Funniest bathroom graffiti

There's a bar here in Milwaukee where someone wrote the following on the mortar between the blocks in the men's room:

"Sphinctercalifornilingusrectalhalitosis"

At another bar, someone wrote on the men's room wall:

"See Graceland the way Elvis did - on drugs"

I'm sure you guys have seen other examples of hilarious men's room graffiti out there. Hell, I'm sure ladies have written hilarious stuff on the walls of the ladies' room. Post 'em here!

My dad tells a couple good ones he saw while in college
1- Flush twice, it's a long way to CDH (central dining hall).
2- Those who write on $hithouse walls, role their $hit into little balls. Those who read those words of wit, eat those little balls of $hit.

Here I sit, broken hearted
Tried to **** and only farted
I stood up and took a chance
Tried to fart and **** my pants

If it has wheels or t!ts it's gonna cost you.

Beauty is but a light switch away.

From stall in a restroom on the Maine Turnpike:

Be like daddy, not like sis
Lift the seat before you P***

From the McDonalds in Gettysburg, PA

Abe Lincoln SH*T here NOV 1863

I f**ked your mom!!
Go home, Dad. You're drunk.

This toilet paper is like John Wayne. It's rough, it's tough, and it won't take **** off'a noone.

Step a little closer, shorty.

"Dyslexics of the world, untie!"

"Walt Disney died for your sins. Am I sea?"

"You might as well sit on the seat, the crabs in this place can jump 8 feet."

I saw this series of edits to a boddingtons sign.

Started with the word "manchester" on the sign.

"manchester"
"united!"
"sucks"
"so does your mom"
"your sister was better"

I am cooler that all the frat brothers on campus combined! Even if they were hanging out with ZZ Top!

A stall in one of the rest rooms at a facility I worked at had graffiti all over it. Building maintenance painted over it and the first thing someone put on there was Page 2

here i sit
same as ever
took a dump
pulled the lever
the toilet clogged
the water flowed
look out world
its a motherload

If your hose is too short, your pump is too weak.
Stand a little closer or you'll piss on your feet.

When I was younger my father and I would take trips to Colorado pretty regularly, found this little gem on a rest stop bathroom wall.

"Here you sit, cheeks a flexin; tryin' to sh**, another Texan"

509inc said:

If your hose is too short, your pump is too weak.
Stand a little closer or you'll piss on your feet.

Click to expand...

Similar to this, a common sight on a KC-135 (air refueler): If the boom is too short or pump pressure low, please taxi forward.

i've seen on a bathroom wall at work "a boss is like a dirty diaper, their always on your a$$ and their always full of ****".
yet another i've seen was "here i sit on the pooper, giving birth to another state trooper".

My friend's father told me he sam this one in a bathroom in NY city sometime in the 70's.
Someone wrote:
"My mother made me a homosexual"

Beneath it in someone else's handwriting:

"Can she knit me one, too?"

Stratotankard said:

Similar to this, a common sight on a KC-135 (air refueler): If the boom is too short or pump pressure low, please taxi forward.

Click to expand...

Of course, taxiing isn't really possible in mid air refueling drills.

Some come here to sit and think,
While others come here to sh*t and stink.

"The joke is in your hand".

"Doesn't matter how hot she looks, there's another man out there who's fed up of putting up with her sh*t".

M_C

(on a condom despenser)
for refund insert baby here------>

On a dispenser in the men's room - dispenser has one side with condoms, the other has tylenol.

Someone wrote:

(under condom): Don't want to marry her.
(under Tylenol): Already married her.

M_C

I'm a man of few words. I can do it in four letters. My Ex.

in my high school there was a huge penis that spanned all 4 walls. Probably a 25-30 yard penis going up above the stalls.

I still have no idea how they had time to draw that and reach up so high without anybody seeing it. hats off to them

Just above the toilet paper roll in a umaine engineering bathroom stall:

"bachelor of arts degrees, please take one."

Made me laugh every time I read it...

The bar right by my apartment has "Dick Grayson like to **** in the butter." scrawled on one of the walls.

Posted sign on a marina bathroom wall

Facing the toilet on the wall: "No matter how much you shake it or jiggle it, the last few drops always end up in your pants."

Sitting on the toilet facing the door: "Ladies please remain seated until the ride comes to a complete stop."

Over the urinal in the old fire station.
"Get closer, it's shorter than you think".

Not exactly graffiti, but a local bar's four female bartenders got a picture of themselves standing shoulder to shoulder, pointing down and laughing. Then they put the picture on the wall just above the urinal.

The picture kept disappearing for some reason ...

"What do Star Trek and toilet paper have in common? They both fly around Ur anus and wipe out Klingons."

This is in a stall in our physics building.

physicists and jedi both do it by force, therefore, physicists = jedi.

Then someone wrote below it. No they don't, physicists are assexual.

I was in a Bathroom at a Presbyterian School attending a wedding.

In very nice handwriting was "Praise the Lord!".

On a dispensor for those paper toilet seat protectors someone wrote....

BUTT GASKETS

.. being somewhat of an expert in engine sealing procedures, I added...

use no sealant

bmud0314 said:

1- Flush twice, it's a long way to CDH (central dining hall).

Click to expand...

Wouldn't you know it? My favorite of all time from when I was 10, is already listed here in the first response. It was written slightly different since it was in a restaurant and one I've remembered for 34 years.

Flush twice it has to go all the way to the kitchen.

mrk305 said:

On a dispensor for those paper toilet seat protectors someone wrote....

BUTT GASKETS

.. being somewhat of an expert in engine sealing procedures, I added...

use no sealant

Click to expand...

Niiiiice!!

From the barracks latrine when I was in the Army; Neatly scribed sign above the urinal that read "Do not throw cigarette butts into the urinal". Someone penned underneath, "it makes them soggy and hard to light". True story.

On a california restroom wall :

you are sitting on the nest of a million crabs

mexicans are living proof that indians f___ed Buffalo

If you happened to crap your pants, please dont leave them hanging on the coat hook

Saw one on http://www.flushedup.com that said "Those interested in time travel, meet here last tuesday" lol

Another had "warning..beware of limbo dancers" on the bottom of the stall door.