is nothing to argue about really)... and she will grab him and tell him to listen to it. Why?

I am sorry that your mother was that way with your father, but I am grateful that you grew up understanding what was REALLY happening. That is what worries me, whether or not my son will begin to beleive all of the lies that he hears.

It is coming to the point where I will not talk to his mother at all. I speak with his teachers, and I speak with him, but her and I have little to discuss... and when she opens her mouth, she lies and curses and threatens us. I really think that I will begin to simply hang up on her if she tries to engage me in any conversation, or walk away.

Again, I feel for you, I am sorry that someone who is supposed to love you, did that to you and your father. Thanks for sharing your experience.

I have not had a relationship with my folks in a while... long story, but they lied to me a few too many times and then lied to me to cover thier a$$es and I had enough of them hurting my family. Hard decision, but I have a wife and kids to protect... my parents may be dishonest and hurtful, but I SERIOUSLY doubt that they would ever get involved in this mess. Everything else that my sons mom said tonight turned out to be a lie, so I presume that was too.

I wonder how my sons teacher is going to feel, knowing that my sons mother lied about her testifying against me in court. His teachers and I have always had great relationships and weekly contact concerning my son. Imagine the next parent teacher conference between her and my sons mother... uncomfortable?!

wow. i can't offer any advice or provide a anecdotale story. i'd be irish whipping folks around, folllowed up by the boot/leg drop!

OK, where does she live? We'll set something up that'll screw her good with the courts and turn her word to mud...:rockin: ...wait, that's a conspiracy...I can't be party to that...

Not to steal your thunder but......

My wife has 2 kids from her previous. 10 and 4yrld. I have been with her since the 4yrld was 6months. For about a year the father claimed the 4yld was not his. Nice huh. Anyways- The father pays 300 a month in child support for 2 kids. We never see 1/5 of that. He has taken us to court several times to the tune of about 10,000 in lawyer fees.
He was even able to get his child support lowered based on the fact that MY insurance would cover the kids. Since me and the wife has been married I make enough for her to stay home and raise the kids. We apparently thats unnaceptable to him. So hes now suing us because if she has enough money to stay at home the we should be opening an account for his child support to go into a college account.
So even with all that- he has the kids 2 days a week. So far the past six months hes had an excuse every time not to get them. Hes only had the kids 5 ties in the last 6 months. And when he has taken the kids we find that he gets a sitter and leaves for the night.
I am thier provider, I take them to the doctor, sports, school. I make sure their homework is done and take them camping. I am thier real father. And the 10yrld wants to be legally mine.
Did I mention the 2 DUIs the father has had in 3 years?

anyways- I feel your pain brother, both mentally and in my wallet

Unfortunately there always seems to be a side that is rational, and a side that is completely out of balance and losing touch with reality. My sons mother would like to, and does, attempt to make me out to be a villian because when I moved for my job, I ceased to drive him 10-12 hours round trip every other weekend for my court ordered parenting time. Keep in mind that since I moved I have been in the process of getting long distance parenting time that completely negates weekend visits and awards holidays and summer break. Yes, I am a villian and a horrible father for not locking my child in a car for 10-12 hours to simply spend 18 WAKING hours in my home.
The simple fact that the judge decided that we NEEDED long distance parenting time in my case and that weekend visits were not healthy for my son, would prove to most people that it was the right choice. Not his mother... though she has done everything in her power to block my ability to spend time with him, she still complains that I dont see him enough. A true contradiction in terms. And, since I dont see him enough in her mind, I should see him even less by being stripped of the ability to have him in my home at all?? What exactly is she fearful of?

The Pol

She is just being spiteful and using your kid as a means to hurt you. In time when your kids are old enough they will understand that what you did and fought for was in their best intrest.

Is there an easy way of obtaining police reports for domestic violence? Is this public record, if the police are called to your home for a domestic dispute? They have never been to my home, but they have been to her home more than once... if my integrity and the safety of my home is going to be attacked with nothing to back it up, Id love to go to court with her police records in hand. I will post this somewhere else too...

The Pol, I know exactly what you're going through. I've had similar problems where my ex is using the kids as a means of controlling me, now that she kicked me out, made me lose my job, I almost had to live in the van down by the river. She got a restraining order on me simply from her word, yet when I tried to do the same because she kept sending me cryptic emails, texts, and phone calls, I was denied. I'm now stuck having to do supervised visits like I'm some kind of criminal until the divorce is final, probably longer. I'd go into more detail, but she knows I'm on this forum and would not be surprised if she reads all my posts (yes she really is obsessed/has no life)

So as to your question, yes, you can look up any court records from a domestic dispute if there was an actual arrest made or a court appearance. If she called the cops on you and they just showed up and said 'break it up' without anyone going to jail, there most likely won't be anything for you to get records of. It doesn't hurt to give them a call or go down to the station to ask though.

I feel for you. What a terrible situation to be in with your ex and child. It sounds like there's a lot of saber rattling on her part. Do you have confirmation that your child's teacher is involved and saying your home is unfit? I know for a fact that a teacher would stay away from a custody battle as much as possible unless they heard specific things from the child or actually saw something specific with their own eyes.

Are you guys heading into court? Who is pushing for this? If your side of this story is accurate, I'd want to head into court and argue my case in front of an impartial judge. It sounds like she might be trying to scare you away from such action. I would present your case in an organized and completely rational fashion and explain her irrational anger and hatred and behavior with the evidence you have, the phone call etc.

Pol see my other post relating to this. As well, DO NOT accept phone calls from her, and make no calls to her. Only contact her as may be ordered by a judge for visitation, etc. and always have another person present when you do see her.

As stated in my other post, you definitely need an experienced attorney to help you through this process.

Kids have a built-in bull**** detector.......they can see who the nutcase is. Just keep your comments and judgements about your ex to yourself, and when they get older, they'll realize (and thank you because) you took the high road.

Thanks for all of the additional help guys. Here is where we are and why...

I previously had a weekend parenting schedule when I lived "only" 3-4 hours away.

I moved to a location that is actually 5-6 hours away due to changes in the job that I have had for almost 5 years now. (Airline pilot).

I petitioned the court in January to allow for long distance parenting time (7 weeks in the summer and half of Xmas as well as every other spring break). It also includes foregoing weekend visits becaue they are unhealthy for everyone partaking in the transportation.

We had a hearing, she tried to slam me in court, bad mouthed my wife, said we didnt love my son, said our home is unsafe etc... The result was that I was granted 7 weeks in the summer and half of Xmas and every other spring break.

She has since objected to the court referee order, now we go before a judge to plead our cases. Obviously she is trying to depict my home as unsafe, unfit, unloving and detrimental to my sons well being. Where she has the proof of this I do not know, she never objected to his weekend visits? Or spending three weeks in the summer at my home? My home was safe enough for that, but is not safe enough for 7 weeks in the summer. Illogical, yes... will the judge see this? I hope.

As for my sons teacher... she is a lovely lady that I have weekly contact with. Actually when I make my weekly phone calls to my son, that is what we talk about... everything that he has been learning and involved in at school over the past week. His teacher has been very accomodating of the problem with distance and has gone WAY out of her way to keep me involved. I dare say I am more involved with what he learns at school than the average parent.
The DAY that my sons mother said that his teacher will be testifying against me, I recieved this from her...

Rob,

Thanks for your note!! The more support Parker has, the better!! He's such a great young man. I was wondering how you would feel if Parker sometimes dictated an email to you from school. I would type up what he had to say and send it to you at this email address. He expressed to me that he has been feeling a little bit sad lately since he hasn't seen you in awhile.

Would you let me know if that would work for you?
I'm glad the report card reached you so quickly!
Take care,
Jackie

Does this sound like a lady that will fight in court to keep me away from my son? I have an email from her for EVERY week of this school year, and my sons mother dares to say that his teacher dislikes me and thinks that I am a joke?

If my son is expressing this to his own teacher, wouldnt it make sense to let him come visit us as the court has ordered? Not to his mother, she beleives it is better to recieve child support and shelter him from me.

As I said in a previous post, this whole emialing from school thing, my sons mother is completely against. She stated to me that his teacher is meddling and should not be getting in the middle... middle of what? Allowing free communication between my son and myself? Last I checked there was NO restraining order agains me... so dont I have the same rights as his mother? Interesting concept!

Here is the inquiry that I sent to my sons teacher, after his mothers allegation....


Jackie,

Good evening, again... Regretfully I heard something this evening that I found more than slightly disturbing. I telephoned Parker this evening and after speaking with him about school, boy scouts and emailing me from school, his mother Alissa informed me that you will be attending our court hearing on April 1st, 2008 regarding my sons summertime visits to my home. She stated that you think that I am a joke of a father to him and that you will be there to testify against me regarding RETAINING the six weeks of summer parenting time that I currently have ordered. She also stated that she does not beleive that it is your place to facilitate allowing Parker to email me from school... why I do not know, it seems to me that it could only benefit him by allowing more contact. I wish that this was the exception in our family, but it has become the rule.
I regret having you placed in this sort of a position, and I regret not meeting you outside of the court room. You have done wonderful things, a great deal of good for my long distance relationship with Parker this year. That is why I am so confused about what I was told this evening. If you prefer to talk to me regarding any of this, please feel free to call me. If I am not available, please leave a message and give me a way to reach you.

Robert & Erin Welniak

I would hate to be a teacher in this day and age.

UPDATE: I received a call back from my estranged parents, they stated that they have not had any such conversation with my ex, nor will they ever be attending a court hearing on her behalf. I thanked them for thier response to my query, that is a big step for them... anyway, she lied about all of the court documents and my parents going to court with her... want to bet that she lied about my sons teacher too? Id bet on that!

The Pol said:

Who'd have thought all of that estrogen could cause such trauma....

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My best friend has always said "Women have but TWO major flaws one is ESTROGEN and the other is the lack of ESTROGEN"
this make SOOOOOO much sence to me
JJ

Update: My sons teacher contacted me yesterday and said that she has had no such conversation with my sons mother, and that she would never agree to appear in court on her behalf. She also stated that she has never talked to Parker or his mother about my parenting as his father. She also went on to say that she didnt mean to do anything to give herself "further problems" with my sons mother. So apparently there is already friction between her and my sons mother...

good luck getting this sorted out. I hope you've been in contact with a good lawyer it sounds like you could really use one.

I can sympathize with you man, ex-wives are the devil.

Just be thankful that you're not married to/with her anymore.

wow - what a mess Pol. Good luck going forward. It sounds like you need it

Sorry to hear your story man. I grew up in a similar situation, and from the kids perspective... it sucks.

One piece of advice, I am not sure if you were serious about recording a call with her or not, but most every state has hard (federal) guidelines about recording and the knowledge of one or both parties to the taping. Depending on the state you live in, you should really see if you admitted to a federal wire taping violation. If this is the case, I would assume you were only bluffing with her if she tried to use it against you in court. That or it never really happened, and you were just kidding. Your lawyer should clear this up fairly quickly to see if it was legal.

One piece of advice, I am not sure if you were serious about recording a call with her or not, but most every state has hard (federal) guidelines about recording and the knowledge of one or both parties to the taping.

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that only applies to police/fbi/outside parties. Anyone calling you can be taped by yourself without their consent or knowledge.

MikeFlynn74 said:

that only applies to police/fbi/outside parties. Anyone calling you can be taped by yourself without their consent or knowledge.

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I am 99.99% sure that is incorrect information.

*Edit*Here is some reading on the topic (http://www.rcfp.org/taping/)

Although most of these statutes address wiretapping and eavesdropping — listening in on conversations of others without their knowledge — they usually apply to electronic recording of any conversations, including phone calls and in-person interviews.
Federal law allows recording of phone calls and other electronic communications with the consent of at least one party to the call. A majority of the states and territories have adopted wiretapping statutes based on the federal law, although most also have extended the law to cover in-person conversations. Thirty-eight states and the District of Columbia permit individuals to record conversations to which they are a party without informing the other parties that they are doing so. These laws are referred to as "one-party consent" statutes, and as long as you are a party to the conversation, it is legal for you to record it. (Nevada also has a one-party consent statute, but the state Supreme Court has interpreted it as an all-party rule.)
Twelve states require, under most circumstances, the consent of all parties to a conversation. Those jurisdictions are California, Connecticut, Florida, Illinois, Maryland, Massachusetts, Michigan, Montana, Nevada, New Hampshire, Pennsylvania and Washington. Be aware that you will sometimes hear these referred to inaccurately as "two-party consent" laws. If there are more than two people involved in the conversation, all must consent to the taping.
Regardless of the state, it is almost always illegal to record a conversation to which you are not a party, do not have consent to tape, and could not naturally overhear.
Federal law and most state laws also make it illegal to disclose the contents of an illegally intercepted call or communication.

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MikeFlynn74 said:

that only applies to police/fbi/outside parties. Anyone calling you can be taped by yourself without their consent or knowledge.

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Depends where you live: http://www.rcfp.org/taping/

Federal law allows recording of phone calls and other electronic communications with the consent of at least one party to the call. A majority of the states and territories have adopted wiretapping statutes based on the federal law, although most also have extended the law to cover in-person conversations. Thirty-eight states and the District of Columbia permit individuals to record conversations to which they are a party without informing the other parties that they are doing so. These laws are referred to as "one-party consent" statutes, and as long as you are a party to the conversation, it is legal for you to record it. (Nevada also has a one-party consent statute, but the state Supreme Court has interpreted it as an all-party rule.)

Twelve states require, under most circumstances, the consent of all parties to a conversation. Those jurisdictions are California, Connecticut, Florida, Illinois, Maryland, Massachusetts, Michigan, Montana, Nevada, New Hampshire, Pennsylvania and Washington. Be aware that you will sometimes hear these referred to inaccurately as "two-party consent" laws. If there are more than two people involved in the conversation, all must consent to the taping.

Click to expand...

Twelve states require, under most circumstances, the consent of all parties to a conversation.

Click to expand...

Thirty-eight states and the District of Columbia permit individuals to record conversations to which they are a party without informing the other parties that they are doing so.

Click to expand...

So I was 76% correct

I just recieved an email from my sons teacher, she stated that she just recieved a letter from my sons mother telling her that my son cannot email me from school if he wants to. Do you think that I am going to take all of these letters to court? Yah... because how does it benefit my son to not allow him to contact me if HE wishes to? His mother is truely losing her mind.

From my sons teacher today:

"I feel uncomfortable getting involved in a situation that may put Parker or me in the middle of a conflict that is not easily resolved as my focus needs to be on my teaching responsibilities. Would you let me know if there is a legal issue in Parker contacting you from school or if this is simply a request from Alissa? Either way, I feel I would be wandering into murky waters by allowing him to do so, which would be a tragedy in my opinion as he seems to appreciate contact with his dad, which seems natural to me."

BTW, there is no legal restriction on my sons ability to contact me whenever he pleases. My sons teacher is awesome, how many teachers care this much for a single student, to actually get involved to this degree?

The more this goes on, the more I think you should fight for full custody. Keep documenting everything and get all your ducks in a row, then do it. It is not good for your son to be where he is at now.