Anybody got a good motivational speech?

I have a brown ale ready for bottling and am planning on doing it tonight. Problem is, I have no desire to do it. Bottles are clean, bottling bucket is clean, bottling wand is clean, tubing is clean. All of it just needs a quick sanitation bath.

I just hate bottling and I don't have the cash to move to kegging yet. Bottling is easy, I know. I'd just rather sit on my couch and watch the world go by tonight.

And yes, I have to do it now. I hit FG early last week and decided to let it sit some more. We go to Maine on Saturday for a week of vacation and I want that beer priming while I'm away.

Somebody give me a "win one for the Gipper" speech, please.

Get up off your a$$ and bottle or I'm coming to CT to kick your butt and steal your beer. Does that motivate you?

Otherwise, I'd just tell you to wait until you get back from vacation.

Aigh, you ****ing wee bastard, get off yer ****ing lazy ass and put the ****ing beer in the ****ing bottles, you ****! I'll kick you right in the ****ing balls!

(does anybody else laugh hysterically at the Scottish 80/- Northern Brewer ad during the Jamil Show?)

Think of the brown ale you made with love...

Can't you hear it speaking to you... pleading for proper care, priming sugar.. those shiny caps, the drips... the slow path to glory!

OK, I'm getting there. But still ...
I really could use a good butt kicking or two, according to my wife.

"Homer, you're dumb as a mule and twice as ugly! if a strange man offers you a ride I say take it!" - Abe Simpson.

Don't do it for yourself, don't do it cause McKBrew is gonna kick your ass, do it for the beer!

Please post pictures of wife kicking your butt.

Makes sure she's wearing heels...

Git your a$$ away from the computer and bottle you lazy excuse for a brewer!!!! What, you'd rather surf the web than bottle up some nice beer to be drinking a couple weeks after you get back from vacation! What kind of brewer do you think you are? Most brewers can't WAIT to try a new batch of beer!(Unless of course they believe in leaving the beer in primary for a month like me....but this isn't about me is it?) THIS IS ABOUT A DELICIOUS BROWN ALE WAITING TO BE POURED WITH A NICE, THICK HEAD AND BEAUTIFUL LACING ON THE GLASS.

It's over there in the fermenter calling "bottle me so I may give you pleasure after 3-4 weeks proper storage @ 70 degrees."

Come on Shecky, you KNOW you want to drink your new brown ale soon....Everybody else is bottling their brown ale....you do want to be part of the in crowd don't you?

Besides, chicks dig guys who bottle.

Hope that helps.

Think of it like this: put yourself in your own shoes, but the "you" from tomorrow. What will you have gained by sitting on the couch watching the world go by? Nothing. What will you have gained by bottling? Well, drinkable beer, of course!

Don't do it for you, or McK, or even for the beer. Do it for future you! He's gonna kick your ass if you don't bottle some beer for him.

the_bird said:

Makes sure she's wearing heels...

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You must have me confused with Jester

"We're bottling inside of ‘em, we're bottling outside of ‘em -- inside of ‘em! outside of ‘em! -- and when we get the first bottle full, we're going to keep ‘em full. And we're not going to stop unless the bottling bucket gets too low. But don't forget, men -- we're gonna get ‘em all full, we're gonna go, go, go, go! -- and we aren't going to stop until we get all the beer bottled! And don't forget, men -- today is the day we're gonna bottle. They can't lick us -- and that's how it goes... The first platoon men -- go in there and bottle, bottle, bottle, bottle, bottle! What do you say, men!"

-- Knute Rockne, circa 1920s

Get off your butt and bottle it NOW!

Me ----You

How's that for motivation?

Nice. More reasons why I love this place.

"Win one for the capper."

Alright, now I'm motivated. I'm doing it for the beer (and the corn sugar sitting on my counter that keeps taunting me, waiting for a purpose).

OK, let's try fear: the beer gods may seek punishment for this...


(reminds me of the thread we had a few months ago, about beer god names.. what a hoot!)

You mean to tell me you’re at the 1-yard line and you don’t want to go for the 6 points? WTF is wrong with you? You didn’t go to all the trouble of brewing this beer so you could drink it flat from the fermenter through a friggin straw did you? In three or four weeks are you going to run out and by some Coors Lite because you don’t have any decent beer ready to drink? Each and every one of those empty bottles is one of God’s creations…waiting to happen.

There’s a fine line between brewer…and wannabe son and you by God had better figure out which one you are. Now stop your belly aching and get down to the business at hand.

Failure to bottle is not an option.

Yes, I am full of fail. By later tonight, I'll feel much better about myself. I'll feeling like a (n00b) brewer again.

I feel like I'm back on the high school football field. Somebody grab my face mask and tell me I'm worthless.

Ouch, blasted by Stewie.

"The ship is sinking in shark infested ice cold water with 100 passengers on board but only room for 10 in life rafts."

atarlecky said:

"The ship is sinking in shark infested ice cold water with 100 passengers on board but only room for 10 in life rafts."

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That's just depressing. Making matters worse, I now have Celine Dion's annoying voice in my head. Thanks a lot.

McKBrew said:

Get up off your a$$ and bottle or I'm coming to CT to kick your butt and steal your beer. Does that motivate you?

Otherwise, I'd just tell you to wait until you get back from vacation.

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I have to comment that your "motivational speech" is really a threat...albeit, one you wouldn't even follow through on...just an observation, but I like that fact that you redeemed yourself by asking for pictures...

shecky said:

That's just depressing. Making matters worse, I now have Celine Dion's annoying voice in my head. Thanks a lot.

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If you need a new nautical disaster song, I highly recommend this one...

[ame]http://youtube.com/watch?v=e8Fi46BFAF0[/ame]

the_bird said:

Aigh, you ****ing wee bastard, get off yer ****ing lazy ass and put the ****ing beer in the ****ing bottles, you ****! I'll kick you right in the ****ing balls!

(does anybody else laugh hysterically at the Scottish 80/- Northern Brewer ad during the Jamil Show?)

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Hell Yeah! :rockin:
(loogie sound)" My lambic!" " It' ll only ***kin help it"

Just bottle it! The sooner you bottle, the sooner you can drink it.

the_bird said:

(does anybody else laugh hysterically at the Scottish 80/- Northern Brewer ad during the Jamil Show?)

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It never gets old. Oy! F**k away off you wee f**king hop shortage!

Thanks folks. Just finished bottling the Brooklyn Brown clone about 30 minutes ago. With capping help from SWMBO, 90 minutes start to finish. 50 beautiful bottles.

AZ_IPA said:

"We're bottling inside of ‘em, we're bottling outside of ‘em -- inside of ‘em! outside of ‘em! -- and when we get the first bottle full, we're going to keep ‘em full. And we're not going to stop unless the bottling bucket gets too low. But don't forget, men -- we're gonna get ‘em all full, we're gonna go, go, go, go! -- and we aren't going to stop until we get all the beer bottled! And don't forget, men -- today is the day we're gonna bottle. They can't lick us -- and that's how it goes... The first platoon men -- go in there and bottle, bottle, bottle, bottle, bottle! What do you say, men!"

-- Knute Rockne, circa 1920s

Click to expand...

And we're going to Nevada! And we're going to Texas, and North Dakota, and Michigan!! YEAHIAEIOAAHHHHHH