What a DISASTER!

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thood6

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So I attempted to bottle some of my RIS and put the rest of it in a secondary today. I haven't had this bad of a day doing anything brew related in my 25+ batches.

Let's count the things that went wrong:

1. After starting the siphon I checked the FG and it came in at 1.033. So i thought crap this thing didn't finish. But thats not terrible for the style and I figured the yeast petered out at 10% abv.

2. So I made my priming solution for 2.5 gallons and set off. However I SUCK at siphoning and ended up spraying beer everywhere and I'm sure oxygenating the crap out of it.

3. So now that i have .5 gallon less than I planned on top of a priming solution that is set for 2.5 gallons.

4. Lastly that half gallon of beer had to go somewhere and that somewhere was all over swmbo's stuff. Lovely. SHe told me to hold off on bottling until she could help me in the next 7-8 days.

So lets review. I have a 70$ stout that I've invested 6 weeks in that has the possibility if not probability of being infected, oxygenated, and subject to bottle bombs. And on top of that I'm definitely going to be in the doghouse with swmbo.

Man as soon as I think I have my system down, the beer gods just want to humble me and let me know that I'm not hot sh*t after all.

Anybody else have stories to make me feel better?
 
First time I kegged was in 2009. Bought a chest freezer with tower, lines, CO2 tank and regulator used. Could not pour a beer without it coming out at an explosive rate. At first thought I had frozen the keg, which I indeed had.

Problem solved? No.

as I was checking other things, I took the faucet off without disconnecting the beer line. At least a half gallon spraying me in the face and everything within 180 degrees of the tower.

Problem solved? No.

Turns out I had a bad diaphragm in my regulator. Freakin keg was pressurized to some ridiculous number. Probably an unsafe number.

Really glad that is behind me.
 
I was cleaning out one of my primary buckets into the sink when the drain clogged up. Forgetting that I had been using straight hot water, I plunged my hand in to unplug it.

Being instantly scalded, I turned on the cold water and stuck my hand under it to cool it off. Problem is that two seconds earlier I had been using hot water, and well of course there is still hot water in the pipes, which then ended up scalding my already scalded hand.

I threw the bucket in frustration.

Of course, then I had to go pick the bucket up.
 
I was making a barley wine. I over boiled it and ended up with a gravity much higher than I expected. Worse, when I was draining the boil kettle to the carboy, I decided to put some of the equipment away. I came back and the hose had fallen off. There was at least a gallon of wort on the floor. So my 5 gallon batch ended up closer to 3.5 gallons.

Tried to do a bochet several months ago. I watched the cooking honey for a while, but it wasn't bubbling up much so decided to take a break for 15 minutes. Came back and there was black honey all over my stove and counter. I dumped what was left and spent the next 2 hours scrubbing.
 
You could probably get away with calling your oxygenated and infected RIS an Old Ale and win some competitions.
 
first time using my wort chiller I had an awful experience. Thought I tighten all the couplings. Looked good for the first 5 minutes. I went to turn the faucet up more and the hose popped off and the hose landed directly in the wort. To make matters worse, simultaneous the nob on the faucet stripped and wouldn’t shut off. Panicking, it took me a good 10 seconds to think of just taking the hose out of the wort. Added roughly 1.5 gallons of faucet water directly in my wort..... not a good experience
 
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Ended up fermenting it out and called it “calamity ale”. Drinkable but not good by any stretch lol
 
Back when I first started using a pump, I had just set up the chiller and fired it up. One of the connectors wasn't completely set and 180 degree wort sprayed out all over my belly, boobs, hair, dogs, floor, everywhere. Frantically got the pump shut off, swore vociferously, and reset the hose. I now have two lovely burn scars in places only my mirror sees.
 
A couple days ago I started my Empire Builder Cream Ale. Boiled the water and moved the kettle onto several pot holders. I left the burner on, thinking I wanted to get the water boiling again as quick as possible and that adding the LME would be quick.

Unfortunately the steam was very hot, and I was struggling because my stirring hand was getting very hot. All of a sudden the fire alarm went off, but it WASN'T because something had ended up on the burner, but must have been the heat from the steam. Of course, our 6 month old started screaming and our developmentally delayed daughter started acting scared (she use to really be scared of it, but it's gone off enough that now she just acts scared). Not wanting to stop mixing in the LME, I continued pouring, ignoring the chaos, which the wife did not like, so I hurriedly picked up the kettle and set it on the burner. Problem solved!

At least until flames started shooting up the sides of the kettle. I quickly assessed the fact that it wasn't a grease fire, picked up the kettle and discovered it was one of the pot holders that had stuck to the bottom of the kettle and was now in flames. I moved the kettle to the sink and knocked off the pot holder, turned water on it, and moved the kettle back on top of the other pot holders.

I grabbed a wet rag and quickly wiped off the soot from the burner and put the kettle on. My wife was still fanning the fire alarm with a baby blanket, so I got a step ladder to remove the battery. Unfortunately, I had forgotten the fire alarm is hard wired into the electrical of the house. I had to fight with it a few more minutes to get it shut off.

Luckily, everything turned out fine aside from a slightly discolored sink (will probably scrub off), two small burnt spots on the linoleum where pieces of the hot pad had fallen, and a burn mark on our floor mat...
 
One of my first batches years ago was fermenting in a 5 gallon bucket in the laundry room sink. The airlock must have become plugged up and the pressure built up. The lid blew off and the fermenting mess went everywhere including the ceiling, walls and clean clothes in the laundry room. This happened while we were at work so the remaining beer was ruined as well. SWMBO was not amused...lol. Needless to say, I dont do any sort of brewing in the house anymore.
 
Worst I ever had was chilling wort in the kitchen sink. While it was filling I went to the basement. Distracted, a few minutes later I hear water... I had overflowed the sink. Water had run onto the floor in the kitchen and gotten to the edge of the vinyl flooring. Below was a beam and the water came down beside that and poured onto a vinyl tile floor. Run upstairs, turn off the water then used towels to sop up the water. Maybe a gallon in the basement and a few in the kitchen. I guess I am glad that it came through to the basement. Otherwise I don't know how much water would have accumulated in the kitchen......
 
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