The Dysfunctional-Palooza Obnoxious Masshole BS Thread

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I was so looking forward to the superbowl for two reasons -
1. to see Baltimore lose, which would lead to
2. never having to see Ray Lewis again, nor that stupid-ass pre-game dance that he does.

I heard on the radio today that he's already got a gig lined up at ESPN for next season.

As much as I hated him on the field, I'm sure I can hate him so much more when he's blabbing with a suit and a tie on behind a desk, next to some other nitwit, like Shannon Sharp.........

Maybe that deer antler crap he has in his system will morph into something more toxic and give him a blood clot, or something. I'd say brain hemorrhage, but he'd need a brain for that to kill....
 
ESPN has been struggling lately with ratings. I am sure bringing in Ray Lewis will help them improve their numbers, if you like murderers.
 
So according to the Fox weather dude, we're all gonna die this weekend.

Which means there's gonna be mass insanity at the food stores tomorrow.

Cheers, Buckle Up, and Good Luck!
 
Cant wait. Picking up some bellies today for the few weeks we're apparently gonna be snowed in.

Just a side note... I love big storms like this (as long as there is no damage). My sons are 5 1/2 and 7 and they're gonna lose their minds in two feet of snow.

I'm totally gonna build a snow fort.... and am totally gonna run a couple taps in it.
 
532058_10152520158595635_783991077_n.jpg


Yeah, I'm looking forward to a snow day tomorrow. Hey, no point in buying a snowblower if I don't get to use it, right?
 
I've worked in an ER in the city for 15 years and it still makes me shake my head in wonder at the absolute stupidity of some of the residents of this city.

"So you're 15, you're at your friends house, wearing pajama bottoms and flip flops, smoking dope and at the height of the worst blizzard on 25 years you decide you're going to walk home. Then, after you walk a few blocks you realize that maybe it wasn't such a hot idea and you call 911? So you expect these two guys to go out and endanger their lives hauling your butt to safety because you don't have the intelligence of an earthworm? Fat, stoned and stupid is no way to go through life,
T
I've had 16 hours of that. I want a really strong drink right now.

Darwin had a grand plan. We screw it up every day, one idiot at a time.
 
I'm gonna go with 30" of snow here. Took me 4 hours to clear my double-wide driveway and the walkways front and back of the house.

On the up side, after four years of barely using it, I discovered my 32" 10hp Husky 'blower has a super-granny gear that was perfect for this big dump of powder. I just has to keep the clutch lightly pressed down and the machine did the rest. Not much effort, just a crap ton of time.

Meanwhile, I'm thrilled I only had to deal with getting ~30" of snow off the driveway, walkways and two humongous decks.

- My youngest son on his way back from Munich made it as far as Philly. He's stuck there 'til Monday.

- Oldest son's wife is stuck in Paris and won't be getting out 'til Tuesday.

- DIL's mom was going to fly out of Newark on her way home to Honduras, but her plane is still in Seattle, so that ain't happening.

- And my sister and bil were supposed to fly home from Kiawah, SC, but they have no idea when they're getting out.

- Youngest son's wife is an ER surgeon and has been stuck out in Springfield since yesterday afternoon, while their dog is home (and probably crossing its legs holding onto an epic pee).

Woof!

Cheers!
 
No loss of power this storm. Wind was my friend. Most of the snow blew into the woods. I declined my brothers plow and shoveled my driveway. Time to watch some golf in Carmel

Svetlana Oak Aged Wild Stout:

IMAG0256.jpg
 
day_trippr said:
I'm gonna go with 30" of snow here. Took me 4 hours to clear my double-wide driveway and the walkways front and back of the house.

On the up side, after four years of barely using it, I discovered my 32" 10hp Husky 'blower has a super-granny gear that was perfect for this big dump of powder. I just has to keep the clutch lightly pressed down and the machine did the rest. Not much effort, just a crap ton of time.

Meanwhile, I'm thrilled I only had to deal with getting ~30" of snow off the driveway, walkways and two humongous decks.

- My youngest son on his way back from Munich made it as far as Philly. He's stuck there 'til Monday.

- Oldest son's wife is stuck in Paris and won't be getting out 'til Tuesday.

- DIL's mom was going to fly out of Newark on her way home to Honduras, but her plane is still in Seattle, so that ain't happening.

- And my sister and bil were supposed to fly home from Kiawah, SC, but they have no idea when they're getting out.

- Youngest son's wife is an ER surgeon and has been stuck out in Springfield since yesterday afternoon, while their dog is home (and probably crossing its legs holding onto an epic pee).

Woof!

Cheers!
Click to expand...

Wow, everyone seems to be trying to stay very very far away from you. Good for them
 
yeager1977 said:
Wow, everyone seems to be trying to stay very very far away from you. Good for them
Click to expand...

LOL!

Having 1 and 3 year old grandsons around 24/7 for two weeks post-Sandy when oldest son's house in Jersey was sans power was fun - but exhausting. Frankly I'm happy everyone is somewhere else right now ;)

Cheers!
 
Speaking of stewbums that hang out at hospitals all night, I've taken the liberty of spreading the word among most of our 'regulars' about Brian's shin ding on Saturday night. I had a couple of criteria that they must have fulfilled before I knew they were up for the task.

1. They had to have presented at least twice in the February with a B.A.L. > than 300 ml/dl. (In laymans terms that means piss assed drunk. Legally drunk is 80 mg/dl.) In my world (an ED in one of the least desirable neighborhoods in Boston) you ain't really drunk until you're over 300. We call fools who make asses of themselves at 150 amateurs. Consistency and regularity were key here. No since inviting a 'heavy hitter' who is temporarily on the wagon.

2. They have to have pissed their pants while in such a state. (It ain't a party till somebody pisses their pants.)

3. We have had to put them in restraints during those admissions because they were being such A-holes. (Know your audience.)

4. They didn't need to get intubated because they were so drunk they stopped breathing. (No sense inviting amateurs. After all, this is a party celebrating going 'Pro.' I wanted guys who were in it for the long haul.)

After reviewing all of the possible invitees, I picked 6 who met all the criteria and passed the word.

"Free beer at Kinsale this Saturday night. Invite all your friends."

"Paul, you wouldn't **** me about this would you?"

"I've been pouring piss out of your boots for 15 years, have I EVER lied to you?"

"No, you always call it the way it is."

"Yup, if you're an ******* I tell you. If you need to go to Bridgewater for a 30 day vacation I send you. I give you a sandwich and a gallon of juice every single morning before I kick you to the curb. Trust me, if I tell you that there will be free beer on Saturday at Kinsale you can count on it. And just in case, here is $20. Promise me you'll come, my friend is having a party and I'm afraid that no-one will be there.

Things are going to be pretty interesting come Saturday...
 
In absolute freak out mode.

(No, not even .00001% because of Paul or his posts)

Nothing is going wrong... Not 100% sure the IPA will be ready but we will have three other beers and I am pretty confident the IPA will be there. The magnitude of this whole thing is freakin me out big time.
 
paulthenurse said:
Speaking of stewbums that hang out at hospitals all night, I've taken the liberty of spreading the word among most of our 'regulars' about Brian's shin ding on Saturday night. I had a couple of criteria that they must have fulfilled before I knew they were up for the task.

1. They had to have presented at least twice in the February with a B.A.L. > than 300 ml/dl. (In laymans terms that means piss assed drunk. Legally drunk is 80 mg/dl.) In my world (an ED in one of the least desirable neighborhoods in Boston) you ain't really drunk until you're over 300. We call fools who make asses of themselves at 150 amateurs. Consistency and regularity were key here. No since inviting a 'heavy hitter' who is temporarily on the wagon.

2. They have to have pissed their pants while in such a state. (It ain't a party till somebody pisses their pants.)

3. We have had to put them in restraints during those admissions because they were being such A-holes. (Know your audience.)

4. They didn't need to get intubated because they were so drunk they stopped breathing. (No sense inviting amateurs. After all, this is a party celebrating going 'Pro.' I wanted guys who were in it for the long haul.)

After reviewing all of the possible invitees, I picked 6 who met all the criteria and passed the word.

"Free beer at Kinsale this Saturday night. Invite all your friends."

"Paul, you wouldn't **** me about this would you?"

"I've been pouring piss out of your boots for 15 years, have I EVER lied to you?"

"No, you always call it the way it is."

"Yup, if you're an ******* I tell you. If you need to go to Bridgewater for a 30 day vacation I send you. I give you a sandwich and a gallon of juice every single morning before I kick you to the curb. Trust me, if I tell you that there will be free beer on Saturday at Kinsale you can count on it. And just in case, here is $20. Promise me you'll come, my friend is having a party and I'm afraid that no-one will be there.

Things are going to be pretty interesting come Saturday...
Click to expand...

My wife tells me these same stories daily. MA needs to bring back the drunk tank
 
Cape Brewing said:
In absolute freak out mode.

(No, not even .00001% because of Paul or his posts)

Nothing is going wrong... Not 100% sure the IPA will be ready but we will have three other beers and I am pretty confident the IPA will be there. The magnitude of this whole thing is freakin me out big time.
Click to expand...

calm rown, rdwdapb same as rdwhahb but with p for pro
 
Cape Brewing said:
In absolute freak out mode.

(No, not even .00001% because of Paul or his posts)

Nothing is going wrong... Not 100% sure the IPA will be ready but we will have three other beers and I am pretty confident the IPA will be there. The magnitude of this whole thing is freakin me out big time.
Click to expand...

Just do what the new micro in my town does...

Serve rushed, underattenuated, vegetal tasting/smelling beers to the hipsters that don't know any better, and then have irregular hours because you're always outta beer because they're only brewing on a 1/2bbl "nano" system.
 
AZ_IPA said:
Just do what the new micro in my town does...

Serve rushed, underattenuated, vegetal tasting/smelling beers to the hipsters that don't know any better, and then have irregular hours because you're always outta beer because they're only brewing on a 1/2bbl "nano" system.
Click to expand...

Sounds like the nano that's right by my MIL's house, minus the hipsters. Selling crappy beer that even the_Wife identifies as "green" because they're clearly using a de-facto homebrew setup (right down to the Home Depot-special immersion chiller). If you're rushing to get enough beer fermented and you have't sold a friggin' pint yet... aigh, good luck!
 
Nah... That's not it. I am just insanely nervous.

ALTHOUGH... We do have one beer we are rushing. The Black Steam, Blonde and English Mild are all solid and I am not worried about those at all. Our first IPA wasnt up to snuff so we brewed another. It has 100% attentuated, is crashing now, and it is totally clean... I am not worried about that... The issue (and the rush) is that we arent going to have enough tome to dry hop it and bring the aroma and flavor hops out so we are cheatig and going with.....

Yup.. A randall.

Honestly, I'm not super worried about the beers. If the IPA isn't up to snuff on that day, we'll take it off. I am hust freaking out because this is all actually gonna happen. It's like a wedding day or something. It is just a "holy ****... This is happening!" Feeling. Its weird. Plus, effin just about everyone i know is gonna be at this thing.... Except Bird. Thanks ******.
 
Wow! Every body you know? When Wade Boggs got "pantsed" in Cheers it was in front of a room full of strangers. You'll get your pants pulled down in front of everyone you know? This is going to be so great, I'm practically giddy. Total humiliation

The ONLY chance you have is to borrow a keg of IPA from Rick and claim it as your own. After all, he was SSBC's 'Brewer of the Year.' What have you won?
 
InkBird 300

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