So I am in WalMart on Christmas eve......

As if the parking lot wasn't a bad enough ordeal.

I am there because we are out of Ovaltine. My boys favorite before bed drink. I have done the floured specialty malts with sucess but he still favors the O.

There I am pushing my cart, child in the seat, and desparately negotiating the aisles full of the "grazing cattle".

Now, I can tell this child to "Stop" a hundred times in sucession and he hears not a word but, just once under my breath, I mutter "****ing people get out of the way" and this child hears every word with perfect clarity and Memorex like pronunciation.

"Phhhhuck-ing peoples out of the way, Dadah?" he says repetatively with a volume that even the intercoms could not produce.

Classic I tell ya'

Hearing these words from a 2 year old spoken with an inquisitive inflection.

It took everything in me to keep from a bellowing laughing in front of him as I proceded to find ANY word that sounded similar to change his questionings

"No, I said trucking depots"!

Classic, I have two and the younges can, and will repeat everything she hears and always at the wrong moment.

When a friends 2 year old repeated from the car seat "You can lick my sweaty nutsack!" I was under threat of death if she didn't forget the phrase before we got to her grandparent's house. Gotta love those kids.

ChshreCat said:

When a friends 2 year old repeated from the car seat "You can lick my sweaty nutsack!" I was under threat of death if she didn't forget the phrase before we got to her grandparent's house. Gotta love those kids.

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Beautiful!

lmfao (nope... I've um... never... um... been there too...)

Ceedubya said:

"No, I said trucking depots"!

Classic, I have two and the younges can, and will repeat everything she hears and always at the wrong moment.

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"Broken Peepholes" is what I grasped at in desparation as Gramma Whitey says in the distance "What did that baby say?".

I shat you not.

LMAO. I just taught our 2 year old the F word as well. Luckily we were at home but he kept saying it over and over again. All we could do was just laugh.

my wife used to complain about me slipping up around my oldest son when he was young. Luckily he never caught on and repeated what I had said.

Then one day my wife was driving somewhere with him in the backseat. She was cut off on the freeway and called the other car a jackass.
That became my boy's favorite word. Seemed like he would just randomly shout Jackass, at the most inappropriate time.


I loved it

Years back, there was a TV show called, "Kids say the darnedest things". Art Linkletter was the host and he said the best question was, "What did your parents tell you not the say?" Every kid on the show would have something embarrassing to say, because they were drilled over & over on it.

When my boy was just 4 years old, he used to be a great ice breaker for me at the grocery store. (Bless his little heart) He used to just walk up to anyone, mostly women, and introduce himself. Little Mr. Personality. But more often than not, he would walk up to these women and say, "Hi, my name is Coty, I'm 4 years old. How old are you?"

I know, not exactly swearing, but totally embarrasing, nonetheless.

hungrymonkey said:

Seemed like he would just randomly shout Jackass, at the most inappropriate time.

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I have the same problem.

Theres too many sparkling wiggles at this party.

I was having trouble in traffic and realized I needed to watch what I say with my daughter in the car when she asked me "More brainless ****heads today, dad?"

For x-mas I bought my son all 4 of the commercially available David Weinstone recordings.

Wow! Just Wow!

If you have kids that like music I highly recommend these CD's. also, for those of you in the Manhattan area, if you can, look up the Music for Aardvarks foundation. IIUC, this guy teaches kids music.

When my oldest was about 2 (HE has a child older than that now) and his new sister was about to move into her crib he was "helping" me put it together. He was trying to put a screw through a leg with no success. So, he stepped back and in a disgusted voice perfectly articulated, "F___ing *****!"
I laugh about that still.

Not really of the same vein, but equally hillarious.....

I had a friend who taught his 2 year old son (much to his wife's dismay) a neat little trick.

He would ask him:

"where's your nose" and the little guy would point to his nose.
"Where's your ear" and again he would point to his year...
"Where's your eye" and he would point perfectly to his eye
Then the father would ask
"who's your dad?" and the little guy would turn both palms up, shrug his shoulders and cock his head to the side gesturing "I dunno know".

It was a riot, and the fact that his wife hated it made it twice as funny.

When my daughter was about 2, we had a big Greater Swiss Mountain dog named Rufus. One day, Rufus went running by her and bumped her, knocking her down. She stomped over to his crate(where he was hiding because my wife yelled at him), kicked the side and shouted, "Rufus, you sumbitch!!" I was rolling on the floor laughing, and my wife was not happy with me. She still says that it's my fault that our daughter likes country music and begged me for a pink .22 rifle for her 6th birthday. She's daddy little redneck.

Decojuicer said:

When my daughter was about 2, we had a big Greater Swiss Mountain dog named Rufus. One day, Rufus went running by her and bumped her, knocking her down. She stomped over to his crate(where he was hiding because my wife yelled at him), kicked the side and shouted, "Rufus, you sumbitch!!" I was rolling on the floor laughing, and my wife was not happy with me. She still says that it's my fault that our daughter likes country music and begged me for a pink .22 rifle for her 6th birthday. She's daddy little redneck.

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ROFLMAO!

OK, one of my own.

When my youngest was about 4 she spent a week during the summer at my parents. First, while in the car she told my mother from the back seat "balls to the walls grandma (a few days earlier she had passed through the living room while I was watching Joe Dirt). Then, she spilled her soda and said "Oh damn it"!

Finally, while playing on the deck with thier cats (she smothers them with love) my father overheard her call the one a son-of-a-*****.

So, when she gets back home I question her about all of the alleged swearing. She denied it over and over. I asked again, were you using naughty words at Grandmas and Grandpas..... "NO DADDY" "So you didn't call grandmas kitty a son-of-a-*****?'

her response: "WELL HE BIT ME!"

We now have regular talks about not repeating things daddy says.

I have to add my little story too:

We are the bowling alley for a party with a group from church. I haven’t bowled in a long time so I was leaving a lot of pins standing. About half way through the second game I finally get a perfect pro-bowler hit pins fly everywhere clearing the deck. My 4 year old exclaims, so the whole alley can hear, “HOLY S—T, DAD”. I crawled off the lane as much embarrassed as literally ROFLMAO.

We went out to dinner a couple of years ago with my then 4-year-old daughter. She needed the bathroom, so I took her. She has a thing about automatic toilets, and is afraid of them because they flush randomly.

Anyhow, she did her thing, and hopped off the toilet, just in time for it to flush with all the volume of a pair of 747's throttling up for takeoff. My sweet, wide-eyed daughter turned to me with her eyes as wide as dinner plates, and said, "Daddy, that's the scariest Fcuking thing I ever saw."

Sometimes, it's really hard to not laugh.

Someone's stellar driving led me to blurt out "YOU ASS-CAKE!" Don't ask me how I came up with that but my daughter, 2yo at the time, decided that was fun to say. Real handy.

DylansDad said:

LMAO. I just taught our 2 year old the F word as well. Luckily we were at home but he kept saying it over and over again. All we could do was just laugh.

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You are such a bad parent....nahh LOL that funny

I was at frendlies resturant with a friends of mine & their kid. he dropped a french fry & looked at the ground & said "shyt"

we were laughing

My pal erin has three kids, a boy, & two girls. Now he doesnt do many boy things so i was taking him to ravens training camp. We were driving out & I said to him we are gonnna have a cooler time them your sisters

He said, "my sisters are stupid, & i know that stupid is a bad word"
I said jay nahh stupid isnt a bad word now muther F*cker is a bad word.

monty73741 said:

You are such a bad parent....nahh LOL that funny


He said, "my sisters are stupid, & i know that stupid is a bad word"
I said jay nahh stupid isnt a bad word now muther F*cker is a bad word.

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Thats funny right there!

That toilet story is some funny stuff! Got me laughing so hard I couldn't even read it to the wife!

my oldest now 26 when he was 3 or so was always expected to pick up his toy's. So he got tired of picking up one putting it away then going for the next .. He tried picking all the toys at once . I was pretty impressed when he did .....

Then the bottom dropped out one toy fell and all he said was "$hit" picked it up and another fell and again "$hit"... this went on all the way down the hall to his room one "$hit" after the next.... I laughed so hard my sides hurt

Another one from my oldest son when he was real small...maybe 2.5 or 3. One day we're riding down the road back home in Maine when he saw a logging truck. He said, "Wood truck, Daddy". So, being one to offer more education than he was looking for I said,"yes, wood truck, but that kind of truck is called a tractor trailer". He repeated his "wood truck" a bit more assertively, and I reoffered the "proper" term. His response was..... "you're pissing me off, Dad!"

I'm loving this forum.

When my daughter was little we were sitting in the car waiting on her mom to come out from a meeting or something... I don't exactly remember what but Ash was just starting to talk.. There was a newspaper on the floor in the back seat with a picture of a float plane sitting in her harbor on the front page. She looked at the picture, pointed at said "boat".

I looked at it and said "No honey, that's an airplane."

She looked at the picture again and gave me a funny look. Then she pointed out the window and said "Sky". Then pointed out towards the harbor and said "water". Then looked me in the eye and said "BOAT".

Then she kind of rolled her eyes and shook her head like "Jeez... my dad's an idiot."

Ooo my turn! OK, so my son is around 2 (I'm seeing a pattern here) and we're at my mom's house. Me, my ex and my mom are sitting at the kitchen counter talking as we tend to do. My son waddles up to my mom and looks up at her lovingly, balls up his fists so hard they're shaking, and says ".....DAMMIT!!" and walks away. I was mortified then but now we laugh nervously about it then change the subject.

Not child related but my friends dad had 2 parrots. He kept them in the cage in his "man cave" where he watched sports. These parrots learned to say many colorful 4 letter words. Nothing better than a couple of trash talking parrots!

Kiernan's latest expletive is "Fvcking Door".

I don;lt have any idea where he gets this from but, he uses it in perfect context.

I am no longer allowed to quot south park at my friends houses, since i some how taught thier yougest to say MMMKayy. and thanks to the same kids Mom, my name is some how DamnitBrad(all one word) its funny when i find them at the PX or something, here comes the Kid running full boar and screaming DamnitBrad as he comes over for a hug.

I still think its funny.

My nephews love Thomas the train and one of the other trains on that show is Percy. When they were about 2.5 they had a little trouble saying the "er" in Percy by dropping the R. You should have seen my eyes the first time they asked "Where's P*ssy?"

Ha.

McDonalds is pimpin the "Hotel for Dogs" figures. My buds 3 y/o daughter loves these worthless.......

One of teh dogs names is "Shep" and for reasons we all understand my bud insists that she call the dog "Fido".

BuffaloSabresBrewer said:

Theres too many sparkling wiggles at this party.

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"They're just little Niños getting out their wiggles!"

One of my fave Nacho libre quotes . I myself don't have kids, but I do remember one of my brothers... trying to learn to say truck, he kept calling it a TUCK... so finally one day as we all got out of the car to go into church he yelled the above but replaced the T w/ an F needless to say, my mom was like... ok we're done w/ that word for now...

and btw, I'm 38 so this was a LONG time ago

My personal favorite...

We're sitting in the front row at church being subjected to the music of the folk group during services...It was close to the end and my oldest - then about 3 - started getting really fussy. I told him it was "almost over, so just relax and listen to the music." He wasn't having any of that, so in fron of Goda and everyone he blurts out at the top of his lungs "But I don't like the music!!!"

I was just a BIT embarrassed, but he got more thank yous from the other parishoners who say they wish they could say the same thing...