How many could you fight at once?

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Baja_Brewer

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How many five year olds do you think you could fight at once? Under what conditions? The only consideration you must make is that they want to fight you. Think of any reason you've ever had to fight someone, apply that emotion, and that is their desire to attack. You can consider them 'little people' turned into zombies if this helps. There is no motivation other than their desire to fight you. They also only have the organization of a group of little kids.

My roommate and I have this debate occasionally, I think I could safely say 13-18 before possibly being overwhelmed, he says 50. A group of 15 or more little kids attacking you? I believe I'm being reasonable....

Your thoughts? Go!







**Disclaimer** I have no intention of fighting children, nor any desire to. I am not encouraging anyone to. This is a purely speculative situation, if anyone is offended or I'm crossing any boundaries feel free to PM to to remove this.
 
I think the general consensus was, assuming that they had weapons, for most people was around 25. I've got long legs, though; easy to kick them in the head.
 
I'm not armed. They are. Unless it's chainsaws, I don't care. Hell, even if they DO have chainsaws, they'll just hurt themselves. You ever watch a little league game? Those ****ers couldn't do **** if they attacked you with a baseball bat, you could stand there not moving and they'd miss four times out of five. Grab one kid by the ankles and swing him around at his comrades, that's the only weapon you need!
 
I'm not sure there really is a number. Only so many can attack you at once. And even if there are a bunch attacking you at once, any that got through wouldn't be able to do much damage. I think the limiting factor would be fatigue, as in after kicking, punching and throwing them a couple hundred times you would be damn tired!
 
I would pick one up by the feet and swing him around in circles knocking all his cohorts out. The number I could take out depends on how long before I get too dizzy to stand up.
 
You're not worried about them piling up on your ankles and legs and eventually climbing all over you?

You'd have to stop spinning eventually... plus I bet if one or two managed to get a running start they could jump pretty well. Sure they're not organized but kids do jump and sutff
 
I've read about this sort of thing before, and I think they key is to stay aggressive. Since they are only 5, fear is a major motivator. If they start piling in you are in trouble. If you can immediately charge the mass of them and kill one you will get them to fear you, which should make them a bit more timid. Build on that and keep charging in making the easy kills.
 
Shiite, all you have to do is tickle one of them. Tickle one and they all want to be tickled. They'd all be peeing their pants before they could do any real damage.
 
Grab the closest one by the hair.
Draw them in and bite their ear off.
Spit it in the general direction of the crowd.
Spread your arms...look into the sky and give a primordial scream.
Lift left leg and rip a monster fart.


...then ask..."who's next?"

That should inject just enough hesitance that you should be able to mop them up.
 
The number I could handle would greatly increase if I were wearing a gas mask. If that were the case i could just release my canister of nerve gas on them. Five year old kids suck at fist fights when their lungs are trying to escape through their rectums.
 
That should inject just enough hesitance that you should be able to mop them up.

Yes, but mop up how many? 20? 40? 100? I'm trying to get a quantity here :D

You forgot about the bitting and groin high punches.

Finally someone on my side!

Hows this, would your chances increase to a certain point? I think that if there were.... 20, I may be in trouble, but I could maybe take on 40 a little bit better because only so many can get at you at once and you wouldnt get to over tired
 
When I was 18 or so, my big sister (18 yrs older than me) who did sorta a day care out of her house, had to take her own son to the ER...so she asked me to come over and sit for the 4-6 5 year olds that she took care of....

Let's just say, that I ended up joining my nephew in the ER that day....you all may think you can handle huge numbers of rug rats, but it only takes one to get on their hands and knees behind you while another tries to be a football player and dive for you knee....

Just remember to duck and roll, if you don't wanna end up in an arm cast.

:rolleyes:

It doesn't take many pint size nasties to do you in...I don't care who you may think you are. The saying "the bigger you are the harder you fall" wasn't coined by pikers dontja know. :D
 
All of your stories are based on the fact that you would be no holds barred against the 5 year olds. Revvy's is based on real life, yopu would not REALLY no holds barred against 5 year olds. I used to be a girl scout leader, I would regularly take 13 little girls with me to events. Grown men would see us coming and run in terror.
 
I got 23 as well... I'm going to go check to make sure its not an anomaly.

As far as what Revvy says, I can actually admit that I forgot about them getting on their hands and knees to knock me over. But really if I'm fighting that many of them I would be trying to check all sides. Then again kids are quick little buggers :D

Sure, the bigger are the harder you fall, but thats why we're exploring looking for limiting factors! If you're planning on fighting them, and they're fighting you...this opens new worlds!

Edit: A shorter fatter version of me with no fighting experience could take on an extra 2 kids, bringing the total to 25. I, however, could take on 35 Ninety year olds....
 
Couldn't get the image to link properly, but according to that survey, I'm good for 36 five year olds.

As soon as I get my lightsabers perfected though, that number is going to increase at least tenfold. :drunk:
 
Biggest worries are, biting, tripping and punches to the balls. My balls, not there's. Oh and the hair pulling.

ALso, if they are willing to rush a grown man, I'd have to wonder what drugs they are on. A dozen 5 year old on ADD meds? Crack kids? They found grounds keeper Freds meth hut?

I'd knock the lightest one out and turn him into a human boy hammer. Might have to replace with another one if the little ****er started getting mushy.
 
I follow the Jackie Chan school of "anything can be a weapon." Ever seen a Jackie Chan movie where he didn't hit someone with a stool? I think not.

5 year old kid, a rock, a lamp, whatever may be handy. My 5-year old efficiency would skyrocket if we were in some sort of repair facility, a bar, a store of some sort... Out in an open field, I doubt I could get through more than 30 or so.
 
Also depends on what footwear I am wearing and whether I have my SOG Flick blade knife on me or not.

If whether or not you have a knife on you is a concern, you've already made a mistake. I took a lesson from someone who learned this lesson the hard way years ago, and now the only time I don't have my knife on me is on a plane, in bed, or in the shower. Two of those three times, it's within arms reach. Also, SOG makes a damn fine knife, but I love my Cold Steel and CRKT knives.

After thinking about it a bit, I think a short-handled ax would be perfect. Something like a fireman's ax, that's designed for close range and isn't so heavy it would tire you out. With something like that, I think I could break 100. A sword would get dull too quickly.
 
LL, I meant in regards to what was allowed inthe original scenario. I almost always have my knife on me. I hate bars with metal detecters. It a SOG Xray Mini. The blade is a bit short <wait for penis joke> but it's less bulky and easier to conceal. This design only leaves the little clip exposed when you have it in your pocket.

mxv72_250px.jpg


As for fighting 5 year olds. One of these items would be very nice.

f02t.jpg


or

CQCT.jpg


I think the first one would be easier to pull out of a dead child, but the second one does have the longer handle for two hand operation.

I think I'd like two of the SOG fusion's, one in each hand. Could probably take on a ****load of the cracked up brats.

<note to the squeemish.. this is all dark hypothetical humor here>
 
Oooh! I wonder how effective these would be? (I can't really see these being very easy to handle).

x_claw_hand_talon_540.jpg


I swear SOG made a battle axe that had a simular head to the one I posted, with a longer handle and the handle had a sharp point on it. Great for breaking sternums when attacked from behind.
 
Just remember, rug rats are like dogs, only about a day's starvation from being feral, and tearing adult humans limb from limb...especially if they travel in packs.

2007_wretchedfleshfilm15.jpg


get_image


zombiebaby.jpg


zombie2.jpg


*shudders*
 
Wow that last pic is just damned creepy. I think as long as you keep moving and try to keep the hordes coming at you from one side you can take them out one at a time hero-style. Once they surround you is when you're F'd.
 
Wow that last pic is just damned creepy. I think as long as you keep moving and try to keep the hordes coming at you from one side you can take them out one at a time hero-style. Once they surround you is when you're F'd.

ANd just remember, don't try to duck into a corn field to escape them...

cotc4.jpg


That's where they are in their naturl element.
 
A couple of points come to my mind immediately:

1) I have learned from watching America's Funniest Videos over the years, that little kids are naturals at the nut-shot. That would be my immediate concern as I am a shade over six foot and that puts my franks & beans in their prime strike zone. If this is a surprise attack, I think I might possibly be effed if the first couple come in and take out my jewels. If I have some advanced warning and can properly prepare, my chances would rise greatly.

2) As anyone who has ever coached 5-6 year olds in soccer can attest, they are not very well organized. They tend to swarm the ball and spend more time pushing and shoving each other and kicking shins than actually touching the ball. This may be the single biggest advantage.

I am thinking anywhere from 25-50 depending on if the attack is anticipated or not.

Also, if they are hopped up on ADD meds, that does not necessarily give them an advantage here as I am as well!! :drunk:
 
This turned up in my random photos.

Looks like soccer balls could be a useful weapon. They just can't see them coming, apparently.......Maybe I could fit some spikes on it!


Copy_of_Kid_knocked_out.gif




Edit: I watched this for about 5 minutes straight, almost pissed my pants every 4 seconds. It just NEVER stops being funny!!! :D
 
Yeah! You see that! How easily they go flying? So say you had a bucket of baseballs for the initial attack. You could probably get 10 before they made it to you. From there? A nice aluminum or titanium baseball bat? You could get the range you might get from a battle axe (though surely not as good as your lightsaber, llama) but it would only weight a couple pounds!

 
Imagine a virus that can only survive in humans who haven&#8217;t yet reached puberty. Millions of children all across the globe getting sick from a strange new flu. Millions of little Zombies rising up to chew on the flesh of their parents, teachers and friends like bloodthirsty, undead rats.

Adults killed by these tiny terrors would simply remain dead, as their chemical makeup precludes infection. Soon the world would be filled with child Zombies looking for the few remaining grown ups. Imagine you&#8217;re one of the last people on the planet over age 12, and one of the last people alive anywhere.

zombie-children.jpg
 
41. As long as their parents are gone long enough for me to convince the little ****s they were wrong and get them to stop whinning.

0. If their mothers are around *shudders* you don't want that kinda hell.
 
It is funny that you bring this topic up when you did (or maybe not.) Just last night I was watching one of my favorite documentary shows - Family Guy - when Brian and Joe were fighting a classroom full of little people disguised as 5 year old drug peddlers.

I said to my wife that I always wanted to do that. She said "what? fight a bunch of midgets" and I said "no, fight a bunch of 5 year olds." Talk about getting all of life's little frustrations out. Bam! With each resounding roundhouse kick that connected to a little skull you would just feel the tension draining from your body.

So to answer the question. I think I could take on a Sunday School classroom full of them but I might need a little assistance from a paraplegic friend.
 
It is funny that you bring this topic up when you did (or maybe not.) Just last night I was watching one of my favorite documentary shows - Family Guy - when Brian and Joe were fighting a classroom full of little people disguised as 5 year old drug peddlers.

I said to my wife that I always wanted to do that. She said "what? fight a bunch of midgets" and I said "no, fight a bunch of 5 year olds." Talk about getting all of life's little frustrations out. Bam! With each resounding roundhouse kick that connected to a little skull you would just feel the tension draining from your body.

So to answer the question. I think I could take on a Sunday School classroom full of them but I might need a little assistance from a paraplegic friend.

Let's be honest here. Who has NOT thought of taking out their frustrations a pack of diminutive zombies! :D
 
If I were actually fighting, I think I could take on about a 1000. First, I am trained in martial arts and could easily kill a 5 year old with a single kick to the head. Second, 5 year old can only run about as fast as I can walk (I can easily outrun 30 6th graders at football practice, 5 year olds are no match), so anytime I get a bit winded I could just run through the masses. Third, five year olds reach is tiny and they would likely never even hit me if I moved and managed the crowd.

I think I would get bored and or tired after a 1000 and run away for a burger.
 
If I were actually fighting, I think I could take on about a 1000. First, I am trained in martial arts and could easily kill a 5 year old with a single kick to the head. Second, 5 year old can only run about as fast as I can walk (I can easily outrun 30 6th graders at football practice, 5 year olds are no match), so anytime I get a bit winded I could just run through the masses. Third, five year olds reach is tiny and they would likely never even hit me if I moved and managed the crowd.

I think I would get bored and or tired after a 1000 and run away for a burger.

You have clearly not met many five year olds. ;)
 
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